Big girls don’t cry…

There was a time when I would cry

When I felt overwhelmed, I would lie

In a dark room by myself, tears pouring from each eye

Until they became annoying, and it was time to dry

My eyes- I would get up, wash my face and feel

Lighter, less burdened, and possibly healed..

*

The older I grew the more I internalized

That expressing emotion made you weak, I realized

In order to appear strong and in control

My tears needed to be invisible to every soul

The last thing I mistakenly wanted to convey

Was that I was using tears as ammunition to get my way..

*

So I stopped crying altogether, not even in solitude

Would tears fall from my eyes, I was pleased at my fortitude

I actually felt better about my lack of crying

To appear calm and strong, I seemed to be trying..

*

I did not cry but emotions did not stop flowing

I ended up anxious and frustrated, not knowing

How to process the turmoil deep inside

It manifested in anger when it could no longer hide

Being angry was not good, but at least weak I did not appear

As weak as I would have been perceived had I shed some tears

*

As I kept more emotions bottled up within me

Unfortunately I became increasingly angry

It hurt my relationships, and destroyed me more

Until one day I just broke down, shaken to the core

And realized nothing would work except crying my eyes out

I poured out pent-up emotions, and without doubt

At the end of it my catharsis was complete

I found myself feeling more hopeful and upbeat..

*

The pressure to never cry robs you indeed

Of a vital coping mechanism that you need

Better to shed some tears and move ahead

Than to keep negative emotions bottled in your head