Passion…unbridled

Professional achievements glorified and showcased

On professional social media websites, prefaced

By an expression of gratitude, so many of these I see

And I wonder why I have nothing to write about, with some jealousy

There are no groundbreaking achievements in sight

No fancy titles or media appearances that I can highlight

Quite lackluster my profile on such websites appears

With no prospects of looking any better, I fear

*

On a daily basis, I take great pride in what I do

But as I am not in a leadership role, it is true

That I do not have anything specific that I can claim

I’d love to humble brag sometimes, all the same..

*

As I try to think about my professional achievements

I get from my patient the best compliment-

That a difference in her life I have made

And my consternation over my weak profile starts to fade

There are plenty of people dealing with burnout

At work- it is a highly prevalent issue, no doubt

That has led to people seeking work schedules that flexibility provide

That don’t always demand one to step outside

The comfort of their homes, allowing them to juggle

Work and home- achieve the balance that is a perpetual struggle

More people in the gig economy now find employment

These options are attractive to a certain extent..

*

The above styles of work, however, do not work for me

Going to work during scheduled hours feels necessary

For me to keep my brain running systematically

Lack of structure is detrimental to my productivity

*

My creativity gets a boost when I have spent a fulfilling work day

In the absence of that, my ideas would wither away

Having a structure at work and then some time free

Is the way I like my life to be

*

To have a job that is relatively stable

That provides benefits that enable

Peace of mind in case of circumstances unforeseen

Is what my preference has always been

To work scheduled hours keeps me

As disciplined and punctual as I can ever be

I have long suffered at the hands

Of my indecision, I have finally come to understand

That taking a decision and moving forward with the same

Is the only way to make progress, you have yourself to blame

If because of your indecisiveness stuck you remain

This lesson has been reinforced in my life again and again

*

Uncertain is the projected outcome of most decisions

We can never predict the consequences with precision

But if a decision is not made, things stay status quo

We may swing sideways but forward we do not go..

*

We worry about never being able to reverse track

Once we make a decision, but it is usually possible to come back

And change our strategy if things do not work out

Therefore, we must make decisions despite our doubts

*

As I grow older, more decisive I become

Each opportunity for decision-making as a challenge I welcome

Mercator’s projection has shaped our world-view

By flattening the earth on paper, it has distorted continents too

Unsuspecting, we study geography through a flawed lens

Of the sizes of various continents, we do not get the true sense

Africa appears diminished, other continents larger appear

And this subconsciously affects our perception, I fear

The countries near the poles much larger seem to be

While developing countries in the south get viewed diminutively

Since size matters in terms of importance relative

Subconsciously more importance to the northern “developed” world we give..

*

It is my opinion, but just a small plea

Why can a globe not be used to teach geography?

Such that the continent of Africa and the island of Greenland

Are not the same in size, we appreciate and understand

Let the developing world not be shrunken down in size

A distorted map projections perpetuates bias, we should realize

It’s good to have choices, to cater to everyone’s preferences

But I feel too many choices overwhelm my senses

And in decision paralysis get me stuck

From which I only get out with some luck

*

These days I try to reduce the choices available to me

By selecting from the first two or three options I see

Or preemptively some choices I eliminate

So that decision-making I can facilitate

*

You can do in-depth research on every product you intend to buy

Some of the choices you can even try

Before you commit to them, but eventually lack of time and boredom

Force you to make choices at random

*

As much as a competitive market I appreciate

I wish there were fewer options on my plate

With a plethora of choices I never feel confident

That the best I’ve chosen among the choices present..

It is time, I have realized

For my identities to be reorganized

To shuffle my various identities around

Change up their order because I have not found

Contentment in my primary identity as a professional

That has become the default, but it is not intentional

Because my professional identity has been the hardest to attain

It does not imply that my primary identity it should remain

Just because my professional identity helps me pay the bills

Does not mean it is the identity that my cup fills…

*

I would like to embody the identities

Of a reader, a writer, a creator, because these

Are the ones that I’ve realized fill up

My parched soul, my empty cup

If I identify myself as an individual creative

A more inspired life I hope to live

Even though at this stage it is hard to tell

It might enhance my professional identity as well

The grass can be green on both sides

Which green you want to claim, you have to decide

*

The shades of green vary to some extent

After all the climate in both places is different

You tend to the grass in either place, and it does grow

Walking on a cushion of grass is the same, you know

*

Why do you watch the patch of grass you own

And worry about it being less green than the one unknown

Ask the owner of the grass on the other side

Compare the shades of green and decide..

