Passion…unbridled

Vanity is a flaw so deeply ingrained

It is hard to not be vain

And attempt to look my best

Placing different poses to test

While getting my pictures snapped

I find myself completely wrapped

In selfish pursuit of looking great

So I can my vanity satiate..

*

Wherever I look, beautiful people I see

Slender, fit, dressed impeccably

I feel compelled to elevate

My sartorial sense to imitate

That seemingly impossible perfection

I spend hours gazing at my reflection

In the mirror to see if I can refine

My sense of style, and better define

The features of myself that I like best

And hide the ones that I detest

*

As I write these words, embarrassed I feel

What a vain side of me they reveal

In comparing with others my appearance

I invite in my life dissatisfaction intense

I am comparing the real life me

To someone’s reel life invariably

It seems ridiculous on assessment objective

But that is not how these days we live…

*

Let me see beautiful people and freely admire

Their sense of style, let me get inspired

To improve myself, but let me steer myself away

From comparing myself to anyone in any way

(To all those who long to write their stories- write, for catharsis, write, to heal from trauma)

Some day I shall feel compelled

To write, to narrate the story I long to tell

To share with the world that pivotal event

That changed my life to a massive extent

A change binary, that bisected time for me

Into a before and an after, irrevocably

Though it was a seismic life shift, profound

It was imperceptible to everyone around

I have adapted silently, swept my secret

Under an ordinary life’s unexceptional carpet

*

This life-altering event, I cannot deny

Shall influence how I live until I die

Unseen by anyone else, it has shaped me

If not for this, I would have turned out differently

I carry the story of my struggle inside

The trials and triumphs I view with pride

Sometimes I feel the burden is too much to bear alone

And I want to share my story, make it known

*

Some day I’ll pen my story and find

The ultimate catharsis for my soul and mind

A part of me struggles to reconcile, still,

With what happened, writing my story might fill

That gap and make me fully embrace

The life-alteration I’ve had to face

Listless, restless, aimless

Thus wanders my mind

Unfocused, unable to process

Ready to break free from the grind..

*

Be mindful, chides my inner critic

See, listen, focus, pay attention

My mind tries (half-heartedly) every trick

To be present is not its intention

*

Stop wasting time, it’s precious indeed

Admonishes my inner voice

My mind fails to increase its speed

Dismissing the admonishment as mere noise

*

I am being stifled, cries out my mind

I need a recharge, a change of pace

I go for a walk outside, and find

My mind has settled in a better place

*

There intersected my body and mind

My mind was stimulated by movement indeed

Each time I am stuck, myself I remind

That physical activity is what I need..

I slept fewer hours, it came at a cost

I thought I was being productive, but I lost

Precious hours fighting fatigue the next day

Regretting the misguided zeal that made me stay

Up past my bedtime the night before

Impaired concentration and muscles sore

Irritability and impatience at the world

Lack of sleep had a monster unfurled

The pleasure of accomplishing a project late

Morphed in to indifference in my sleep-deprived state

My day seemed wasted, I dragged my feet

To get through the day seemed like a big feat

Until I hit my bed and fell asleep

I kept falling into an abyss dismally deep

Filled with negativity, anger and despair

That only a good night’s sleep could repair

I am not doubting whether I am good enough

It’s just that my inner self-critic is loud today

I have to navigate through waters rough

Through the negativity I have to forge my way

That self-critic is being especially annoying

Trying to get my attention in any manner it can

But I shall prevent it’s screeching voice from destroying

My confidence- I have to execute my plan

I turn a deaf ear deliberately to that voice

I pretend its proclamations are white noise

To not heed my inner critic is now my choice

Whether I’m good enough or not, I go ahead with equipoise

How does she learn to be

The powerful woman that she

Aspires to be, to make her presence known

To not have her opinions blown

Away by those to whom it comes naturally

How to take up extra room comfortably…

She has imbibed some ideas throughout childhood

She has learnt repeatedly that she should

Not take up space, that her presence

Should not cause any inconvenience

To anyone else, therefore she should not

Unreservedly share her opinions or thoughts

If she does wish to do so, they must be

Positive, encouraging, complimentary..

She must be nurturing and gentle

She should never appear critical..

*

With the kind of narrative she has drilled in her mind

It is no wonder she finds herself left behind

In the professional sphere where she must learn

To be assertive, take up space, share her opinion

She can compliment people but being critical when there is a need

Does not come naturally to her indeed

The professional world is brutal, kind it would not be

To her, if she does not follow their rule book apparently

*

She has resolved to change the narrative

For the next generation, she wants to give

Young girls the message that they must not refrain

From voicing their opinions, taking up space without having to explain

Their actions to anyone who has a fixed mindset

They don’t have to meet anyone’s idea of perfect..

