Passion…unbridled

I had this habit of getting obsessed with projects new

I would aim to be the best at my novel endeavor, all I would do

For a few weeks was to spend every available hour

In pursuit of my passion, driven by a newfound will-power

The candle at both ends I would burn

Everything about my new passion I would try to learn

Invariably in a few weeks the enthusiasm would fade away

And my abandoned project would never again see the light of the day

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I was frustrated because meaningful progress

I could not make, I could not turn my passion into success

I would start on a very ambitious note

And then struggle to keep the pace and stay afloat

One day I decided to start the opposite way

I began with a simple goal, then I did stay

At the same modest target for a week or so

Before escalating just a bit, my steps were cautious and slow…

Years later, my interest is very much alive

I cultivated my passion slowly, and now I thrive

Doing what I had wanted to do all along

It took me a while to really get going, but I am now going strong!

•

Sprinting is not easy but still doable

But a sprint by definition is not sustainable

To push yourself to do something for a length of time finite

Takes effort and will power, but to sustain that fight

Needs you to go slow but make progress every day

It’s the infinitesimal steps upwards that pave the way

To scale a mountain, or build an empire- as they say

Remember that Rome was not built in a day

There was a time when my expectations were not as high

Even though I wanted to eventually soar higher in the sky

On earth I was grounded and did not require

Expensive things to make me happy, I did not desire

Designer items, luxury vacations or such

I did not really think about much..

My discretionary spending was minimal but i was content

Despite being ambitious, my financial situation I did not resent

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As the social ladder I climbed higher

Upwards swung my materialistic desires

The explosion of social media made it worse

As I compared myself to everyone else in the universe

I acquired shinier objects to show that I had “arrived”

But I was less content, I felt less alive

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Now, when my financial worth is the highest it has ever been

Materialistic luxuries are fast losing their sheen

For the fanciest new object I no longer crave

My time and effort now I want to save

To pursue everything else in life that money cannot buy

I am more grounded after having found wings to fly

To believe in the notion of exceptionalism is dangerous

Though many would support the concept in a manner vociferous

To believe in one’s exceptionalism makes one strive

For constant praise and acknowledgement, in order to thrive

It gives an all- pervasive sense of entitlement

Which can sometimes work to one’s detriment..

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Not just individuals but communities and countries believe

In their exceptionalism, they perceive

Themselves as unquestionable leaders, guiding the rest

Such exuberant optimism can sometimes be put to a test…

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Humans believe in their exceptional status indeed

The natural world exists just to satisfy our needs

The consequences of this exceptionalism are grave

Climate disasters and new pathogens we have to brave

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Neither humankind, nor any nation, nor any individual

Should carry the hubris of being exceptional

No one is ordinary, nor is anyone special

Each one should achieve their true potential

If you browse the internet regularly

Scaremongering content I am sure you see

Appearing to cite data pseudoscientific

Such content gets shares and likes prolific

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In the scientific method well-versed am I

Therefore I try my best to rely

On evidence from studies performed meticulously

If an article has references, I check out the original study

Often I am able to draw conclusions on my own

From a study whose findings have been out of proportion blown

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Online content appeals to emotions not thoughts

Content meant for scaremongering is fraught

With warnings that sound sinister or ominous

So even when the source appears dubious

Sometimes I end up falling into the trap of fear

Against my better judgment- I let my reasoning disappear

*

The emotional pull of a fearful scenario is such

That reasoning cannot counter it much

Thus unsuspecting people fall prey

To such content, while scaremongers get their way

(Happy Holidays everyone!!)

This is a nod to all the Christmas movies involving family drama- I neither decorate, nor cook multi-course dinners on Christmas or any other holiday..

I am trying my best to celebrate

The holidays with perfection, I’ve had to wait

For this opportunity to make everything right

I want my house to be merry and bright

With curated decorations and gifts purchased thoughtfully

At least my house is partially ready

I wrap each gift creatively and with care

I flex my artistic muscles to prepare

Various knick-knacks and decorations by hand

(I don’t know if anyone would understand

But indulging in these crafts is immensely satisfying

Than using generic decor items that most people are buying)

The holiday dinner that I am planning to host shall include

An abundance of fresh ingredients and made-from-scratch food

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Everything seems perfect, I eagerly await

The arrival of extended family to celebrate

The instagram-perfect holiday I have in mind-

Everyone arrives….and things start to unwind..

*

There is noise and boisterous laughter everywhere

The decorations are broken, the gifts have not fared

Well- gift wraps have been ripped, toys are strewn over the floor

The artistically laid out dinner is demolished, and what’s more

In the midst of all this there is brewing resentment

Some family members are giving each other silent treatment

While the kids run amok, indulging in rough play

All in all, it’s turning out to be a beast of a day…

I take a deep breath and to a corner retreat

I wonder how only hours before I had been upbeat

*

I get lost in a reverie until someone calls me

Somehow things have quieted down considerably

Everyone has come together, the atmosphere has improved

Stomachs are full, the worst of the clutter has been removed

We start telling stories and anecdotes one by one

And voilà, we’ve captured the perfect spirit of the season!

