Passion…unbridled

I look at my child wistfully, wishing that he

Would be interested in or excel at a particular activity

Like every parent, I want him to have a future bright

I want him to do everything considered “right”

And then I remind myself- he is his own person indeed

To expect something from him is a reflection of my need

To realize my unfulfilled dreams, which I am trying to do vicariously

The trouble, then, does not lie in what he is doing but squarely with me…

*

It is hard to know in parenting where to draw the line

Encouraging and guiding children is fine

But when our aspirations we inadvertently place

On our children, the consequences they have to face

Each time I try to force my son into something, I look within

To uncover if I am trying to live my dreams through him..

*

My child is under no obligation

To lead my dreams to actualization

Let him chase his desires, and let me

Extend my support unconditionally

Each time I sit down and drift

Into a daydream, I feel a shift

In my perception when I come back

To the real world, I notice I lack

The otherwise omnipresent sense of urgency

I feel I’ve developed complacency

Though the feeling is transient, and soon I find

Productivity anxiety creeping up in my mind

*

When I daydream, time seems to dilate

I want to stay in that trance-like state

For a little longer, daydreaming helps me slow down

Just enough to relax me all around

*

In the course of a busy and intense day

I need an escape- daydreaming provides me a way

Of temporarily leaving the real world behind

And that does wonders for my hyper-charged mind

(And many thanks to those who give feedback!)

It would be nice if I could express myself well

If my story in a more compelling manner I could tell

But I fumble for words, and cannot quite get

The right expression for the desired effect

What I say does not come across the way I intend

Later I ruminate over better ways to send

My thoughts out in the world for others to know

What I want, I wish my words could accurately show..

*

I am trying to gain insight that I lack

By looking actively for feedback

I know for criticism I should be prepared

Even if it is hurtful I should not be scared

I cannot improve in a vacuum I’m aware

I shall learn more if more I share..

I’ve seen people in powerful positions occupy

As much space in a room as they can, they try

To make their presence felt in such a way

That others retreat and don’t have much left to say

*

At the other extreme I seem to lie

To occupy as little space as I can, I try

I want to be known through my work, not my appearance

It does not matter to me whether people notice my presence

*

But I feel discouraged when my work unnoticed goes

I don’t take up much space, so no one knows

Who I am or what I do, I blend in the background

Words compared to actions make a louder sound

*

I realize in societal norms this is rooted

Women not taking up much space is suited

To patriarchal agenda- most men do not find

Taking up more space to be an issue, it’s their right in their minds

*

In this competitive world if I wish to thrive

To make my presence known I need to strive

And take up more space than I now do

I shall place myself front and center too

I leave work on time for once, I am ecstatic

I’ve worked all day with the single-minded focus of a fanatic

I am looking forward to spending a few hours at leisure

Read or watch something for my pleasure

I want to make the most of my evening today

Getting work done early is rare for me anyway

*

I try to settle down with a book and find

I’ve left work physically but my mind

Has not- the events of the day

Heavily on my mind continue to weigh

I’m still wrapped up in my patients’ ailments

Much to my own mental health’s detriment

I dealt with life and death at work, and now

I am unable to break away somehow..

*

I coax myself to shift my gears and pay attention

To the book before me, it is my intention

To completely immerse myself in the book

But I keep interrupting my reading to go back and look

At work-related content on my device

That I do not enjoy my evening should come as no surprise..

*

The inability to break free from work mentally

Has been taking a huge toll on me

This is where I sorely need

To treat work as work indeed

And forget about it when I walk in the door

Of my home, not obsess over it anymore

How did we get to the point where we

Struggle so hard to get healthy?

*

We forgot we were meant to sleep at night

Now research shows our ancestors were right

The brain gets rid of waste during sleep

And that is how our mental faculties we keep

*

We seem to have forgotten how to cook well

To eat fast and processed foods we feel compelled

How did we come to assume that artificial “low calorie” stuff

Was better for us, that real food was not good enough?

*

We devised lifestyles where movement was least required

And after obtaining luxuries desired

We realized we were not getting enough exercise

We started searching for ways to prioritize

Exercise that used to be built into our days

To move more, we try to come up with creative ways

*

Sometimes I wish we would just go back a century

And learn how life in those days used to be

If we were to observe people in that era with an open mind

Invaluable clues to maintaining our health we could find

With the wisdom of old times and advancements in medical knowledge new

We can achieve optimal health too

It is hard to change but there is one trait

That I would really like to cultivate-

Patience unfortunately is not a virtue I possess

And impatience often comes in the way of success

With any endeavor in which I get involved

With a little patience, more problems in my life would be solved..