*

Good girls don’t make history, bold girls do

Being sensibly bold should be the quality girls aspire to

Sometimes the picture is instagram-perfect

But most of the time, I can spot a defect

In the picture which renders it less than

The model of perfection, I known I can

Edit the photograph it and use filters until

The picture has accommodated to my will

Sometimes I do not a satisfactory effect

Then I retake the picture until perfect

I try various angles, contort my body in a way

That the best composition comes into play

Arguably photographers do that for a living

But the latest ways of taking photographs are so forgiving

That getting a perfect shot is within anyone’s reach

Be it a dramatic selfie or sunset on a beach..

*

Capturing the perfect photograph comes at a cost

In giving attention to a picture, attention to the moment is lost

True, a picture can be stored and viewed a thousand times over

But the pleasure of being in the moment is lost forever..

*

Between preserving the memory and enjoying the moment

The struggle in my mind is constant

Mostly the desire to capture the perfect shot wins

Occasionally I fully want to immerse in

The magic of the moment, and then I forget

About pictures that would never be perfect..

I know that money can buy privilege

In negotiations, having money gives one leverage

That smartness alone cannot provide

Money opens doors more wide..

*

There is art in how wealth is displayed

Not too ostentatious, a bit downplayed

Yet expressed with quiet confidence that comes

From knowing that in exclusive circles one is welcome..

*

While having money opens more doors

Having excessive wealth does force

People to conduct themselves with care

Critical eyes do not the wealthy spare..

*

I know the subject of money evokes

Strong emotions, often it provokes

People to vehemently defend their stand

“It’s not about money”- they hope you understand

*

Enough said about money and the moneyed

Let me end by saying money is the evil that we need

In this fast-paced world, balance has been upset

In our bodies, we tend to forget

To experience the foundation of life fully

We do not take time to breathe deeply

In our overstimulated adrenaline fueled state

We should pause, let our mind and body equilibrate

Interrupt the constant adrenaline flow

Inhale deeply, hold, exhale in a manner slow..

*

What is most basic is also most profound

Breathe deeply, relax, get sleep sound

Focus on breath-work, and reduce stress

Breathe deep and slow, experience less

Pain and discomfort, feel energy return

To slow down and breathe is a lesson all should learn

*

Breathe deep and slow, let rhythms align

Let your body be synchronized with your mind

Breathe, let the process of healing begin

Breathe, feel rejuvenated from within…

(I spend my spare time dreaming about travel, planning travel, looking up destinations, and more…and the devious world of social media knows that!)

Why do I crave travel to the extent that I do

I long to get to a new place, it’s true

I’d like to think I’m driven by the urge to explore

And expand my horizons some more

That may not be all, I am an escapist maybe

Daily life is tough, I just want to break free

From its trials and tribulations and go somewhere new

To hide my escapism within a higher purpose is easy to do..

When life is unbearable a vacation seems to be

The best way out to restore my sanity…

*

Travel does not come without attached strings

You have to take care of a different set of things

Work hard before and after vacation

Plan for travel to your destination

When everything is factored in, I must say

Traveling no longer seems an escape anyway

It quenches the thirst for novelty, nevertheless

Having said that, over travel I continue to obssess

In a world where anyone can gain

Instant social media fame

Visibility is the new holy grail of success

Social media makes us want to express

Our individuality in innovative ways

Broadcast our talents and showcase

Our achievements, let everyone know

Who we are, what we do, and so

We start thinking visibility equates relevance

For the spotlight we have a longing intense

Staying in the background does not appear

Compatible with success- this is what we fear..

*

Not everyone is meant to be in the limelight

Some pull crucial strings without being in sight

To be the backbone of an enterprise

Working unglamorously unseen by many eyes

Is at least as important and relevant

As being an influencer who posts engaging content

Staying in the background while running an organization

Is invaluable, despite lack of social media recognition

Work that you cannot brag about in a social

media post

Is the work that is likely to fulfill you the most.

(Because you cannot get the street food of Delhi elsewhere in the world…)

To this Indian restaurant I have been referred

The food here is authentic, I have heard

This time maybe I would not return

Disappointed, hope my palate would discern

The taste of street food from the by-lanes

Of my hometown, attempts to find it have gone in vain

*

The food was excellent, but did not recreate

The magic that I craved for on my palate..

Maybe my expectations are unreasonably high

Maybe it’s a different air, and that’s why

The taste is different, and does not compare

With my hometown’s lip-smacking fare…..

*

Even when you don’t realize it, subconsciously

You search for what you left behind in everything you see

Or hear, or taste, or experience, wherever you go

You revel in the thrill of novel experiences, but you know

There is something about home that you cannot recreate

In a foreign place, the subliminal nostalgia you can never eliminate

Perhaps this is for the best, because it binds you

Irrevocably, permanently to the nest from which you flew

And forces you to return to your roots to quench

The thirst that is for an immigrant a constant presence