Passion…unbridled

You nod in superficial agreement, but unfortunately

Behind your affirmative reply, I can see

That you do not trust me, and do not believe

What I have told you, I know once you leave

The chances of your following my advice are not high

To treat you to the best of my ability, I did try

You are too polite to decline my advice outright

And therefore I know I have a harder battle to fight

To treat you adequately, because I am not confident

That you would follow my advice to a reasonable extent..

*

I see patients all day, and I can identify

When patients do not trust me, sometimes it is hard to figure why

I wonder if it is because I do not conform

To the stereotype of a physician, I am not the norm

Is it because trust in our profession is in decline

Is it because of the way the healthcare system is designed

Is it a combination of these factors or more

I am left wondering, I am not sure..

*

I shake the feeling of not being trusted away

I guess I shall find the answer another day

I do not know how the next appointment would be

I hope my gestalt is wrong, and that you do see

The reasoning behind my advice and the treatment plan are willing to try

I hope you improve if with my professional advice you comply..

One of the best pieces of advice regarding health I read

Is to not trust confident certainty, instead

To trust people who are willing to accept

That some things are not known for certain yet

If something appears too good to be true

Especially if it carries a hefty price tag too

You are given the piece of advice with overconfidence borderline

You should know that they have something else in mind

That is not your health, with a grain of salt take that advice

For marginal benefit you do not want to pay a huge price

*

If someone tells you honestly that they do not know

Whether a health care product is beneficial, it goes to show

That they have no vested interests, no hidden agenda in mind

If you take their advice, unexpected positive results you might find

*

In medicine absolute terms we almost never use

We spell out risks and benefits and let you choose

open.substack.com/pub/shuchitasue

One day I shall find a few hours in my day

Uninterrupted, unscheduled, waiting to be whittled away

When I discover those hours, I shall hold them tight

In my grasp, I shall utilize them right

And sit down to collate all my thoughts

That I want to express, but have not

Been able to because of a lamentable lack

Of solitary time- time that I wand to wrestle back

From my life spent hustling towards an uncertain goal

Time that has been lost in a black hole..

*

One day I would find the words that best describe

My desires and fears, life’s lessons I have imbibed

One day the act of writing would not feel rushed

One day in the near future I would not feel crushed

Under the weight of an infinite number of tasks to complete

One day I would be accomplish the rare feat

Of writing in exact words what I have wanted to say

Without any distractions to pull me away…

“I am overweight, and if I drop a size or two,

I would be able to love myself”- do you really think this is true?

Or this is just the fantasy you’ve been fed

The unfortunate idea planted in your head

Is that your self-worth directly correlates with your size

And when you lose weight, you would magically realize

That you are worthy- your life would be transformed

If you’ve been told this, you’ve been misinformed..

*

While comments about your weight, overt or implied

Might have weighed you down, made you feel unworthy inside

Losing weight would not dramatically alter the narrative you’ve internalized

The scars run deeper than you might have realized..

*

So, lose weight and gain confidence

But remember that your worth was never defined by your appearance

And it would not change substantially just by losing weight

For that, the voice that tells you otherwise you must obliterate

*

Remind yourself you are equally worthy at size ten and at size two

In your weight loss journey as you continue

Most of the time particularly accomplished I do not feel

Comparing myself to women I consider successful is my Achilles’ heel

Women who appear poised and confident I want to emulate

Their sartorial styles I want to imitate

I am acutely aware of falling short whenever I see

Women dressed in high heels strutting confidently

*

The architecture of my feet is such that they groan at the thought

Of uncomfortable footwear, heels are definitely not

Comfortable for my feet on any given day

From heeled shoes I have tended to stay away

I am also vertically quite challenged, let me confess here

So the inability to wear heels particularly depressing appears

In the midst of women clad in high heels

In my practical flats, nearly invisible I feel

*

After obsessing about this issue for a while

I bit the bullet and bought heels in a comfortable- appearing style

With great apprehension, I took them out for a spin

And wore them successfully to a work event, it felt like a win

Even though my gait was probably awkward in those shoes

I felt much more confident, my inhibitions I did lose

I moved out of my comfort zone

My new shoes had new possibilities to me shown..

