Passion…unbridled

(My humble attempt to give my imagined voice to an Olympic athlete similar to Simone Biles)

Can I just get away from it all?

Can I for once just listen to the call

Not of shiny medals, nor of the grand prize

But just my heart, my soul, my mind- prioritize

Myself- relinquish the pressure and not get hit

Superhuman achievements were expected of me, instead I quit

What use is winning if I break down

Under the pressure of a fickle crown

People will talk, spin my quitting both ways

I just know I could not have continued in this daze

Jeopardizing my body and mind due to stress

If I lost myself, who would I be able to impress?

*

There are folks who applaud me for taking the lead

Showing that “do or die” is not the only strategy indeed

I’ll survive by not competing today

I know I’ll eventually find a way

To get back to the sport in a much better state

Even if I have to start from a blank slate..

No preamble

No expectations

No goal in mind

Unknown destination..

Sounds of criticism

Unheeded

No limits set

To be exceeded

Just start..

Hardest will be

The first step

But you’re on your journey

After that hurdle

Is crossed and behind you

The path beckons

Heed its call- that’s all you do

Just do it again

Day after day

Without expectations

Blocking your way

Stay as a beginner

Full of anticipation

Let the process

Fill you with exhilaration

Remember there is no defined goal

But one day you may find

You’ve mastered the process

And left far behind

All those who started with

Goals in their minds definitive

That carrot hindered their progress…

While attention to the process you did give

Just do it one step at a time

Just do it in the flow

Let motivation find itself

Who knows how far you would go?

We work in the same place, yes we do

But you’re not me and I’m not you

Though at work we would rather be painted

With the same brushstroke, the truth is we are tainted

With the smear of our backgrounds quite different

Our skill sets are the same, our training similar in extent

But machines we are not, and how we solve

Problems or approach challenges does involve

Drawing from the sum total of who we happen to be

Our culture, upbringing, traditions in the family

All contribute to how certain things we do

This way we find novel solutions too

*

More than ever these days for businesses to survive

Innovation is key, thus permitting employees to thrive

In an environment diverse and liberal

Bring unique perspectives to the table

Should be the way forward for progress

Diversity can only add to success

My smartphone is my biggest cheerleader these days

It motivates me to do more in so many ways

Tracks my progress in multiple spheres

Congratulates me with applause and fanfare

Whenever I achieve any goal, albeit small

When I am slacking I listen to its call

My Pacer app measures the steps I take

My reading app tells me when efforts I make

To read an e-book for five minutes out of hours twenty-four

Various apps on my phone keep score

Of my daily consumption of social media, news and e-mail

My photographs are grouped into memories that never fail

To remind me of cherished moments (and vacations)

My life can be quantified by its myriad applications..

Let me, this evening, track my progress

With my smartphone in hand, prepare for success

I come from a different culture, that’s true

Is that why I am labeled exotic by you?

I am a regular girl, not a Disney princess

I do not transform when in ethnic attire I dress

*

Your culture is exalted, epitomized

My culture however, is exoticized

When you look for experiences new

Indulging in an ancient ritual is what ypu do

Cloaked in faux-aura of mysticism

Indigenous cultures feed romanticism

Neatly packaged for Western consumption

Age-old rituals get a stylized transformation

That fits the aesthetic Western world has in mind

A sliver of our culture gets refurbished, redesigned..

*

I cringe inwardly when my staple chai is repackaged

As chai tea latte- believe me it is not a privilege

To have a beverage steeped in cultural history

Be distorted and sold as expensive, exotic tea..

You borrow from yoga, qigong, tai chi to project

An exotic approach to fitness, I bet

The ancient wisdom of these systems of fitness

Factors in much less than the need to impress

Indulging in quaint foreign goods and customs

Makes you think that you have become

More culturally conscious, more erudite

You take what’s appealing, rest stays out of sight..

*

Our coloring, our eyes, our hair are labeled exotic when we

Do not conform to the Western standards of beauty

We are expected to take this as a compliment

After all, this indicates a favorable intent…

Though by definition “exotic” singles us out immediately

As not one of them- different from them are we…

*

I wonder why despite all the progress

There is but one standard for behavior and dress

Can “exotic” be considered simply

An equal way to live amid diversity?

