Passion…unbridled

An unexpected day off from work and household responsibility

Has fallen into your lap, you are filled with ecstasy

At the prospect of being able to indulge in self-care

To work on projects for which time you’ve been unable to spare

*

You are up early, totally energized

You are excited and want to get galvanized

Into activity as soon as possible, but a decision you make

To enjoy your morning coffee to help you feel awake

You scroll through social media, the news you skim through

There is plenty of time for everything you want to do

This is a day of freedom, so you go out for a stroll

You return invigorated down to your soul

You are ready to start one of the projects you had in mind

You head to the storage area so the necessary supplies you can find..

*

You discover a lot of junk, but what you need you don’t see

You realize cleaning and sorting are needed urgently

The next few hours go by in cleaning things out

You are exhausted and famished at the end, you cannot do without

A break to stretch your limbs, relax and eat

Once your energy stores are replete

You try to go back to the project you had in mind

But the afternoon heat is soporific and you are inclined

To take a nap, after all it is a day that is free

You resolve once you wake up you would work diligently

*

Unfortunately distractions follow and you never get

A chance to start even a single project..

*

This is the story of all my days that are free

My lofty plans turn to dust ultimately

I overstretch myself on working days and then

On a “rest day” myself I want to overextend

Maybe I should make no plans for a free day y

And just rest and recharge in every way

Though the narrative was that could do anything you wanted to

A number of limitations were placed on you

In your naïveté you believed everything you heard

You tried to work within those limits, it never occurred

To you that the beliefs you had internalized

Were holding you back, your potential was not fully realized

*

One day you ventured to break free

From those limiting beliefs, and learnt you could be

So much more than you had previously thought

Once the barrier was broken, new horizons you continuously sought

*

You can listen to the world and hold yourself back

The world will always remind you of what you lack

It is in your power to ignore that discouraging voice

You have the ability to make your choice

To mould yourself in the shape that you desire

To pursue boldly the goals to which you aspire

In the face of suffering should you just forget about

What has actually happened, should you try to move forward without

Acknowledging the tragedy that you face

Forget about it and exuberant positivity embrace

Of should you allow yourself to feel your pain

Mourn your loss, and then find a path towards a future uncertain?

*

I was always encouraged to ignore all pain

To look only on the bright side, to remain

Optimistic no matter what I felt inside

But I discovered that if my pain I were to hide

It would stay dormant but never leave me

I would never really move forward after a tragedy..

*

Always look on the bright side of things- this is the advice

Doled out repeatedly, but it tends to trivialize

The fact that in life, tragedy and suffering are inevitable

The secret to a productive life is to be able

To acknowledge, learn from and move past

Tragic situations, to build resilience that lasts..

*

Not toxic positivity, but tragic optimism I have embraced

I acknowledge my suffering, with hope the future I face

In the modern style of working, we have meetings endlessly

To tackle problems that keep coming up unexpectedly

But despite clever solutions I have noticed

That the problems themselves continue to persist..

*

Many people tackle problems in order to earn

Their livelihoods, therefore the truth I have learnt

Is that not many are interested in doing things that could

Solve problems at their roots, because that would

Have a direct impact on their ability to thrive

Therefore solutions are found but the problems stay alive

*

Most innovation is aimed at solving problems fast

The problems themselves are expected to last

That problems could be eradicated, fewer leaders seem to realize

In that direction they do not apply their skills specialized

*

In an ideal world, we would solve problems in such a way

That they get uprooted and from over lives go away..

Repeatedly I tend to fall in the trap

Of thinking I can do it all, I can tap

Into an inexhaustible source of energy

I think I have an indefatigable spirit within me..

*

So I overextend myself without thinking through

The ramifications-soon I am struggling to do

Justice to everything I’ve spread on my plate

Leading to a perpetually haggard state..

*

I am slowly coming to terms with the harsh reality

That a superwoman I am not cut out to be

There are limits to what I can do in a day

I need to prioritize and then chip away

At my tasks, one by one so l do not decompensate

Before completing even half of what’s on my plate..

If only I could stem the flow

Of time, if only I did know

How to have a longer rendezvous

With time, not let its sands pass through

My hands- if only I could capture in my fist

A few moments- if I could make a tryst

With time- to spend it in ways that would nourish my soul

If only I could catch some time to make my broken self whole..

*

But time waits for no one, it does not wait

For me to get over the inertia of my current state

A million different things I plan to do

When I have time, but I never follow through

Time just pours out of my hands

Like the minute grains of sand

And I am left thirsting some more

For time, just like I did before

*

Let me seize the moment before I lose

These precious minutes, let me choose

To do something to provide nourishment

To my famished soul-in this moment transient

I was running on empty, there was no well of will-power left to tap

Ignoring the protests of my mind, I retreated to my bed for a nap..

*

I was caught in a complex web that had drained

Every ounce of my energy, I was finding it hard to remain

Focused on any task, or in a composed emotional state

I could not hold myself together, I was about to disintegrate

The threat of my unraveling was real and close

It could have snowballed into a disaster but I chose

To leave the world behind and go off to sleep

I chose to disregard the promises I was meant to keep..

*

Into a deep, dreamless sleep I probably fell

I woke up disoriented, for a few minutes could not tell

Where I was and the time of the day

But I felt transformed in a profound way

Only two hours had elapsed, but to me

It felt like waking up in a new century

*

The problems had not been resolved, of course

But now that I was no longer trying to force

A tired horse to sprint, I was able

To tackle them in a manner comfortable

The emotional angst I had felt earlier had melted away

I could focus without frustration coming in my way

*

The lesson I’ve learnt is that before I snap

I should gift myself a life-changing nap…

The idea of coming home to family has such a universal appeal

The notion of going home for the holidays gives you a nostalgic feel

You book your travel with eager anticipation

You pledge for the festivities your participation

You wrap up work during the early part of the week

Some quality time with your precious large family you seek

You pack carefully, you are all set to catch a flight

And that is when things begin to not go right..

