Passion…unbridled

Some leaders are narcissistic and demand

Complete subservience, they need to have the upper hand

At all times- they can make or break

Their subordinates’ lives, everything is at stake

For the person who dares to challenge a leader like this in the face

The slightest demonstration of defiance has no place

In dealing with such a person, obsequiousness is the only way

One can out of sinister trouble stay

*

Someone at the mercy of an incorrigible narcissist

Starts wondering if this is the only way to exist

By being a sycophant at the cost of self-respect

Constant belittlement one comes to expect

Wondering if and how the pattern would break

Not “poking the bear” for sanity’s sake

*

When they look for advice someone is there to remind

That power is hierarchical, thus they find

That nothing ever changes, the prospect of leaving is also fraught

With graver repercussions that one could have thought

*

Trapped in an endless cycle it seems there is no way to exit

I can only hope in this situation that Karma does exist

I recall the exact moment when a thousand aspirations

Dissipated and shrank down to just one-

A stark contrast between the before and the after came

And to repeat a cliche, life was never again the same..

*

Diagnosis of a serious illness came as a blow

Though I delivered such news daily, I did not know

How profoundly life-altering the moment could be

When that sentence was delivered to me

*

All my hopes for the future were dashed

All the carefully constructed plans collapsed

As I went through the stages of grief, there was but one thought

Would I get better, and what would happen if I did not

*

Through months of darkness, I emerged on the other side

In “remission”, as my doctor proclaimed with unmistakable pride

I was a changed person, invested solely

In my health, my family and the community

Career achievements, ambitions, all took a backseat

My detachment from the material world seemed complete

*

A few years later, I’ve started making plans

For the future, at present it seems that I can

But I remember the time when my only wish

Was for the cancer to be vanquished

Someone healthy has a thousand wishes, someone ill just one

I’m grateful that the privilege to have hopes I was won..

The patient before me has several health conditions

That need to be addressed, I must find the most pressing ones

That I can try to fix in a short visit today

Unfortunately my patient has a lot to say

His anecdotes illustrate how his health has an impact

On his daily life, but in the interest of time, with as much tact

As I can muster, I interrupt him to tell him about my plan

I must wrap up the visit as fast as I can

I am being impatient, I am quite aware

In reality, it is not that I don’t care

I’ve already spent twice the amount of time allotted to me

There are other patients in the clinic that I need to see

While I would love to listen to that one patient, it would not be fair

To my other patients, for whom I would have less time to spare

*

Patience is a hard skill to master, for certain

It is even harder to practice when

You feel squeezed past the limits of efficiency

It seems difficult to listen patiently

To patients trying to tell you how they feel

In long-winded ways, you don’t have the time to deal

With their stories, you have to get to the next patient too

Running late with each patient is something you cannot afford to do

Because if you did, the workflow would stagnate

You cannot spend thirty minutes for every fifteen-minute visit on your template

*

Patience is not easy to summon on a busy day

But whenever unexpectedly I have extra time, I try to stay

A little longer in patients’ rooms to have conversations

About their lives, their concerns, their strengths and limitations

Not every visit can be as detailed, I know

I work on being patient each time things are slow

A pill prescribed for a specific condition Is perceived

As something potentially harmful, most people believe

That prescription medications should be minimized

More “natural remedies” should be advised

*

Though I agree wholeheartedly with the sentiment

I caution against “herbal supplements”

That seem attractive because they are supposed to be

Natural, and therefore harmless to the body

*

The supplement industry is growing by leaps and bounds

Supported by wellness influencers around

Promising quick fixes for a variety of ailments

For every chronic condition, there is an herbal supplement

*

Sometimes they work, and the cynic in me

Says that it is the placebo effect mostly

The active ingredient is possibly effective too

But I worry about all the harm they can do

*

The supplement industry is not closely regulated

The active ingredient can be as diluted or as concentrated

As the manufacturers want it to be

And this can lead to adverse effects unfortunately

When they interact with other medications prescribed

Serious consequences have been described

*

Not everything natural is harmless

The plant world does many poisons possess

Here’s a secret I would like people to know

Dose determines the level of toxicity, and so

An herb consumed as a spice mixed with food is different

From the same herb packaged in a concentrated supplement

*

The quick fixes that we would all desire

Do not exist, getting healthy requires

Following healthy practices consistently

The results present themselves gradually..

I am exhausted from seeing patients all day

My work remains incomplete, I need to stay

For an hour or two to complete notes on the patients I have seen

My “in-basket” full of test results and patient messages I must clean

I usually head home only after every task is complete

I do it every single day on repeat

Which means I am never home early enough

But staying late every day is tough

*

I am tempted to leave without completion

Of my work, it is up to my discretion

Whether to finish my paperwork the same day

But I just prefer to do it anyway

*

Out of exhaustion, I pack up and leave

It should not be hard to pick up the next day, I believe

But the following day, I scramble to get notes done

I’ve lost ground, I’m lagging behind some

The cycle continues and work piles up some more

Until I’m working on the weekend at the expense of household chores..

*

Either I stay late every day or my weekends sacrifice

I have to spend extra hours, and pay the price

Of constantly trying my best to orchestrate

Between work and home, a balance delicate

One positive thing about the internet

Is all the information you can get

Because anything and everything cam be shared

No embarrassing details are spared

You find out others deal with some of the same issues

That bother you, things that you would not choose

To discuss with anyone except your doctor or therapist in confidence

Are discussed in various forums, it gives you reassurance

That you are not alone with weird problems and thoughts

And if you keep searching, a remedy can be sought

*

On the same note, I used to think some interesting traits were peculiar to me

But I am not that unique, the internet helped me see

For every conceivable issue there is a community online

That depending on your interest you can find

*

You just have to be careful about what you share

Online forums can draw you in and ensnare

You in a complex web if you are not vigilant

It’s best to engage to a limited extent..

