Passion…unbridled

I have never understood why women are

Labeled as talkative, men in my experience by far

Outdo women in talking in every place

Mansplain everything, take up as much space

As they can in every discussion, especially when women are involved

Over thousands of years society has evolved

In such a way that women listen while men speak their minds

Women, if they do the same, often find

Themselves in trouble, they learn to choose

Their words and tone carefully before they let loose

The thoughts in their minds for people to hear

Being judged for their words they fear

Much more than men do, and yet wisecracks abound

On how women talk nonstop in their high-pitched sounds…

*

Yes women talk, to share their lives

Through their connection with others they thrive

Women talk to each other, knowing that men

Are probably too full of their egos to listen..

I read quite voraciously, and read

Books in every genre indeed

From self-help books to literary fiction

From non-fiction to memoirs- but I have a predilection

For anything published in large print these days

I admit, at the risk of being ridiculed by bibliophiles anyway

That sometimes my valuable time I spend

In reading romance novels, I shall not pretend

That romance novels are beneath my standard in books

I do not care that somewhat uncouth I look

Romance novels appear templated and predictable

Full of good looking men and women gullible

But the happily ever after vibe makes me see

The world in a more positive light temporarily

Even in a poorly written plot, love conquers all

Not for the characters, but for the emotions I fall…

*

There are many good books waiting to be read

But I have had a long day, I need to relax before going to bed

Let me pick a romance novel to help leave behind

All the worries of the real world plaguing my mind

Let me join the millions of women all over the world

Who read these novels in solitary pleasure, word by word

Tomorrow I shall pick up a meatier book and regain

My bibliophilic persona once again

There are times when life as a physician

Becomes overwhelming, being in a position

Where decisions that influence life and death are to be made

Takes its toll, through the murky waters you try to wade

Without sinking into the swamp of negativity

You detach yourself to preserve your spirit, your sanity

During such times, you try to delude yourself to believe

That it is just a job in which payment for services you receive

You try to separate your identity from what you do

Thinking this would make work bearable enough to continue…

*

If only you could detach yourself that easily!

Medicine is not just what you practice, but a part of your identity

You flirt with detachment and then come back to your profession

With a renewed vow of loyalty, practicing medicine is an extension

Of who you are, your existence is inexorably intertwined

With what you do, you have to find a solution within those confines…

*

The cloud of despair was temporary, and has been lifted

You return in full swing, grateful that you have been gifted

With the responsibility to make decisions that impact

Life and death, keeping this in mind you must act

So many bodily functions can be quantified

Normal values fall within a range, narrow or wide

The numeric value of a test result is compared

To the reference range to tell you how you have fared..

*

With access to all the results instantly

All patients are now able to see

Their test results compared to normal limits

They get anxious when their values do not fit

Within those golden parameters, they want an explanation

From their health care teams, especially their physicians..

*

It is hard to know where one lies on the spectrum of health and disease

Numbers with reference ranges can be understood with ease

But the human body is a dynamic machine

With processes working simultaneously but remaining unseen

An outlier can be close to the reference range or further away

Both have to be interpreted in very different ways

In either case, interpretation of any test is a skill acquired

After years of training, the health care professional is required

To interpret the overall result of every test

Not by itself, but in a specific disease context..

*

Next time you see a number quite outside

The reference range, don’t get preoccupied

With the number itself, call your physician(s) instead

Let them interpret it for you, don’t let needless anxiety occupy your head..

As if life were not complicated enough

The hormonal roller-coaster makes it more tough

To go through life unruffled and even-keeled

When curveballs from your own body you have to field..

*

While giving a presentation you sense

Creeping up your neck and face is a heat intense

You falter and stumble, because you are confused

You “look” embarrassed, your demeanor is misconstrued

*

You have been used to dealing with monthly woes

But the unpredictability you face now does not come close

To what you have experienced over the last many years

To go anywhere not fully prepared causes intense fear..

*

Mysterious aches, weight gain and disturbances of sleep-

The vicissitudes of hormonal changes run deep

Emotional lability much worse than pregnancy

Threatens to completely destroy your sanity

*

You are a homemaker, a mother and a professional too

Juggling these roles efficiently is a struggle for you

And now hormones are trying their best to derail

You from your path, you just hope you would not fail

“This too shall pass” you tell yourself once again

Hoping life would get better after going through this pain…

I think the best of me is expressed

At work in situations full of stress..

I should try to apply to other life situations

The methods I use successfully in my profession

*

Before you think I am tooting my horn, allow me to explain

As far as my profession is concerned I am trained

To take care of patients who are critically ill

As time goes by I continue to hone my skills-

When you take care of sick patients with complexities

You get mired in the minutiae of their co-morbidities

Often it is helpful to step back and obtain

The thirty-thousand foot view to ascertain

The next best step- that step decisive

Could determine whether the patient lives..

