Passion…unbridled

You can never become indifferent

You can never become immune

When your patient despite your efforts loses their life

It affects you profoundly, it cuts like a knife

You retrace your steps, you wonder if there was something you could have done

That you did not do, something that would have changed the outcome

You mourn the loss, you feel defeated

Your reserve of stoicism has been depleted..

*

Death is an integral part of practicing medicine

Each death feels like a loss, each life saved a win

But death keeps us grounded, while saving lives

Gives us the motivation to try our best, sustains our drive

*

The finality of death makes it a bitter pill to swallow

But in despair I cannot continue to wallow

I reflect in gratitude on the time I had spent

In caring for my very sick patient

I achieve closure and am able to continue

To care for my other patients too

I love sprawling metropolises, the megacities

Where construction never does cease

Of skyscrapers and business empires

Cities that represent ambition, success and desire..

Walking through crowded sidewalks and squares

I imbibe the ambition hanging in the air

My heart pulsates with the rhythm fast-paced

Of the cacophony of myriad sounds of the place

I return from a city, completely energized

I throw myself into work so my goals can be realized

*

I equally love small towns where time seems to slow down

The idyllic town squares, the quaint downtowns

Appeal to my creative side, serving to inspire

Me to pour on paper or canvas my desires

Where I can sit for hours in a bohemian cafe and daydream

Where the concept of slow living reality does seem

I return from small towns, relaxed and rejuvenated

My craving for simplicity thoroughly satiated

*

I live neither in a metropolis nor a town that is small

My home a mid-sized city I call

Where the pace of life is neither dizzyingly fast nor too slow

Therefore to both large cities and small towns I go

When I travel, I like both in equal measure

Diametrically opposite experiences in both kinds of places I treasure

I eagerly anticipate the arrival of the summer solstice

The longest day of the year, filled with the promise

Of glorious sunshine, of days that stretch forever

Of endless hours to bring to fruition every endeavor..

*

The summer solstice boosts my industriousness

I complete projects in various stages of progress

Assisted by the long hours of daylight

That keeps my creative spark burning bright

*

I do make hay while the sun shines

My spirits with the hours of daylight align

While in winter I fight the urge to hibernate

Summer is the time when I rejuvenate

I rush in to treat the patient whose heart is not beating right

I take decisions quickly, like a warrior ready to fight

The patient’s life depends on my ability to be quick

For which I rely on extensive experience with patients sick

*

A patient in clinic with chronic heart disease I see

I review his condition, his prior tests and treatments extensively

I make gradual changes, a comprehensive regimen outline

After a year or so, the patient is feeling fine

From being short of breath at rest to walking a mile a day

With shared decision-making, he has come a long way

*

This dichotomy of decision-making everyday I embrace

I take instant life-saving decisions when I face

A patient with a life-threatening emergency

At the same time patients with chronic illness I see

For them, the decision-making process is slow and deliberate

Incorporating clinical and socio-economic data with patient preferences I create

Sustainable treatment plans to help them thrive

With their illness, go beyond just staying alive

I believe that each decision pathway

Is gratifying in its own special way

To be granted the privilege of saving a life is sacred to me

And people living their best possible lives is encouraging to see

*

Decision-making, whether slow or fast, depends

On exhaustive training and years of accumulated experience

With each decision I make, I continue to grow

As along my professional path I go

Why does what I am doing not seem enough?

I find my plate full, and I find it tough

To fulfill all my responsibilities current

Yet there is a need to stretch myself to a greater extent

To do something extra, pick up a new skill

Am I stagnating if I’m not climbing a new hill?

*

Everyone seems ambitious and eager to achieve

Where is my drive, why can’t I believe

In myself to aim harder, to add something more

To my repertoire, something I have not done before?

*

Maybe in due time I would be able to aim higher

Until then more confidence in myself I need to acquire

Perhaps I would rekindle some dreams dormant

Hopefully I shall not then stay stagnant

My entire life seems to be built around

Maximizing, efficiency, but alas I have found

That there is a bell-shaped curve here

Where beyond a certain point it appears

That trying to minimize time spent

On tasks leads to me becoming more inefficient

*

As I slash unnecessary steps in every task with military zeal

I become more efficient, I start to feel

Somewhat invincible, I daydream of becoming super-productive

As long as with my commitment to efficiency I live

*

But then comes the inflection point beyond which I cannot

Become more efficient, in fact I start missing a lot

Of finer details that may or may not be consequential

And then I run into a dilemma existential

*

Is there a ceiling on my efficiency?

And if not should I continue to push every boundary

To make every process shorter, such that time I can save

And free up that time to rest, that I crave?

