Passion…unbridled

All winners rise early, all CEOs belong to the 4 am club

Such statements in my wounds salt rub

Waking up before dawn is something I despise

Since I cannot rise early, I cannot rise

In my career, or so it would appear

If waking up early is imperative for success, I fear

I would never achieve in life the success I desire

I should forego the goals to which I aspire..

*

A lot has been said about getting things done

Before the chaos of daily life has begun

The early bird catches the worm, we’ve been told

That you can get ahead of your competition is the idea we’ve been sold

Many times like a slacker I have felt

Because I cannot get productive morning hours under my belt

*

I wake up early with the thought

Of getting work done, mostly I am not

As productive as I visualize myself to be

I’ve noticed I just take longer to get ready..

I still end up, feeling rushed anyway

Because I have to face the rest of the day

*

On the contrary, some of my cerebral work gets done at night

After all the chores are done and I turn off the kitchen light

The day is over and I can focus now

On what really matters to me, I can allow

Myself to think and create freely

Without being interrupted constantly

Because on my sleep, I do not want to compromise.

I work efficiently, my productivity does rise

A notch or two above the rest of the day

And when I finally put my work away

I go to bed with a sense of satisfaction profound

Which allows me to get sleep that is sound

*

In conclusion, it appears that waking up early

Does not provide any benefit to me

Let me work with my rhythm, at my pace

In the 4 am club, for me there is no space

If only earlier medical attention you had sought

Your illness in earlier stages we would have caught

Why did you ignore your symptoms for so long

You must have suspected something was wrong..

We could have diagnosed you earlier and begin

Appropriate treatment before the damage was done..

*

Yes, I suspected something was wrong, but I was waiting to see

If my symptoms would subside or disappear completely

I was afraid of the out-of-pocket expense

For something that could be self-limited, it did not make sense

To seek medical care immediately

I did not know if I would even be taken seriously

Besides, my wages I could not afford to lose

Perhaps you would have done the same in my shoes …

Some people find one role model and try to imitate

Their style and mannerisms, hoping to elevate

Their own personality to the coveted level

Of their carefully chosen role model

*

Many inspiring leaders I have been around

But a single person I have not found

To embody all the qualities I wish to emulate

Different facets from different people I incorporate

Into my style, audaciously hoping to build

My own personal brand as a woman confident and strong-willed

*

Sartorial styles, mannerisms, quotations

I am constantly on the lookout for inspiration

Many mentors have contributed to my learning, especially in medicine

On the art of being a physician, they’ve imparted their unique spin

*

There is no dearth of inspiration around

In most people I meet, there is a mentor to be found

In the winter months, what I crave the most is sunshine

When I start getting irritable, it is a sure sign

For me to figure out a way to get exposure to sunlight

Even if it means working late into the night

The workday is so short that even when it ends early enough

Daylight has disappeared, therefore it is tough

To go out in the sun, unless I am willing to leave

Before my work is done, be ready to cleave

Myself from my desk, leaving work behind

And that requires a substantial shift of priorities in my mind

In this day and age, much of of my work can be

Completed on a computer, working remotely

Yet I feel guilty if I do not complete

Work at workplace, that feels like a defeat

Life at work and dad at home, I work hard to separate

I leave for home only after completing all tasks on my plate

*

Because of this obsession most days I leave late

As winter progresses the melancholia does escalate

It is dark when I leave home and dark when I return

I am locked indoors all day, and continue to yearn

For exposure to the sun, which is the only remedy

For the seasonal blues that are affecting me

*

My well-being I have decided to prioritize

Therefore, despite my reservations, I now rise

From my desk to leave for home before sunset

This represents a major change in mindset

Driving home in the golden hour feels heavenly

Even if there is unfinished work waiting for me

At work, wherever I look there seems to be

A battlefield- at every step there is an opportunity

To fight a battle to make things “right”

There is room for change at first sight

In every direction, and I strongly desire

To disrupt business-as-usual, at the risk of drawing the ire

Of those in charge, who want to maintain

The status quo that they have worked hard to attain

*

I was enthusiastic but lacked experience

I was idealistic, under the influence

Of lofty ideas set by academicians in my field

To me, real world scenarios had not yet been revealed

Eager to make everything “better” I got

Myself into situations that were with conflict fraught

As you might suspect, it did not go down well at all

Those were stressful times that I don’t want to recall

In the opposite direction I let the pendulum swing

My ideas to the table I decided not to bring

*

Over time I have come to realize

Not all battles need to be fought, I can better recognize

The ones I should fight, when the moment is right

Keeping my overarching goals and values in sight

*

There are seemingly endless battles to fight

And though I would love to be proved right

Each time, my battles I should wisely choose

Not hurl myself at everything like a cannon loose

The imposter syndrome strikes me at work periodically

But I have worked to overcome it, slowly and methodically

So it seldom makes an appearance at work these days

But it has not disappeared, it has changed its ways

*

When I start writing, imposter syndrome makes an appearance

Leading to self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy intense

Who am I to have the audacity to proclaim

That I am a writer, with no publications to my name

Even if I forego publication, my writing is inane

My language unembellished and plain…

*

Working through this iteration of imposter syndrome, I find

Its appearance acts as a catalyst for my mind

To overcome it, I need to up my game

So that I can add “writer” besides my name

*

I’m not a published author, but regularly I write

Imposter syndrome I continue to fight

But I do not get discouraged now

I write as much as my imagination would allow

My life seems to be a continuing exercise

In finding calm amid chaos, to crystallize

Into something concrete every positive emotion

To find quietude in the midst of commotion..