*

I left pastures that were green enough

For ones I thought were greener, but it is tough

For me to compare the grass on both sides of the ocean

I lost some in relocation, but much was won

*

Having seen the color of grass here and there

I think the grass is equally green everywhere

If it appears greener on one side, I’ve realized

With rose-tinted glasses the grass is being visualized

Sometimes it seemed my entire life I had waited for someone

To give me permission to do what I wanted, but that person

Was a mythical figure, no one had appeared

To give me the needed permission or to allay my fears

The outcomes had been either one of two-

I found courage on my own to do what I want to do

Or kept waiting endlessly for permission

And did not move forward due to self-imposed inhibitions

*

Approval from the society was required, or so I was conditioned to believe

Therefore blessings from someone I felt like I needed to receive

Before starting an endeavor that was new

I had convinced myself it was the right thing to do

*

I had been holding myself back, I recently realized

Once I started permitting myself to do what I wanted, to my surprise

More doors began to open up for me

The ladder of success I began to climb steadily

*

To seek permission when I feel inclined

I grant it to myself in my mind

I have given myself permission to conquer my fears

And pursue the interests that I hold dear

She wakes up early, gets ready, and prepares

Breakfast, packs lunch, every moment aware

Of the ticking of the clock, trying not to get late

For her morning meeting, oh how she does hate

Walking in ten minutes after the start of the conference

She has to drop children off to school, in her defense

*

She starts her workday feeling guilty about her tardiness

Remembering how punctuality she used to stress

In the days before motherhood and its responsibilities

These days opportunities for guilt never seem to cease

*

She works efficiently, looking at the clock all day

To complete work in time, there is no way

But she cannot stay late, one child has a game that she must attend,

So she leaves early, feeling guilty that work she has had to pend

*

She arrives late for the game, missing her child’s best shot

Disappointing her child with her absence hurts a lot

Her guilt is compounded when she realizes dinner would be

Pizza take-out, there has been no time to cook something healthy

*

Her last thought before bedtime is that she has not paid

Enough attention to her health, away from exercise she has stayed

Feeling guilty about missing her workout she resolves

To get up earlier than usual, so that this problem she can solve

****

How do women, especially mothers, live with omnipresent guilt

How are they so resiliently built

That despite constant guilt they do not break

They keep trying harder, the guilt never quite able to shake…

*

The constant guilt of trying to do it all

Is taking on women everywhere a huge toll

It’s time to let hardworking mothers know

They are more than enough, of guilt they must let go

The sculptor stands before a monolith and toils away

Chipping away piece by piece, until one day

A discernible form emerges from the block of stone

A statue conceived in his mind alone

Through a reductive process he creates

A masterpiece that the world celebrates..

*

My lived experiences constitute the monolith before me

I demolish it into pieces painstakingly

Until a coherent set of ideas emerges on the surface

That I chisel and carve, and the ideas coalesce

Into a poem to create a metaphorical sculpture

Carved out with words, a verbal structure

She did not realize when her outlet creative

Morphed imperceptibly into a life performative..

*

When she first started writing, her poems were meant

For her eyes only, she had no intent

Of sharing her innermost thoughts publicly

She wrote in a private journal that no one else could see

*

After stumbling across social media accounts focused on poetry

She created an account and posted a poem publicly

She got nice comments, that encouraged her to post more

Her poetry was no longer confined to a private journal as before

She trimmed her poems to fit the layout required

A more sensational tone to attract followers her poetry acquired

The algorithms to drive engagement changed, and so did she

She began to post videos of herself performing poetry

*

The videos catapulted her to fame unprecedented

She hired additional staff as her endeavor became bigger than intended

Offers of live performance she began to receive

Her focus now shifted to how she was being perceived

Soon it became less about the actual poetic content

And more about how her craft to the world she could present

In order to get maximum engagement and sponsorships lucrative

Her writing and her life had become performative

*

It happened so fast that she did not even realize

How her writing had changed before her eyes

Until she was asked to change her verses keeping her audience in mind

It was only then that she realized she had been blind

To the fact that her writing voice was no longer her own

Her creative pursuit had into a huge business grown

With staff to support she had the responsibility

To run her business, make sufficient money

*

She stuck to her convictions, and started scaling back

On the business side of the venture for which appetite she lacked

She continued to write, but gave up performing poetry

And reclaimed her voice, her authenticity

Introverted, emotional, quiet, sensitive

These were some of the adjectives

Used to describe her in her childhood

Invisible, lonely, misunderstood

In the dark corners she remained

Her demeanor timid and restrained

Life seemed in melancholy seeped

As she suppressed her emotions deep

*

One day she discovered a brush and paints

And her hidden sentiments broke free from restraints

To a blank canvas she applied brushstrokes bold

And watched a torrent of emotions unfold

Once she started, in her artwork she was galvanized

All her observations and impressions that she had internalized

Found expression in her paintings that tended to be

Startling in their apparent simplicity

*

Once she had found her artistic voice she became

Unstoppable, boundless, as a painter she acquired fame

When asked about her source of inspiration, she would say

She was the quiet girl who in the shadows would stay

Silently forging her impressions of the world

The impressions that her creative talent unfurled..