Passion…unbridled

It takes courage to admit you do not know

Rather than feigning confidence to show

That you are in control when you are screaming inside

Afraid of your ignorance and wishing to hide

Projecting false confidence works to some extent

But the eventual solution to your predicament

Is to actually learn what you do not know

Do an internet search or to a mentor you go

Acknowledge gracefully your ignorance

Giving up your false pretense

I know it may be perceived as a weakness

But by bluffing you cannot achieve success

In-depth learning has no substitute-

This is a fact you cannot refute

Patience is a virtue I cannot claim

My impulsivity is hard to tame

Caught in a situation less than ideal for me

I want to change it immediately

Waiting patiently for the right moment

Unfortunately leads to much discontent

To do nothing goes against the grain

Of my being, it tends to drive me insane

The instant gratification that comes

With modifying something to change the outcome

Is what drives me, sitting idle appears

To be a waste of precious time, I fear

That the moment would be irrevocably lost

That procrastination would come with a high cost

I want to make a decision, and move on from there

Once I’ve decided something, I try not to care

Any further about it, I do not want to spend

Further mental energy, to redirect it I intend

*

Life is messy with solutions less than perfect indeed

Despite best efforts sometimes the answers I need

Are not available immediately to me

There is nothing to do but wait, unfortunately

For all variables to be aligned in a way

That things get accomplished the right way

I get frustrated when this happens, I confess

I am learning slowly to rein in my distress

And be a little patient, because the universe has a plan

That requires me to not act right away even when I can

Passivity is hard when action is what makes you go

But sometimes you need to let things go slow…

When I talk I have a tendency

To be long-winded and wordy

Even when there’s little to say I cannot condense

What I mean into a single sentence

I am working on being more aware

Of my verbosity, choosing words with care..

*

I’m quite the opposite while writing though

My loquaciousness in writing does not show

Brevity is what I want, I am quite concise

I trim down my writing each time I revise

Why use six words when two would be

Enough to capture the gist completely

*

I am trying to find the reason for this difference

I am trained to write in scientific terminology, hence

I have learnt to write within word limits and constraints

Perhaps that explains my brevity and restraint

When I write- whereas when something similar I say

I want it to be interesting, so I embellish it my way

*

Neither too succinct nor too verbose

The gap between speaking and writing I try to close

Using fewer words to express

A thought is better than using excess

(Just two days ago I wrote about being vulnerable to explore my creative side. That was the first time I encountered vulnerability in a book on art. Since then I have read it in reference to writing a memoir, heard about it in a song and also heard about it in a radio program about how to make friends… all in the space of 48 hours. The universe is trying to point me in a direction, and this deserves being written about.)

Sometimes I wonder why I keep stumbling across

The same theme repeatedly, my path seems to cross

With a single word or phrase expressing an emotion or a need

In whatever information I consume, in what I hear, watch or read

The last few days I have come across the word “vulnerability”

The world is telling me to let myself vulnerable be

In order to be more creative, listen better and make friends

Is there something I’m missing that the universe intends

For me, a path forward of which I am unaware?

I have been conditioned to display stoicism everywhere

I have learnt so far that being perceived as tough

Helps one wade through waters rough

With greater ease climb the ladder of success

Displaying vulnerability is an impediment to progress…

But maybe it is time to discard the facade of invincibility

Acknowledge my deepest fears, embrace my vulnerability

So that with my soul at a deeper level I connect

Create something more meaningful , listen with respect

When in communication I display my vulnerable side

People open up more, they don’t feel the need to hide

Their own vulnerabilities, thus creating a better bond

This is how new, enduring relationships are formed..

*

Four times have I encountered it in the last two days

It’s time to view vulnerability in a new way

Van Gogh was an artist par excellence

But suffered from mental illness, hence

Giving rise to the myth of a mad genius

Which is a misconception dangerous

And wildly misleading as well-

Mental illness and creativity do not dwell

Together, Van Gogh succeeded despite

His illness, not because of it, he had to fight

All his demons- illness, poverty, isolation

It was far from a conducive situation

For the generation of art that great

Few people could accomplish much in that state..

*

Most people are actually at their creative best

When their inner monsters lie dormant, at rest

To create something beautiful requires one to be

Centered, focused, contented actually

Romanticizing the notion of mad genius is

To artists and people with mental illness, a disservice

Someone would always tell her to be

This or that, give advice contradictory

Advice based on their own lens

Was for her freely dispensed

One thread was common in all that advice

She was expected to be submissive and nice

All advice expected her to conform

To society’s narrow social norms

*

She did not know what she could be

So she took all advice seriously

And actually did remarkably well

As far as anyone from a distance could tell

She became who others expected her to be

Not stopping to consider any other possibility

*

With greying hair, and the ability to ignore

The expectations of others, she wants more

For herself than she did all these years

Finally she has let go of her fears

Regarding what other people would say

She wants to turn over a new leaf in a way

She searches her soul to really find

Who she wants to be, what appeals to her mind

The answer takes her conscious self by surprise

It was buried under everything she had internalized

About who she was, it was all a lie

Now she shall claim her place under the sky

I kept pretending to be strong

I had imbibed that it was wrong

To display to the world your vulnerability

So I carefully cultivated the inability

To talk about how vulnerable I felt inside

It became such an ingrained habit to hide

My sensitivity, my weakness that I would not

Acknowledge it even in my private thoughts..