*

In a typical day of rushing between patients, I try

To focus on the genuine human interactions that remind me why

I am privileged to practice medicine, despite the increasing hurdles we face

Such moments of clarity allow me to embrace

The chaotic nature of the work that I do

When things seem out of control, they help me power through

*

Each morning it seems I am galvanized

In a flurry of activity, trying to stay organized

In a time crunch is no ordinary task for me

And in the midst of multitasking, albeit inefficiently

When my son interrupts me to share something he is excited about

I pause, and listen-it is the best grounding exercise without doubt

*

Life is fast-paced and chaotic, but I must find

Moments to center myself, and calm my hyperactive mind

Since last year, it seems every few months, upwards we raise our eyes

To watch something we had not seen before in our regions, in the night skies

The skies turn scintillating shades of purple, pink and green

Presenting to us some awe-inspiring scenes..

Without traveling to arctic lands we have been able to see

The spectacular aurora borealis not infrequently

*

Coronal mass ejections and solar flares-

Of these phenomena I was not aware

Until a year ago when the Northern Lights first appeared

In my backyard in a Southern state, it was indeed weird

To see such a spectacle out of the blue

Apparently it can happen at my current latitude too..

*

Each time I see the aurora I am reminded of the vastness

Of the universe, its wonders never cease to impress

Both scientific mind and my artistic soul

To never miss the aurora in my backyard is my goal

My phone buzzes with another electronic medical record notification

And in a twisted form of instant gratification

I drop what I am doing to attend to the matter “urgent”

To solve the issue or give a reply quickly is my intent

I chase similar urgencies basically all day

Letting them interrupt me during work and play..

*

Of course not all interruptions represent

True emergencies or even matters urgent

Such “nomergencies” end up tiring me out

“Urgent” work notifications I can do without

Each time I reply, I divert my attention

Towards something else, and despite my best intentions

I get pulled away from meaningful work

But since my responsibilities I do not want to shirk

I answer every question, every message I receive

Every notification as a potential emergency I perceive

*

These nomergencies, I should learn to ignore

In the system, I should place trust some more

If it is a true emergency, I know there are other ways

To contact me at the end of the day

So many conditioned beliefs I have had to over time unlearn

In a totally opposite direction sometimes I’ve had to turn..

*

On how girls should walk, there were expectations age-old

Walking fast was not graceful, I was told

But I liked to sprint, speed over elegance I prioritized

I looked far from graceful, so I was criticized

I felt unpolished because I could not walk slowly

And for a long time, this continued to bother me

*

Now I am a doctor preaching the importance

Of movement- the speed of one’s gait has prognostic significance

To walk as much and as fast as possible one must strive

To spend more years on this planet alive

*

I have maintained a pretty good gait speed

Being vertically challenged, it is a blessing indeed

When I have to keep pace with those with a longer stride

I am not slow in walking-now I say that with pride..

*

With respect to being graceful, one thing I know

I am not going to look graceful with age if I walk slow

Because of imbalance, in-coordination or illness

Let me walk briskly and enjoy the process

You don’t see the beauty in things around you-

After leaving my country, I realized this was true..

*

Growing up, I was drawn to western sensibilities

In clothing-muted colors, structured silhouettes and simplicity

Of western design were what I admired

To dress along those lines was what I desired

I ignored traditional Indian fabrics in brilliant hues

Ornate Indian outfits I was reluctant to choose

*

In my new life, black made an appearance prominent

To look polished, poised and slim was my intent

As my wardrobe morphed into solid monochromes,

I began to miss the diversity of clothing from home

I tried to incorporate Indian elements in my sartorial repertoire

But the fabrics from India was hard to acquire

And shape in to something I could wear everyday

To fuse both elements, I wondered if there was a way

*

Lately I have been overjoyed to find

Many designers are now trying to combine

The splendor of Indian craftsmanship with the elegance of western attire

I can buy such outfits to fulfill my desire

*

When I wear a cocktail dress out of fabric that was woven

By the weavers of Benaras, I know I have chosen

The best way to express who I represent

I am an amalgamation of Indian and American elements

Avoidable boredom I’m getting ready to fight

There appears to be no bookstore in sight..

*

I have been informed that my flight is delayed

I need to stave off frustration and I am dismayed

To find no bookstore in the vicinity of my gate

Browsing books is the best thing to do in my current state..

*

I know I have time, with my luggage in tow

Off in search of a sizable bookstore I go

After walking for fifteen minutes, in another terminal I find

The only place that can quiet my mind

*

I browse books peacefully for the next hour or so

Until a flight update reminds me it is time to go

I have secured a thick volume for my upcoming flight

To ensure that boredom I would not have to fight

*

While flying these days one must be prepared

To wait long hours at airports, I am aware

When amenities for travelers are being designed

I wish people would keep bookstores in mind

I am sure there are many avid readers who would be

As thrilled at having more bookstores at airports as me