Passion…unbridled

When I was younger, I had plenty of tests to take

Some not that important, others holding my future at stake

And when the results were about to be revealed

My nervousness was hard to conceal

With butterflies in my stomach and increasing heartbeat

I would open the results page, fearful of perceived defeat

Over the years, I experienced moments

Of both jubilation and bitter disappointment

*

I thought those days of nervous anticipation

Of test results was a relic of the past, never in my imagination

Had it occurred to me that the same sentiment

Could be evoked by results of tests performed with a different intent..

I am talking about medical diagnostic tests that appear

To come back increasingly abnormal each year

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With a smattering of health issues that have now appeared

I need to take a variety of tests, and I fear

Each time that the result would come back

As markedly abnormal, and that coping skills I lack

To deal with the reality of my health in decline

To not find out the results, sometimes I feel inclined

Only to remember that I have dealt in the past

With earth-shattering disappointments that did not last..

*

Like I used to do before, I whisper a prayer

To let the Lord give me the strength to take care

Of my health even if I “fail” the test

I open up my patient chart, hoping for the best…

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I’ve realized that there will always be tests to take

Based on the results, difficult decisions I might have to make

Now that I have procrastinated enough, I should go

And open my test result, staying prepared for a nasty blow

I thought I would have achieved something by now

Something tangible, something recognizable that would allow

Me to experience some degree of satisfaction

That would lead to increasing interaction

With the movers and shakers around me

I would find a place in august company..

I laugh when I think of the castles I had built in the air

What a reckless dreamer I was, that I was so unaware

Of the reality of my life, and my limited capabilities

Turns out I had grossly overestimated my abilities

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When I start lamenting about my lack of success, my inner voice interjects

To remind me that I have reached certain milestones I did not expect

I have garnered some victories I never thought would be mine

And although life did not proceed per my intended design

There have been highs I never thought I would see

Life has taken a different, but positive trajectory..

*

I still have hopes from life that are fairly high

I still crave recognition, I shall not lie

But life has given me a lot, that much is true

I must remember to count my blessings too

I read a heartbreaking article that explored

How adolescent girls were using chatbots more and more

To ask questions that girls have wanted to ask for generations

Using chatbots for advice, therapy and confession

Too afraid or embarrassed to seek answers elsewhere

What they cannot discuss with parents, teachers or peers, with chatbots they share

*

Many teenage girls have internalized shame

They are dealing with emotions that they cannot name

From people around them, judgement they fear

So their questions in chat-boxes at late night appear

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It saddens me to see how the questions they ask reveal

How they crave connection and understanding, how they feel

Confused and afraid in a world that safe does not seem to be

They are searching for reassurance and clarity

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Instead of whispering their innermost thoughts

In the dead of the night to chatbots

I wish they would have people around them in whom they can confide

I wish they would not have to feel like they have secrets to hide…

*

I wish the chatbot could be replaced

By a real human being, a kind face..

The urge to fill each blank space in my house I resist

I let vacant spaces for optimal flow of energy persist

I examine my artwork nearing completion and decide

Not to add more detail, I do not want intricate details to hide

The message that my broad brushstrokes are trying to convey

I shall leave my artwork unfinished today..

In a conversation I am no longer going to attempt

To fill moments of silence with small talk, I am content

With letting periods of silence punctuate conversation

To give space for listening, reflection and equal participation

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I am learning to overcome my conditioned discomfort when I see

Vacant spaces in the world around me

Not every void need to be filled immediately

Blankness allows for quietude and tranquility

Let blank spaces act as inspiration

For novel ideas, solutions and innovations

There have been times when I have not found

A safe space to unburden myself, on looking around

Of reproach, rejection, resentment, afraid I have been

I have retreated into my shell, remaining unheard and unseen

I have longed to have safe spaces where I can be

Understood and accepted, without changing anything about me..

*

Thinking about it further, I realized that I could try to be

A safe space for others in my orbit, where they are free

To express themselves, sometimes vent their frustrations

Without the fear of judgement or retaliation

“Be the change you wish to see in the world,” this quotation

Resonates with me strongly, but I’ve lagged behind in its application..

*

I need to be a good listener, I need to discard

Any preconceived notions, initially it could be hard

But I believe if I commit to it, I can learn to be

The ear that listens and the shoulder that supports- judgement-free

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Going down this path would allow me to heal

As others’ emotions I learn to understand and feel

As an aspiring artist, I am trying to get the pencil to follow my mind

I imagine my pencil moving in effortless, fluid lines

Uniform and neat, the way artists draw

But my strokes are marked by a major flaw

That makes my artwork look unrefined

My artwork, like everything else I do, is defined

By a tendency to be rushed- patience is not my cup of tea

It reflects in most areas of my life, and I can see

Hastily drawn lines, brushstrokes screaming of carelessness

Attention to details lost in the process..