I feel unmotivated and uninspired

I think I am increasingly wired

To constantly chase experiences new

And when there are none, I don’t know what to do

*

The weather is fickle, work keeps me occupied

The state of the world is chaotic, and I’ve tried

To let go of all thoughts and spend time to meditate

But I fail to erase invasive thoughts and create

The headspace to let creative ideas appear

I don’t know in which direction my mind I can steer

*

I am failing to come up with plans for this year

Time is just passing me by, I fear

All the advice I’ve read on creating the life of my dreams

Has fallen flat, I cannot figure out even short-term plans, it seems..

*

A voice inside me whispers to just let it go

Live in the moment, go with the flow

In the absence of a better idea, I shall heed

This piece of advice, perhaps this us what I need

It’s the five-year anniversary of the day

That upended the world as we knew it in every way

It was a seismic shift away from the way we used to operate

The world was paralyzed in a fearful state

A novel virus our world order had disrupted

Seemingly out of nowhere a pandemic had interrupted

The way we conducted business in a world globalized

The enormity of the pandemic we had yet to realize

Six feet away, masked and afraid

Cooped up in our homes we stayed

*

Exactly five years ago the pandemic was declared

It is amazing to see how the world has since fared..

We adapted and innovated through our fears

The scars from the pandemic have not disappeared..

*

Five years down the road, the most heartwarming part for me

Is that the pandemic was something we experienced collectively

To instantly connect with almost anyone anywhere

One can just talk about the pandemic we all shared..

I open my work e-mail and the first one I see

By my first name addresses me

In the same group e-mail my male colleagues as Dr. _ are addressed

I am annoyed but there’s nowhere my annoyance can be expressed

*

I move on, and proceed to see the first patient of the day

Despite introducing myself as the doctor, I am called Ms. anyway

I am used to it, I do not give it much thought

These are not battles worthy of being fought

*

Another patient calls me “Honey” in a tone of condescension

The next one continues to call me a nurse, in his inattention

Despite my attempts to correct him- later a complaint I hear

That “the doctor has not been in here”

*

A new patient expresses surprise that I am not a man

I try to brush it away, with as much indifference as I can

Giving the patient the benefit of doubt- perhaps he was genuinely surprised

But unfortunately I did see the disappointment in his eyes

*

I tell myself not to worry about how I am perceived

Not being called a doctor does not take away the rigorous training I’ve received

But the micro-aggressions add up each time, leaving me demoralized

And this is something male physicians do not even realize..

I am trained to evaluate research papers critically

The underlying assumption being that I read the paper thoroughly

I pick up a medical journal and find an article to my practice relevant

To read it in its entirety is my noble intent

*

The abstract is promising, I continue to read

The introduction makes compelling arguments indeed

For the study rationale, the study design is simple enough

But reading through all the methodology is tough

*

I reach the results section but it is too detailed

A picture is worth a thousand words, so where words have failed

To keep me interested, figures come to my rescue

A careful look at the graphs should be sufficient too

*

Now comes the discussion- I have started losing my concentration

I skip through several paragraphs and get to the study limitations

The conclusion of the study I try to commit to memory

At the end of the day, that is the only information necessary

*

I’ve described reading an article when my motivation is high

More often than not, I just read the abstract, I won’t lie

My dwindling attention span is capable of absorbing less and less

Reading research articles is not my cup of tea, I confess

Are my brain cells dead or just dormant

Or are they overworked to such an extent

That I find it difficult to absorb information new

My memory does not serve me as well as it used to..

*

When I see my peers embarrassed I feel

My inability to remember I don’t want to reveal

I’m not that old, I need to ensure my grey cells last

A little longer, but I seem to be losing them fast

*

Though information is available readily, I have to rely

On what I remember, even though I try

To remember details from weighty journal articles, I fail

I use mnemonics and associations to no avail

*

My brain on a daily basis I exercise

But I tend to sleep poorly, therefore it’s no surprise

That my brain cells for heavy mental work seem unprepared-

My brain-washing system that works during sleep is impaired

*

Nostalgia sweeps over me as I think of bygone days

When my brain cells and memory worked in remarkable ways

To help me excel in my medical training

I regret how my mental faculties are waning

*

All I want to do is preserve the function of my brain

As long as possible, to be able to read and retain

New information, because in my profession I need

To be able to understand and act on what I read indeed

In an era marked by a sense of doom and gloom

The wellness industry has blossomed and boomed..

*

We are all overworked, stressed and sleep-deprived

Desperately looking for strategies to help us thrive

We find it difficult to eat right, regularly exercise

That we deal with chronic ailments comes as no surprise

We don’t feel well, therefore we chase

All kinds of wellness trends these days..

*

Wellness is a nearly seven trillion dollar industry

In pursuit of good health or an illusion of it, people spend money

Including yoga, nutritional supplements , mindfulness and meditation

Wellness devices, apps, procedures and a conglomeration

Of nontoxic and organic products- the sky is the limit here

As the wellness industry taps into people’s fears..

*

The future of wellness industry is bright

As stress from politics and extreme weather events we fight

In the future artificial intelligence would probably be able to make

Personalized recommendations for your wellness, a customized prescription that you can take

*

As for me, my life with sickness and health is intertwined

Many wellness fads do not register in my mind

But I believe a good night’s sleep is the best

Wellness hack, so I must go and rest