Passion…unbridled

The world sometimes seems to tell me that I should

Start believing that greed is good

To work hard, greed would propel me

Elevate my standard in my community

In a world with resources finite, I would attract

More resources towards myself in fact

And when I work hard and produce more

My community would reap the benefits for sure

More resources would further opportunity give

To those around me, so that more people would live

In greater prosperity, creating a cycle positive

Thus greed would be the gift that continues to give..

*

I don’t know if greed is good or not

Greed has led to many wars being fought

Though businesses have boomed because of greed

It has served to increase dissatisfaction indeed

Greed has the potential to make someone exploitative

It is a never-ending curse, not the gift that continues to give

You go through life, through your work day

Interacting with people along the way

You feel busy, maybe productive, but you do not know

If your work makes a difference, you just go with the flow

Nestled somewhere deep inside your heart

Is a desire to make an impact that lasts

You do not really know how to measure

The actual impact of your endeavors..

*

Therefore when unexpectedly you receive

An expression of gratitude, at first it is hard to believe

When someone says your work has turned their life around

You experience joy and satisfaction profound

To positively influence even one person’s life is tough

But being able to help just one person is enough…

What if this one life is just not enough

What if in my time on earth it is tough

To accomplish all the lofty goals

To do justice to all the roles

I’ve had the good fortune to be assigned?

To fulfill my obligations I hope I’m destined

I hope I don’t leave unfinished business

I don’t want to leave behind any mess

For my loved ones to sort out after me

I want to tie every loose end neatly…

*

A life lived to the fullest, without major regrets

Most goals achieved, with no reasons to fret

About unrealized dreams and aspirations buried

To live a life replete with experiences varied

Is what I hope for- to make my time on earth

Count for something, be of some worth

*

No one knows the future, but I can start today

Focus on designing my life in a

meaningful way

Celebrate this one precious life given to me

With joy, intention, gratitude and humility

I simply meant to compliment my friend

To examine my biases I did not intend..

You look fabulous, thus started my comment

And that could have been the extent

Of my sentence- but further adjectives I did add

You’ve lost weight, you look younger- now isn’t it sad

That the biases I hold and that are prevalent

Can be easily disguised as compliments..

*

In a world where thinness and youth are placed

At the pinnacle of achievement, women face

Judgment on their perceived age and size

Being thin and looking young are epitomized

As the ideals to strive for, and those who have reached

Those ideals must be applauded indeed…

By extending my compliment to include youth and size

I revealed my implicit biases, I now realize

What’s more, I judge myself through the same lens

When I gain weight or look older, I feel dissatisfaction intense

When I get a compliment similar to mine

I confess I feel I am on cloud nine..

*

Of course genuine compliments should be given liberally

But it’s time to make them bias and judgment free

Swelter and sweat

In the heat, dry or wet

Retreat indoors

Crank the AC some more..

Forest fires and smoke

The sky in haze cloaked

Apocalyptic floods elsewhere

Torrential rains, water everywhere

Relentlessly the glaciers shrink

Bridges and levees sink

Temperatures to new highs soar

Breaking records, then some more

Some shake their heads, some cry

That climate change is real, some deny

None of us knows exactly what to do

A pandemic we’ve just been through

Negative news we want to ignore

As the world heats up some more…

*

The promise that summer used to bring

Is fading away, let it not be something

That we simply learn to endure

Humankind has a responsibility to ensure

That our source of sustenance does not transform

Into a calamitous destructive form..

So many moments of my day are spent

In repetitive tasks, relying to a great extent

On conditioned reflexes, they do not need

To engage my brain power indeed

As I go about these chores I find

Random thoughts float in and out of my mind

Mostly they are rooted in the stressors I face

Taking my mind to an unpleasant space

Thus I go through mundane tasks of the day

Physically in one place, mentally far away..

I am learning this is not the best way to live

My attention to every moment I should give

*

In the beginning, honestly, it seems somewhat absurd

In all these years it has not occurred

To me to appreciate the million moments

Of daily life, so when I try to implement

Mindfulness in tasks mundane, silly I feel

Nothing extraordinary this exercise seems to reveal

But as I get better at pushing intrusive thoughts away

I start enjoying the simple tasks in my day

When I focus on what is in front of me

Stressful thoughts are unable to gain entry

Into the finite recesses of my brain

Leaving me calmer, and hopefully more sane…

*

My fast brain had been urging me

To shortcut my way through life evidently

Let my slow brain take over, and let me

Build a life of intentionality…

I would feel compelled to have the last word

Back in the day you would have heard

Me trying to counter every point someone made

With one of my own, not much attention I paid

To understand the other person’s point of view

I had to chime in with my opinion too

An unfortunate habit of mine it became

I have no one but myself to blame

*

As with other mistakes we make unwittingly

I realized my folly when someone did the same to me

This person would counter me on every issue

Soon I realized to my chagrin that I did this too..

