Passion…unbridled

Hasn’t everything in life become too performative?

Our actual offline lives are now illustrative

Of our lives on social media, perfectly curated

Or vice versa, having subscribers and followers is celebrated

Travel reels, expert advice, creative projects all appear

As performative tools, to be viewed by followers and peers

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Many of us go through our lives trying to decide

Which facets of our lives to curate and which ones to hide

Everything we know or do well we want to showcase

The unaesthetic parts we leave in their place

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I see healthcare professionals giving performative advice

On social media- the idea is to counter compelling lies

I’d prefer to get health advice behind closed doors

Yet advice is dispensed through Tik tok videos more and more

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In a world full of performances, let me break free

My life is authentic, performative it shall not be

In my adoptive language exclusively I now write

Sometimes words flow with ease, at other times I fight

Writer’s block in the literal sense- the right words evasive appear

That my command over this language is inadequate, I fear

In such moments I wonder if I should try to write

In my first language, writer’s block then I might not have to fight

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English is a rich language but it does not seem to be

As descriptive and colorful as my native language Hindi

Synonyms and idioms in my mother tongue are abundant

To the point of sometimes feeling redundant

But one can almost always choose

From a selection of synonymous words, and not lose

The essence of what one is trying to convey

Maybe I should try my hand at writing in my first language today..

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I am bilingual, but a bilingual writer I am not

Writing in my mother tongue is harder than I thought

With much of the Indian diaspora this irony I share

Of being molded in the colonial mindset, I am painfully aware

I’ve been seeing this term thrown about everywhere

Having “main character energy” is what people declare

On social media as they post perfectly curated content

In which they have aesthetically captured moments

From their lives, showcasing themselves with pride

It is a way of glamorizing their vulnerable side

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For the longest time I could not figure out

What having main character energy was about

It seemed it was like being the heroine in your own storyline

A performative way of living life it seemed to define

But on a deeper dive I realized that cultivating main character energy

Can give one the confidence to move through life with authenticity

Because at the end of the day, why should one not be

The central protagonist, the most important character in their own story?

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I already narrate my life in my mind

Main character energy within me I should easily find

How do you calm your unquiet mind

That catastrophic scenarios invariably tends to find

How do you assure yourself that the unrealistic outcomes playing out in your head

Are highly unlikely to materialize, that you should instead

Let things unfold, without trying to pretend

That you have a crystal ball, that the future you can portend..

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The last few hours unfortunately I had spent

In catastrophizing, despite trying to focus on the present

Exhausted by the rabbit holes into which my mind had disappeared

Through writing, I decided to address my fears

Now that in the midst of the second verse myself I find

I can finally feel less perturbation of my mind

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Writing is cathartic, it is often said

Trying to collect the wild thoughts racing through my head

In order to put them to paper put things in perspective for me

Allowing my overthinking brain to calm down finally

There is a flurry of activity all around me

While I am alone in a corner, typing away on my device furiously

I need to seize this moment, I feel inspired right now

I have to pen down my thoughts, as long as inspiration allows..

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Prolonged periods of writer’s block I often face

But sometimes, regardless of the time and place

Inspiration strikes me, often taking me by surprise

Providing me with a short window to act on- I’ve realized

That the burst of inspiration does not really last

It implores me to leave everything else and act fast

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Writing is solitary and unpredictable, and I never know

How effortlessly my thoughts on paper would flow

Here I am, in the midst of a bustling tourist spot

Oblivious of the crowds, focused on my thoughts

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I am propelled by an urgency to write a verse

Right now that is my focus in this universe

There is, in novelty, an unmistakable thrill

Acquiring shiny new objects an existential void fills

New experiences, new places my soul energize

Growth, ambition and progress- novelty signifies

I must admit that most of my life has been

Spent in pursuit of the new and pristineBy

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There is a part of me growing stronger with age

That prefers the old and familiar, I am at a stage

Where the comfort of familiarity tries to compete

With the excitement of novelty- I am more inclined to repeat

Outfits I wear, places I visit, and experiences I savor

I’ve begun to crave tried and tested flavors

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Lazing on my living room couch with a dent shaped like me

Driving my well-traveled car, frills and fuss-free

Walking in the well-worn shoes whose leather is molded to my feet

My skin caressed by the soft fabric of the outfit I wear on repeat

From the same spot on the bridge, watching the river surge below

For the hundredth time, following its flow

Returning to a place that I have visited before-

The comfort of familiarity soothes my soul much more..

