Passion…unbridled

A sea of flames

An inferno

Watching in despair

The conflagrations grow

Homes and hopes

All dashed

Entire neighborhoods

Turned to ash

Evacuated

Never to return

Precious assets

To the ground burn

The Santa Ana winds

Fanning the fires

Air thick with smoke

A situation dire

Like a bombed war zone

Swathes of land charred

Witnesses of the fire

Permanently scarred

.

I send a prayer to the heavens above

For the devilish firestorm to end

To the firefighters and first responders

My gratitude and wishes I send

The resilience of the city is severely strained

But from the ashes, like a phoenix, the city shall rise again

(I am talking about pain medications available over the counter such as ibuprofen/motrin/aleve etc and not opioids, though towards the end I do allude to the addictive potential of pain medications and that refers to opioids.)

It hurts, and I would rate my pain as six out of ten

In the throes of pain there was a time when

I would not think twice about popping a pill

To ease my pain, not taking medicine would not be the hill

I would die on-I could not afford to be slowed down by pain

Debilitated by physical discomfort I could not remain

Having an in-depth understanding of how pain medications act

I had no reason to doubt the efficacy of the pill, in fact..

*

I also happen to be exceptionally well-versed

In the side-effects of pain medications-there is ample research

To suggest that over-the-counter pain medications used indiscriminately

Can cause stomach ulcers and damage to the kidney

I counsel patients to take pain pills cautiously

I should heed the advice equally applicable to me

*

So I channel my inner stoicism to the best possible extent

And power through aches and pains- my intent

Is to beat the need for pain medication and still function somehow-

I go without a pill for twenty-four plus hours but the pain does not allow

Normal functioning- I am not as productive as I would be

If only I were not in pain constantly

*

I do not have a chronic pain issue, and yet

Physical pain was not easy for me to forget

For those who suffer from chronic pain difficult it must be

To power through it and still live life productively

I wish there were better remedies for pain that were not

Accompanied by risks of physical damage or addiction- pain has brought

Many people to the brink of self-destruction and violence

All judgment is clouded in the face of pain intense..

What else can go wrong, my brain asks

Keeping all possible scenarios in mind is no easy task

My mind tries to through every contingency that may arise

How I would deal with each scenario it tries to visualize

Plans A, B and C it tries to come up with, to fully prepare

For any eventuality, so I am not caught unaware..

When nothing goes wrong there is a sense of relief

This happened because of mental preparation- is the firm belief

*

The one thing that goes wrong usually tends to be

Something that was not anticipated previously

My brain adds that scenario to the checklist of things

Each challenge in life more stuff to worry about brings

It appears I cannot relax- there is always something to worry about

Even when life appears to be following a mostly smooth route..

*

This cycle needs to be broken for my peace of mind

Some respite in meditation and good sleep I find

The tendency to worry is by now so ingrained

That it would take time for normal thinking patterns to be regained…

If you never had the courage to put your art out there

For people to see, to admire or critique, to just be aware

That it exists, would you eventually end up diminishing your light

Or would your inner motivation be enough to let it burn bright

If no one sees your art, would you be able to claim

That you are an artist, let alone making a name

For yourself as one-would your art get repetitive

In the absence of an outside perspective..

*

There are so many ways to display

Your art to the world these days

That even if your own worst critic you happen to be

Give others a chance to evaluate it objectively

Who knows whose soul your art might touch

Even if you don’t get recognition much

So showcase your talent on social media, or at a local fair

You have something valuable to offer, let the world be aware..

I keep hoping my life would slow down its pace

To match the diminishing energy and advancing age that I face

Instead, in an accelerated mode life seems to stay

More responsibilities get added on, longer seems each day

Some of the constraints of youth have been lifted now

But I am not old enough where age alone would not allow

Certain aspirations to be fulfilled, therefore

I keep pushing my middle-aged self some more

To live life queen size, work hard and play harder still

Keeping my cup so full that it threatens to spill

When my body begs me to slow down and rest

There is no time, because I’ve already tried to invest

All available time to pursue goals that I feel compelled to achieve

The struggle is real, there is no reprieve

*

I need to slow down, my youth has faded away

And no matter how forcefully I try to say

That age is just a number, I do realize

That pretending I have the energy of a twenty year old is unwise

If I do not cut down my list of things to do

I risk wearing myself down faster too…

It was a year in which I did not attempt

To compete with others, my sole intent

Was to do better in comparison with how I had done

The year before, l just wanted to be someone

Who was highly motivated to continue

Making progress in everything I was trying to do

*

But it was not easy to judge my progress

Without any external measure of success

Besides, unanticipated circumstances and advancing age

Did not allow for smooth execution of the plans I had made

The lofty ideas I had to improve on my skills did not materialize

I had actually made little progress over the course of the year, I realized!

*

For this year, I have no goals in mind

Competing with my old self harder I would certainly find

Therefore I have just decided to take life at face value

There are no ambitious goals that I aim to pursue..