*

Once I understood how annoying this could be

I consciously tried to bring about change within me

I tried to listen patiently to what people had to say

And refrain from counter-arguments just to get my way

I realized that I had not really been trying to comprehend

People’s views- to impose my opinions on them was my intent

When I really took the time to listen, I did find

To give my opinion freely, I was rarely inclined

*

It is easier to chime in to have the last word

It is harder to let someone else be heard

I am often tempted to offer my point of view

But ignoring that impulse is what I mostly do

By being as critical as you are

Are you indicating that grapes are sour?

*

Often, when I open my mouth to criticize

Divine intervention has made me realize

That this is a manifestation indeed

Of my insecurities, my pressing need

To justify what I lack and what I long to possess

The deficiency exacerbated by someone else’s success

And I become hypercritical as a way

Of keeping my intense disappointment at bay

It is a defense mechanism of the ugliest sort

Unfortunately to such lowly behavior I tend to resort…

*

Someone has been watching out for me

Therefore the folly of my ways I can see

When I am being critical, I take a step back

And introspect honestly about what I lack

I consciously try to stop then and there

My grapes are sour, I am acutely aware..

Vanity is a flaw so deeply ingrained

It is hard to not be vain

And attempt to look my best

Placing different poses to test

While getting my pictures snapped

I find myself completely wrapped

In selfish pursuit of looking great

So I can my vanity satiate..

*

Wherever I look, beautiful people I see

Slender, fit, dressed impeccably

I feel compelled to elevate

My sartorial sense to imitate

That seemingly impossible perfection

I spend hours gazing at my reflection

In the mirror to see if I can refine

My sense of style, and better define

The features of myself that I like best

And hide the ones that I detest

*

As I write these words, embarrassed I feel

What a vain side of me they reveal

In comparing with others my appearance

I invite in my life dissatisfaction intense

I am comparing the real life me

To someone’s reel life invariably

It seems ridiculous on assessment objective

But that is not how these days we live…

*

Let me see beautiful people and freely admire

Their sense of style, let me get inspired

To improve myself, but let me steer myself away

From comparing myself to anyone in any way

(To all those who long to write their stories- write, for catharsis, write, to heal from trauma)

Some day I shall feel compelled

To write, to narrate the story I long to tell

To share with the world that pivotal event

That changed my life to a massive extent

A change binary, that bisected time for me

Into a before and an after, irrevocably

Though it was a seismic life shift, profound

It was imperceptible to everyone around

I have adapted silently, swept my secret

Under an ordinary life’s unexceptional carpet

*

This life-altering event, I cannot deny

Shall influence how I live until I die

Unseen by anyone else, it has shaped me

If not for this, I would have turned out differently

I carry the story of my struggle inside

The trials and triumphs I view with pride

Sometimes I feel the burden is too much to bear alone

And I want to share my story, make it known

*

Some day I’ll pen my story and find

The ultimate catharsis for my soul and mind

A part of me struggles to reconcile, still,

With what happened, writing my story might fill

That gap and make me fully embrace

The life-alteration I’ve had to face

Listless, restless, aimless

Thus wanders my mind

Unfocused, unable to process

Ready to break free from the grind..

*

Be mindful, chides my inner critic

See, listen, focus, pay attention

My mind tries (half-heartedly) every trick

To be present is not its intention

*

Stop wasting time, it’s precious indeed

Admonishes my inner voice

My mind fails to increase its speed

Dismissing the admonishment as mere noise

*

I am being stifled, cries out my mind

I need a recharge, a change of pace

I go for a walk outside, and find

My mind has settled in a better place

*

There intersected my body and mind

My mind was stimulated by movement indeed

Each time I am stuck, myself I remind

That physical activity is what I need..

I slept fewer hours, it came at a cost

I thought I was being productive, but I lost

Precious hours fighting fatigue the next day

Regretting the misguided zeal that made me stay

Up past my bedtime the night before

Impaired concentration and muscles sore

Irritability and impatience at the world

Lack of sleep had a monster unfurled

The pleasure of accomplishing a project late

Morphed in to indifference in my sleep-deprived state

My day seemed wasted, I dragged my feet

To get through the day seemed like a big feat

Until I hit my bed and fell asleep

I kept falling into an abyss dismally deep

Filled with negativity, anger and despair

That only a good night’s sleep could repair