Passion…unbridled

Why is it so easy to procrastinate

Scroll through your phone in a bored state

But not put it down to actually begin

That task, the thought of which makes you want to sleep in

Life is busy with myriad chores to complete

Conventional wisdom tells you to enjoy the sweet

Fruits of labor once your work is done

But I want to enjoy them before my work has begun…

*

There is no sword hanging over my head

To complete any project today, therefore instead

Of finding the drive and motivation within me

I am just procrastinating indefinitely..

*

Now that my proclivity to waste time I have solidified

In words, my conscience has woken up and realized

From my phone I need to separate right now

And summon my willpower to begin actual work somehow..

If I am sliding down fast, please catch me

If I am slipping into the netherworld, don’t let it be

Catch me before a point of no return I reach

Don’t let me get lost completely, I beseech

Let me fall but hand me a rope just before

I break and cannot be made whole anymore

Let me learn my lessons but not fall apart

In hopeless moments, let me rekindle hope in my heart

*

Don’t tell me that diamonds under pressure are formed

Constant stress would only leave me deformed

I would either break apart or break free

I would not reach my target successfully..

*

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, they say

Let me emerge from adversity stronger in some way…

I have a tendency, a habit that is bad

To let my hands act before I have had

Adequate time to decide what I want to do

My restless hands are always eager to

Act-write, scribble, draw, type or click

Push the finish button before every box has been ticked

I cannot express the degree of gratitude with which I view

The ability to revise-erasers and editing features that allow me to

Use my brain to redirect my hands that have created

A mess as a result of working on their own, separated

From my mind, that was taking longer to consolidate

Its thoughts when my hands were working in haste..

*

A wise person thinks before acting-this was drilled in me

But I have not imbibed that advice evidently

The speed with which my work I want to be completed

Works against me, the entire purpose is defeated

When I have to go back and revise yet again

To listen to my mind, my hands I must train

Many roads remained not taken..

Sometimes I wonder if I was mistaken

In my choice of the road I took

I worry if something significant I overlooked

In rejecting the other avenues that were there

Were there factors of which I was unaware

While I was making that crucial choice

Would I be more satisfied, asks my inner voice

If I had chosen a route that happened to be

Less safe, but more appealing to me?

*

I made the choice that safest appeared

Life is good, but I sometimes fear

That by not taking a chance when I could have

I did not achieve what I potentially would have

*

I am at a point of no return, therefore

I shoud not waste my time any more

In speculating about the road I did not take

The best out of my current life I must make

Maybe this was where I was meant to be

On this road lies my true destiny..

( · Hiraeth is an untranslatable Welsh word that describes a longing for a home, a place, or a feeling that no longer exists or never existed.)

To move to a new place was a choice I had made

I don’t often think about an alternative life had I stayed

I am quite certain I would remain where I am now

Going back is not something my circumstances would ever allow

I have assimilated well, I am now a part

Of the new culture, but there is a piece of my heart

That still belongs there, my original home

And that no matter how far I roam

I stumble upon things that remind me

Of my homeland, and a wave of nostalgia sweeps over me…

*

It could be a familiar aroma, a song or a cultural reference

That invokes Hiraeth, a melancholy feeling intense

There is a bittersweet taste of loss difficult to define

A longing for the place I can no longer find

Because the home I left is not the same now

It lies frozen in time in my dreams somehow

*

I shake myself, and try to get back to the present

To exit the meandering lanes of nostalgia is my intent

I am successful until another stimulus appears before me

And my Hiraeth for home comes back instantly..

I know that sometimes I

Make you uncomfortable just by

Being who I am, expressing what I know

Inadvertently I deliver a blow

To your fragile male ego

The bitter pill it cannot swallow

That a woman can be as good as you

Sometimes surpass your competence too..

