Passion…unbridled

Between the depth of slumber and the height of wakefulness

I stay suspended in midair, trying to force my brain to process

Tasks at a cerebral level, as it tries to default

To its reptilian version, bringing to a halt

Anything that executive functioning requires

I subsist at a sub-cerebral level, my only desire

Being to crawl in my bed for a night of repose

But I’m caught in sleep deprivation’s throes..

*

The world seems lackluster, time interminable

Of forming coherent thoughts I seem incapable

It takes supreme effort to engage in conversation

I want to be left alone, in my miserable situation

*

The day drags on, it is time to leave the workplace

The demands of home I am not quite ready to face

Time passes in a blur, through the motions I go

What I’ve been doing, I barely know..

*

When I hit the bed, almost instantly

I can feel sleep trying to engulf me

I wake up the next day, satiated

Profound slumber has left me rejuvenated

I read a quote that creativity is subtraction-

To let ideas sprout, one must let go of distractions

Tune out the twenty-four hour cycle of news

Forget materialistic pleasures and choose

Solitude and silence, to make space

For creative magic to take place..

*

I’ve been doing quite the opposite, I confess

Paying attention to the buzz around me, hoping for success

In finding ideas for my writing inspired by events around me

But the noise has become overwhelming for me

I cannot say whether I get new ideas but I do know

That the constant doomscrolling makes my anxiety grow

By the state of the world, my creative expression is affected

The despair I feel is in my writing reflected

*

I should find a quiet corner and let my mind wander

On the deeper meaning of life, I should ponder

Let inspiration come from within, through self-reflection

And not in the form of an emotional reaction

A lot of advice is centered on having a vision

And mapping it out with clarity and precision

Therefore I was quite surprised to find

The idea of keeping an anti-vision in mind..

*

If you are certain that you do not

Want something in your life, then the thought

Of writing it down solidifies your intent

You ensure that in the future your energy is not spent

On what does not with your vision align

By eliminating inconsequential stuff, you can design

Your life in accordance with your vision

Make it easier in the future to take a decision

*

Now that I think about it, this idea appears attractive

Let me spell out my anti-vision first, and then give

To my actual vision, my less divided attention

And build the life I want with intention

I think an important lesson as an adult I have learnt

After many instances of being burnt

Is that everything that appears to be free

Has a cost associated with it invariably

Taking something for granted assuming it to be free

A grave error of judgment can turn out to be

*

Having realized that, I will also say

That trying to find hidden costs has made me cynical in a way

Every innocuous appearing freebie with suspicion I view

Is it my time, attention, my opinion or something else that is providing value?

This transactional thinking often weighs heavily on my mind

I wish hidden costs I did not need to find..

*

With a free offering, I shall not be enticed

If I really want something, I’d rather pay the right price

A creature of habit I had become

New ways of doing things I did not welcome

On years of experience I would often rely

Novel ideas I was reluctant to try

Every new tool with skepticism I would view

Changing my practices is something I would rarely do..

*

Despite my pretense of contentment I remained restless

I was suffocating in my close-mindedness

As an answer to my questions, almost serendipitously

The Zen concept of Shoshin was revealed to me

So my life in various areas I began to examine

Through the beginner’s mindset, or Shoshin

*

I began to let go of notions preconceived

I began to challenge my dogmatic beliefs

Like a beginner, I started enjoying new ways of doing things

And noticed I was happier, my enthusiasm was brimming

*

I hope the beginner’s mindset stays with me

So that I can keep learning continuously

I’m not a good listener, I confess

I often tend to talk in excess

But there I times when I am present

In places where a minority I represent

Where I am considered good enough to receive an invitation

But not good enough to make a contribution

*

That expressing myself would be futile, this fact once I realize

I decide to stay quiet and often, to my surprise

I listen intently to the discussion around me

And unlike my usual self, I become a listener extraordinary

*

I have learnt a lot by listening passively

Being unimportant is a blessing actually

When I cannot talk, I must hear what others have to say

And I pick up valuable advice along the way

The universe has since childhood enthralled me

The pictures from the new telescope are fascinating to see

Black holes, supernovas and nebulae

Cosmic cliffs, interstellar dust, galaxies

The awe-inspiring images have brought the universe closer to humankind

I am curious to know the latest astronomical finds..

