Passion…unbridled

I know you are nervous in anticipation

You feel well but you still need confirmation

From me that your condition has improved

That the needle on your heart function has in the right direction moved

I review your tests before going in

I already know I shall be delivering a win

Your expression on hearing the news is priceless

In words your relief is hard to express

The right treatment has worked its magic on you

Preventing things from going backwards is the only thing for us to do

*

You are waiting eagerly for me

The improvement in your condition is not what you expected it to be

Your test shows that your heart function is still the same

I intensify your treatment but I cannot claim

That further improvement is necessarily in the cards

I see the disappointment on your face, I know it is hard

To accept that your heart condition may not improve over time

It is not much of a consolation when I tell you we can prevent a decline

*

You feel wiped out just walking into the clinic today

You feel your illness is headed the wrong way

I see your tests and there are unmistakable signs

Of a progressive and inexorable decline

In the function of your heart, the medications are not enough

We need to have conversations that are tough

I see you, looking pale, tired, vulnerable and afraid

I discuss your worsening heart function and in the next hour I have laid

Before you the advanced therapies to consider for your heart condition

But the profound devastation on your face suggests you are not in a position

To make any decisions regarding your health on the spot

I encourage you to go home and give the options I have presented more thought

*

Three different scenarios with differing outcomes

I give news that is devastating and news that is welcome

My own emotions go on a roller-coaster rise too

When giving patients their test results id something I have to do

It is roughly ten minutes before my usual bedtime

And in a state of overdrive has gone my mind

Despite this being not my current intention

Various project ideas are springing up in my mind, competing for attention

Some are related to work, some to creative interests

I want to explore them right now instead of trying to rest

*

When I wake up tomorrow, I am afraid

That attention to these ideas would not be paid

By me- I would be busy juggling a hundred other things

Once a new day new challenges brings

I cannot go back to the audacious dreams of the previous night

Thus those ideas go out of mind and out of sight

*

If only I could stay up late into the night

And elaborate upon my ideas that appear bright…

But sleep is essential and if I try to compromise

On the duration of sleep, I realize

That I cannot get anything worthwhile done

Therefore I sleep on my ideas and end up forgetting each one…

Of creative energy I feel deprived

I need to create in order to thrive

*

A major chunk of my time is spent in professional obligations

Leaving me with little energy to harness my imagination

To create something that can satisfy

A deep longing within me, I try

To find pockets of time in my over-scheduled day

Where my creative side finds expression in some way

But the inconsistency of my creative projects is not conducive

For quality, thus creating something exquisite has proved elusive

Invariably I feel rushed to complete the projects I start

There is rarely enough time to refine my art

*

My work obligations are calling out to me

I have to truncate my writing here unfortunately

On the brighter side, at least I found

Enough time to pen these words down..

A method to improve efficiency I learnt about recently

It sounded like it was designed just for me

The suggestion was to create a 2X2 table and classify

All tasks into four categories in an effort to simplify

The never-ending to-do list where each task appears to be

Equivalent in terms of its urgency

*

The two columns were unattractive and attractive

And the two rows productive and unproductive

The first box comprises productive but unattractive tasks that are important but not fun

The second box combining productive with attractive tasks is the best one

The third box consists of unproductive and unattractive things to do

That need to be pared down to just a few

The fourth box contains the dangerous category

Of tasks that are unproductive but attractive to me

Like scrolling through social media and watching short-form videos on repeat

The activities in this box are the ones I need to delete

*

I should make a list of things to do in this fashion

The second box is wherein lie all my passions

The first box the call of duty signifies

Completing those tasks feels like a chore but my responsible self satisfies

From the shackles of unpalatable tasks in box number three

I should try as much as I can to set myself free

The fourth box is a reminder of things I should forget about

Completing attractive but unproductive tasks is an exercise in futility, without doubt

*

To improve my efficiency I would welcome any trick

This method is one that I think would click

Of all the writing advice I have read

Nothing has managed to pique my interest

Like the piece of advice on finding inspiration

From tarot cards, using their esoteric illustrations

To stretch your imagination in directions new

There is an event dedicated to “Tarot for writers” at a literature festival too..

*

So I decided to give this idea a spin

With barely controlled curiosity, I went looking

On the Internet for a tarot reading that was free

(Unlike horoscopes, most websites charge you to reveal your tarot cards apparently)

I found one that asked me to randomly choose

Ten cards, and I obliged, thinking I had nothing to lose

*

I was trying to find inspiration for writing, but these cards were designed

To reveal hidden secrets about my life and future, I did find

The revelation on these cards eerily accurate

They left me perturbed, I could not contemplate

Using them as writing prompts in any way

That was my failed experiment of the day

*

Inspiration for writing in the tarot cards there was none

But documenting the experience in a poem is what I have done

The explosion of influencer culture has amplified

Social voyeurism, where every aspect of the a private life is advertised

For monetary gain by the influencer, and serves to satisfy

Morbid curiosity of the audience, who can now pry

Into the most intimate details of their preferred influencers’ daily lives

In this abnormal ecosystem, the attention economy thrives..

