Passion…unbridled

The idea of asking for advice or help I entertain

When burnout seems to loom, and my exhausted brain

An actionable plan cannot figure out

I want to look for help, but am filled with doubt-

Would I actually find the support that I desire

Or would a reputation for being weak I acquire?

*

My profession assumes we all have a high degree

Of resilience, fortitude and an infinite ability

To work without sleep, food and mental breaks

That unwaveringly, in stressful situations, we can take

Critical decisions, while being empathetic and kind

In this milieu of extremely high expectations I find

Myself coming up short- but I hesitate to ask for advice

For admitting my vulnerability I do not want to pay a huge price..

*

I formulate questions that I would ask in a physician group online

But never post them, I just cannot cross the line

Between my bottled-up frustration and its expression

To reveal my weaknesses would be the sort of confession

That I remain quite terrified to make

I know professionally there is much at stake

*

Here is the silver lining to this cloud of despair

As I jot down my concerns I become more self-aware

As I define my problems, clarity I gain

Novel, creative solutions emerge in my brain

I become my own agony aunt so to speak

My spirits are lifted, work does not appear as bleak!

What would you grab if you had to evacuate

In an emergency, in a frenzied state

Suspecting that everything you leave behind

On your return, charred to ash you might find..

*

The question which should be hypothetical

Tragically, became overwhelmingly real

For Angelenos many of whom had possessions abundant

Making it harder to decide to a greater extent

*

Besides the bare necessities and important documents

Would you grab something for which you have strong sentiments?

A prized medal, an heirloom piece, a precious keepsake

In the heat of the moment, how would you decide what to take?

*

Seeing everything you left behind destroyed

Would leave in your heart an inexplicable void

But as you rebuild your life with new-found resilience

What would it be, the loss of which feels the most intense?

*

For all those who have unfortunately witnessed

The destruction of everything they possessed

I hope there was something they were able to retrieve

That would help them move on, help them believe

That they can rebuild their lives from scratch

Amidst darkness, this possession would be their bright patch

You think numbers tell the actual story but that is not true

Numbers can be presented in a way to mislead people too..

*

When you see a percent value exceptionally high

Find the denominator before you begin to rely

On that attractive number- if the denominator is small

Your percentage would be high; into the anticipated trap you would fall

*

When a product is better than something by a certain percent

Know what that “something” is- the devious intent

Here is to use something meaningless to compare

So your product appears better, without you being aware..

*

Graphical representations are easy to grasp, but not always accurate

The devil is in the details, one can create

Misleading graphs by numbering the x and y axes a certain way

If you are not careful, you just believe what the creator wants to say

*

It is easy to be misled with numbers, unless you are astute

If your grasp on mathematics is good, you may challenge or refute

Numbers that look too good to be true

Re-read the numbers- let them not lie to you

One of the biggest problems in my life I’ve identified

Is that from childhood I’ve seen busyness being glorified

This hinders my ability to rest when I need

Results in a schedule that tends to exceed

Available time, so that busy I can stay

Whether it is at work or at play..

*

Busyness worn like a badge of honor, I have seen

Consciously or subconsciously, influenced by this rhetoric I’ve been

When I say I’m busy, I infuse the statement with pride

Even thought I might be feeling drained inside in

*

Being busy seems like a virtue but it is not

I am trying, albeit slowly, to embrace the thought

Of punctuating my work with frequent breaks

So that physical and mental toll on me work does not take

Throughout millennia most problems have been solved

By addition of an innovative product or idea, but to resolve

Most problems in daily life it appears we need

Not to add but subtract various things indeed..

*

If trouble getting good sleep is a major issue

Subtracting time on electronic devices is what one should do

If excessive weight is a problem one has to face

Food is what one needs to subtract and replace

If people feel inadequate by comparing themselves to others endlessly

Then subtracting time spent consuming social media content is key

If burnout at work threatens to knock on the door

One needs to subtract responsibilities, instead of accepting more

When societal expectations weigh one down

They should be thrown away before one drowns..

*

Our ingenuity has allowed overabundance in our lives

But we are adapted to scarcity, so we do not always thrive

Well in the milieu of excess that is all around

Therefore ways to get rid of that excess must be found!

(As the LA fires continue to rage, losses are mounting-

for those with opulent mansions and the homeless

Ephemeral, transient, impermanent

Gone up in flames in an instant

Charred remains of the dreams that stood

Majestically in an opulent neighborhood

Only memories remain to reminisce and rebuild

The life that was once with soaring ambition filled..

*

In a city that has dripped of affluence

There has been an undesirable presence

Of those unhoused, they do not have homes to lose

But they are confined to the area, they cannot choose

To evacuate to safer environs, they stay

In the vicinity of fires, Inhaling the toxic smoke anyway

The loss of stately mansions has received much press

But threats to life and health are greater for the homeless

*

The poignancy of loss is all-pervasive

As the fires rage, affecting those who in the area live

The fires have tragically bridged the divide

Between different sections of the society city-wide

As the long, arduous path to recovery begins

I hope differences diminish and humanity wins

One of the most prominent aspects of immigration

Is the lifelong process of assimilation..

