Passion…unbridled

I was afraid, I could not breathe

Wrecked by the virus, my insides did seethe

Fever, fatigue, cough, and constant fear

That the illness could turn more severe

In my illness-driven haze I prayed

Fervently, dreading deterioration delayed

Yet hopeful that I would come out alive

And perfectly healthy- wasn’t I just naive…

*

Of course I survived, as you already know

After 14 days, I was supposed to be ready to go

Run around, catch up on all the work-hours lost

I felt much better, I did not initially realize the cost

Of this infection, but with the passage of time

I did not get better, there was a subtle decline

Until I ended up hospitalized, in a shape worse

I felt like I was by the virus accursed

*

More assaults on my body, medications and such

I improved very slowly, but not all that much

Going back to work even after weeks did seem

Impossible to contemplate- a distant dream

Weird aches, brain fog and cough

Ravaged me constantly, making life tough

Short-term disability threatened to run out

I woke up to the reality that I would soon be left without

A job, health insurance, or money to pay

The outstanding bills that accumulated each day

Applying for long-term disability was imminent

Before I became completely indigent

*

I am a broken man- in body and spirit

I shuffle slowly on oxygen, frequently stop to sit

My vague symptoms seem to have no cure

I am tired of going through revolving clinic doors

No longer just a COVID survivor, as I initially recall

I am a COVID long-hauler- that’s what I am now called

The socio-economic fallout of the Coronavirus pandemic has been highest on women, who are juggling an ever-increasing burden of responsibilities.

The world is in a state of pandemonium

She stands erect, as the custodian

Of her family, fiercely protective

Managing somehow to stay productive

Juggling virtual meetings, virtual schooling and more

Conjuring new tricks to keep children from getting bored

Whipping up meals varied and nutritious

Obsessing over symptoms of illness suspicious

Spending time and energy in taking precautions

To prevent the dreaded illness, to the point of exhaustion

Multitasking has now been elevated to a level new

Between zoom meetings there is household work to do

In her pre-pandemic life, work-life balance was difficult to achieve

That things could get worse, she might not have previously believed

Now work-life separation has been effaced

Her dining table has become her new workplace

Yet hurtling down the roller-coaster of her day

Reeling from fatigue, she has this to say-

Her family is safe and healthy-that’s all that counts

Every other obstacle, she is willing to surmount..

**

In these trying times, it’s essential to find gratitude

To all the superwomen out there, this is my tribute..

Image source: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2020/05/06/coronavirus-pandemic-working-moms-quarantine-life/?arc404=true

In a world of abbreviated words and letters dropped

I realized that inadvertently I had stopped

Using the fundamental punctuation tool, the humble period (.)

The reasons for this were perhaps myriad-

While typing out patient notes detailed

I skimped on the number of characters typed, so I would not fail

To complete patient charts on time

(That could place my perceived competence on line)

I reasoned, complete sentences I hardly ever used

Writing in succinct phrases made notes easier to be perused

By all those who needed quick comprehension

Of my impression in a sea of redundant information

Unlike sentences, phrases are not obligated

To end in periods, as long as they are situated

Far from each other (in separate lines)

Lack of punctuation works just fine..

**

Apart from patient notes, when my thoughts I want to share

In verse I write, and poets notoriously do not care

For punctuation- the entire poem can run

Without any marks- period, exclamation or question..

**

Sometimes I think of the dropped period in terms philosophical-

Open-ended I leave every thought, making it plausible

To interpret my writing in multiple ways

Add some more words to embellish what I say..

**

In a world where dropped vowels now constitute

Acceptable ways to spell, I tend to refute

Popular texting styles, using full words everywhere

All I have done is made the period disappear

From my writing, may be one day I shall return

To full sentences in prose with proper punctuation

How did we get to all or none?

