Passion…unbridled

Conspicuous consumption is a thing of the past

Current trend is the opposite of all things fast

Slow fashion is the mantra to follow these days

Reuse, recycle, repurpose in creative ways..

*

I definitely do not believe in use once and discard

But living a sustainable life with limited time is hard

It takes time and effort to provide adequate care

For your possessions, to clean, mend and repair

Some of these skills I’ve lost, others I did not

Ever develop, now that I give it a thought

Growing up in a society increasingly driven

Towards consumption, I was not given

Instruction in how to fix or repair

I could replace broken things cheaply, I just did not care

*

To live sustainably I must be able to

Repair old things, not just replace them with objects new

Find time to build a life sustainable and slow

Recycle and reuse, not just use and throw

If you are an opinionated woman, you probably

Have been labeled as being angry

If you lean towards feminist ideology

Again, you are perceived as a woman angry

Because you are disgruntled with the status quo

Because you refuse to just go with the flow

Because the established order you dare to question-

You are a disrupter, you create tension..

*

If you feel strongly enough to form an opinion definite

It is often because the established order does not sit

Well with you, at a disadvantage it places you

You have a right to object against injustice, you certainly do!

And when you exercise that right, you come across

As intimidating and formidable, you leave men at a loss

As to how to deal with you, therefore you are labeled

An angry woman, with the insinuation that you are mentally unstable..

*

Therefore, if you are a woman who is well-informed and opinionated

It is important that your opinions are stated

In a manner even-keel, without emotions on display

They would still call you angry anyway

But at least you are not feeding into their narrative

More power to the powerful you don’t need to give

My guests I really wanted to impress

I wanted to be an exemplary hostess

Using hand-picked fresh ingredients I wanted to prepare

A sumptuous spread with delectable fare

Starting early, gourmet items I bought

After having given the menu much thought

I selected the best produce I could find

To compose the feast I had in mind

Dietary restrictions were included too

In my thoughtfully crafted menu

*

From scratch I prepared each dish, with care

In cooking, no detail I tried to spare

After hours of effort exhausted I stood

To welcome my guests as best as I could

It turned out that several items on my menu elaborate

Were barely edible even for the most forgiving palate

The situation I salvaged, I was left with a bruised ego

For all my effort I had very little to show..

*

While chatting with friends one fine weekend

Spontaneously a dinner invitation I did extend

Without thinking it through- now I was committed

I had to come up with a menu in time limited

All the food stored in my house I checked out

Put together a few dishes not thinking about

Their gourmet value- I was trying to impress no one

In a few simple steps dinner preparation was done

*

That dinner with friends turned out to be

Actually the best in my recent memory

This meal was simple, but cooked from the heart

And that is what set the two scenarios apart..

I am a rule follower, usually afraid

To break norms, I believe there’s a price to be paid

Whenever you go against established protocol

Especially at work- therefore I cannot recall

The last time I was late, delinquent or absent

At work, at least by deliberate intent

And on the few occasions I failed to be timely

I was angry at myself, I felt quite guilty..

*

I don’t know why one day while I was stuck

In rush hour traffic, I felt like pushing my luck

And taking the next exit instead of heading to work

I wanted to be a truant, responsibilities I wanted to shirk

It sounded like a break from my life mundane

Excited about the prospect, I inched into the right lane

To take the next exit and drive far away

Dreaming of spending by myself a carefree day

*

When I came to the exit, I could not follow through

With my plan, my insecurities came to my rescue

And I drove to work, thinking of how irresponsible I would have been

If my wild plan had been realized, it would mean

Rescheduling my patients who needed medical care

Or overloading my colleagues, both of which would be unfair

The after-effects of my truancy would have been unpleasant

After returning home, I would have been repentant…

*

The nature of my work is intense, therefore no doubt

There are times when I feel like I am burning out

Traffic snarls and other annoyances add up too

Then I want to hide myself or run away, I do

But the rule follower in me reminds me I cannot

Just walk away, so I continue to work, and on second thoughts

I feel victorious when I power through a busy day

All my fantasies of truancy just fade away..

When my workday feels chaotic

I want to escape to someplace exotic

To the library after work I head

To find a book that when read

Draws me in into its pages such

That with the external world I lose touch

*

To plan my weekday escape I browse

Through books that my curiosity arouse

I read cover pages, try to find that one book for me

That would transport me elsewhere reliably

I retreat from my disordered world and lose

Myself among shelves as books I try to choose

*

As I contemplate the unassuming process of finding books in a library

I am filled with awe at its profound effect on me

The irritability with which I had entered this place

Has disappeared, with pleasant anticipation replaced

I am eager to read the “catch” of the day

And to an artful writer’s world, escape away!

I never find the world as unfair

As I do when I start to compare…

*

Why am I stuck in a less desirable place

Why do roadblocks I have to face

When I look around me, all I see

Success stories, people thriving and happy..

*

Wait, I was quite content yesterday

Then I came across someone today

Who does appear to have much more

My life now feels worse than before

Nothing changed, except that I found

Comparison to steal in a manner profound

My precariously held peace of mind

And I let my insecurities unwind..

*

When I go down the rabbit hole

Of comparison, to repair my injured soul

My blessings I have to count consciously

I realize with gratitude, I have so many

I have to be careful though, I must refrain

From falling into the comparison trap again

I don’t want to compare my blessings with anyone

When the whole reason behind this exercise was comparison!

