This post deals with depression in physicians (and no, it has nothing to do with me). An estimated 300 physicians die by suicide in the U.S. per year. Physicians who took their lives were less likely to be receiving mental health treatment compared with
non- physicians who took their lives even though depression was found to be a significant risk factor at approximately the same rate in both groups.
I had never thought I would live to recount
This story, I was convinced I could not surmount
The veil of depression that had me shrouded
In abject despondency my life had been clouded
I was losing my purpose as a physician
Helplessly battling what I knew was clinical depression
Unable to seek help-the stakes were too high
The stigma was strong- and ashamed was I
The never ending demands in professional life
Infiltrating into personal space, causing strife
At home- had driven me to my wit’s end
That I was normal, I could no longer pretend…
*
In a flood of depression somehow I had made up my mind
To end my life – no peace I could find
I stood on the bridge, saying my last prayer
What happened next, I’m not quite aware
A gentle tap on my shoulder woke me from my trance
Someone exclaimed- “there’s the doctor who gave me a second chance”
I turned to find what can best be described
As a smile that was as genuine as it was wide
Belonging to a patient who had been treated by me
Several years ago- from death’s door to an astounding recovery
I had spent days and nights by her bedside
Her remarkable recovery had been to me a source of pride
*
Being worldly-wise, I suspect she did comprehend
That my life I was contemplating to end
Because very quietly she took my hand in hers
Looked me in the eye, and with all the experience of her years
In a soothing voice she reminded me
That if I could fight for her, I could fight definitely
For myself- she made me recall
Why I was a physician, why after my fall
I needed to get up, not wither away
I might have saved her once, she saved me that day…
*
I turned, went back home in gratitude
Forced myself to adopt a proactive attitude
I sought professional help to manage my depression
Found myself again, found enthusiasm for my profession
*
Someone was watching out for me that day
My work is not done- I still need to stay…
Passion...unbridled 