*

In the beginning there is a lot to imbibe

You are motivated because that’s the only way to survive

You start with the language and the laws of the land

Gradually social norms and customs you being to understand

You interact with people at work, and learn the ropes

Of the work culture, some day you would be one of them, you hope

*

Your leisure time is still largely spent

In the easy company of fellow immigrants

Where you feel you can let down your guard

Having fun in a different social circle is hard..

*

After a few years, daily life in the new country appears

Much more comfortable, you start letting go of your fears

Of committing blunders because you may be unaware

Of certain social mores, you are not on your guard everywhere

*

Your children grow up in the adopted nation

You gain deeper understanding of the land as they pursue their education

They correct you when you make mistakes inadvertent

You comprehend social dynamics to an even greater extent

*

And yet, sometimes out of the blue, situations arise

Where you are unsure of the right etiquette, you realize

There are aspects of life in your adopted nation

That you do not fully comprehend, therefore your efforts at assimilation

Need to continue, it is a lifelong commitment

That you made when you became an immigrant

These days it is easier to get disappointed as tourists to places picturesque

Because the vistas before you are not quite what you expect

Before your visit, innumerable pictures you have already checked out

Taken by expert photographers on perfect days, the ones without

A cloud in the sky, and most likely enhanced

These days using AI, there is only a small chance

That the scene before you looks as perfect as the photographs carefully curated

You promptly decide that the destination is overrated

Clouds obstruct your view and the place is overrun

By tourists like yourself, you are not having fun

*

Your hopes have been dashed to the floor

You do not expect to be impressed anymore

But you walk a little further, where the crowds have dispersed

And you come across a vista that must be unparalleled in this universe

The clouds have lent it an otherworldly hue

You promptly snap pictures of this breathtaking view..

*

You realize there is much more to the place

Than the initial view, disappointment you had faced

Because you were trying to judge by its cover the whole book

Now that you have opened it, there is unparalleled beauty in every direction you look

A sea of flames

An inferno

Watching in despair

The conflagrations grow

Homes and hopes

All dashed

Entire neighborhoods

Turned to ash

Evacuated

Never to return

Precious assets

To the ground burn

The Santa Ana winds

Fanning the fires

Air thick with smoke

A situation dire

Like a bombed war zone

Swathes of land charred

Witnesses of the fire

Permanently scarred

.

I send a prayer to the heavens above

For the devilish firestorm to end

To the firefighters and first responders

My gratitude and wishes I send

The resilience of the city is severely strained

But from the ashes, like a phoenix, the city shall rise again

(I am talking about pain medications available over the counter such as ibuprofen/motrin/aleve etc and not opioids, though towards the end I do allude to the addictive potential of pain medications and that refers to opioids.)

It hurts, and I would rate my pain as six out of ten

In the throes of pain there was a time when

I would not think twice about popping a pill

To ease my pain, not taking medicine would not be the hill

I would die on-I could not afford to be slowed down by pain

Debilitated by physical discomfort I could not remain

Having an in-depth understanding of how pain medications act

I had no reason to doubt the efficacy of the pill, in fact..

*

I also happen to be exceptionally well-versed

In the side-effects of pain medications-there is ample research

To suggest that over-the-counter pain medications used indiscriminately

Can cause stomach ulcers and damage to the kidney

I counsel patients to take pain pills cautiously

I should heed the advice equally applicable to me

*

So I channel my inner stoicism to the best possible extent

And power through aches and pains- my intent

Is to beat the need for pain medication and still function somehow-

I go without a pill for twenty-four plus hours but the pain does not allow

Normal functioning- I am not as productive as I would be

If only I were not in pain constantly

*

I do not have a chronic pain issue, and yet

Physical pain was not easy for me to forget

For those who suffer from chronic pain difficult it must be

To power through it and still live life productively

I wish there were better remedies for pain that were not

Accompanied by risks of physical damage or addiction- pain has brought

Many people to the brink of self-destruction and violence

All judgment is clouded in the face of pain intense..

What else can go wrong, my brain asks

Keeping all possible scenarios in mind is no easy task

My mind tries to through every contingency that may arise

How I would deal with each scenario it tries to visualize

Plans A, B and C it tries to come up with, to fully prepare

For any eventuality, so I am not caught unaware..

When nothing goes wrong there is a sense of relief

This happened because of mental preparation- is the firm belief

*

The one thing that goes wrong usually tends to be

Something that was not anticipated previously

My brain adds that scenario to the checklist of things

Each challenge in life more stuff to worry about brings

It appears I cannot relax- there is always something to worry about

Even when life appears to be following a mostly smooth route..

*

This cycle needs to be broken for my peace of mind

Some respite in meditation and good sleep I find

The tendency to worry is by now so ingrained

That it would take time for normal thinking patterns to be regained…

If you never had the courage to put your art out there

For people to see, to admire or critique, to just be aware

That it exists, would you eventually end up diminishing your light

Or would your inner motivation be enough to let it burn bright

If no one sees your art, would you be able to claim

That you are an artist, let alone making a name

For yourself as one-would your art get repetitive

In the absence of an outside perspective..

*

There are so many ways to display

Your art to the world these days

That even if your own worst critic you happen to be

Give others a chance to evaluate it objectively

Who knows whose soul your art might touch

Even if you don’t get recognition much

So showcase your talent on social media, or at a local fair

You have something valuable to offer, let the world be aware..