*

Let’s see how the year unfolds

Not competing even with myself is liberating, truth be told

Have we not been living with the wrong concept of beauty such that

Beauty excludes, whereas inclusivity is where its focus should be at

*

By giving beauty a narrow (and flawed) definition

The society has been provided with ammunition

To keep women insecure such that they are on a perpetual quest

To achieve and maintain standards of beauty that are arbitrary at best

The billion dollar beauty industry has been constructed

To exploit this insecurity, its profit-making would be interrupted

If more women were to believe themselves to be

Beautiful, without additional adornment or accessory

Each time expectations make their presence known

You end up getting disappointed, repeatedly you’ve been shown

In your life that keeping your expectations high is a recipe

For discontentment, you would almost always be

Unable to have them met, things would somehow unfold

In a way that does not meet the expectations you hold..

*

It is difficult, because you lean on those around you

At least to some extent, in time you start expecting them to

Have your back when you are going through a patch that is rough

You imagine you would do the same if times for them are tough

You have misfortune befall you one day, and you find

The support system that you had in mind

Is not there for you, your expectations suffer a blow

Your feelings are wounded more deeply than you would show

*

You think you would have acted differently

If the other person was in your shoes, but maybe

That is an erroneous assumption, perhaps you would have let down too

The other person’s expectations, just as they have done to you…

*

It is vital to have a support system in place

But you learn that your expectations you should not raise

From others, it would save you resentment

When you are already suffering, to a great extent…

About taking a day off from work I fantasize

To get my creative juices flowing, to prioritize

My writing above everything else, albeit for a day

Gather fragments, bits and pieces of what I have longed to say

And string them together into a coherent narrative

My complete attention to writing give

Get a start on a project I’ve long had in mind

For which dedicated time I’ve been unable to find..

*

To realize my dreams, I dip into my earned vacation

And sit down at my desk, in a state of misguided elation

Confident of being able to get the ball rolling on a manuscript

But five minutes into the process, my focus starts to shift

I have writer’s block, and the homemaker in me

Gets preoccupied with all the chores necessary

Two hours later, the house appears clean

But the blank word document has not a single word seen

*

Next I get interrupted by work-related calls

Even on a day off, I cannot avoid them all

I have not written a word, to my dismay

Why is it turning out to be such a non-productive day?

*

After this exercise in futility one thing I know

Taking time off is not the best strategy to make creative juices flow

On a regular day, to different ideas I’m exposed

My reaction to those ideas helps me compose

A different verse mostly every day

When sitting alone to write, inspiration does not come my way..

*

At the end of a day, let me distill

Everything that has the ability to fill

My cup and cement my impressions when I write

Ideas flow freely, and this way of writing feels right….

I break my new year’s resolution even before

I’ve had a chance to put it in practice, to explore

Whether it is sustainable in the long run

I forget about my resolution before I’ve begun

*

Making a resolution is a ritual that I follow

I am not much into rituals, so I do not know

Why I bother with this one- I guess when I make a resolution

I have a faint hope that it would reach fruition

So I keep making resolutions that are meant to be broken

There seems to be a pact between me and my resolution, unspoken

*

Keeping a New Year’s resolution is not something I can do

But I make resolutions throughout the year too

And to those I am more likely to stick

Because they are the ones that I pick

Based on need and feasibility, not a specific date

When I fulfill a resolution, my accomplishment I celebrate

*

I had a resolution in mind to be declared today

But I know I would not honor it anyway

So let me start by making no resolutions this year

Let the year unfold, let its moments appear..

The practice of medicine has been burdened by increasing constraints

Excessive costs and administrative burden make it difficult to maintain

The same quality of patient care as resources continue to shrink

By being pushed harder physicians are being brought to burnout’s brink

Therefore one of the question commonly posed these days

Is whether someone could consider a career pathway

Other than medicine if given a chance to choose again

For me, the answer is that Medicine would my first choice remain

*

I went into Medicine by serendipity

The tale is too long to be told simplistically

But over the years, my profession has become an integral part of me

There is no other career in which I would rather be

Despite the challenges, as an incredible privilege I view

Being trusted with human lives, doing what I do..

When things are rough, there is an ever greater need

To follow through on the Hippocratic oath, to give it my best effort indeed

*

Medicine as a profession chose me, not the other way around

In the practice of medicine, the purpose of my life I have found

When asked if I could go back in time and choose my profession again

I would choose medicine without a doubt, I would remain

True to the calling that pulled me in

The constant that stood by me through thick and thin

That has interwoven itself into my identity

Medicine is an embodiment of life for me..

Forms are of my existence the bane…

Though forms are supposedly worded in language plain

Since they are meant to be filled by the lay person on the street

Filling out a form without errors is like accomplishing a feat

Forms are of red tape an archaic manifestation

Each time I have to fill one out, it is an exercise in frustration

I submit a form, hoping I have plugged in the right information

But something is invariably wrong the first time, to my consternation

Often one or more questions I have misunderstood

Which is baffling- with my level of education I should

Not have difficulty understanding instructions in language plain

Perhaps filling out forms requires using a different part of the brain

That is somehow underdeveloped in me

Which is why filling forms is not easy..

*

Since filling out forms gives me intense anxiety

I shy away from activities that make it necessary

To complete and upload forms, especially in transactions financial

That has limited my financial footprint to an extent substantial..

*

In the modern world where your life is searchable on the internet

Why should forms need to be filled out to get

Information that can in a matter of seconds be found

It is just an outdated norm that has for centuries been around..