Passion…unbridled

I keep hoping my life would slow down its pace

To match the diminishing energy and advancing age that I face

Instead, in an accelerated mode life seems to stay

More responsibilities get added on, longer seems each day

Some of the constraints of youth have been lifted now

But I am not old enough where age alone would not allow

Certain aspirations to be fulfilled, therefore

I keep pushing my middle-aged self some more

To live life queen size, work hard and play harder still

Keeping my cup so full that it threatens to spill

When my body begs me to slow down and rest

There is no time, because I’ve already tried to invest

All available time to pursue goals that I feel compelled to achieve

The struggle is real, there is no reprieve

*

I need to slow down, my youth has faded away

And no matter how forcefully I try to say

That age is just a number, I do realize

That pretending I have the energy of a twenty year old is unwise

If I do not cut down my list of things to do

I risk wearing myself down faster too…

It was a year in which I did not attempt

To compete with others, my sole intent

Was to do better in comparison with how I had done

The year before, l just wanted to be someone

Who was highly motivated to continue

Making progress in everything I was trying to do

*

But it was not easy to judge my progress

Without any external measure of success

Besides, unanticipated circumstances and advancing age

Did not allow for smooth execution of the plans I had made

The lofty ideas I had to improve on my skills did not materialize

I had actually made little progress over the course of the year, I realized!

*

For this year, I have no goals in mind

Competing with my old self harder I would certainly find

Therefore I have just decided to take life at face value

There are no ambitious goals that I aim to pursue..

*

Let’s see how the year unfolds

Not competing even with myself is liberating, truth be told

Have we not been living with the wrong concept of beauty such that

Beauty excludes, whereas inclusivity is where its focus should be at

*

By giving beauty a narrow (and flawed) definition

The society has been provided with ammunition

To keep women insecure such that they are on a perpetual quest

To achieve and maintain standards of beauty that are arbitrary at best

The billion dollar beauty industry has been constructed

To exploit this insecurity, its profit-making would be interrupted

If more women were to believe themselves to be

Beautiful, without additional adornment or accessory

Each time expectations make their presence known

You end up getting disappointed, repeatedly you’ve been shown

In your life that keeping your expectations high is a recipe

For discontentment, you would almost always be

Unable to have them met, things would somehow unfold

In a way that does not meet the expectations you hold..

*

It is difficult, because you lean on those around you

At least to some extent, in time you start expecting them to

Have your back when you are going through a patch that is rough

You imagine you would do the same if times for them are tough

You have misfortune befall you one day, and you find

The support system that you had in mind

Is not there for you, your expectations suffer a blow

Your feelings are wounded more deeply than you would show

*

You think you would have acted differently

If the other person was in your shoes, but maybe

That is an erroneous assumption, perhaps you would have let down too

The other person’s expectations, just as they have done to you…

*

It is vital to have a support system in place

But you learn that your expectations you should not raise

From others, it would save you resentment

When you are already suffering, to a great extent…

About taking a day off from work I fantasize

To get my creative juices flowing, to prioritize

My writing above everything else, albeit for a day

Gather fragments, bits and pieces of what I have longed to say

And string them together into a coherent narrative

My complete attention to writing give

Get a start on a project I’ve long had in mind

For which dedicated time I’ve been unable to find..

*

To realize my dreams, I dip into my earned vacation

And sit down at my desk, in a state of misguided elation

Confident of being able to get the ball rolling on a manuscript

But five minutes into the process, my focus starts to shift

I have writer’s block, and the homemaker in me

Gets preoccupied with all the chores necessary

Two hours later, the house appears clean

But the blank word document has not a single word seen

*

Next I get interrupted by work-related calls

Even on a day off, I cannot avoid them all

I have not written a word, to my dismay

Why is it turning out to be such a non-productive day?

*

After this exercise in futility one thing I know

Taking time off is not the best strategy to make creative juices flow

On a regular day, to different ideas I’m exposed

My reaction to those ideas helps me compose

A different verse mostly every day

When sitting alone to write, inspiration does not come my way..

*

At the end of a day, let me distill

Everything that has the ability to fill

My cup and cement my impressions when I write

Ideas flow freely, and this way of writing feels right….

I break my new year’s resolution even before

I’ve had a chance to put it in practice, to explore

Whether it is sustainable in the long run

I forget about my resolution before I’ve begun

*

Making a resolution is a ritual that I follow

I am not much into rituals, so I do not know

Why I bother with this one- I guess when I make a resolution

I have a faint hope that it would reach fruition

So I keep making resolutions that are meant to be broken

There seems to be a pact between me and my resolution, unspoken

*

Keeping a New Year’s resolution is not something I can do

But I make resolutions throughout the year too

And to those I am more likely to stick

Because they are the ones that I pick

Based on need and feasibility, not a specific date

When I fulfill a resolution, my accomplishment I celebrate

*

I had a resolution in mind to be declared today

But I know I would not honor it anyway

So let me start by making no resolutions this year

Let the year unfold, let its moments appear..

