Passion…unbridled

I said no but could not stick to my guns

I had lost the battle as soon as it had begun

I allowed myself to be coerced into agreement

I knew it was hard to state clearly my dissent

But at least I had for the first time tried

To say no- it would take me more attempts to decide

How to not be talked into saying yes

How to confidently my negation express..

*

I kept saying no so that my boundaries I could protect

I added conditions before I could accept

The task that I wanted to refuse

Until one day I decided I would not make any excuse

I said “No” and ended my sentence right there

Truth be told, I was afraid I had dared

To go a bit too far, I had challenged the status quo

But back from my position, I was not planning to go

*

I said no and did not under pressure say yes

I conquered fear in standing up for myself, I confess

I never want to miss the forest for the trees

At the same time I never want to cease

Paying attention to minor details because that is where

The devil lies, waiting to ensnare

The unsuspecting person who has committed

An error of omission that was not permitted

So I try to keep the big picture in sight

Simultaneously the urge to overlook minor details I fight

*

In terms of caring for patients I must say

Attending to minute details has saved the day

More often than not, therefore I remind

Myself to go through minutiae in my mind

Mostly I do not get distracted from the overall goal

But there are times when I go down a rabbit hole

I waste my time on irrelevant details

And in keeping the overarching goal in mind I fail

So easy to text, so difficult to meet face to face

How did all of us get to this place?

Too busy in our lives to schedule time together

With ubiquitous phones, sending messages easier than ever

Erroneous assumptions that we have checked in

Through text messages, with our friends and kin

No communication through nonverbal cues

Our priorities in relationships we’ve confused..

*

We were designed to interact in person, not through a device

While having means of communication that transcend physical barriers is nice

Communicating electronically and considering it adequate

Is not conducive to our mental and emotional states..

*

As always, this verse is a reminder to self to extend

An invitation to an impromptu gathering to all my friends

My frontal lobes, amygdala and hippocampi

Are the precious parts of my brain that I

Need to care for, so that level-headed I can stay

But what I often do is the opposite anyway

I sleep late, keeping in overdrive my brain

By using some electronic device again

The result is that my brain cannot effectively remove

The waste that it should during sleep, to improve

The formation of new memories, and emotional regulation

As a result I go about my day with forgetfulness and frustration

That makes it even harder to get good sleep

The vicious circle continues, and I pay a price steep

*

To break this cycle the first thing I need

Is to cleave myself from devices and read

Before bedtime to lull me to sleep

Try not to compromise on slumber deep

To let my brain’s cleaning service work all night

So I wake up energized to a new day bright

Professional achievements glorified and showcased

On professional social media websites, prefaced

By an expression of gratitude, so many of these I see

And I wonder why I have nothing to write about, with some jealousy

There are no groundbreaking achievements in sight

No fancy titles or media appearances that I can highlight

Quite lackluster my profile on such websites appears

With no prospects of looking any better, I fear

*

On a daily basis, I take great pride in what I do

But as I am not in a leadership role, it is true

That I do not have anything specific that I can claim

I’d love to humble brag sometimes, all the same..

*

As I try to think about my professional achievements

I get from my patient the best compliment-

That a difference in her life I have made

And my consternation over my weak profile starts to fade

There are plenty of people dealing with burnout

At work- it is a highly prevalent issue, no doubt

That has led to people seeking work schedules that flexibility provide

That don’t always demand one to step outside

The comfort of their homes, allowing them to juggle

Work and home- achieve the balance that is a perpetual struggle

More people in the gig economy now find employment

These options are attractive to a certain extent..

*

The above styles of work, however, do not work for me

Going to work during scheduled hours feels necessary

For me to keep my brain running systematically

Lack of structure is detrimental to my productivity

*

My creativity gets a boost when I have spent a fulfilling work day

In the absence of that, my ideas would wither away

Having a structure at work and then some time free

Is the way I like my life to be

*

To have a job that is relatively stable

That provides benefits that enable

Peace of mind in case of circumstances unforeseen

Is what my preference has always been

To work scheduled hours keeps me

As disciplined and punctual as I can ever be

I have long suffered at the hands

Of my indecision, I have finally come to understand

That taking a decision and moving forward with the same

Is the only way to make progress, you have yourself to blame

If because of your indecisiveness stuck you remain

This lesson has been reinforced in my life again and again

*

Uncertain is the projected outcome of most decisions

We can never predict the consequences with precision

But if a decision is not made, things stay status quo

We may swing sideways but forward we do not go..

