Passion…unbridled

I left the venerable shores

Of a land that was my own

I closed behind me the doors

Leading to places where I had grown

Driven by a sense of adventure

The excitement of exploration

The promise of a greener pasture

Or all of above, in combination

The years went by trying to settle

I was lost in acclimatization

Trying to prove my mettle

Undergoing cultural desensitization

As time passed by  I realized

How touch with my roots I was losing

The cultural heritage I had prized

Was out of my conscience oozing…

In panic, I tried to grab, to hold on

To the threads that were my connection

To the hallowed land where I was born

To the country that gave me direction

Memories embedded I brought to the surface

The smell of the soil was etched in my brain

Songs I grew up with, the colorful verses

Sights of my country I dreamt of again

***

So this is how through life I  float

With one foot in each country’s boat

Mixing language, culture and tradition

I live my life in a rich amalgamation.

Norodom Sihanouk

There was a time when I believed

Everything that people said

Everywhere, transparency I perceived

Between the lines I never read

Inexperienced was I in the world’s ways

Oh how I wish I had had some insight

I wish I had not spent precious days

Believing lies while truth was in plain sight.

Alas when I learnt about deception

That did surround me in clever disguises

Not only did it alter my perception

It did introduce me to similar vices…

I learnt to lie, myself  I had to save

Being secretive I had to learn to be

I learnt to put up a front brave

Trying to hide my dishonesty.

**

How I sometimes wish I could have remained

As simple and guileless as I had been

I wish from lying I could have refrained

If only deception I had never seen!

**

I want to confess my sins today

Sleep has been snatched by my conscience

All I want to do is kneel and pray

For all my lies, I am suffering the consequence.

When the days are getting dreary

When my steps are getting weary

I look for a little spark to light

And fill my world with sunshine bright

Gratitude then I summon

I thank everything I have, in turn

I look out for someone in need

I try to do one kind deed

Watch out for my patients’ smiles

That keep me going for endless miles

I give my little one a cuddle

Together in the blanket we huddle

I try something entirely new

Exciting, and quite uplifting too

The weariness starts to ebb

Positive actions weave such a web.

**

This is how I would perceive

Myself, in an effort to deceive

When I am down in the dump

Pretense lets me get over the hump

I pretend that I can achieve

Anything that I believe

Everything that I just said

I try to go through in my head

“Cause that’s what my ideal 

Self would do in an ordeal

It’s a mantra that I chant

Saves me from the rave and rant..

If I could give you a window

Into the space of my mind

If emotions within me I could show

Raw, unadorned, blind

No better way is there in this universe

No better form of expression

Than carving words into powerful verse

Exuding unbridled passion

Thoughts that are uncomfortable

Ideas too abstract to explain

A poem does their expression enable

A verse can capture true pain..

When sagging under the weight of words

When too prosaic appears prose

Then explore the realm of verse

Prose writing would  appear morose..

Teetering steps

Wavering confidence

Bashful apologies

In self-defence

Afraid of falling,

Of errors unknown

Myriad voices calling

To drown down my own..

I feel overwhelmed

My faith is slowly dying

I cannot even pretend

Otherwise, though I’m trying…

How do I get back

From this dark, black hole

When confidence I lack

To make my broken self whole?

***

There was this voice inside my head

“You need to pull yourself up,” it said

“The artist of your destiny you are,

Look in to yourself, do not look far”

And so I created a brand new design

Of how I wanted to be, in my mind

Gave myself an aura of exuberance

A radiant smile, exuding confidence

I projected the image I had created

Gradually, all my fears abated

Whenever I feel of myself unsure

That brilliant image of myself I conjure

A new wave of confidence in me I infuse

The world around me with positivity I diffuse.