Passion…unbridled

Many times over the course of my career

I have felt inadequate and inferior

For not being considered for a leadership position

I continue to be a workhorse physician

Hearing the phrase “physician leader” sends me

Into a downward spiral of inadequacy

I worry I have not in my career progressed

My growing patient panel does not equate success

*

I came across an article regarding leadership as a physician

On the subject of physician leader, it had a slightly different position

The article explained and in fact, reminded me

That every physician is a leader in their role primary

It is true that I lead my team, in hospital rounds and in emergencies

In fact, being a team leader is one of my responsibilities

Then why am I so fixated on leadership as defined

By presence in the C-suite- that’s not where I would find

Fulfillment as a leader, I am made to lead at bedside

That’s the kind of leadership in which I take pride

In my daily life it is difficult for me

To summon enough energy

To complete my work and still have some left

At the end of the day I am bereft

Of both energy and motivation

On the other hand when I am on vacation

Or simply in another place, away from the mundane

My lost energy I seem to promptly regain

I can walk, run, go the extra mile

And do all of it with a huge smile

Breaking the monotony and switching up my routine

Transforms me to the extent that I wonder what it means

In terms of my relationship to work

Is work something that I secretly want to shirk?

*

If you ask me, I would definitely say

That I like my work, but the lure of going away

To a new place is unmatched in my eyes

Traveling to any place, near or far, is highly prized

In my life, therefore travel makes me come alive

Fueling both my energy and drive

*

You would probably think that I would return

Fully charged from my trip, ready to burn

The midnight oil to work harder in my profession

But that is not so, in fact, in true confession

My energy around work goes back to its poor baseline

And in a state of longing for the next vacation, myself I find..

Many desirable areas around the world have been built on land reclaimed

Where water bodies adjacent to land have been tamed

By infilling them with rocks and cement to create land that is new

To grow more food for a growing population and provide housing too

These areas now constitute prime real estate

But in a warming world, what would be their fate?

*

Land reclamation is a clever idea, undoubtedly

But as an excellent example of human greed, this practice I see

Habitat destruction and displacement of communities

Are undesirable consequences of expanding cities

By reclaiming land that belonged to rivers, oceans or lakes

A heavy environmental toll land reclamation takes

*

These reclaimed areas have been developed so well

That they are artificial is a fact that few people can tell

But prone to flooding and destruction they remain

Through extreme weather events these lands could be difficult to sustain

*

If land must be reclaimed it needs to be ensured

That the process is sustainable and secure

I hope that some day it is not found

That the castles of human ambition were built on flimsy ground..

Something on the Internet that irks me a lot

Is taking extra steps to prove that I’m not a bot

*

For a product or a service when I search online

To compete with chatbots I am not inclined

To have to prove I am human is almost insulting to me

Why is is something that AI algorithms do not automatically see?

*

To enter weirdly shaped characters that only a human brain can understand

To press a button and hold it down with the thumb of a hand

To recognize objects in pictures in CAPTCHA tests repeatedly

From these barriers to accessing websites I want to be free

*

Evidently, I’m not the only one who’s annoyed

There are many articles on the web teaching people how to avoid

The extra clicks to prove you are made of flesh and bone

I am relieved to find that I am not alone

In my dislike of the human verification process

Similarly to a human being I want access

When I am trying to troubleshoot an issue

Which, if handled by a bot, enrages me too

Keep your battles private, no one should know

What you are going through, you must now show

Your weakness to others, you are expected to heal

Your fears and your struggles you must not reveal

Pull yourself together such that the world you are ready to face

With the confidence expected of you, for vulnerability there is no place

Remember, there is no safe space anywhere for you

Besides being judged negative, you risk professional repercussions too

If you share your struggles, you could end up being stigmatized

And that is why, to keep your depressive tendencies under wraps you are advised

*

The advice above has been drilled down over years

In physicians, exploiting their worst fears

Many struggle alone, painfully aware

That they need professional help, but do not dare

They know their professional reputation is at stake

So they go on, pretending everything is fine, until they break

*

Fortunately the wheels of change are turning now

More open discussion around mental health does allow

Physicians to seek the resources that they might need

Be it counseling, medications or meditation indeed

*

Whoever is struggling should feel free

To seek help, protected by tenets of confidentiality

Let the physicians who heal others feel

Confident that they can, with external help, heal

Mark Twain said to get your facts first and then feel free

To distort them to fall in alignment with your story

I think those in power exploit this pearl of wisdom quite a bit

Presenting the facts to people as they see fit

But the majority of unsuspecting people do not realize

That they have had wool pulled over their eyes

The real facts stay hidden, the distorted version is all they hear

Reverberated in an echo chamber, contained within their sphere

*

It is up to all of us to try to find real facts

From credible sources, but credibility is in fact

Increasingly difficult to determine these days

When artificial intelligence can deceive us in myriad ways…

*

To get my facts right, I always strive

From facts, I can creative solutions to problems derive

Or use the facts to spin the story I want to tell

I am still learning to distort facts well..

Facing writer’s block, I began to search for poetry prompts online

I found the usual suggestions, to write about none of which I was inclined

Until an out of the box idea caught my attention-

Writing a poem on a mathematical concept was mentioned..