Boundless

My imagination

Relentless

My ambition

Limitless

Dreams of mine

Infinitely long

The line

Of my thoughts

Ideas countless

Outrageous and real

Over which I obsess…

**

Infinitesimally small

My contribution

Insignificant

My actions

My accomplishments

A tiny fraction finite

Of my dreams infinite

**

I aspire

To narrow the difference

I desire

To fill with abundance

The action carafe

To pour continuously

From the other half

So ideas transform

In to constructive action

So dreams morph

Into creative satisfaction

So ambition finds

Some salve for its burns

And my mind finds

Inspiration at each turn…

I think of myself as someone

Who solves problems as they come

In to the issue at hand I immerse

Myself headlong, before things get worse

I want to find a workable solution

Using my knowledge, skills and intuition..

**

I used to think of all problems as simply

Challenges to be faced undauntedly

I thought problems would have solutions perfect

That could be found if one took the effort to inspect

All facets of a problem, like a mathematical equation

The solution would fit in neatly in its place of designation

**

I truly wonder how I held on to this warped view

For as long as I did, since it is definitely not true

That problems in life come with solutions tidy

Real world problems are multidimensional and messy

Entangled in a web of human emotions complicated

With variables whose values cannot be calculated

Reasoning sometimes does not work at all

As you get bombarded with multiple curveballs

**

To my scientific mind the realization that there might not be

Solutions to some problems caused consternation initially

Just existing in a crisis without being proactive

Guided by faith alone seemed rather primitive

When faced with such problems difficult to solve

At first I fought hard, it was my resolve

To do everything I could in my power to get through

I had no patience, my futile efforts worsened the situation too

Until I learnt that sometimes the best course of action

Is to wait for the storm to pass, in judicious inaction

Without exhausting emotional energy or resources

Simply believe in a higher power and submit to the forces..

**

Maybe the perfect solution does not exist in the imagined way

But eventually out of darkness emerges a new day

In my orbit people happen to be

Type A personalities, overachievers mostly

I am one of them, I must state

We like a thousand things on our plate

On the thrill of accomplishment we thrive

Working tirelessly, motivated by inner drive

We take pride in how much we can do

In a short period of time, with hours of sleep few

This was me, hurtling through life at a dizzying pace

Fueled by caffeine and ambition, I left no space

To pause, sit around, spend time on leisure

Work defined me, that was my source of pleasure..

**

The pandemic brought challenges especially in my work sphere

Now the concept of work became shrouded in fear

When in survival mode you are forced to operate

The thrill of achieving new targets dissipates

Saving patients while protecting ourselves too

Was the only thing that mattered, I did not have a clue

Initially how to adapt to this unfamiliar world

I took things day by day as the pandemic unfurled

All goals and plans suddenly lost their value

I gradually learnt to live in the moment too..

**

With the whole world under unprecedented duress

There was nobody left to impress

Thus I relaxed, as I let go

Of expectations, started going with the flow

Found more “downtime”, to simply sit and daydream

Found the value of rest and relaxation, it did seem

The creative side of me that had been buried under work pressure

Got a new lease of life, and became a source of pleasure

In the midst of pain that work forced me to see

I came to embrace slow living gradually…

A globetrotting traveler I have always aspired to be

Waking up in a new time zone is appealing to me

Unique travel experiences I’d love to accumulate

To make more versatile my limited palate

Since my dreams of travel and schedules were widely divergent

My travels were fast-paced, it was my intent

To sample as much of as many places as I could

Leisurely relaxed vacations I never understood

Running from one tour to another, grabbing food on the go

Compared to vacation, my work schedule was slow..

