Passion…unbridled

So many times as a child she had heard

That she was speaking out of turn, but it never occurred

To her that this reprimand was more than a slap on the wrist

She felt guilty that she was unable to resist

Chiming in with her opinions that happened to be

Rather too liberal to go down well in a society

Struggling to discard the mentality deeply ingrained

Of exercising control over women, keeping their speech in chains…

*

The hierarchy of power in a household outwardly harmonious

Was subtle, but strong, one step erroneous

Could upend the existing order, this she knew

But did not realize speaking out of turn was an infraction too..

*

As she grew up she found herself increasingly

In situations where assertive she had to be

Her opinions she needed to articulate

With confidence, she needed to be able to state

Her reasoning, and defend it, but this she found

Extremely challenging, she suffered from self-doubt profound

She questioned herself if what she was about to say

Was spoken out of turn, or offensive to someone in some way..

Unfortunately as time went by she started to believe

That this was a character flaw, this is how herself she would perceive

*

Years later, while reading a book she realized with a start

That those childhood admonishments had played a huge part

In making her afraid of expressing herself freely

The subtle control exercised over her had damaged her psyche

At the same time she realized those chains were now broken

She had to detach herself from her childhood to become more outspoken..

*

She found her voice, and it continues to be

Strong, original, imbued in authenticity

(Especially during holidays when you do not celebrate them the way other people do…)

When you do things differently and do not conform

To cultural practices around you, do not follow the norm

Sometimes it becomes quite difficult to participate

In casual conversation, it is difficult to communicate

You do not want to become a social outcast, of course

Therefore, unwillingly yourself you force

And pretend with a fake smile that you follow

The usual customs, you let the conversation flow..

*

You feel guilty, it’s not like you’re doing something wrong

It is expected but not mandatory to follow along

With the cultural norms, it’s not a crime to be different

But unfortunately the herd tends to be insistent

On following its mentality, or endless criticism you face

You want to be yourself, but retain your place

In the society, to be outcast is sad indeed

To be detached from your community is not what you need

Despite your guilt you disregard your conscience

And fib a little, to keep up the pretense

When your hard work yields no results and you feel defeated

When you put in your best effort and are left depleted

Of energy and enthusiasm, it is hard to see

A silver lining to the clouds of despondency

When you overcome multiple obstacles but do not get

Anywhere near your goal, you are obviously upset

You question your relevance in the grand design

Of the universe, it appears you cannot align

Your efforts with your goals, then you go down

A spiral of negativity, in a sea of despair you are ready to drown

*

You drag yourself forward, what else can you do

Devoid of expectations, you make it through

The next few days until one day

Things seem to fall neatly in place your way

Your effort is appreciated, your hard work yields fruit

Your spirits come up, you are ready to shoot

Higher once again-this is the ebb and flow

Of failure and success, of high and low

The biggest know-it-all happens to be

My inner critic unfortunately

*

My inner critic in an arrogant tone says

That it knows I cannot succeed anyway

When my mind is trying to picture that possibility

As I try venture into uncharted territory

My inner critic acts like failure is a truth absolute

My hopes of being successful it tries to refute

It tries to shut down any progress that I try to make

It tells me I am an imposter, that my capabilities are fake

*

My inner critic’s voice I must shut down

So that in its proclamation of failure I do not drown

Let me listen to the tiny voice that gives me

Hope to move forward, hope that successful I can be

This voice is not as confident in its belief

As that of my inner critic, but it is a relief

To hear a voice within my mind

That is with my goals inclined

*

Let me selectively hear the encouraging voice

And ignore the critic, let me exercise this choice

I am excited to reach my 30th and last post for this month. I was secretly participating in the National Blog Posting Month Challenge (doing it for the third year in a row!) I was unsure if I would be able to follow through given other commitments this month, and I did not want to publicly fail a challenge, therefore I did not mention it so far.

You really want to create a good impression

To the extent that it becomes an obsession

You say and do only what you’ve heard you should

You try to do things the way you think your boss would

You want to prove yourself worthy in his eyes

You assume trying to do your own thing would be unwise..

*

You become a “yes-person”, you always echo

What your boss says, you stoke his ego

Sometimes you want to counter him

But the chances of that actually happening are slim

*

You’ve stopped bringing original ideas to the table

Your ability to think for yourself seems disabled

Your boss treats you benevolently but does not

Recommend you for a promotion as you had thought…

*

One day there is a problem in need of a solution

Somehow with your problem-solving skills and intuition

You come up with an answer that is your own

Everyone takes notice, you have shown

Your organization and your boss that you can be

An invaluable asset to the entire company

*

This is the eureka moment when you realize

You cannot gain respect in your superior’s eyes

By imitation or sycophancy, instead you should enhance

Your own unique talents, when you get the right chance

To display your skills, you would be recognized

What set you apart is what would make you rise

Even when beauty was no longer skin deep

The slopes of traditional beauty were narrow and steep

I now applaud the Miss Universe beauty pageant

For being inclusive to a much greater extent

I wonder how beauty standards were so constrained

Within narrow walls, why women only with few characteristics reigned

The beauty of many women multi-faceted

Had been ignored and underestimated

The barriers of size, attire and gender definition

Have been broken in one stroke, ending an arbitrary tradition

*

The world is inclusive even if society is not

Let society discard its archaic thoughts

To include all citizens of this planet

Diversity is inherent in the natural world and yet

Society has trampled diverse voices to exercise

Control so that one group can dominate and rise

It is time to demolish that hegemony

Like the natural world, we should embrace inclusivity

Peace and tranquility are hard to find

I’d gone to great lengths to quieten my mind

Tried everything the world tells one to do

Forced myself into various practices too

That have been proven to infuse calmness

But underlying issues I did not address

For my simmering discontent, that feeling pervasive

Of never being enough, with which I had habituated myself to live..

