Passion…unbridled

Sometimes I have trouble remembering where I kept my keys

And it terrifies me each time to think one day I would cease

To remember matters of greater consequence

The idea of memory loss brings with it distress intense

New memories I wouldn’t be able to form

At work I wouldn’t be able to perform

Who would I be if my brain does not cooperate

The mere thought of being in a demented state

Makes cold sweats run down my spine

I want to do everything to preserve my mind…

*

I must keep my body and mind engaged

In activity so that I do not get to the stage

Of overt dementia, I want to preserve

My precious brain cells, so that they continue to serve

Me in every sphere of life as well as they do

I must eat responsibly and get adequate sleep too

Interact and connect with people all around

Replay old memories in my head, experience nostalgia profound..

*

Who knows what age has in store for me

What would fail first, my mind or my body

I know I must sleep now, because memories consolidate

In the stillness of a slumberous state

Most of the stories I have read

Most of the history my mind has been fed

Has come from the voices of those who dominated

Over countries and people, they have narrated

History from their point of view

But I want to hear from the other side too

Those who were subjugated, those who were forced

Against their will, I want to source

My comprehension of the world from their side

I want to learn the stories narrated with pride

Of their struggles, their frustrations, their powerlessness

In the face of tyranny and oppression relentless

Of how their collective consciousness was shaped

By the constant undermining they faced..

*

When I have the privilege to meet people from different lands

I hope to hear their unvarnished stories, I hope to understand

The world as they see it, which differs frequently

From the dominant narrative drilled into me

*

Every story deserves to be told

That is how the truth unfolds

Why should only the victor’s narrative

In the public knowledge live

When we see history from a different lens

The world begins to make more sense

Equity begins when everyone has a voice

To tell our stories, we all should have a choice

Read every message, every e-mail

As soon as it is received, without fail

And compose a reply to the message sent

To act immediately should be the intent..

Answering promptly is a way of showing respect

For the sender’s time, by not showing neglect

You would be perceived more favorably

You would enhance your networking capacity..

*

To this culture of immediacy I find it hard to subscribe

It causes me unease that I cannot quite describe

To see and respond to a message immediately

Fragments my time and reduces my productivity

Once I am distracted by a message, it is hard to get back

To the work at hand, therefore the best productivity hack

For me is to schedule specific times during the day

To check messages and e-mails and answer them away..

*

I want to take time to understand the messages sent

To thoughtfully compose replies is my intent

That takes time, and cannot be

Accomplished with a looming sense of urgency

*

If you’ve sent me a message be prepared to wait a day or two

The most appropriate reply I want to send to you…

An unpleasant thought enters my mind

And an inexplicable urge I find

To replace it with a more palatable thought

The original thought has perturbed me, I cannot

Wait for it to exit my consciousness and make way

For another, more pleasant thought to enter and stay

*

What if I could merely a passive observer be

The thought passing through my mind I would see

Without reacting to the emotions that the thought

Would unfortunately to the surface have brought

Once the thought passed by, an empty space I would find

A vast sea of silence and tranquility in my mind

I would let my mind stay there, of thoughts devoid

Until another thought floated in to fill the void..

If I could then observe the new thought similarly

Without reacting with emotion, I could train myself to be

Comfortable with the empty space in my mind

In this fast-paced world, peace I might be able to find

I think therefore I can thrive

I think, because I have the drive

To maximize my potential and productivity

I try to engage my grey cells to their capacity

I don’t know any other way to live

Much importance to careful thought I give

I rarely rely on intuition alone

I think and sift through all data known

*

As I grow older I am beginning to realize

Perhaps I think too much, it may not be wise

To overthink each decision like I do

I should learn to go with my gut feeling too

I think too much and give myself the illusion

Of being in control, while my mind is embroiled in confusion

*

I had been trained to consciously weigh

All pros and cons of a situation, to never throw away

Caution to the winds, but sometimes this strategy

Gives me completely avoidable anxiety

*

I am trying to learn to trust my instinct

And go with the flow, not overthink…

Your social media posts on the internet

Live forever, they do not let you forget

The past- your old posts show up in memories

Sometimes it’s from the past a pleasant breeze

You see old pictures and wonder how time has flown

You marvel at how your children have grown..

*

Then there are the old posts that you now find

Extremely cringeworthy, you wonder what was going through your mind

That you wrote something like that for the whole world to see

Now they appear ridiculous, childish or incorrect politically..

*

If you critically evaluate your posts longitudinally

How social media and you yourself have evolved, you would see

What was once innocuous to post may no longer be so

You have grown older, you also do not want the world to know

About everything you do, you are more aware

Of privacy settings, you do not dare

To give too much of yourself away

Like you unknowingly did back in the day

*

You post stuff that appears appropriate now

May be in ten years, you would wonder how

You could have posted something like that indeed

When old posts surface in your social media feed

What happened to us in healthcare that we

Have collectively experienced moral injury

That throughout the spectrum of healthcare we face

Increasing distress and burnout in the workplace..

*

High achievers and industrious workers we had always been

But the pandemic brought challenges unprecedented and unseen

Our coping mechanisms were stretched thin

Yet we thought with vaccines and treatments we would win

The pandemic ended, but exposed deep systemic issues in its wake

Our resilience could no longer keep up, we were ready to break..