Not that I did not enjoy my busy vacation

The novelty of experience was enough motivation

**

Of course, after my most ambitious vacation to date

Had been planned in detail, with every expense paid

Travel for pleasure came to a halt complete

As the pandemic made barren busy streets

In the beginning there was no actual place to go to

So with vicarious travel I had to make do

I traveled through my medium preferred

I traveled through the lens of the printed word

**

As time went by, wanderlust returned

So whenever for a new experience we yearned

We would drive to state parks that happened to be

Surprisingly abundant in our vicinity

We discovered that in the urge to travel to places distant

We had left our backyard unexplored, to a great extent

Within few hours’ drives we had mountains and the sea

We enjoyed the bounty of nature unhurriedly

Packed picnic lunches to enjoy after a hike

This slow pace of travel I’ve now begun to like

When I am ready to fly to distant lands again

Slow travel shall be my new refrain

As an aspiring fashionista I wanted new clothes and shoes

Shopping for them was a way to drive away the blues

I would wear things once and put away

Clothes that did not then see the light of the day

For days, months, even years, I confess

I dressed for pleasure, I dressed to impress

Even though showing off was not strictly my intention

I sent off the message that I had beautiful possessions

My spare time was spent in browsing websites

Adding clothes to my cart was my indulgence most nights

In what was my previous life I would have certainly

Been outraged if you mentioned wearing preowned things to me

**

When the pandemic hit, there was nowhere to go

At work, hidden under PPE my clothes did not show

My wardrobe became a museum of sorts

In my germophobic state, I definitely did not

Miss donning new outfits every day

The landfills must be thanking me today

I realized how I was playing a part

In degrading the environment by filling up my cart

As opportunities arose to go out some more

I did not rush to physical or online clothing stores

Instead more creative I got with my closet

My shopping threshold had been reset

When the need and urge to buy something new arose

Preowned items (likely preloved too) I chose

From the waste of fast fashion to steps albeit small

Towards conservation, my attitude underwent an overhaul

**

I’m trying to get back to my fashion-loving ways

I am glad to say, in more sustainable ways

Pleasant side effects of this change happen to be

More saving, more authenticity, more creativity..

As with many other people around the world, the COVID-19 pandemic brought my whirlwind life to a pause, and led me to re-examine my priorities in life. Sometimes deliberately, sometimes out of necessity, I began to embrace a slower pace of life. This is the first in a series that I plan to write about my attempts at finding the right rhythm of life. (In music Tempo Giusto means to play in exact time.)

In the fast-paced life that we lead today

There is no time to eat food the traditional way

Even for healthy snacks packaged options abound

Low calorie, low carbohydrate goods I see all around

Traditional Indian food is cooked the tedious way

I certainly don’t have those kind of hours in a day

To chop vegetables, pound spices, cook on a slow flame

So what if instant food does not taste the same

There are many ways to nourish my family, I believe

By sacrificing time on elaborate meals, nothing I would achieve

Except the need to cut corners elsewhere

There are only 24 hours in a day; I’m quite aware

**

So I used to think, eating out frequently

Was the way for me to preserve my sanity

Then COVID hit and out of the blue

Eating out became a necessary taboo

Even grocery shopping needed to be deliberate

With more time at home, I’m happy to state

I decided to go back to my roots in the kitchen

To cook meals from relative scratch, and then

The whole family chimed in, enticed by the aromatic milieu

We were reminded of what food was supposed to do-

To awaken all five senses, create a sense of well-being

Which was so crucial amid the devastation we were seeing

Dicing onions finely, pounding cloves of garlic

Adding flavorful herbs freshly picked

Simmering food over slow flame, mixing and stirring

As we cooked fresh food, a transformation was occurring

From fast food eaters (yes we ate “healthy” packaged stuff)

We became converts to slow food, a few weeks were enough

To teach us the merit of cooking food the way we were meant

To prepare it culturally, to provide a sense of fulfillment

Regarding time…we all understand how

We adjust our schedules to allow

Indulgence in what we like to do

That became true for cooking food too..

My reality is not your reality

My battles from yours are different too

My guilty pleasures, my smoldering tears

Do not exist to be judged by you

*

The script of my life is not your script

Our scripts are penned on pages separate

Some words, some lines did intersect

That’s why we met, as ordained by fate..

*

My timeline is not your timeline

Even similar milestones we did not achieve

Simultaneously, our paths were divergent

Happiness and grief at different moments we received

*

Neither should I tell you how to live

Nor should you give me unsolicited advice

Let me scribble my story in my signature scrawl

Not to be legible to you, but only for my eyes