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To create a balance between the new and the old I strive

I need a bit of both in order to thrive

If an example of an oxymoron you want to find

Look at the supermarket aisles, many product descriptions can be defined

As excellent instances of the same-

Some “healthy” products make misleading claims

Like “low calorie” oil or “low carbohydrate” bread

About the audacity of these claims, there is something to be said

Bread is composed of “carbs”, these days much maligned

By a caloric content of 9 per gram, all fats are defined

Unfortunately this is a brilliant marketing tactic

Unsuspecting customers these expensive products pick

That may be healthy, but not in the ways advertised

It is easy to fall for such claims, I’ve realized

Though I should know better, I have bought

Such products with the subconscious thought

That at some level these claims are true

By buying these products, something good for my health I can do

My adolescent is being excruciatingly slow

In finishing his breakfast, I expect him to show

Some concern over getting late for school

But he is chewing at a leisurely pace, acting “cool”

While I am almost tempted to snatch his plate

I am worried both of us are going to be late

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Over dinner the same scenario plays out again

We(his parents) have finished dinner, but half-full his plate remains

I am exasperated knowing that he has to study for his test

But in getting done with dinner, he has shown no interest

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Of course the more impatient I get, the longer he takes

Trying to nag a teenager into doing something you want is always a mistake

As I prepare to turn away, he hurls the tongue-in-cheek question at me-

Why do I talk about eating slowly and mindfully

And then expect him to scarf down his meals

The double standards of my parenting he reveals

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I have a conflicting relationship with eating speed

As a physician in practice I often need

To eat as fast as I can, it has become a habit for me

But gulping down food is harmful for the body unfortunately

One should eat slowly, chew thoroughly, have distractions none

And in our busy lives it is easier said than done

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My son needs to manage his time, and he must cultivate

Healthy habits at this age, but to prevent himself from getting late

He must trim time from some other task

To eat faster than he can should not be my ask

There are sources of information all around

Yet the actual truth is nowhere to be found

Every source a different version provides

And it is difficult for you as a consumer to decide

Which version the closest to truth appears

Being misled by misinformation is something you fear

You want to get accurate, unbiased news

Not one that simply reinforces your views

Your echo chamber does not need to grow

The unvarnished, unpalatable truth you need to know

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Though evidence is easy to collect these days

It can be interpreted in diametrically opposite ways

You need to be astute to see through the deception

And find the difference between reality and perception

In the neighborhood park there is a yoga class in progress

You see women seated in the lotus pose with their eyes closed, all dressed

In aesthetically appealing yoga clothing, on the whole they portray

A picture of bliss, you presume they are glad to be free today

From the drudgery of domestic life, you have no idea what lies

In their minds as they sit with crossed legs and closed eyes…

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One of them is regretting not having run

A load of laundry before her class, another one

Is obsessing over whether her toddler has been fed

By her husband- she wonders if he is still in bed

One woman is worried about running out of time to prepare

Lunch for her guests (in-laws)- they expect a lavish fare

Another one is anxious about a work presentation due the next day

She intended to miss this class, but has shown up anyway

Yet another one worries whether her teenager woke up timely

To get to the volunteering event where he was supposed to be..

These women are ostensibly meditating right now

This weekend morning yoga class is meant to allow

Them to set aside their responsibilities and let go of stress

Unfortunately the invisible burden they carry this class fails to address…

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I hope there are some women in the group who can actually meditate

Who have truly left their worries behind, and are able to concentrate

On what they are here to do, but they seem to be

Unfortunately, in a distinct minority

To reduce my consumption of plastic I desire

To be a more ecologically responsible citizen I aspire

However, the problem is that it comes at a cost

In trying to reduce the use of plastic, time and convenience are lost

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Take today for example, when I tried

To bring food and coffee in my hands from outside

Through automatic closure doors without the use

Of a plastic bag- I realized how foolishly I did choose

When I spilled both coffee and food in trying to open the door

In avoiding plastic, I made a mess on my clothes and the floor

I know I could have carried a sturdy paper bag as well

But the place where I bought food only had plastic bags to sell

And it would be an inconvenience to carry a bag around with me

I don’t want to incur that slight inconvenience, you see…

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Modern conveniences have spoiled most of us now

Even when we genuinely care for our environment, we find it hard to allow

Ourselves to be inconvenienced in any way

So we keep repeating harmful practices day after day

I am guilty of being hypocritical about the environment

To try to walk the walk and talk the talk is my renewed intent

We are advised to ask more questions, and once we do

We want the answers to those questions immediately too

But a good question is one that cannot be

Answered by anyone instantaneously

A question should be thought-provoking and need

Some time, some research, some experimentation indeed

Such that at a satisfactory answer one arrives

Or from one question, multiple conclusions derive

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When you ask a question, let it linger in the air

Let it breathe for a while, let yourself be aware

Of the many directions in which a question can go

Once you’ve understood the question, answers folloe