*

Some of us broke down and left healthcare

Some decided to disengage and not care

Some of us are still trying to compensate

For systemic failures by overloading our plates

Feeling unmotivated and burnt out

Still inside but looking for an escape route

Feeling guilty because burnout is supposed to be

An individual failing, its avoidance individual responsibility

*

When so many healthcare workers have faced moral injury

The onus partly lies on organizations to see

That healthcare workers have the resources they need

To minimize the impact of such injury indeed

I see a shooting star and want to wax poetic

I want it to be a sign, a vision prophetic

Then I chide myself because it is just an astronomical body

Nothing extraordinary about it, don’t know why anybody

Would ascribe romantic connotations to a meteor in the sky

I feel a bit silly thinking about movie-style romance, I won’t lie..

*

A vibrant sunset with the sky colored in vivid hues

I witness on the the horizon, I marvel at the view

I feel a sense of awe, I want to stop and stare

At the sun going down, but I do not dare

To be so impractical as to waste precious time

In doing nothing but watching a sunset sublime..

*

A cardinal I see in my backyard, I am mesmerized

By its flame-red plumage, I admire it wide-eyed

When it flies away to another perch, out of my sight

I feel a bit disappointed, but that feeling I fight

I know there are bird-watchers but I am not one anyway

Staring at a beautiful bird is not how I should spend my day..

*

There are times when I experience awe in a regular day

But instead of savoring that experience, I tend to walk away

From the scene, convincing myself it is of little value

To spend time thus, that I have productive tasks to do

In writing this verse I realize how cynical I’ve become

That the wonders of nature seem to me bothersome…

*

Next time the universe showcases its splendor to me

I shall take a pause, and immerse myself fully

Into the scene, soak in the feeling of amazement

To let my romantic fantasies loose would be my intent

I am always surprised to see how food can become

A source of conflict and friction for some

How food is prepared and how it is eaten

Is rooted deeply in culture, and when

Dietary preferences are questioned it appears to be

An attack on your culture and your family

Without meaning to, you become defensive

Towards the food from your culture you feel protective

To return things to their prior state amicable

Needs resolution of differences in the food on the table..

*

Food is an emotion, I came across this statement today

And it resonated with me in a profound way

Food from our roots provides deep solace

When criticism regarding our food we face

There is a threat to our sense of comfort

We interpret it as a personal hurt..

*

So in a feast where multicultural people gather

Where different cuisines and food traditions come together

We can eat what we like and try not to be

Critical of others’ preferences and traditions culinary

Food was meant to unite not divide

While eating let cultural differences be kept aside

I am being pulled in different directions simultaneously

(And that is a usual work day for me)

I think I can handle it all, this is an occurrence frequent

I should be adept at multitasking, at being present

For the smorgasbord of decisions that need to be made

But I get flustered, stumble as I try to wade

Through the muddy waters of complex decisions

That are quite subjective, with a low degree of precision

*

With too many decisions when I am faced

It often gets impossible for me to place

Them in the right order of priority

With that comes a hit to my efficiency

Which leaves me profoundly dissatisfied

I feel like I’ve failed despite having tried..

*

One such day I felt overwhelmed completely

The next step to take I just could not see

In the midst of this decision paralysis I walked away

Stepped outside in the sun to enjoy the beauty of the day

Felt rejuvenated and then returned

To work with renewed vigor, here was a lesson learned

*

There is a lot to do that can be frustrating

When I get overwhelmed I am now educating

Myself to take a moment to regain

My composure, so that I remain

Focused when and where I need to be

I’m learning to step away and get clarity..

To the exclusion of everything else in life, I had tried

To make work my primary focus, I did not try to hide

That in almost everything else, my performance

Was subpar, therefore my energy and focus intense

Were devoted to work almost exclusively

I had made work my sanctuary

*

I tried to invest much in work and the workplace

And did not realize that for others that space

Was not as cherished as it was for me

I expected too much from my work family

I loved work so much that objectivity I could not maintain

In the end that attachment to work gave me much pain

*

I tried to love work but work did not reciprocate

I tried to give it my best but I ruefully state

That the more I gave, the more it expected of me

I tried even harder, because I could not see

That work would never love me back

That a reciprocal relationship I would always lack

*

I started paying more attention to everything else around

There was joy and satisfaction to be found

Once the tenacious attachment to work I let loose

Fulfillment in other areas of life I could choose

The quality of my work actually improved

When my unhealthy focus on work was removed

Many years have gone by in learning how to build

A life for myself and my family, now I’ve fulfilled

Most of the goals I had set out to achieve in the past

I have made a comfortable life for us at last

From the society I have taken up resources for my needs

Now I must find a way to give back indeed

*

A passion project is what I need to explore

Something that makes me want to work harder, strive for a bit more

Something into which I can pour my heart

Something that combines science and art

In a way that benefits my immediate community

Something that quenches the restlessness within me…

*

I have many ideas but at present they seem to be

Tangled in complex webs of uncertainty

Let me try to untangle the yarns and find

The ideas that resonate most with my mind

There is a will now, there should be a way

I hope to find it soon, one day