Test Results

When I was younger, I had plenty of tests to take

Some not that important, others holding my future at stake

And when the results were about to be revealed

My nervousness was hard to conceal

With butterflies in my stomach and increasing heartbeat

I would open the results page, fearful of perceived defeat

Over the years, I experienced moments

Of both jubilation and bitter disappointment

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I thought those days of nervous anticipation

Of test results was a relic of the past, never in my imagination

Had it occurred to me that the same sentiment

Could be evoked by results of tests performed with a different intent..

I am talking about medical diagnostic tests that appear

To come back increasingly abnormal each year

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With a smattering of health issues that have now appeared

I need to take a variety of tests, and I fear

Each time that the result would come back

As markedly abnormal, and that coping skills I lack

To deal with the reality of my health in decline

To not find out the results, sometimes I feel inclined

Only to remember that I have dealt in the past

With earth-shattering disappointments that did not last..

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Like I used to do before, I whisper a prayer

To let the Lord give me the strength to take care

Of my health even if I “fail” the test

I open up my patient chart, hoping for the best…

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I’ve realized that there will always be tests to take

Based on the results, difficult decisions I might have to make

Now that I have procrastinated enough, I should go

And open my test result, staying prepared for a nasty blow