*

Life often poses challenges that are hard to navigate

Circumstances and my reactions further complicate

The situation, instead of getting caught in matters inconsequential

I should take a step back to get the big picture, the elements essential

Just like I do when I have a critical patient before me

Stepping back would allow the same kind of objectivity

*

I am learning life lessons from my professional domain

To pause for a moment, step back and evaluate again

There is a word I both love and hate-

That particular word is “approximate”

To every situation it adds an element of uncertainty

It allows you some leeway, keeps you commitment-free..

*

As an example it is good to see this word in a recipe

It allows me room for some creativity

In addition or subtraction of ingredients, for adjustment of taste

Helps me give an individual flair to the dish and minimizes waste

On the other hand, if exact measurements are required

It feels like a lab experiment, not a feeling I desire

*

When time for a meeting is given as approximate

It allows room for someone to be late

Since punctuality is not always my strong suit

For myself I prefer time to have a value absolute

The window of time on either side of approximate

Is difficult to determine, and I end up being late..

*

While on this subject, there is one thing I would say

I am grateful I was taught mathematics in such a way

That I have the ability to quickly calculate

Numbers in my head to get to a value approximate

In the human body most values have a range of acceptability

To determine that range, approximation is the fastest way for me

*

Finally, my age I now prefer to state

Not in absolute years but as a value approximate..

Why am I so gullible to the myth of being thin

That when I get on the scale it seems like a a win

In the midst of feeling that I’m losing out

On many other counts, I feel good about

My near static and (relatively) desirable weight

I know that being thin does not equate

Health, will power or strength of character

Weight just serves as a distractor

From the other insecurities that I face

I try to feel good about being in a good place

With my weight, at least the impression people have of me

Is not that I am gluttonous, undisciplined or lazy

Hopefully I come across as being energetic and agile

The thought gives me comfort for a while..

*

The irony is that even at a normal weight

I have made it a point on which to fixate..

In true confession I am terrified of weight gain

A few pounds would not affect my health but the psychological pain

Of having failed at the one thing in which I had success

Would be much more than I can process..

*

As I reflect on my dysfunctional relationship with weight

Despite knowing better, I try to evaluate

How social conditioning is so hardwired in my brain

That I fall for the myth of thin being desirable again and again

If I feel this way, I can only imagine how those not as thin

Must feel- most probably don’t feel comfortable in their skin..

*

I do not know who needs to hear this today

But being thin does not reflect on who you are in any way…

In the ideal world I would pay

Much more attention from day to day

To every facet of my work, corners never cut

Do the same for my family and home- but

In the ideal world of my dreams I do not live

My real world is messy and chaotic, and I have to give

Part of myself to every role that I am in

My attention gets divided, my patience wears thin

Hormonal roller-coaster complicates matters too

When emotions get high, it creates the perfect milieu

For missing something crucial, in a moment of inattention

For glossing over to get to the next task, despite good intentions

When I discover my error, usually too late

I feel guilty and obsessively ruminate

About how I would pay attention to detail

I devise new strategies that would not let me fail

*

I may not repeat the exact same mistake

But there are always too many factors at stake

And I continue to be an individual error-prone

Ignoring noise to focus on what’s important is a skill I must hone

At what point do you say enough is enough

When you deal with human lives it is tough

To let go, there is always one more modality of treatment

That can be administered, with the intent

Of prolonging life even at the cost of discomfort

How do you determine it is not worth the effort

Most patients rely on you to tell them what to do

And as long as there are treatment modalities old and new

To treat their illness, to offer them compelled you feel

The time they have left you do not want to steal

Even though you know the treatment may not provide

Meaningful quality of life, you don’t want your thoughts applied

To your patient’s situation, therefore unless they tell you

To stop further treatment, you decide to continue..

*

Sometimes both quantity and quality of life are gained

Sometimes neither, you are reminded once again

That you can just act in good faith and the rest

Is not in your hands despite your trying your best

You’ve worked a long day in a supercharged state of mind

You’ve looked forward to being home, to sit down and unwind

You turn on the news or surf the internet

Trying to find something that can hold your interest

But your mind keeps drifting subconsciously

Towards the work from which you were supposed to be free

You have constant access to work related stuff

So disconnecting yourself completely seems tough..

You have not actually brought work home, and yet

You’ve brought work-related stress by bringing work snippets

No wonder you do not feel rested the next day

You had work following you on your way..

*

You must try to actively shift your mindset

From work to relaxation and reset

Your brain to enjoy an activity that does not show

Any resemblance to your work as far as you know

*

The mantra is to disengage from work every day

Leave all thoughts of it for the next day

You make a decision and then repent

All your energy has been spent

From indecisiveness to a decision

You have tried to re-envision

Your goals for the future and now

You’ve stepped into the unknown anyhow

You wonder if the right step you have taken

You obsess over whether you were mistaken

About the opportunity you had thought

You should pursue, you had sought

Something to get you out of a situation unbearable

But you wonder if you have made life unstable..

*

To make a major change in life takes courage profound

Once you take a decision, you should stand your ground

Otherwise the “what if” scenarios playing in your mind

Can cause your decision-making process to unravel and unwind

And leave you stuck in the past that ironically

Was the one you were trying to flee