*

Life can change if the shoe fits right

I gain confidence and a little height

In treating patients, there is a benefit distinct

To following protocols, and not going purely by instinct

These protocols have been painstakingly devised

Based on scientific data and accumulated evidence, many times revised

Following protocols ensures uniformity in treatment

To provide standardized, high quality patient care is the intent

*

There is a dictum that medical textbooks patients do not read

The same malady presents differently in each patient indeed

The paint-by-numbers approach that most of us learn

Does not always work, one has to discern

Subtle differences between patients, use an approach nuanced

To give each patient at healing their best chance

*

A combination of medicine protocol-based and personalized

Is the best for patient care/ this is what I have over the years realized

To write poetry, in metaphors and similes one should write

Stating the obvious in a poem does not seem right

The meaning of one’s subject must be implied

But not stated explicitly- long I have tried

To incorporate in my writing figures of speech

To not call a spade a spade, myself I’ve attempted to teach

In spite of that, my writing is literal and not figurative

I have not learnt to write in a manner alternative

*

When I start crafting a poem, I try to include

Some figure of speech, fail at it and conclude

That if I want to finish my verse, I should use language plain

Because poetic imagery lies outside my domain

Nine times out of ten, writers’ block I face

When unfamiliar literary devices in my poems I try to place

*

Because my verses in straightforward words I write

Imposter syndrome as a writer I continually fight

What I write may not be good poetry, but it is unique to me

So I shall continue to write in plain language, but with authenticity

To be unique, to stand out is an attractive proposition

To not blend in, to take a different position

From everyone else around you empowering appears

You stand apart and stand tall without fear

You chart your own path unconventional

You design your life in a manner intentional

*

As you grow older, you tend to realize

Not following the playbook exacts a price

There is no one quite like you, therefore loneliness

Becomes a constant companion on the ladder of success..

Instead of standing out, now you want to blend in

Following a different path does not feel like a win

*

I wish I could do things the way most people do

Being different has been a double-edged sword, its true

Each time I take a small step to mingle with the crowd

I feel accomplished, of myself I am proud

Loneliness hurts more than the thrill of being unique

Therefore comfort in blending in instead of standing out I seek

I’d like to think I am not primarily driven by greed

But when greed becomes a way for me to succeed

In ways that matter to me, greed feels justified

My greed manifests itself in ways dignified

As I become more efficient and more productive

Greed motivates me to take, it motivates me to give

*

A capitalistic society has its underpinnings in greed

Greed guides capital, talent and energy to society’s needs

Because that is where the money lies

That is where resources are galvanized

Greed drives competition, and competition in turn innovation drives

Innovation leads to progress, and the entire community thrives

*

At a personal level, greed still seems to be

Something that should not be the driving force for me

I should call it ambition, though it is the same

Nevertheless ambition is a better name

For the desire to achieve more and more

Whether I am ambitious or greedy, I am unsure..

For the longest time, I tried to protect and preserve

The life that I had, I wanted to conserve

Every bit of happiness that came my way

To act as a buffer for difficult days

My hands balled into fists I kept

Fearful that if I opened them, nothing would be left

*

I acted from a place of deep-seated fear

Afraid that good things in life would disappear

Anxiously clinging to my imagined safe place

Petrified of the possibility of loss I could face

*

The lessons you need to learn, life ultimately teaches you

In my case this definitely turned out to be true

Life happened, and I realized that keeping my fists balled

Did not protect me from incurring losses at all

I opened my palms, and realized there was space

For love and happiness to enter and take the place

Of loss and despair, I had to let go of my fear

And give life a chance for good things to appear

For years I read books consisting of characters with whom I could not identify

And even though I would sometimes laugh and cry

With those characters, a distance from them always remained

The world they inhabited was unfamiliar

The social structure of their lives different appeared

To place myself as a character in those stories was not

Something to which I could give plausible thought

*

The last two decades have witnessed the emergence of voices new

From the South Asian diaspora, and I have found a few

Characters in books with whom I can identify to some degree

Reading those books feels like a more intimate experience to me

*

Although I enjoy reading books with characters diverse

Finding someone like myself in the fictional universe

Gives me the representation that did not previously exist

Therefore a book by a South Asian author I never resist..