Passion…unbridled

She opened her mouth to protest but could not

Speak up that it wasn’t just in her head, she had also thought

For the longest time that her symptoms bothersome

Were figments of her imagination, that would go and come

Previously, based on her overall emotional state

But they had become more persistent of late

Causing limitations impacting her life from day to day

She herself could no longer explain them away

So she had made an appointment to address

Her concerns, but it looked like she made no progress

*

The doctor had listened carefully and then explained

All basic blood tests were fine, and that her pain

Was mostly a product of undue stress and less exercise

“Take it easy and be more active,” was his advice..

*

She had an intuition that something was not right

But who was she, after all, to fight

The doctor’s assessment, her tests were fine too

Exercise more regularly was what she would try to do..

*

She tried to follow the advice but in a few weeks

New symptoms appeared, she felt more weak

She sought medical attention but the answer seemed the same

She resigned to the idea that she herself was to blame

*

One day at work she had a ministroke

That was the event that then broke

The endless cycle of being told it was in her head

More thorough investigations revealed an underlying cause instead

With correct treatment and many of her symptoms disappeared

She felt “normal” for the first time in a few years…

*

When you talk about any chronic illness

Chances are it would be worse with stress

But women’s symptoms have a long history

Of being dismissed summarily

It is time to view women’s health with a perspective new

Women’s symptoms are very much real too!

Transparency in transactions should be

In my opinion, an absolute necessity

All give and take is based on trust, is it not?

At a fair price, goods and services should be bought..

*

Why is transparency so complicated

In healthcare, where costs are calculated

In complex convoluted ways that can

Be harder to comprehend than CT scans

The bills for services sent to your address

After a medical encounter can cause more stress

Than the original illness, the financial toxicity

That you incur could more noxious be

Than the underlying health condition

Which could be managed by your physician

You get bills with figures in the stratosphere

That cause worse anxiety and fear

*

Transparency in healthcare costs is a pressing need

Patients have a right to understand their bills indeed

Sick and vulnerable patients should not be

Sacrificial lambs for corporate greed

I thought hard, I thought some more

Sat in solitude, with eyes closed, quite sure

That any minute inspiration would strike me

And I would come up with an idea that could be

Expanded upon to create a brilliant verse

But this did not seem to be the plan the Universe

Had for me that day, at least at that moment

I felt annoyed, I needed new content

To post- as a social media influencer wannabe

I had to will myself to post content regularly

My relevance depended on how frequent

My posts were, how interesting my content

I tried to be disciplined about posting, and yet

No inspiration, no new ideas I had been able to get

In over a week, of course I did know

Not posting soon would deliver a major blow

To my fledgling subscriber count, I confess

Somehow I had to find a way to express

Some thoughts, original or not

And that is how I came to jot

Down this verse describing the conundrum

Finally I have managed to piece together some

Material for my blog, though not the best

At least I did not fail the influencer’s test!

I stop in my tracks as I suddenly realize

Age catching up to me- the involuntary squinting of eyes

That signals worsening farsightedness

I just change the distance, I confess

To hold off a little longer before

I can read without corrective lenses no more..

I glance in the mirror under a harsh light

The wrinkles around my eyes give me fright

Did they just double overnight, or they’ve been

Sneaking up on me for a while, unseen?

Then there are the greying roots that seem to appear

With greater density, in vengeance, I fear

Each time I try to deny their existence

By coloring them a shade of dark brown intense

The aches and pains that multiply every day

The exhaustion following a night spent partying away

The dreaded slip of tongue that makes me worry

About being an early sign of loss of memory..

*

I am growing old, at times I am terrified

I remind myself to reframe aging as a matter of pride

The experiences that my wrinkles, weak eyes and silvering hair hide

Are priceless- and I may have many more years on my side!

I must learn not to sell myself short

Who would believe in me if I do not

Believe in myself or my abilities

How can I expect to please

Others with my work if I don’t take pride

In what I do, if I harbor doubts deep inside

How would others have confidence in me

If I do not project myself confidently?

*

Validation necessarily must begin

Not from outside but within

Why did it take me so long to realize

That waiting for someone else to recognize

Was futile when I could not appreciate

My own talents, my strengths innate?

*

Let me acknowledge and celebrate all that

I have worked on and I am good at

Let me give myself positive reinforcement

To be my own cheerleader is my intent

I used to ride on ambition high

My dreams were skyscrapers touching the sky

Anything less than that I did not care to achieve

It was all-or-nothing, or so I did believe

Much later, with greying hair, I realized

How this approach had been unwise

There were few spheres in which I could excel, therefore

I ended up denying myself opportunities to learn more

*

Now that my eyes have been opened, I try

To expand my skills- and I won’t lie

In many spheres I am a learner slow

So I start small, and aspire to grow

At a snail’s (my own) pace, in increments small

I stumble, but not being very high, I do not fall

I do not place pressure on myself to excel

But I am consistent, and committed as well

The results are not immediate but eventually

The sum total of small efforts is there to see

Among all the axioms I have imbibed

There is one which says in order to thrive

In your work, you must be passionate

About what you do, you would be favored by fate

If you pour your heart and soul into your work every day

Fulfillment and success would come your way..