*

In the pragmatic world this worked well for me

But when I tried to rekindle my dormant creativity

I found that I could not keep up the charade

Of invulnerability around me, I had to go behind the facade

Of indomitability that I had constructed with care

To create something meaningful, I had to dare

To feel my vulnerability, that would find expression

In my amateur attempts at artistic creation

*

If I operate from a place of feigned strength, I know

The creative juices are unlikely to flow

My writing would be flat, my words lifeless Being vulnerable and honest, I confess

Was hard at the beginning but now I see

How, in writing better, it has helped me

Being open and vulnerable has bolstered my creativity

And that in turn, has made a better person out of me

“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” Maya Angelou

When I am full of energy I want to explore

New cultures, new places, new cuisines, I want more

When things are going well I want to expand

My horizons, I have a hunger to understand

More of the world, I have the desire to be

Well-rounded, a global citizen definitely

When I feel secure in my place and my identity

I am more willing to embrace diversity..

*

When I feel insecure, hopeless, downcast

The lure of novel experiences diminishes fast

During such moments I crave the comfort of familiarity

Food, music, dance from my roots bring solace to me

*

When we are insecure, protection we need

Going back to our roots is like going home indeed

When you apply it to different societies you see

Why they embrace or reject diversity

If my ambitions I voiced out loud

I would be subject to ridicule, no doubt

For some sarcasm, myself I would brace

Snide remarks I would have to face

This is what would happen, I am afraid

If my ambitious plans before people I laid

People would misconstrue my dreams to be

Too audacious, too removed from reality

*

So I keep my outrageous dreams bottled inside

Waiting for the day I don’t have to hide

What I really want, for fear of causing discomfort

To others, while I silently continue my efforts

Towards realizing my dreams one day

The fire burns bright within me to show me the way..

*

For some folks the sky is just not enough

I may be one of those-life seems rough

Because my goals are too lofty indeed

But I am propelled by ambition, not greed

My moral compass wakes up pretty quickly

Whenever I tell a lie, to remind me

That lying for any reason is wrong

And while I may have an aversion strong

To outright lies, in a different light I see

A half-truth, a stretched truth, hyperbole

Sometimes the truth unvarnished and plain

Is boring, difficult, or causes pain

Sometimes people pester me for a reply

And with a truthful answer I cannot satisfy

Their curiosity, or make them leave me alone

In such case an innocuous lie my conscience would condone

I try to lie only about things that pertain to me

Without causing anyone else harm hopefully

*

The trouble with all kinds of lying is but one

To remember your lie is easier said than done

So once you have embellished the truth or lied

You need more lies and exaggerations to hide

Your original untruth, or you could lose permanently

What is really important for you- your credibility

*

I am a human being as flawed as they come

Here’s what I’ve realized after making blunders some

Silence is golden is the mantra to go by

When the truth is difficult, but so is a lie

If you must say something, try to tell

A lie that is close to the truth as well

Thus you avoid the chain reaction

That starts with a lie in an interaction

*

On lies and lying here’s my parting thought

Just don’t lie to yourself, no matter what

Ah the oppressiveness of a predictable life

Monday through Friday work, nine to five

Socializing on weekends, trips twice a year

Goals in life inflexible, unflinching and clear..

To own a house, save for college and retirement

To live life ensconced in stability being the intent

Finding fulfillment in family, work and community

Never exploring outside those confines for an opportunity..

*

If such a life you lead, you are thought to be fortunate

You have everything to aspire for on your plate

But something is missing in the unwavering cadence

Of your life, you often have a longing intense

To take a risk, start something new, follow a hunch

You might succeed wildly, or get a gut punch

Either way, the monotony of your life would break

And valuable lessons from your experiment you would take..

*

You are finally making up your mind

To go down a precarious path when you find

Life has thrown a curveball at you indeed

And to solve this problem you need

Your resources carefully collected for a rainy day

Your boring life has helped you pay

The bills during an unexpected event

And that puts a rest to your simmering discontent

When catastrophic thinking gets in the way

Of your life, your functioning from day to day

When the worst possible outcomes come to your mind

With every piece of negative news you find

Your pulse quickening, your breath getting shallow

As you play in your head the most horrific scenario

How do you lower yourself from the stratosphere

Of irrational thinking, into a more rational atmosphere?

*

From the sinkhole of your thoughts, you have to ascend

And direct your unwavering, laser-sharp focus on the present

Because you need to react to circumstances as they are

Follow your line of sight, not delve into a tunnel far

Focus on the present, and try to take

The next best step, think of the move you need to make

To solve a problem in the moment before you

When you are present in the moment, it is easier to

Forget about hypothetical horrors that in the future lie

You cannot predict tomorrow, no matter how hard you try..

*

If this seems too preachy, let me clarify

This advice is for myself when I

Get carried away in catastrophic thinking

To pull myself up from the hole in which I’m sinking