*

The answer to this question I do not know

Perhaps in the future, with artificial intelligence in tow

I shall be able to trim all inefficiencies

By handing tasks over to a bot, and decrease

The amount to time and effort that I expend

In trying to be productive and efficient

I left and wondered if I should have stayed

For years to come, had I the right choice made

At this stage of my life, where would I be

If wanderlust had not bitten me..

*

If I had stayed, there would have been greater stability

But I would not have had the ability

To go far from my zone of comfort

To get back on my feet when I was hurt

Perhaps more comfortable I would have been

But stagnation instead of stability I might have seen

*

I left, and came face to face

With the whole world, I learnt to embrace

Different cultures, values and different points of view

If I had stayed, I would have had opportunities rather few

To broaden my horizons, this seems to be

The greatest benefit of leaving my country

*

Intellectually it was a good move, I guess

But when it comes to the heart, I confess

I traded adventure for loneliness

If I had stayed, it would have hurt less..

If you’re under the impression that you have an image to maintain

I would encourage you to think again

You’ve strived hard to project yourself a certain way

You’ve imbibed certain quirks in how you dress and what you say

Your carefully cultivated image has been designed-

With the goal of achieving success in your mind

*

But your image does not reflect the authentic you

You have to put in a lot of effort, it’s true,

To maintain the facade that you want people to see

You cannot let the mask slip away inadvertently

*

If you forego trying to maintain the image you have in mind

And come across as your authentic self, you would find

Yourself liberated from the tyranny of pretense

You would be yourself no matter which lens

Others view you from- some would like you, others not

But the truth of your being would be to the table brought

*

Your best image is the one in which you appear

Authentic, unapologetic, devoid of fear

I have a relationship of love and hate

With running-I often procrastinate

Before I start my run- my achy joints protest

But eventually I get lured by the prospect

Of feeling accomplished when a mile I’ve run

That feeling is addictive, even though running is not fun

*

In true confession, I can only manage a mile in one go

At a medium pace, neither fast nor too slow

I read while on the treadmill, and I am not quite sure

If it’s running or reading that motivates me more

*

Running is uncomfortable, I get out of breath and sweat

Sometimes a stitch in my side or shin splits I get

But when I finish running, a runner’s high I experience

Fueled by the release of endorphins intense

*

The best part of running is the discomfort, somewhere I read

Though running feels uncomfortable most days, I am led

Back to the treadmill day after day

There must be some truth to this theory anyway..

*

Let me lace up my sneakers and begin to run

After running a mile, my first victory of the day would be won..

When life overwhelming appears

When you feel paralyzed by fear

When past trauma continues to haunt you

There is one thing that you can do-

Try to explore your creative side

Open the door of imagination wide

Find a form of artistic expression that resonates

With you, give yourself permission to create

*

Take your lived experiences

Break down your defenses

Exorcise traumas of the past

Make your cherished memories last

By harnessing your creative well

Craft a captivating story to tell

Through your artistic expression

Share with the world your authentic impression..

*

In the creative process let your soul immerse

Let your unique voice emerge in the universe

In channeling your creativity you might find

Innovative solutions to problems in your mind

Let creativity serve as a catalyst to give

A renewed sense of purpose with which to live

You want to make the best possible choices for optimal health

You think knowledge is power, so you accumulate a wealth

Of information regarding biometrics unique to you

You wear devices that track everything you do

And the effects your activities have on your vital signs

To track your heart rate, activity level and sleep patterns, they are designed

Your reward system is activated when positive data you see

You are motivated to eat and sleep well and exercise regularly

*

The constant tracking comes with a flip side-

Since your bodily rhythms have fluctuations wide

Often these devices pick up variations in your biometric signs

And send you alerts- though the findings are benign

You get worried and start tracking your data obsessively

Make appointment with your doctor to find a remedy

Without further testing you are not reassured

So time-consuming diagnostic tests you endure

To find out that nothing is really wrong with you

To stop wearing your tracking device for a while is what you need to do

*

Knowledge empowers, but too much knowledge can be debilitating

With constant tracking comes the risk of your health anxiety escalating

For me personally, the risks of a tracking device outweigh

The benefits, therefore I am not going to purchase one anyway

My writing skills were first put to test

In writing patient histories, I did my best

To write detailed notes, I was often verbose

Being comprehensive over brevity I chose

*

As I blossomed in my medical career I began to devote

More time to writing research articles, I wrote

With emphasis on accuracy and precision

My writing would undergo multiple revisions

Before it was deemed suitable for publication

By then it had been through many iterations

*

As the practice of medicine became more intense

I turned to writing for myself to make sense

Of the world at large, a blog I created

So that my urge to write could be satiated

Now I write verses that distill what I see

Happening in the world around me

In my verses I say a lot and still stay succinct

I am not bound by rules, just guided by instinct..

*

I have always written, and I continue to write

In the form that for my life’s situation seems right