*

Anything I encountered in my daily life would

Trigger feelings of inadequacy, I stood

On a shaky ground where my self-worth was tied

To what I achieved, therefore no matter how hard I tried

To improve my self-worth, it did not do so

No achievement was enough, I kept feeling low

*

That feeling of never being enough colored everything for me

In increasingly grayer shades of despondency

Never was I with my situation at ease

Therefore never was I able to find peace

*

It took years of self-examination to identify

What was wrong, and I still wonder why

I decided my self-worth equated what I achieved

This erroneous connection I had to cleave

*

I wish I could say that I’ve found the solution I need

That from the shackles of my thinking I’ve been freed

It is a work in progress, and not a straightforward one

To accept myself as I am is easier said than done

One thing is clear- mental peace shall elusive stay

Until I accept myself independent of my achievements one day

(This describes my parent country India)

A cacophony of sounds

Loud noises all around

The air oppressively thick

Skin, with grime and sweat slick

People, animals, vehicles jostling for space

Huge crowds in every place

A cauldron of odors, foul and sickeningly sweet

An assault on your senses as you step on the street..

*

In the midst of chaos my heart finds

Peace that cannot be explained by my mind

The assault on my senses jolts me

Into the realization that I am home, undeniably

The sights, sounds, smells, all collide

To produce the warmth of familiarity deep inside

In a turbulent milieu, I experience tranquility

And that is what coming home means to me

So many times I realize I’m not

Present in the moment, my thoughts

Have taken me away from the place I am at

I am neither attentive to this nor that..

**

Sometimes over the past I ruminate

Sometimes about the future I speculate

In either case the moment before me

Escapes my conscious attention completely

**

How many moments have I wasted this way

How many precious experiences have I thrown away

Unborn tomorrow and dead yesterday

Why have I let them interfere with my present in this way?

*

A magical sunset unfolds before me

And I am shaken out of my reverie

I had lost myself in planning for the next day

I consciously tuck that thought away

Reflexively I start reflecting on the day gone by

Then remind myself to observe the golden sky

In this spectacular, awe-inspiring moment

I am finally with all my senses present

Unfortunately each year I get sucked into the furor

The day after giving thanks for what I have, I scramble to acquire more

The promise of a good sale is too hard to pass by

When there is a huge discount, I feel compelled to buy

Things I might in a hypothetical future need

Things that are quite unnecessary indeed

*

Later I feel embarrassed, having fallen prey

To the Machiavellian charms of Black Friday

The only solace is that I have ample company

Many folks are regretful just like me

Having been lured into expenditure senseless

On buying unnecessary objects in excess

*

As a commercial strategy, it is brilliant of course

Year after year, Black Friday continues to force

People to spend recklessly and in excess

And we never seem to learn from the process

Of buying in a rush and repenting at leisure

This maniacal shopping does not even give pleasure..

*

Easy to make a resolution today

That next year I shall ignore Black Friday

I hope I remember this on the D-day

So I don’t fritter my moolah away

When vacation begins, I am most excited about

Reading new books- I cannot travel without

A couple of them- both e-books and paperbacks

So that at no point in time I lack

Stimulation for my brain, or get bored

During long journeys with nothing to explore

For me, curling up with a book in a place new

Is included in my vision of an idyllic vacation too

*

It is especially interesting to find a read

That is set in the place of my travel, indeed

It allows me to get an understanding comprehensive

Of my destination, and how people in it live

I compare what I see to the image in my head

Based on the description of the place I’ve read

To do it in real-time gives me a thrill inexplicable

An elevated travel experience for me it enables..

*

I have traveled widely through books, but I confess

Traveling in person I have done much less

But each time I see a place I’ve read about extensively

That place takes on an otherworldly charm for me

I want to string into words my unique impression

Of the place, give my sense of awe some expression

*

In an engrossing book set in the place

Of my upcoming travel, I bury my face

Conspicuous consumption is a thing of the past

Current trend is the opposite of all things fast

Slow fashion is the mantra to follow these days

Reuse, recycle, repurpose in creative ways..

*

I definitely do not believe in use once and discard

But living a sustainable life with limited time is hard

It takes time and effort to provide adequate care

For your possessions, to clean, mend and repair

Some of these skills I’ve lost, others I did not

Ever develop, now that I give it a thought

Growing up in a society increasingly driven

Towards consumption, I was not given

Instruction in how to fix or repair

I could replace broken things cheaply, I just did not care

*

To live sustainably I must be able to

Repair old things, not just replace them with objects new

Find time to build a life sustainable and slow

Recycle and reuse, not just use and throw