*

This sentiment was repeated often, I took it seriously

And tried to pour into work every ounce of my energy

I worked with boundless passion, but I confess

It was not a promised path to success

I had invested myself to such an extent

In my work that all my emotional capital was spent

There- my emotions were on a roller coaster ride

Every negative interaction left me depleted inside

*

I could not fathom why I felt so despondent

When I was working with passion and the right intent

Until I came across a concept different and new to me

That suggested detachment from work as a better strategy

I was intrigued- how could you give your best

If you were detached, but I decided to put the theory to test

Gradually and intentionally I was able to reduce

My emotional investment in work, and I did deduce

That detachment without disengagement happened to be

The best way to work, to increase contentment and productivity

Without my emotions wearing me down I could view

My work much more objectively, accept criticism better too

*

I have learnt that excessive passion can be

Detrimental by reducing objectivity

Maintaining from work an emotional distance

Allows you to look at work through an unbiased lens

Each time you still give it your best shot

But if you don’t succeed, an emotional wreck you are

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone, it’s often said

The notion that this statement plants in your head

Is that to be successful, you should push to be

Uncomfortable because only then you would see

Favorable results, growth and progress

Going outside comfort zone is the way to success…

*

Being uncomfortable is, well, not pleasant

And while it is tolerable to a brief extent

Constantly being out of your comfort zone

Invites stress, increases your sympathetic tone

Yes you achieve because risks you take

The rewards are high and high are the stakes

*

Now let me propose a different paradigm to you

What if you could thrive within your comfort zone too?

You would be comfortable, relaxed and without

That sympathetic surge of adrenaline throughout

In order to grow, instead of stepping outside

You would expand your comfort zone from inside

*

You find your happy place where you know

You can be productive, be in the state of flow

In predictable comfort high-quality work you start

Being relaxed, you can pour all your heart

Into your project, you explore tools new

To expand beyond what you could initially do

You add a new skill, and increase the size

Of your comfort zone, staying galvanized

In your work, without taking on extra stress

Eventually you know you have made progress

While staying within your zone of comfort

After all, being comfortable cannot hurt!

This poem is inspired by an interview of Indra Nooyi (former CEO PepsiCo) who candidly reflects upon balancing personal and professional life.

If I told you I could do it all it would be an outrageous lie

To excel at my career and motherhood simultaneously, I would not dare try

Each day is a balancing act, trying to weigh

What is the most important goal for the day

Should I miss work or the school’s midday event

Knowing my child would be the one without a parent

Should I stay late to finish work or head for that game

Whatever I miss, I would only have myself to blame

On a business trip out of town when I go

Simultaneously a guilt trip I take, you know

I have a village on which I rely to keep things smooth

But I feel conflicted often, that is the truth

*

I have developed coping mechanisms that allow

Me to deal with the guilt somehow

I can neither give up work nor be absent

Each time my child requires a parent to be present

Sometimes I favor work, sometimes family

And remind myself to judge myself kindly

When I feel I’ve taken the wrong decision

I’m still doing the best I can in my position

She had cooked a delectable dinner, she was famished

And looked forward to helping herself to some of it

Once the family was done with dinner-but of course

There was nothing left for her, she had to force

Herself to eat stale bread and butter once again

Her family appreciated her cooking, and that diminished the pain

Besides, this scenario was nothing new

Keeping her family well-fed was what she was expected to do

*

She had been rising early to get physical exercise

But with each passing day she was coming to realize

That there were too many chores that needed completion

For her family and herself to leave home in a timely fashion..

*

She was feeling unwell and wanted to make

An appointment with a doctor, but could not take

Time out of her busy day because the need

Of her family was greater indeed

The symptoms improved some, and she never did seek

Medical attention, just continued working while feeling weak

****

These scenarios are not unique, unfortunately

Women are used to making their families a priority

Ignoring themselves, this has been glorified ad infinitum

This image of women has the norm become..

*****

Can we demolish the paradigm that has epitomized

Women being self-sacrificing, women being expected to prioritize

Their families at the cost of their own physical and mental needs

This attitude harms both women and their families indeed

Because a woman who is unable to practice self-care

Feels exhausted and burnt out without being aware

And the family unit for which she is expected to sacrifice

Suffers too, this should not come as a surprise..

A woman who is able to care for herself adequately

Is able to better care for her family

She is not being selfish, but she is not sacrificial

She is just taking what should be a step logical

How can she fill the cup for her family

When her cup has been drained empty?

Work often seems like a noose

If given a chance I would choose

To take more time off, other interests explore

Or so I tell myself- I would be more

Well-rounded, less stressed and happier of course

If only I did not have to force

Myself to get out of bed and go to work everyday

I would be a more centered person in every way

*

Yet nothing matches the hedonic high that I get

From a productive work day where I exceed the targets set

All my laments about work being unrewarding appear

Embarrassing now, it is quite clear

That I am still driven to give my best

To work- in the shadows are my other interests

A support group provides an opportunity for people to share personal experiences and feelings, coping strategies, or firsthand information about a disease and its treatments. For many people, a health-related support group fills the crucial gap between medical treatment and the need for emotional support.

When I first got diagnosed, I was just afraid

As I navigated through my treatment, with nerves frayed

Fear gave way to something else, discussed much less

And that was a gnawing feeling of loneliness..

Illnesses that do not kill, close around you

Making all the priorities in your life subservient to

Your illness- there is no time to maintain

Social relationships when you are wrecked by pain

As the days went by, I felt an increasing sense

Of isolation, to feel connected was a need intense

*

I cannot thank my healthcare team enough

That recommended a support group for times tough

What a cathartic experience it was for me

To open my soul in a space judgment free

Over time I learnt numerous tips and tricks

To tackle my symptoms when I felt sick

Things that no doctor or nurse would tell you

Were discussed candidly in this forum too

The support group filled a huge void for me

I found both company and community..

*

Treatment has been quite a roller-coaster ride

But my support group is unwaveringly by my side

In supporting each other, meaning we find

Beyond the illness that occupies our minds..