*

The most fascinating concept in mathematics I’ve found

Is dividing a number by zero, this is an operation that can shut down

A computer application, because the answer is infinity

And infinities intrigue me infinitely..

*

Not being able to define something leaves humans dissatisfied

So mathematicians have found ways to demystify

The concept of infinity by inventing limits

If a number “x” large enough to approach infinity exists

Then 1/x approaches the value zero, and now

We have defined undefinable concepts somehow!

*

Mathematics was a subject both respected and feared

Nowadays mathematical concepts in my life infrequently appear

That writing a poem one day would allow me to revise

A mathematical concept came as a big surprise..

They speak in a language so foreign that you have not

Even heard of its existence, this is a language they have brought

With them from their ancestral village, it is amazing to see

That only a handful of people speak it fluently

It is like having a code language to communicate with family and friends

To preserve their dying language they intend

Centuries of colonial domination had led them to replace

Their mother tongue with the lingua franca of the masters, now that language does face

The threat of extinction, as native speakers are few

But to keep it alive, they are doing everything they can do

*

In a lively post-dinner gathering you witness

People from their community trying to express

Themselves in the language that has been swept aside

You sense in the elders an unmistakable pride

At passing down valuable cultural currency to their offsprings

They are determined to face the challenges this endeavor brings

They are writing down songs and stories for future generations to read

For some of them, keeping their language alive is a divine calling indeed

*

There are merits to using the same language in a world globalized

But the importance of linguistic diversity should be recognized

To save animal and plant species from extinction we strive

Similarly we should keep linguistic diversity alive

*

Let no language be sacrificed at the hands of colonial domination

I applaud those involved in linguistic preservation

I’ve read that if there is a book you really want to read

But that book does not exist, then you need

To write it yourself, because your desire to read this book

Reflects the story hidden within you, that’s where you need to look

No one else wants to tell the story as much as you do

So you must claim the story and bring it into existence too

*

I have not found books centered around characters like me

Those with lives that are straightforward and ordinary

Those who follow rules- perhaps it is hard to spin a narrative

Around a person who an average, middle-class life lives

*

Someday I would like to write about someone like me

Who experiences challenges fictitious but extraordinary

Maybe that’s the book I am carrying inside

When that story I am no longer able to hide

I hope to write it down, for someone to see

Perhaps that book would be my legacy..

Something was deeply wrong, she intuitively knew

Several illnesses and surgeries she had gone through

But pain this profound she could not recall

She could not get comfortable at all

She was lying on the gurney writhing with pain

She was anxious, calm and collected she could not remain

She knew she was being viewed with suspicion

Of being a seeker of pain medication

A toxicology screen on her they would run

For every street drug under the sun

She had nothing to fear, once a negative report they received

Her symptoms they would be more likely to believe

She knew this from working for years in healthcare

Of both realities and biases she was quite aware

*

Hours passed, her pain was not relieved

Her drug screen was negative, but it appeared they believed

That she was just being dramatic, her complaints were not taken seriously

Quite minimal her diagnostic work-up and treatment seemed to be

*

It was already morning, she had a fitful night

A new team member was at the bedside, she expressed that something was not right

This time her complaint rang an alarm bell

What was actually wrong, the healthcare professional could not quite tell

But she was sent for urgent testing, and a diagnosis was obtained

There was a sinister condition responsible for her pain

*

From that point onwards, the medical team was galvanized

Into a flurry of activity, even before she realized

What was going on, they were asking for her consent

To take her for a major operation emergent

*

She survived and made a full recovery

She is grateful to the person who took her pain seriously

She is an now advocate for women everywhere

To address the pain bias prevalent in healthcare

You’re supposed to climb the ladder continuously

Choosing to step down would be a move cowardly

Everyone aspires to go higher, why would you choose

To back off, why would you be willing to lose

Everything that you have worked hard to achieve

Do you, in the power of your success not believe?

*

She had, by every measure, built a stellar career

To the world, an epitome of success she appeared

She was climbing the ladder, shattering glass ceilings all around

But in her rarefied position, she was experiencing burnout profound

At the peak of her career she made an unexpected decision

To sacrifice ambition and step down from her position

Everyone was surprised and those questions were raised

In her decision to step down, much backlash she faced

Much of it came from other women who used to see

Her as a role model to follow, unfortunately

*

Over her decision she repeatedly agonized

But once she went through with it she realized

That the weight she had been carrying around had been lifted

The focus of her life had now shifted

From chasing an idea of success to being comfortable in her skin

Maybe the world saw it differently, but for her it was a win

*

If you can climb up, you can climb down too

As long as to yourself you stay true..

Whenever I am about to go on vacation

The most exciting part is the anticipation

Of books to read- not just the travel plans

Before my trip, I go to the library or a bookstore to scan

New releases that would take a while to read

To accompany me on long hours of travel I need

Substantial books that can draw me in

I stay away from books that are thin

And go for those with page counts on the higher side

With the aim of getting lost inside

The pages of a complex, well-written plot

Or a non-fiction book that gives me food for thought

*

Memories of my trips include not just places, but books read along the way

I am ready to embark on a trip with a book in hand any day

Travel and reading are almost Pavolvian associations for me

And for a successful vacation both are necessary