*

I had thought of the universe in purely visual terms

But recently about sonification I happened to learn

The digital data captured by telescopes has been translated

Into images, but with the same data, sounds can be created

Initially I was skeptical about this sonification technique

But I tried listening to the sounds, ready to critique

To my surprise, hearing the symphony and watching the images simultaneously

Of nebulae and galaxies was a unique experience multisensory

By the sounds of the universe I was completely mesmerized

The auditory experience complimented the images before my eyes

*

To explore the universe through both sight and sound

Had an impact on my mind and soul profound

In knowing the wonders of the universe, I have an interest intense

I shall continue to follow telescopic evidence

How does my inbox fill up so fast

Has a spell on my e-mail account been cast

Such that e-mails mushroom out of nowhere

Leaving in my inbox (not just in the junk folder) no space spare

The one useful e-mail I need to see

Gets buried in the avalanche, or deleted accidentally..

*

Each time at my bloated inbox I stare

I vow to not give out my e-mail address everywhere

And reserve it only for selected sites

Such that useless e-mail does not occupy megabytes

I doubt my e-mail address I recklessly disseminate

But there are sites where my address self-populates

*

Sometimes I wonder if my evident inability

To manage my inbox reflects poorly on me

I wonder if my inbox with 10000 e-mails represents

The online version of hoarding to some extent

Does my jnbox say I am disorganized

Maybe the problem is worse than I previously realized

*

I make a resolve to weed unnecessary e-mails out everyday

So that they don’t clutter my inbox and my mind in any way

But the inbox seems to swell up so fast

What spell on my e-mail has the world wide web cast?

I am so impatient, what can I say

I want to do tomorrow’s work today..

*

Today’s work is done and I should rest now

But the anxiety about my workload tomorrow does not allow

Me to relax, I am dying to get a head-start for the next day

I want to begin the morning’s work right away..

*

For tomorrow I have already made preparations

Such that in the morning I can minimize my decisions

But I am annoyed that some tasks cannot be accomplished today

Instead of tomorrow- I want to save tomorrow’s time today..

*

Before I get to tomorrow I must ensure

That I have a good night’s sleep in order to endure

The rigors of tomorrow that cannot be

Dealt with ahead of time, or tackled preemptively

*

The sun will rise tomorrow, I shall rise too

And be ready to do everything I need to do

I was reading a book on science and in the afterword the author mentioned

That it gave him immense pleasure to write “Remains unknown” multiple times- initially I was stunned

To read that a researcher would find joy in whatever remained

After years of ardent research and exploration, unexplained

But as I read the page further, I realized how this statement

Embodied a scientist’s unwavering commitment

To continue to experiment, discover, explore

To be guided by the tantalizing promise of more

*

This reminded me of how each research proposal begins by stating

What is already known on a subject and the unanswered question one is evaluating

That thrill of launching a new experiment, a study, to find

Something potentially groundbreaking stimulates a scientist’s mind

That spirit of scientific inquiry was what the author was alluding to

And once I understood it, I was in wholehearted agreement too

Change your diet, your habits, your mindset

Change your posture, your attitude, or else you would regret

Remaining the flawed human being that you are currently

You need to change, so that a better person you can be…..

*

Change, I understand, is the only constant

But I have an issue with the rhetoric prevalent

That something about you is in perpetual need

Of change- be it your habits, your attitude, your mindset indeed

Why is there a persuasive compulsion to strive

Towards perfection, why not allow ourselves to thrive

Without trying to change some or the other aspect

Of our lives, what is the need to constantly introspect?

The stress of trying to conform to an ideal standard exacts a cost

And the benefit of a meaningful change is lost

*

Change should be guided by a compass internal

Not forced down our throats by compulsions external

The idea that we need to change because there is something we lack

Hurts our self-esteem insidiously, makes us lose track

Of the crucial changes that we need to implement

Guided by our intuition, our desires and intents

*

So make a change, not because someone else says so

But because you feel it us needed in order to grow

I’m cooking on the stovetop but what I want to do

Is maximize this time and read a book too

So while stirring the pot intermittently

I pick up a book trying to read simultaneously

My attention is divided, the pages lightly stained

With turmeric, I am not sure how much I have gained

By trying to multitask but the value of productivity

Is so thoroughly ingrained in me

That it feels like I am being lazy if I just stand and wait

For my dish to cook, being idle I’ve learnt to hate

If it’s not a book, then I try to listen to a podcast

But in doing two things, my attention span on either one does not last

*

The irony of trying to multitask is that I am still not as productive

As I would like to be, with a perpetual feeling of dissatisfaction I live..

*

Today I’m cooking, and I decide not to try

To multitask, I watch the onions sizzle and fry

I watch the food brown, roast, caramelize

I cook for the right duration (I’ve come to realize

That my food was either under or overcooked

When I was trying to multitask, the details I had overlooked)

Cooking felt relaxing, much to my surprise

It was an immersive experience, I realized

And due to misplaced priorities I had so far been deprived

Of the many benefits that cooking food could provide

*

Anything worth doing should be done with undivided attention

To expand this philosophy to other tasks is now my intention