The practice of medicine has been burdened by increasing constraints

Excessive costs and administrative burden make it difficult to maintain

The same quality of patient care as resources continue to shrink

By being pushed harder physicians are being brought to burnout’s brink

Therefore one of the question commonly posed these days

Is whether someone could consider a career pathway

Other than medicine if given a chance to choose again

For me, the answer is that Medicine would my first choice remain

*

I went into Medicine by serendipity

The tale is too long to be told simplistically

But over the years, my profession has become an integral part of me

There is no other career in which I would rather be

Despite the challenges, as an incredible privilege I view

Being trusted with human lives, doing what I do..

When things are rough, there is an ever greater need

To follow through on the Hippocratic oath, to give it my best effort indeed

*

Medicine as a profession chose me, not the other way around

In the practice of medicine, the purpose of my life I have found

When asked if I could go back in time and choose my profession again

I would choose medicine without a doubt, I would remain

True to the calling that pulled me in

The constant that stood by me through thick and thin

That has interwoven itself into my identity

Medicine is an embodiment of life for me..

Forms are of my existence the bane…

Though forms are supposedly worded in language plain

Since they are meant to be filled by the lay person on the street

Filling out a form without errors is like accomplishing a feat

Forms are of red tape an archaic manifestation

Each time I have to fill one out, it is an exercise in frustration

I submit a form, hoping I have plugged in the right information

But something is invariably wrong the first time, to my consternation

Often one or more questions I have misunderstood

Which is baffling- with my level of education I should

Not have difficulty understanding instructions in language plain

Perhaps filling out forms requires using a different part of the brain

That is somehow underdeveloped in me

Which is why filling forms is not easy..

*

Since filling out forms gives me intense anxiety

I shy away from activities that make it necessary

To complete and upload forms, especially in transactions financial

That has limited my financial footprint to an extent substantial..

*

In the modern world where your life is searchable on the internet

Why should forms need to be filled out to get

Information that can in a matter of seconds be found

It is just an outdated norm that has for centuries been around..

Why do we tell children right from the beginning that the world is a competitive place

Why do we impress upon them that struggles they would have to face

And therefore they should obey their elders, study hard to obtain

A good education, because being left behind would bring nothing but pain

We use fear to coax them into doing what we think is right

What if we were to reframe our expectations in a different light?

*

Can we teach our children to look at the world in amazement

Take in all its wonders, ask them to study with the intent

Of understanding how the world works in order to enjoy what it has to offer

Show them joie-de-vivre, not impress upon them that they have to suffer

Make them learn, but not by inculcating fear

Let learning to them enjoyable appear

In time they would see the ills of the world unfold

Hopefully they would still seek joy if they have not been told

To live in the world in a perpetually fearful state

If right from the start, life they have learnt to celebrate..

I would not dance before others because I thought

I had two left feet, gracefulness was not

My strong suit, I would be embarrassingly bad

Neither innate ability nor training in dance I had..

*

I did not paint because the brush did not appear

To co-operate with me, botching up a painting was my fear

I had no aptitude for or the patience to train

As an artist, so from creating artwork I would refrain..

*

I read voraciously but never did write

I could not think of ideas fresh and bright

Writers were a special breed, and I could not be

A part of that distinguished fraternity..

*

I wonder why I had imposed so many restraints

On myself, why I had consciously refrained

From dancing, painting, writing for so long

In artistic spheres I never thought I belonged

Until I saw other amateurs trying their hands

At creative endeavors- I began to understand

That while I would never excel at activities such as those

I could still attempt to participate in them, therefore I chose

To shake a leg at the next gathering, I let go

Of my inhibitions, I let movement flow

Since then I have danced at every opportunity

I do not care about looking awkward or silly

Similarly I paint when inspired, despite the lack of skill

My imperfect brushstrokes a deep longing within me fill

And I write, put on paper my thoughts

Even though a published writer I am not..

*

I freed myself from the restraints I had placed

On myself, and a whole world of possibilities embraced

I tend to react quickly, and often

I would like to develop awareness when

I start overreacting- it is a personal trait

That I am ashamed to admit., I hate

That in the spur of the moment I get carried away

I react defensively, strong words I say

Then repent at leisure for hours, even days

And yet I’ve been unable to modify my ways..

*

Think before you speak is sage advice

By not following it I pay a price

If only I could train my mind

To slow down before reacting I would find

Life would much more peaceful be

Both for myself and those around me..

*

By overreacting most of the time I lose

The power of my opinion, it blunts my ability to choose

The right issue over which a strong reaction I should display

My righteous indignation gets dismissed anyway

*

I was about to react in anger when I began

To pen down these self-deprecating lines, now I can

See how ridiculously overblown my reaction would have been

I am thankful that my anger remained unseen

The amount of work I have to do can be unpredictable

From day to day, when the pace us slow I am unable

To slow down and relax, my mind goes into overdrive

And conjures up unpleasant scenarios- on the other hand I thrive

When I am busy with a workload that is excessive

Because all my brainpower to work I have to give..

*

I am prone to overthinking and getting stressed

If I have time to mull over real or imagined problems, therefore it is best

For me to be so busy that I have little time to think

I just focus on the work before me, and time flies in a blink

When the finite capacity of my mind is utilized

Solely to complete work, I have realized

I have less time to obsess and ruminate

Therefore it helps me to have a full plate..

*

For my anxious nature, being inundated with work is the perfect antidote

Since my entire attention to work I am obligated to devote..