*

We worry about never being able to reverse track

Once we make a decision, but it is usually possible to come back

And change our strategy if things do not work out

Therefore, we must make decisions despite our doubts

*

As I grow older, more decisive I become

Each opportunity for decision-making as a challenge I welcome

Mercator’s projection has shaped our world-view

By flattening the earth on paper, it has distorted continents too

Unsuspecting, we study geography through a flawed lens

Of the sizes of various continents, we do not get the true sense

Africa appears diminished, other continents larger appear

And this subconsciously affects our perception, I fear

The countries near the poles much larger seem to be

While developing countries in the south get viewed diminutively

Since size matters in terms of importance relative

Subconsciously more importance to the northern “developed” world we give..

*

It is my opinion, but just a small plea

Why can a globe not be used to teach geography?

Such that the continent of Africa and the island of Greenland

Are not the same in size, we appreciate and understand

Let the developing world not be shrunken down in size

A distorted map projections perpetuates bias, we should realize

It’s good to have choices, to cater to everyone’s preferences

But I feel too many choices overwhelm my senses

And in decision paralysis get me stuck

From which I only get out with some luck

*

These days I try to reduce the choices available to me

By selecting from the first two or three options I see

Or preemptively some choices I eliminate

So that decision-making I can facilitate

*

You can do in-depth research on every product you intend to buy

Some of the choices you can even try

Before you commit to them, but eventually lack of time and boredom

Force you to make choices at random

*

As much as a competitive market I appreciate

I wish there were fewer options on my plate

With a plethora of choices I never feel confident

That the best I’ve chosen among the choices present..

It is time, I have realized

For my identities to be reorganized

To shuffle my various identities around

Change up their order because I have not found

Contentment in my primary identity as a professional

That has become the default, but it is not intentional

Because my professional identity has been the hardest to attain

It does not imply that my primary identity it should remain

Just because my professional identity helps me pay the bills

Does not mean it is the identity that my cup fills…

*

I would like to embody the identities

Of a reader, a writer, a creator, because these

Are the ones that I’ve realized fill up

My parched soul, my empty cup

If I identify myself as an individual creative

A more inspired life I hope to live

Even though at this stage it is hard to tell

It might enhance my professional identity as well

The grass can be green on both sides

Which green you want to claim, you have to decide

*

The shades of green vary to some extent

After all the climate in both places is different

You tend to the grass in either place, and it does grow

Walking on a cushion of grass is the same, you know

*

Why do you watch the patch of grass you own

And worry about it being less green than the one unknown

Ask the owner of the grass on the other side

Compare the shades of green and decide..

*

I left pastures that were green enough

For ones I thought were greener, but it is tough

For me to compare the grass on both sides of the ocean

I lost some in relocation, but much was won

*

Having seen the color of grass here and there

I think the grass is equally green everywhere

If it appears greener on one side, I’ve realized

With rose-tinted glasses the grass is being visualized

Sometimes it seemed my entire life I had waited for someone

To give me permission to do what I wanted, but that person

Was a mythical figure, no one had appeared

To give me the needed permission or to allay my fears

The outcomes had been either one of two-

I found courage on my own to do what I want to do

Or kept waiting endlessly for permission

And did not move forward due to self-imposed inhibitions

*

Approval from the society was required, or so I was conditioned to believe

Therefore blessings from someone I felt like I needed to receive

Before starting an endeavor that was new

I had convinced myself it was the right thing to do

*

I had been holding myself back, I recently realized

Once I started permitting myself to do what I wanted, to my surprise

More doors began to open up for me

The ladder of success I began to climb steadily

*

To seek permission when I feel inclined

I grant it to myself in my mind

I have given myself permission to conquer my fears

And pursue the interests that I hold dear