Attacked by my body

NaBloPoMo 2021

This poem is a humble attempt to give a voice to millions of people living with autoimmune illnesses. There is so much more I wanted to say, but for now this is all I have.

That time when I felt normal, completely alive

Seems a memory distant, I’d have to take a deep dive

To recall when things were “good”, before a laundry list

Of symptoms appeared, and I started my tryst

With the medical system, seeing a motley crew

Of specialists, many kinds of tests they would do

On me over the years, prescribe medications

That grew more expensive each year, without giving an indication

Of improvement in my condition sustained

No matter what I did, my symptoms waxed and waned

I had flare-ups at times most inconvenient

They followed no schedule, I could not prevent

A flare-up when it threatened its ugly head

Hoping to improve next morning, I would go to bed

Wake up disappointed, in discomfort and pain

Hoping for a remission to follow again

Each time nervous that the disease activity

Was here to stay, at a worse new baseline I would be

*

Pesky steroids, immunosuppressants and more

Fear of infections shaking me to the core

Each common viral illness leaving its mark

With new symptoms, some subtle, some stark

Any kind of stress sending my system immune

In to overdrive, from which I would not bounce back soon

All kinds of restrictive diets I have tried

When nothing worked, myself to sleep I’ve cried

Then the pandemic came, to derange life even further for me

I worried the virus would challenge my immunity

*

Why could my body not learn

To love itself, not attack it, I yearn

For a life free of worry constant

Even though I manage well to an extent

There are times when gourmet food

Unleashes a torrent of symptoms that intrude

On my ability to live from day to day

Normally- then I have to remind myself in some way

“This too shall pass” because flares come and go

Tomorrow may be the best day, I never know!

Published by iheart11

A 30-something year old woman, physician by profession, fiercely passionate about work, family, travel and fashion..

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