If we don’t agree with each other, we are done

Trying to find to the predicament a mutual solution

The problem affects both of us, we need resolution

But poles apart and sharply polarized we stand

Unwilling to even listen to each other, much less understand

That our opinions on the matter that we have crystallized

Can hurt us more than either of us realize…

**

I want the world to shut down, you want normalcy

Isn’t there a segment in the center honestly

Where both of us could find a comfort zone somehow

Leaning towards either end, concomitantly the middle path allow?

**

We are all grappling with unprecedented fear these days

Fear is divisive, by making us cling to our ways

Sticking to our ground gives us a false sense

Of security, thus we keep up the pretense

That our view is right, the other one wrong

We think our immutable ideas make us strong…

**

In my humble opinion, the enemy is but one

The only way to conquer is by working in unison..

Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.

Margaret J. Wheatley

I held up the mirror before me one day

To understand what it might have to say

To see me hurtling through life as though

I were a river that needed to flow..

Propelled by a needless sense of urgency

Treating time like valuable currency..

The reflection that my mirror revealed

Brought out the demons I had concealed

The insecurities that I had buried inside

The anxiety that I had tried to hide

Reappeared in the form of my reflection

There was this time no scope for deflection

Left with no option, alone with my tears

I acknowledged, for the first time in many years

There were problems deep-seated in need

Of being addressed, and resolved, indeed..

**

That was some moons ago, and now

Every so often myself I allow

To take a hard look at my reflection

Learn some lessons from introspection

Rethink, rejuvenate, re-strategize

Let some evils exorcize..

No one had predicted such an occurrence

A catastrophe leading to worldwide sufferance

But there are lessons hidden in each calamity

The pandemic has delivered a blow to human vanity

Our survival instinct that lay dormant

Has resurfaced to deal with the torment..

New revelations, new lessons have appeared

While we navigate the waters with hope and fear

**

The predictability around which we had our lives built

Received towards uncertainty a major tilt

New questions to which the internet does not answers possess

Emerge each day, it is no longer possible to obsess

Over trying to control each aspect of our lives

In the midst of ambiguity we have learnt to thrive..

We’ve had a glimpse of the harrowing life

Led by unfortunate victims of war and strife

**

Let me now say how I have been affected as a person-

Thrown in the throes of social isolation

I have discovered the rejuvenating power of silence

I have discovered within me a well of resilience..

“Like yin and yang, truth and lies are inseparable, each containing a seed of the other. No words are ever entirely true or entirely untrue.”– Chloe Thurlow

Looks like the perfect material has been invented

Called truth- In myriad forms it can be presented

Bendable, stretchable, moldable by humankind

Capable of playing tricks with your mind

Truth has innumerable forms of disguise

It can flawlessly dress up any number of lies

It can expand and contract to fill any space

Inveigle its way into any place

Perception is reality, some argue

Therefore what you perceive must be true

The veracity of anything can be questioned

Truth being absolute is an idea defunct..

Quote source:https://www.spiritbutton.com/truth-and-lies-quotes/#ixzz6aQhZyW2

Sometimes life happens to be just that way

What really bothers her, she simply cannot say

The pain she swallows like a pill, there is no choice

Resentment, discontentment are all internalized, they don’t get a voice

The moving parts of her marriage are hidden from prying eyes

The truth bleeds inside, covered by an armor of lies

The gaslighting, the unrelenting erosion of self-respect

Are too complicated to explain, to be expressed

The surface presents a picture of perfection

She is lucky to have a supportive husband- is the perception

He lets her build her career, participates enthusiastically

In caring for the children, something you don’t often see…

*

Sometimes she wonders if it is all in her head

She should not be unhappy, but count her blessings instead

Yet she screams silently at each veiled attack

At her education, her competence, she wants to lash back

When people insinuate her husband has supported her career

“I have built it on my own,” she wants to reply with a sneer

Every day she has to gather the courage to rise

Above the barbs of insult, sometimes their ingenuity takes her by surprise

The work-home balance that she tries to achieve

Garners no praise, in fact she is made to believe

That her homemaking and culinary skills are deficient

Who cares if at multitasking she is proficient?

*

What are her desires, or more appropriately “were”

These days she herself does not remember

She had thought she’d be the poster child for women’s liberation

How far from reality was her youthful estimation!