*

We all want to know more about the lives of people we admire

We want to get acquainted with the lifestyles to which we aspire

Social media has given us the tools and the permission to do so

And influencers are more than happy to oblige, even though

The “real-life” content that is placed on display

Is airbrushed and sanitized in a performative way

As time goes by the influencer’s content

Becomes less authentic, as the aim shifts to driving more engagement

*

I too am guilty of spending time scrolling through

Short-form videos to see what the influencers I follow do

This is an exercise that I must resist

Without indulging my voyeuristic tendencies I must learn to exist

To simply sit with my feelings is an art I have never learnt

When strong emotions make me uncomfortable, I tend to turn

Towards some activity that helps me temporarily forget

The intense emotions, but by doing this I do not let

My mind accept the feelings as they happen to be

I keep resisting discomfort vehemently

*

If I could just sit with my feelings for a period of time

Not try to replace them, bury them or act on them, I might find

That the discomfort eventually decreases

Once I have processed the emotion, it ceases

To affect me in the way that it did initially

I can move on to the other challenges in life waiting for me

On work-life balance some good advice I read

Stop treating your day as work plus a little stuff around the edges, instead-

Divide your day into three parts where work constitutes

The second part of the day, and rarely contributes

To the morning and the evening- the other two parts of the day

You can prevent work from becoming all-consuming this way

*

Sounds like good advice, but even if I break

My day into three parts, work is the part that takes

Ninety percent of the entire aliquot of energy that I possess

By the time work ends I am completely exhausted, I confess

To find the motivation to do something else appears

Nearly impossible- this reframing does not work for me, I fear

*

As I read further, the article addressed this specific issue

It reminded the reader that even when we are tired, hard things all of us do

Despite being tired, the call of duty we do not ignore

But when it comes to doing something exclusively for ourselves, we can do it no more

*

So the reframe is to designate the third part of the day

As the part that fills your cup, and protect it fiercely in every way

I don’t know about you, but the Internet is trying hard to convince me

That whatever I am doing is harmful, that I must change my life radically..

*

The low carb, fiber-rich diet to which I generally adhere

Is not enough for my midlife body, the fear

Is that I do not eat enough protein, the aerobic exercise I do

Is not enough, I must lift heavy weights too

I use hormone disrupters, and wear

Polyester clothing, am I not aware

That I should be cautious, microplastics must be

Lodged in my body tissues permanently

My nervous system is dys-regulated, but I do not

Practice yoga, it would help me a lot..

I sit glued to my desk for hours, have I not heard

That sitting is the new smoking, has it not occurred

To me that my habits are accelerating the path to my grave

I need to make changes so that myself I can save

*

While some of this advice is rooted in scientific studies

The constant fear-mongering just creates unease

Because it is impossible to modify my lifestyle on every front

I simply don’t have the time- I am being honest, if a bit blunt

If all the wellness trends I tried to follow

In a cesspool of stress I would wallow

And that would take me on a more rapid path of decline

Than the current “unhealthy” lifestyle of mine

Struggling to comprehend something is uncomfortable

Your stress response is activated, you wonder if you are incapable

Of grasping whatever you are struggling with at the moment

You are tempted to throw in the towel, make no further attempt

To learn the skill over which mastery you were trying to gain

You do not want to feel incompetent, you want to avoid pain

*

If you stay with your discomfort and in your efforts persist

In you embrace the feeling of being incompetent and do not resist

The confusion and disorientation of being a novice

You will eventually learn- therefore it would be a disservice

To you if you were to break away at this stage

Embrace your struggle, eventually in your life you would turn another page

For years I have seen November advertised

As the National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), I have fantasized

About writing a 50,000 page novel of my own

After all, on a steady diet of fiction I have grown

*

Every year, as autumn rolls around I entertain various ideas in my mind

That could turn into a full-length novel in case enough motivation I find

To actually participate in this challenge- I allow myself to dream

About writing s few pages every day, even though quite daunting it seems

Except that I cannot think of a story worth telling

None of the ideas in my head seem compelling

*

By the time November comes around, I have become indifferent

To the idea of writing a novel, I have lost the motivation and intent

To write anything actually because I am occupied

In preparations for the holidays, that is where my creative energy gets applied

*

I still fantasize about writing after I retire

To write a complete book is what my mind desires

Except that I do not know when that would be

Retirement is nowhere in the near future, unfortunately

*

I’m definitely not writing a novel, let me just read a good one

And stick to writing my poems the way I’ve always done

The best thing you can do is to log off, I read

Because there are too many opinions online, it said

And the discourse around everything, from important matters to inconsequential stuff

Distracts you, curbs your originality and makes being authentic tough

*

This caught my attention, because this is probably true

Although on the Internet and social media what I like to do

Is gather inspiration and boost my creativity

But the plethora of opinions does pose some difficulty

In constructing my original, “uninfluenced” thought process

Through short-form videos, many points of view have upon me been impressed

And often I do not realize how I have incorporated

Others’ opinions into the thoughts I have formulated

*

Maybe that is why content that feels authentic is so hard to find

Every influencer is being influenced by other influencers online

Each incident invites commentary endless

Yet only a few have a unique point of view to express

*

Let me get offline and take the tried and tested approach to learning today

Let me read a book or a newspaper and form my opinions the old-fashioned way