Passion…unbridled

To reduce the anxiety of public speaking, I read

Try reframing anxiety as excitement instead..

*

Though anxiety may be expected, it makes us lose

A sense of control over our actions, but if we choose

To think we are excited, it gives us a sense of agency

More under our control the situation appears to be

*

Next time I am shivering in my shoes and slick with perspiration

I shall trick myself into feeling excited about the situation

Hopefully I would speak with more confidence

And be successful in engaging my audience

I have spent years trying to find

A seat at the table, only to be declined

To bring my own folding chair I have tried

To somehow inveigle my way inside

But the table always seems to remain

Out of my reach, I have tried in vain

To just keep on the table one hand

To claim my place, as I continue to stand

Even that much I have been unable to achieve

Fighting for a place at the old table is futile, I’ve come to believe

*

There is a workable alternative-

Let us build a new table and give

An open invitation to people to claim a seat

Assemble a diverse group that can compete

With the old establishment, and create

A new playbook, that varied opinions celebrates

There should also be an ability reasonable

To expand, and add new participants to the table

*

I don’t have a seat at the proverbial table

But to build my own, I am indeed capable…

Despite being someone who reads quite fast

I’ve found that my attention span does not last

Long enough for me to read an article in its entirety

I am looking for a synopsis or a summary

Of the major points because it seems to take

Too many grey cells to read through and make

My own impression- I want to just get the gist

The temptation to divert my attention elsewhere I cannot resist

*

I skim through the highlights and convince myself I’ve understood

As much about the topic as I would

By reading each word and each line

I’ve read the salient points and that should be just fine

*

Later I realize it has been hard to retain

The information I’d read, I know I should not complain

I skipped the details earlier, there is a price to pay

For taking a shortcut, what else can I say?

*

In an era where AI can instantly summarize

Any topic in seconds, I’ve come to realize

That anything worth reading should be

Read word by word, in its entirety

And as for my limited attention span

It’s not going to improve if all I do is scan

An article instead of making an effort

To read it with concentration, word by word

*

So instead of browsing my medical journal, I’ve decided today

That I shall pick the most interesting article and read it all the way

My relationship with reading is getting frayed

It is time for major amends to be made

I made a last minute dash to the store

To buy art supplies for my kindergartner, and returned with something more-

As I grabbed crayons, I came across a set of colored pens

I bought them on a whim, not knowing if or when

They would find use- my creativity had been lying dormant

But I brought home pens and some card-stock without a clear intent..

*

They languished in a corner until they were rediscovered by me

I decided it was time to explore my creativity

For several hours I searched the internet

For inspiration in terms of style and subject

*

I found inspiration in the various forms of Indian folk art

Going back to my roots was a good way to start

There was a plethora of themes and styles from which to select

In-depth information on folk art forms I began to collect

*

From colored pens on paper to acrylic pens on canvas primed

I have been creating art, one small project at a time

After several years, I am still a novice

To the intricacies of Indian folk art I hardly do justice

But this creative journey has had a two-fold effect

I’ve learnt how to draw, and with my culture I’ve been able to reconnect

I came across an intriguing exercise

It was to draw a giraffe with closed eyes-

What this exercise would accomplish I was eager to find out

At the very least, it would be an interesting thing to talk about

*

I checked out pictures of a giraffe and went through the drawing in my mind

Then I closed my eyes and let my pen outline

The shape of a giraffe, I must admit here

That initially I was hesitant, and filled with fear

What if the blindly drawn picture did not resemble an actual giraffe?

I told myself that the result would still elicit a good laugh..

*

The drawing was not as bad as I had feared it would be

I can now see the purpose of the exercise clearly

While drawing with closed eyes I had to forego

Some degree of control and just go with the flow

Of my hands and my brain, it served as a calming technique

Since I could not see what I was doing, my inner critic could not speak

I drew without judgment, without pressure to perform

There was no expectation to which I had to conform

*

I drew a giraffe with closed eyes

I learnt a lot by doing it, to my surprise

In a world full of insistent noise

Silence is a powerful choice..

