Guilty splurge

I stare at my screen, my eyes fixated on that beautiful dress

It is simply gorgeous; I cannot help but obsess

Over how it would suit me perfectly

The silhouette just seems to be cut for me

The fabric and color are of the kind

That flatter my skin tone, if I were to make a bet blind

A hundred times over this dress would be my choice

I should buy it, but I cannot ignore the pesky voice

That tells me that even though in it I would feel pretty

Splurging on this dress would be an exercise in vanity

I immediately feel guilty about being vain

I don’t deserve to please myself- again,

I can afford it, but I must first buy stuff

For my family, because I am not a homemaker good enough

If I indulge my desires before I have thought

Of my family, before things for them I’ve bought

I reason to myself- as a working mother I do not require

Fancy outfits, or cocktail party attire..

I exit the website, try to forget about the dress

After all, there is no one I have to impress

*

Is deep-seated conditioning at work here?

When I prioritize my wants I fear

As being self-centered I would be perceived

I should take care of everyone’s needs

And expectations, only after they are satisfied

Should I fulfill the desires that I hide…