Lend me an ear..

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Hard as it is, I am compelled to say

Everything I had managed to keep hidden to this day

**

Behind a beguiling smile it was much easier to hide

Than to display the tsunami raging inside

Who had the time, who would have understood me

In a world where perception is considered reality..

Benumbed I lumbered from day to day

Existing- ghostlike, not living in any meaningful way..

The world..closing around my throat

Drowning, just drowning in a deep dark moat..

Living in a body that was struggling to survive

With a mind that wanted to stop being alive..

**

The days went on, off my tongue excuses flew

I said I was exhausted, there was too much to do

I stuck to ailments, or ailments stuck to me

Acknowledging physical pain was easier, definitely

Aimless, directionless, hopeless, I drifted further away

Deeper I sank into the black hole of depression each day

**

When life seemed like a burden too heavy to bear

When I was at the point I did not really care

When  jumping off the proverbial cliff appeared

To be the only solution to my pain, destiny interfered….

**

That day I was going to jump off a bridge and die

It was a gloomy day, rain poured from the sky

What rescued me was my lifelong disdain

Of getting drenched in the falling rain-

I took refuge in a church nearby

And decided to pray before I could die

I tried to pray but in my benumbed state

No coherent prayer could my mind formulate

Just then I heard a gentle voice asking me

If I had something to confess- it would unburden me

This was a sign from above, and all of a sudden

A deluge opened up, and out poured the hidden

Feelings of despair, depression, hopelessness

The kind priest listened, and understood my distress

Instead of the bridge, to a hospital I was headed

Despite my depression, this was the one place I dreaded

If people knew I was mentally ill, how would they react

Even in my despair I could not bear the ignominy of that..

Yet I surrendered to the priest who accompanied me

I got treated, got the resources I needed desperately

**

The struggle has not completely gone away

But I am much better than I was, today

One empathetic ear became my lifeline

I consider this intervention divine

Sometimes the difference between 

Life and untimely death could mean

Just one person ready to lend an ear

Someone you can confide in without any fear

**

Today I sit, on the other side

Lending an ear to someone contemplating suicide

I volunteer for a suicide prevention hotline

With this, a purpose I’ve been able to find..

(This poem was prompted by the untimely death by suicide of a young talented Indian actor.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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