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As soon as I start a project, I get fixated on the finish line

I take up small projects to circumvent this habit of mine

Yet the feeling of being pressed for time does not go away

And throughout the project, in a rushed state I say..

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This is similar to how I feel during my workday, I realize

As soon as I begin, my mind is galvanized

In working fast so that all tasks I can complete

As soon as possible, before all my energy I deplete

It allows me to be efficient at work, but this obsession with efficiency

While creating art becomes a deficiency

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Let me get back to my art, reminding myself to be slow

Perhaps I would be able to enter a state of flow

And be able to create my best artwork to date

The possibility sounds attractive to contemplate…

You don’t sell something simply by extolling its virtues

People don’t just buy a product that you ask them to choose

To sell any product successfully, you should sell

A dream to prospective buyers, have a story to tell

That tugs at their heartstrings, evokes nostalgic feelings

If your product stirs people’s emotions, there is no ceiling

To how much you can sell, your product flies off the shelves

Because people are buying the promise of s dream for themselves..

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Of course your product has to be useful and well-made

Otherwise once the glitter of the promised dream starts to fade

People stop buying your product, it is no longer in trend

That its substance matches the story, you can no longer pretend..

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So come up with a great product, and conjure

A story so compelling that you ensure

Your product captivates your clients’ imagination

Let your story exemplify the art of persuasion

Solo travel appears to be a big trend

If you suffer from wanderlust and intend

To travel the world, you might not find

Others in your social orbit similarly inclined

But YOLO! You live only once, therefore

The wonders of the world you should explore

Alone, or with other strangers who share

Your love for travel, you can find them everywhere

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The idea of traveling all alone is intimidating, I must say

I am afraid of losing my stuff or bearings along the way

Of being duped or robbed, being left in the wilderness

I am afraid of a trip turning into a nightmare, I confess

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I am still waiting to embark on that life-changing journey

That has the potential to transform me

Some day my wanderlust I shall satiate

Until then, short solo trips I shall celebrate

Signing documents can a tricky business be

The most meticulous among us sign without reading thoroughly

At least on occasion, because documents are wordy and long-winded

And our time and attention spans are both limited

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I worry about signing without reading, my signature represents

A tangible proof of my approval and consent

At the same time, my inability to timely sign work-related documents

Can have grave consequences for my patients

In the current state of healthcare

Roadblocks and hurdles abound everywhere

There is more paperwork to be filled out

And more forms to be signed, something I wish we could do without

Someone else fills out these forms painstakingly

And I sign them in good faith, assuming accuracy..

*

Maybe I should get AI to help me

And check each form for factual accuracy

Before I scribble my signature on the dotted line

The more I think about it, the more attractive this idea I find

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For now, I have a stack of forms neatly arranged before me

I resolve to read them before signing, at least cursorily

The number of self-help books I’ve read is countless

But one common piece of advice they all profess

Is to change your life by changing your mindset

On your reaction to situations, calmly reflect

And reframe your response in a manner positive

If you do this, a more contented life you can live..

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It sounds like great advice for motivation

But I believe it is an oversimplification

It may not be that easy to change your mindset

If your basic needs are not being met

Adequate time and a safe space to reflect

Are prerequisites before you can reset

Your expectations- if in survival mode you are caught

You may not have the luxury to modify your patterns of thought

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In my opinion this advice is great, but not universally applicable

It does not work in a crisis or in a situation unstable

If it were that simple, most of us would have tried

To change our mindsets and been more satisfied…

When I meet a woman who exudes confidence

My mind is filled with curiosity intense

What is her secret- I want to know

She has that admirable (and enviable) glow

That comes from her ability to own the room she is in

She is poised and comfortable in her own skin

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I, on the other hand, rarely come across as confident

Mostly I am awkward, self-conscious and limited in the extent

To which I interact with people, I just fade in the background

Therefore with confident women myself I want to surround

I hope to learn from them a thing or two

So that I can project myself in a better light too

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I truly believe that confidence is a woman’s best accessory

The most beautiful woman is the most confident one, at least for me

That is the woman I most admire

To be that woman is my ultimate desire

Making my bed in the morning is something I strive to do

It may be hurried, imperfect, but what is also true

That if I do not make my bed, it weighs heavily on me

As if I have forgotten something before the start of a journey

This is what my adolescent routinely gets nagged about

Making his bed in the morning is a task I don’t let him go without..

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A striking article that I recently read

Extolled the virtues of making a bed

It can be a grounding ritual, the author explained

Signaling the beginning of a new day yet again

Though the practice varies across cultures and generations

It is a timeless ritual that has merited continuation