*

The axis of my world is set right

Let me sleep contentedly tonight

Let me a beautiful life for myself envision

Devoid of envy brought by comparison

I start one task and then realize

Doing just one thing seems unwise

I should multitask in order to be more efficient

Doing one thing at a time is not sufficient

To complete my list of things to do

I must do mundane chores, but I also have to

Stay up-to-date, be a citizen well-informed

At home and at work, at my best I have to perform

Therefore I try to listen to a podcast as I cook

Or have a video lecture running at which periodically I look

Or just trying to cook multiple dishes simultaneously

Time is my most precious commodity…

*

Sometimes I multitask like an expert

But often I find that my scattered efforts

Lead to at least one thing not well done

Finding food burnt or extra salty is not fun

I do not grasp enough of what I hear

When I try to multitask, I fear…

*

The image of a superwoman who multitasks is etched on my mind

Despite knowing switching between tasks is detrimental I find

Myself going back to doing more than one thing

Then there is middle age that also brings

Slow decline in my cognition, therefore

“Multitasking” is not appropriate for me anymore…

The easiest thing in life is to

Make excuses just like I do

Find a reason to bail yourself out

Navigate tricky situations without

Being accountable to anyone

Including yourself, never taking action

Staying passive, being ready always

With excuses conjured in creative ways..

*

You slip through cracks, navigate your way

Through difficulties in life, until one day

There is no credible excuse that you can find

In that moment you have to galvanize your mind

And act to solve the problem before you

You have to prove there is something you can do..

*

You realize being proactive actually feels good

Instead of making excuses, you should

Try to see each problem as a challenge new

You did well being passive, who knows where action would take you?

I must be calm, composed, even keel

Regardless of inside how I feel

My efficiency should be the same day after day

“Excuses” I must always keep at bay

Of course these expectations are quite reasonable

I must bring my most professional self to the table..

*

Except,

I cannot feel the same all the time, unfortunately

My hormones affect my performance inevitably

My monthly cycle affects me in body and mind

Therefore there are days when myself I find

Less alert, more sensitive, more tired or in pain

I am not making excuses for any secondary gain

I understand that my professional responsibilities

Must not be subject to my hormonal vagaries..

I try my best for my body to not get in the way

Of work, but my hormones do not always let me have a say

*

In a career spanning decades I can expect to see

Short-lived changes in my body and mind invariably

Pregnancy, postpartum period, menopause- all would be

Expected milestones on my life’s journey

Battling nausea, mood swings and night sweats would be rough

To forget about my discomfort completely would be tough

No matter how hard I try, there would be

Times when I would not at my peak performance be…

*

I would like nothing better than to be able

To bring my consistent self to the table

I would like to perform the way men do

But I have to work with my hormones too

In completing projects and meeting deadlines

The phase of my monthly cycle is always at the back of my mind…

Some days I have energy and am able to push myself more

Other days I need to slow down because I am sore..

*

This is not a rant but reality for women

Despite this, they are capable of outperforming men!

In every meeting, there are ideas I want to bring forward

But I cannot articulate them convincingly, so they are rarely heard

By those who dominate meetings with their eloquence

Their ideas are average but their confidence

Ensures that people listen to what they say

And are convinced to follow them anyway…

*

How can I convincingly put forward my thoughts

When I doubt whether I am right or not

The imposter syndrome has a strong hold on me

It does not let me state my point of view confidently..

*

Therefore tongue-tied in many meetings I remain

From sharing my ideas emphatically I refrain

When I stay quiet, it is unfortunate

That a harmful stereotype I perpetuate-

Of women at work being perceived as less capable

For leadership roles, they are considered less suitable

*

I must work on self-confidence

Those feeling of imposter syndrome intense

I must learn to completely disregard

Expressing my ideas should not be that hard…

As an over-aged trainee in most fields of medicine

To survive, one has to develop a thick skin

No matter what you do, as a general rule

You are susceptible to being ridiculed

When you lack in knowledge or cannot

Meet the impossible standards that are thought

To be essential to making you competent

Despite working hard, to the maximum extent

Praise is not something you often get

Instead you are told to never forget

That your teachers worked hours endless

During their training, you work much less..

*

This trial by fire is essential to survive

In the real world of practice, where your passion and drive

Should propel you through fatigue and lack of sleep

In treating patients you have to delve into your knowledge deep

Gradually the rigorous curriculum that seemed tough

Starts making sense, all the hours spent training were not nearly enough

You thank your teachers for being hard on you

And making you capable of doing what you can do…

If I start a book, I feel like I have a moral responsibility

To finish it, otherwise an insult to the writer it would be

As a reader, I want to keep an open mind

The best parts of the book I am keen to find

Before I pick up a book to read, of course

I look at the cover thoroughly, I do not force

Myself to read if the subject does not resonate with me

But once I start reading a book, it’s a different story…

*

I don’t want to feel like a quitter, I guess

(Though I gladly leave films half-seen, I confess)

Once I start a book, I plow through it anyway

At least I have honored the writer’s intention, I say

Besides, as a physician I have learnt to read

Boring subject matter as part of a rigorous curriculum indeed

Therefore a book that I do not find exciting enough

I continue to read, though sometimes it is tough

*

I debated whether to add this here

I think my actions are driven by fear-

One day I hope I shall publish a book

And hope that readers would take a look

At my labor of love, and read the book in its entirety

To all writers out there, I want to extend the same courtesy..