*

The weather gods have decided to ruin your plans

With heavy rain and snow, you don’t know if you can

Reach home in time- after harrowing delays

You reach in the nick of time to celebrate the holiday

Exhausted as you are, there is no time to lose

You had offered to help, not doing so is something you cannot choose..

*

The atmosphere in your family is not

As harmonious or joyful as you would have thought

You can smell a distinct undercurrent

Of discord and simmering resentment

You hope once everyone works up an appetite

The prevailing dark mood would turn a shade more light

But that does not happen, in fact there is a frosty silence

As guests take their place at the table and commence

To eat- you are bewildered and out of desperation

You venture to tell a joke to salvage the situation

But someone’s spouse is quick to take offense

And from there begins a battle of emotions intense…

*

By the end of the meal all anger is spent

You are depleted, your only intent

Is to avoid any confrontation for the next day or so

After which all guests would be ready to go

Back to their lives, regretting the trip home for the holidays

That has brought nothing but misery in multiple ways..

*

You resolve not to travel for the holidays next year

Another round of inclement weather, flight delays and family drama you fear…

Much as I love to travel, I must confess

A trait crucial to travel I do not possess

And that is patience when there is disruption

To the planned itinerary- I still travel under the assumption

That flights would to their schedules adhere

And a delay in reaching my destination I would not fear

But that is hardly ever the case these days

Flights are disrupted in hundreds of ways

Unpredictable weather, political conflicts, cost-cutting by airlines

Any of these factors can operate individually or intertwine

With one another to cause massive delays

To deal with them, being patient is the only way

*

I was amused when an article on Thanksgiving travel I read

“Bring a healthy dose of patience and humor” it said

If one were to fly during the busiest season

This advice would definitely stand to reason

When there is a possibility of arriving significantly late

(After the turkey has been carved and there is little left on the plate)

The humor in this situation one has to be able to appreciate

In overcrowded airports as one us forced to wait..

*

Each time I fly, it seems to be a personal test

For my patience, to cultivate which more energy I should invest

And if I could learn to laugh at ridiculous flight delays

My futile outrage would dissipate away

In the waning years of my life, to what would I aspire?

Would I retain my enthusiasm for work or would I wish to retire?

*

Most of my life has been spent on the hamster wheel

I’m in a monogamous relationship with work, I feel

It’s not just about making a living, but work gives me

The most definitive form of identity

So though I think I would like to work less

Retiring completely seems a daunting proposition, I confess..

*

When I think of retirement I visualize

Myself being productive in myriad ways, but then I realize

My interests I have not cultivated enough

Without work, having an interesting life would be tough..

I hate to admit, but the only interesting thing about me

Is the career that shapes my identity

*

Then I wonder, my sharpness would I retain

In my older years, or would cognitive decline gain

A foothold on me such that the demands of my profession

I would be unable to fulfill despite my best intention..

In other words, would I be forced to retire

Unceremoniously, or worse, would I be fired?

*

The idea of being financially free

Such that you are able to retire early

And then work on terms that are your own-

This concept lately has popular grown

But it is a hard one for me to wrap my head around

Therefore unless I have an epiphany profound

I shall continue to work at a steady pace

Until retirement is a certainty I have to face

She had been hearing stories about her ancestors throughout

Her childhood spent in a bustling household, they were all about

The men in the family- their accomplishments, decisions, rigid attitudes

That were modeled for the children as positive attributes

Each time the stories came up, she had but one question in mind-

What forgotten stories of the women of her family could she find..

She saw her mother and aunts pulling barely visible strings

That ended up changing the course of things

Surely women in previous generations had exerted influence similarly

But in all the stories that were told, no evidence of their involvement she could see..

*

Many years later, she was given the responsibility to supervise

Disposal of all contents of the house, and to her surprise

She found a crumbling, moth-eaten khadi-covered diary

With entries dating from the first half of the twentieth century

The writing was mostly in Hindi with English words interspersed

The writer appeared well-educated and well-versed

In the politics of the time, and had opinions strong

She was spellbound as she continued to read along

Soon she realized the diary was written

By a freedom fighter who was a young woman

Her entries were insightful regarding India’s struggle for independence

Also apparent was her longing for personal freedom intense..

*

How was such an accomplished woman in her family

Never given a place in the family history,

As she pondered this question, she was simultaneously

Disappointed and overjoyed by her discovery

Now it was her responsibility to ensure

Her ancestor was not forgotten like they were before..

Draping a saree, donning a bindi and jewelry traditional

Then admiring myself in the mirror is a luxury occasional

While dressing up is always fun, this transformation

Quenches my soul-this is a celebration

Of my heritage, my roots, the vibrant culture of my homeland

A reminder of the rich textiles, of intricate craftsmanship grand

When I deck myself up in Indian finery like a queen

Before my mirror, I cannot help but preen..

*

I usually dabble in quick recipes that do not take

Hours and hours of preparation to make

But when the festivities start, I go the long route to prepare

In a traditional manner, traditional Indian fare

The aroma of spices from my homeland serves

To feed my soul, to put salve on my nostalgic nerves..

*

All gatherings are meant to have fun, but the communal celebration

Of our traditional festivals serves as a means of rejuvenation

For my mind that pines for celebrations of the past

This is an opportunity to make new memories that would last..

*

By connecting with my culture I heed

My Indian soul’s overwhelming need