While one might argue that she could break free

She would hardly be someone to break up her family

So in her dysfunctional marriage she stays

As a shadow of her former self most days…

I think an unhealthy habit I have acquired

Of clicking on icons on my screen, more than required

Of course my work demands thousands of clicks each day

I can make huge changes to patients’ lives in this way

And then there is the mindless browsing of which we all may be

In way or another, somewhat guilty

Leading to clicks that innocuous appear

But happen to hide something quite sinister

I subscribe to various websites without looking at times

Those clicks inadvertently bleed money that’s mine

With a single click anything I want can be ordered

Before I have second thoughts, the transaction has already occurred

Clicking on subscribe buttons has led

To my inbox being full of e-mails unread

Adding to the electronic clutter I despise

(With more clicks, I can unsubscribe, I surmise..)

Deeper into the world wide web each click draws me

More personal information I give away, unknowingly

More vulnerable I become to subtle manipulation

In ways unimaginable, by large corporations..

**

Let me take, from clicking a break

For my purse, and my sanity’s sake

Perhaps extra minutes I shall find

In my day, and relieve the burden on my mind..

I have to break bad news to you

I am quite apprehensive, it’s true

I don’t know your current state of mind

I doubt you’ve previously received news of this kind

Intuitively I think you know something is wrong

That worsening shortness of breath you’ve had all along

Has to be more than a cold-this you’ve realized by now

My responsibility is to tell you the diagnosis and explain how

Grim your prognosis is- to be honest

This is the part of my profession I detest…

There is no way I can predict your reaction

Worse, I only have 15 minutes for this interaction….

**

I know it sounds harsh, but I have to be clear

Sugarcoating the diagnosis would be unhelpful, I fear

The harsh truth may not register if I start

With something positive, because that’s what you would take to your heart

I know for the bad news to sink in, time you need

I wish I could spend some time commiserating with you, indeed

In euphemistic terms I could have disguised

The bitter truth, but that would be unwise

In order to move forward this hurdle has to be crossed

Accepting your diagnosis does not mean all has been lost…

**

In a world where we are socially conditioned to be polite

Talking about life and death plainly does not seem right

Yet, to formulate a treatment plan that works for you

The truth of the diagnosis you and I have to go through

**

The diagnosis I’ve told you, now I wait

For your reaction to this news unfortunate

Now is the time when you need from me

A patient ear, some time, and empathy

Available options for treatment I can present

When you are ready, you have understood the diagnosis unpleasant..

I am having a pity party today

For first world problems are blocking my way

These self-created problems prevent

My time from being gainfully spent..

**

I have been guilty, I do confess

Of acquiring new things, trying to possess

The biggest, the best, and definitely more

Of everything I can, even if I have to store

Extra stuff that does not the light of day see

Locked away, collects dust and cobwebs in plenty

**

One day, unfortunately, you realize

Neglecting all belongings has been unwise

New problems you suddenly find with things old

As you sort through unused objects, miseries unfold

Now time and money are funneled needlessly

In something that was unneeded, obviously…

**

Today I am trying to dodge this self-made noose

Blind consumerism has led to me to lose

Precious time, money and peace of mind-

To keep us trapped, possessions are designed

This is a lesson learnt the hard way

I hope I shall keep new acquisitions at bay!

Do I dare imagine, in all audacity

That age would just be a number for me?

May I dream that at the age of sixty

I would be a diva, confident and sassy?

I wonder if my gray hair and wrinkles would give me

Grace, and an air of wisdom that the world could see..

I wonder if the cumulative wealth of experience

Would lend as much charm as youthful exuberance

Sometimes these hopes of aging with grace

With fears of aging poorly do get replaced

I get anxious that more and more cynical I would be

In an increasingly divided, fractured society

I wonder if poor health would take its toll

I worry that aging would mean my downfall…

Only time will tell what life has in store

I know I have so much more

To accomplish in the next decades few

Hope I live my life, being to myself true…