*

When you are always on the go

You want to control the flow

Of events in your life, impatient you become

When at your desired speed things don’t get done

Impatience leads to anger and dissatisfaction

And worsens with everyone else your interaction

That does not help speed things, and you

Become increasingly frustrated too

*

I hope with more patience I would not get frustrated as fast

One needs to wait for good things that last

I must give up the need for constant control

And go with the flow, let things at their own pace roll

*

I am being impatient now, a deep breath I should take

And calm myself down for my own sake

Each time I realize my impatience I resolve

To slow down, let problems at their pace to be solved

Many interesting things in my prolonged training I’ve seen

Multiple times in my career, a novice I have been

Those days are now over, sometimes I yearn

For those novitiate days when my goal was to learn

When the learning curve used to be steep

The climb was exhilarating- that enthusiasm I wish I could keep

As a new trainee, at the bottom of the totem pole I would be

But learning new skills was so exciting for me

That I did not care about my place in the hierarchy

I believed I would climb higher eventually..

*

These days I am no longer officially

A student, a learner or a trainee,

It takes much more effort to imbibe

New concepts and skills, though I strive

To keep up with the advances in my field

My efforts no longer similar results yield

The learning curve keeps flattening every year

My knowledge would soon become out of date, I fear…

*

If only I could trick my brain to believe

That I am a novice trainee, maybe I would achieve

The ability to climb a learning curve that is steep

Maybe my zeal for learning I would be able to keep

I sometimes wish I could spend all day

Pouring random thoughts on paper in a way

That would unfold like an eclectic combination

Of work, creativity and a therapy session

If I could just be in touch with my soul

Write and make broken pieces of me whole

If I could capture every emotion I feel

And weave it in words in order to heal

If each time I felt awe in I could

Translate it into a verse, in my own way I would

Preserve in perpetuum that sensation sublime

To be able to re-experience it through my words any time..

*

I know this is wishful thinking, I have “real” work to do

Each time I feel inspired, I cannot drop everything to

Pour my heart into words, I cannot exist in a fantasy state

But whenever I can, I escape the world and my world of words create

Meteoric rise and precipitous fall

She had climbed high to be loved by all

Basking in the glory of fickle success

On top of the world, by good fortune blessed..

*

No, success did not go to her head

She remained squarely grounded instead

But there were fans and then there were trolls

The latter trying to script her downfall

*

Who knew one question answered on an impulse

Would lead to such disastrous results

Overnight the trolls took her down

She was canceled, they stole her crown

Barely out of the blush of adolescence

She had not yet acclimated to scrutiny intense

Her answer had unfortunately been

“Politically incorrect”, she had not foreseen

The backlash coming at her with ferocity such

That she could barely comprehend it much

From derogatory comments to death threats

To every form of mental torture she was subject

*

The rise was a dream, the fall was tough

She had to course through waters rough

From social media she took a long break

She knew a while recovery would take

Tik-tok and instagram still strike

Terror in her, a trigger word for her is “like”

But offline her life is returning to normalcy

A social media star she has no desire to be

Is it just me or other middle-aged women feel this too…

I am slowing losing my mind, I do not know what to do

When my mental faculties do not appear

To be as sharp as they were, and I fear

If early onset dementia is creeping up on me

I am at a productive age, why can I not multitask efficiently?

*

I get worried and try to pay extra attention

To my work- I have the lofty intention

Of ignoring all distractions around me

That does not quite happen, obviously

I keep trying to multitask and find

I have reduced concentration and a muddled mind..

*

Then comes a day when the task at hand

Draws me in so completely that nothing can stand

Between me and my concentration, my work without distraction gets done

And I feel like a small victory I have won

Over my declining mental faculties, but then I realize

It was the lack of multitasking that had me galvanized

To the task before me, my focus was intense

For only one thing was my mind present

*

Distractions are increasing these days

But trying to multitask is not the best way

To use my mental faculties that cannot

Keep up with the relentless onslaught

Of distracting stimuli coming from everywhere

By focusing on one task at a time, let me treat my mind with care

In English language, I speak and write quite well

On how I formulate my sentences, I don’t often dwell

I am focused on the content, I don’t pay

Attention to grammar, I must say

*

I had not realized grammar had anything to do

With a person’s personality and worldview

Until I came across a thought-provoking book

That professed grammar affected one’s outlook

*

It helps to change from passive to active voice

If to assert yourself more strongly you have made a choice

Placing punctuation marks strategically is a powerful tool

Where the sentence can be changed without bending any rule..

By using the conjunction “but” you improve your storytelling ability

You create an expectation before the “but” and then dash it quickly

*

Once we’ve learnt grammar we don’t stop to think

How we construct our sentences, or what the link

Between the grammatical construction of our sentences, and

The rest of our life happens to be, we don’t understand

How grammar shapes our outlook on life and how our outlook

Determines how we speak and write, how we use the rule book..

*

When I write, I focus on the content, then the words, and now

I shall focus on the grammar, in order to allow

The best possible version of my writing to emerge

Let the plot, the words, and their placement all converge