*

The world seems increasingly unjust and unfair

And when I find myself descending into despair

I have been known to react, protest, and articulate

Strong opinions, but lately I’ve begun to hesitate

Because all I do by raising my voice

Is increase the decibels of the noise

*

So henceforth I shall choose to remain silent

Most worldly challenges do not need my comments

Instead, my finite energy I must redirect towards action

And hope to improve the world by a tiny fraction

I marvel at the fact that I never knew

That the mystery series featuring Nancy Drew

Was launched in the 1930s- or that the books were written

By more than one person- I was smitten

By Ms. Drew when I was young and impressionable

And I fancied reading Carolyn Keene’s writing would enable

An older version of me to write a successful series

Featuring a spunky Indian teenager solving mysteries

*

The fascination with Nancy Drew lasted a few years

Then I moved on to adult reading, and my dreams disappeared

But I remember how Nancy Drew seemed practically perfect

She surely won a starry-eyed adolescent’s respect

The stories had a timeless quality indeed

That was the first series that I did read

*

I had not thought about the series in a while

But coming across a reference today made me smile

The facts about Nancy Drew books that I learnt today

Have made me appreciate the series more, I must say

So many writers across decades kept her character alive

On these books, many generations of young readers have thrived

Lately I’ve noticed a baffling trend

Of fall items displayed in stores, do they intend

To make people plan ahead and buy

Pumpkins and Halloween decor in July?

*

I am not good at seasonal decorating

When I host a gathering, I’m usually waiting

Until the last minute to spruce up my space

Almost invariably the dilemma I face

Is whether to add to my home a seasonal touch

Or to leave my decor unchanged- it ends up being too much

For me to decide, but maybe it’s just me

Other folks plan for the next season probably..

*

Perhaps there is a different idea at play here

Summer is at its peak at this time of the year

Everyone is dreaming of cooler temperatures now

Browsing through and shopping for fall-themed items allows

People to transiently forget the intense heat

In that case, this is a brilliant strategy to compete

In the market for consumers’ money and attention

Fall decor has probably been displayed with intention..

*

I look at yet another plush pumpkin on display

And imagine the crisp fall air before walking away

You move to a new country with dreams that are vast

You are stepping into a bright future, letting go of the past

You have a script that you intend to follow to achieve

Success that would come easily to you, or so you believe

*

You try your best to adapt in a new land

Cultural nuances are difficult to understand

Despite your hard work, it appears you are being left behind

Missing out on opportunities repeatedly, you find

There is no scripted formula for you to read

The script keeps changing abruptly indeed..

*

You learn to change tracks, as circumstances dictate

You learn from disappointments, and celebrate

The small wins that give you confidence

That you can succeed in the face of challenges intense

*

For an immigrant, success never does come on a platter

But besides hard work and perseverance the one thing that matters

Is the ability to pivot, to be flexible and adapt

To changing circumstances, while keeping enthusiasm intact

I’m expected to be available at all times, on hospital call

Into the trap of complacency I cannot fall

What that means is that I am officially required

To stay glued to my phone, and so I remain constantly wired

Through calls and messaging applications

I remain with patient care teams in constant communication

*

That I am constantly distracted is an understatement

Since I am attached to my phone, it is hard to prevent

Myself from mindlessly browsing the internet

An activity that I’ve increasingly come to regret

*

Being on call is a part of my profession that cannot be eliminated

But I think I would be less distracted and frustrated

If I had a pager dedicated to hospital call

I would not use my phone for communication at all

Most news is disturbing and yet I cannot pull myself away

From news sources, glued to them I seem to stay

News pieces that challenge my moral compass, I find

Are difficult to shrug off, they stick in my mind

It is almost a morbid compulsion for me

To keep delving deeper into a news story

Until my anger and outrage are spent

Or to people around me I’ve had a chance to vent

But then I move on to some other piece of news

Somehow uplifting stories I never choose

The negative news spiral takes me down a rabbit-hole

Of anger, despair and frustration, crushing my soul

Reading news at bedtime causes sleep disturbance

Reading news when I wake up causes a stress response intense..

*

I have to gradually wean myself away

From consuming news day after day

I’ve tricked myself into believing that I read news to stay

Well-informed, but I feel I am being misinformed anyway…

The hassles of travel become bearable

Whenever a good book I am able

To read-whether it is one I had acquired before

Or one that I’ve found in a bookstore

Sometimes more than one book I am able to read

When travel plans go awry- books are all I need

To combat endless hours of waiting and uncertainty

With gainful engagement and productivity

*

Some people carry their work along when they travel

But I cannot concentrate on work when my plans unravel

A book, on the other hand, provides the distraction I need

I completely avoid aggravation when a good book I read

*

To never be without a book is a self-made rule I follow

Whenever I have a time sink or things are slow

I read, and all the stressors around me

Decrease substantially in their intensity