*

I’m not trying to prove I’m better than you

But I’m not going to dumb myself down, it’s true

It is not my job to adjust to your biased views

If you feel threatened by me, you stand to lose…

*

Your patriarchal ideas do not have a place

In this day and age, you will have to face

Women who can and will outperform you

You’d be better off discarding your biases too

Write down your story, just for you

Write without a filter, write what is true

For your eyes only, if you don’t want the world to find

The painful thoughts buried deep in your mind

Feel the friction of pen on paper, as you reflect

On your life, examine it from every aspect

Write without editing, sans punctuation if need be

Let it be a mirror of your soul, not a piece literary

Tear off the sheets, scrunch them up, burn or throw

Exorcise the darkness inside, let your inner light glow

*

Write to heal yourself, in both domains

Physical and emotional, write to alleviate your pain

The urge to share your achievements, however small

On social media is real, into the trap you fall

Of blowing your own bugle, gaining visibility

What did you achieve if the world did not see

The hashtags reflecting humility and gratitude

Contrary to your “let me show off a bit” attitude..

When you finally convince yourself not to create

A self-aggrandizing post, you get tempted by fate

That shows you your friends’ amazing achievements

Along with a plethora of encouraging (likely fake) comments

Once you have congratulated them with emojis and text

You feel left out, you try to think of what to post next

To get yourself some spotlight too

Get external validation for what you do

To think for myself some days seems hard enough

To try to predict what others might say is tough

Most of us growing up have heard variations

Of “what would people say”- the contemplation

Of this question is important before making a move

I don’t know why the world needs to approve

Of every step that you decide to take

Why should people who have no stake

In your business have an opinion anyway

And if they do, why do you have to listen to it anyway?

*

The part that I find most hilarious here

Is that it’s not even what people say but the fear

Of what they might say that seems to drive

The behavior of people, lets the practice of judging thrive

*

As I said, some days thinking for myself hurts my brain

To imagine someone else’s thoughts would cause further pain

Most of the time I am too self-absorbed actually

To pay attention to other folks in my vicinity

I wonder if this is true for others too

They probably ignore what I do

Why should I think of what they would think

When their interest in me might disappear in a blink

*

Let people say what they want to say

I am headed off on my merry way!

Please don’t tell me my dreams are impossible

Please don’t tell me that I am flying high

If you appreciated your son dreaming big

Let me too soar high in the sky..

*

Please do not tell me that my life should be spent

In service of others, a martyr I don’t have to be

Let me have expectations for myself and fulfill them

Even as I provide care for my family

*

Please do not tell me to not exercise my choice

I am a citizen of a free country

Please do not tell me to tone down my voice

I have opinions that I can express freely

*

Please do not tell me to interrupt my studies or my career

If I cannot handle it, the burden would be mine

Let me figure out balancing my responsibilities

Just support my efforts, so that my true potential may shine

*

Please know I’m not asking for the stars or the moon

Just asking for whatever you readily give

To the other half of this society

In an equitable world I want to live

We stand on the backbones

Of thousands of women who walked alone

Carving new paths where existed none

We build on the work that has been done

By fearless women who fought

A patriarchal society that was not

Willing to let them soar high

We have borrowed their wings in order to fly

*

We soar today, higher and higher

We do not suppress my desires

We celebrate trailblazing women all around

Responsible for the freedom we’ve found

When taking the next step makes us afraid

We look up to the path they have laid

And overcome our fears as they must have done

Because even today there are battles to be won

For women to get to a level playing field

We shall get there, if our collective power we wield

Sometimes work expands to fill

Every available corner of your life, and still

Tries to stretch you out, to the maximum extent

These are times when you come to resent

The work that you otherwise love to do

Work morphs into a noose around you

That seems to tighten when you resist

It is as if work seems to insist

On squeezing every drop out of you

Leaving no choice but to power through

All your protests and tears are in vain

There is no recourse from this pain..

*

Somehow a sliver of time appears magically

And you grab that opportunity instantly

You spend minutes to hours few

Indulging in what you most like to do

Reading just a little for pleasure helps me

Get rejuvenated and reoriented entirely

*

Such stolen moments help me tremendously

In getting through a day extraordinarily busy

When there is no respite, you have to create

A circumstance that allows your stress to dissipate