*

If you think I’m disappointed my effort unnoticed went

I am not- one way or the other, I fulfilled my intent!

A story in my mind slowly unfolds

A gripping story that begs to be told

The characters lined up neatly in my brain

Clamor for my attention, pester me again and again

Their narratives ring in my ears, imploringly

To let them materialize on paper for everyone to see..

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I have in my head the story outlined

I have the setting and the plot defined

My characters have complex roles assigned

I just need to put in words what I have in mind..

*

When I finally carve some time to write

A powerful writer’s block I have to fight

I write a few sentences, then lose interest

Another day, I decide, I would write the rest

But that day does not come, the story remains

Only in the gyri and sulci of my brain..

Blow your bugle everywhere

On every platform of which you’re aware

Every milestone that you achieve

Amplify manifold to make people believe

That you are smarter than the rest

After all, who’s going to subject you to a test?

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Embellish everything you have done

Every competition that you have won

Think of anything that you can highlight

That would portray you in a superior light

It’s your responsibility to advocate

For yourself, your résumé you should inflate

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Just know that at the end of the day

When all profiles are similar, what would come into play

Is your unique personality that would outperform

Your profile on an online platform

Just because I look content it does not mean

That I am satisfied with staying where I’ve been

My desires and aspirations I hide from view

But the assumption that I don’t have them is not true..

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I firmly believe in showing my actions and not

Simply sharing with everyone my thoughts

My actions should speak louder than words for me

By acting on my dreams, I hope to make a difference eventually

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Like everyone else, in the future I want to be

A better version of myself, but this is my personal journey

I do not necessarily need fame or recognition

But I want to grow on my terms and conditions…

“Can I get something to sleep” is a question I’ve come to dread

I don’t have a pill, but a long winded answer instead

Poor sleep has a list of reasons that I explain

While I can treat physiological reasons such as pain

That interfere with sleep, more often than not

I am unable to offer my patients a lot

Most of them have tried multiple interventions anyway

That do not address the various factors at play..

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Who can empathize with my patients better than me

Poor sleep is my numero uno enemy

If only I could get uninterrupted sleep every night

Getting through each day would be less of a fight

I know that pills would not solve my sleep issue

But I don’t really know what to do…

*

So this is a topic on which I can commiserate

With my patients, even when their insomnia I cannot ameliorate

As on the tenets of good sleep hygiene I expound

I remind myself to follow them too for sleep sound

I seem to carry unquenched thirst inside

An existential angst that is difficult to hide

A fire that constantly burns within me

A nebulous longing that threatens me with misery…

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What am I missing, where can I find

Something to quieten my hyperactive mind

What goal, after all, do I need to achieve

So that some solace my mind can receive..

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From looking outwards, I have changed to some extent

To search inside me is my focused intent

Despite being on this journey for some time now

Self-actualization has continued to evade me somehow

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Perhaps the universe has for me a design

I should just patiently wait for a sign

I hope to discover my true calling one day

Until then I shall just amble along my way

In the moments when you are most vexed

When trying to live life leaves you perplexed

You go down a rabbit hole that is deep

From which it seems impossible to climb up walls steep..

In a well of despair and despondency trapped you stay

Unable to rescue yourself until help comes your way…

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You think you should be strong enough

To weather storms, to fight battles tough

Depression is something from which you should snap out

By sheer will-power, without letting anyone know about

The struggles you are facing, you should have the toolkit

To carve a path out of despair, to find the exit

But sometimes you cannot be objective

About your struggles, you need an external perspective

To help you find a way out of the doldrums you are in

To lend you support when you are on footing thin..

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Therefore you must try to reach out and you must

Explain your emotions to someone you trust

An external perspective can give you the clarity you need

Such that you pull yourself out of the trench indeed

Invariably my weekends are filled to the brim

With social commitments and chores- the chances are slim

That I get a lazy afternoon with no agenda defined

An afternoon without any pressure on my mind

Some precious hours for me to browse through books

At the library, or an elaborate meal cook

From scratch, using herbs fresh and fragrant

Mindfully peeling, chopping, sautéing every ingredient

Or sitting at my desk with art supplies before me

Creating art using brushstrokes unhurriedly..

An afternoon at a leisurely pace spent

Doing something worthwhile without a predetermined intent..

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I had unstructured time available to me, therefore

On a lazy afternoon I accomplished more

Than I would on an afternoon that was “busy”

Extra time for me is the ultimate luxury