Passion…unbridled

There were decisions I took after I had spent

Plenty of time pouring over the pros and cons, to great lengths I went

To satisfy myself that no detail had been overlooked

In the end a well-informed decision I took..

Whether it was the best decision, I cannot say

But I still support my reasoning at the time today..

*

There were the decisions I made on the spur of the moment

I just listened to my gut feeling, ignored the voices of dissent

That told me I was being hasty and not thinking through

The pros and cons, like i was conditioned to do

Such decisions tended to have a profound influence

On my life, bringing changes immense

*

Sometimes intuition is the best guide

To making decisions, but taking the outcomes in your stride

Without looking back is the way to go

Whether the decision making was instantaneous or slow..

I have self-imposed limitations that I have placed

I play it safe so I don’t have to face

Situations that frighten me, or cause discomfort intense

But this approach has stunted my growth in a manner immense..

This is a fact I’ve only recently realized

As if someone has finally opened my eyes

*

The undercurrent that runs through me when I start something new

Is that I’m not good enough, I would never get through

The initial hurdles to get to a place of comfort

By persisting I assume I would end up getting hurt

*

So I often give up even before I start

Or begin with excessive fear in my heart

The voice of doubt rings loud and clear

And I end up succumbing to my fear

It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy

And no prospect of success in the future I see

*

If you give up even before you begin

You have let your inner critic win

Without putting up the least bit of fight

And that attitude is not conducive for a future bright

So I am now trying to take steps, albeit small

To learn something new, even if I’m afraid I would fall

The best that life has to offer is most certain to be

On the other side of fear, waiting for me..

My body aches and groans, demanding rest

But my socially conditioned mind thinks it knows what is best

For me- it admonishes me for not being as productive as I should be

I have not “earned” my rest after a hard day’s work evidently..

So with a guilty conscience I disregard my body’s voice

And following the rebuke from my mind, make a choice

To ignore my sleepiness and get some work done

Being productive is how the right to rest would be won…

*

The less rest I get, the harder it becomes

To stay productive, get all my tasks done

The less productive I am, the less deserving of rest I feel

Thus I keep running on the hamster wheel

*

In a world hyper-focused on productivity

Rest is not something to be obtained for free

That is the message most of us have internalized

That rest is a fundamental need we must recognize

*

I dared to listen to my body one day

From all my responsibilities I turned away

I rested as long as I needed, emerged rejuvenated

Was more productive the next day than I had anticipated

*

A well-rested body is more productive

A good night’s sleep is the best gift I can give

To myself- to improve my well-being in every way

So if my body signals I need rest, I shall rest today

It’s going to be a long day at work, it is obvious to me

Besides, there is a built-in unpredictability

To the nature of my work dealing with patients in a critical state

Much as I enjoy the challenges at work, I do not like reaching home late

Every evening, therefore from the moment I reach my workplace

I get galvanized into activity, maintaining a fast pace

Such that I can complete work in a reasonable timeframe

Trying to outpace myself almost becomes a mind game

*

In doing so, I remain under self-imposed stress

I probably slow down somewhere because it does not take less

Time to complete my work for the day, even if no unforeseen circumstances arise

I rarely finish work early, this realization used to take me by surprise..

*

Perhaps speed and stress go hand in hand

If I run against time, I have to slow down to understand

What I need to do, I do deal with complex situations

That require critical thinking and evaluation

And despite years of practice, applying suck skills requires

Devoting time and attention, therefore being in a rush backfires..

*

Why do I try to run against time constantly despite knowing

That I cannot catch up, I do not try slowing

My pace down to give my hyperactive mind a break

In the end approximately the same time it takes

To get work done whether I am slow or fast

But with a slower pace, my endurance can longer last

*

So I am trying to slow down to a pace comfortable

Where I am efficient yet better able

To handle any kind of work-related stress

Maybe being slow would consume time less?

Was I more confident in my youth or is that a fable

That I tell myself, to feel that I am capable

Of projecting more confidence currently since I had done that in the past

Either way, I am trying to understand why I’m losing confidence fast…

*

Was it the audacity of youth that had made me fearless

Or was it because in my youth I achieved success

In my career, but now I have stagnated

With that my confidence has also abated..

*

Like most of us, in my youth invincible I felt

But with increasing number of years under my belt

I am clearly aware of my vulnerability

And that has snatched my confidence from me..

*

Let me reframe this in terms of my age-

I am older, and under less pressure to engage

With the world around me in a conventional way

I should therefore be more confident today

Than I was before- I have nothing to prove

All my efforts should be directed to improve

In a direction in which I want to go

With faith, confidence, at my pace slow..

You have been tasked with giving a speech, but you do not know

Where to start, there is a roadblock and ideas do not freely flow

So you turn to charGPT for some advice and aid

And within seconds a workable outline has been laid

Using the outline as a scaffolding, in your own words you write

The first draft of your speech, but something does not feel right

The speech touches upon every point relevant

But it seems too generic in its content

*

Already unhappy about having “cheated”

You re-read your draft to see what can be deleted

And replaced by something distinctive

Something that does not appear contrived, but instinctive

*

What could be more distinctive than a personal story told

As part of your speech, that could the audience’s attention hold

You realize you have a deeply personal story to tell

That could tie in with your speech and increase its impact as well

You rewrite the speech incorporating your story unique

You are reasonably confident the audience’s interest it would pique

*

The day of the speech arrives, and despite your nervousness

You deliver the speech in a manner flawless

Your story resonates with your audience, leads to some moist eyes

It is clear that incorporating the story was wise

*

Great speakers are the ones who tell personal tales

Engaging the audience with old-fashioned storytelling never fails

I have some aspirations and I try to set

For myself realistic goals and targets

Once I start working on my goals, I want to beat

The timeline I have set, I want to complete

My goals much ahead of the deadline

So that the goalpost I can redefine

*

To achieve the goals I have defined for myself, I cannot wait

Getting to the finish line faster is the only outcome that seems to satiate

My competitive spirit, reaching a milestone earlier than expected

Gives me a high, on the other hand, being late leaves me dejected

*

Some goals are easier than others to achieve

If a goal is related to something in which I wholeheartedly believe

I tend to reach it much faster, while the ones that need

A push on my part deadlines tend to exceed

*

Slow and steady wins the race-myself I remind

But I cannot shake the sense of urgency from my mind

That growing up in a nation with limited resources I had imbibed

I am in a constant race with me, is how my behavior I would describe

*

I so not set lofty goals, I keep them doable enough

Yet achieving every target in a timely manner is tough

I achieve some goals, on others some progress I make

Some get abandoned, in my stride such failures I take

*

As the end of the year approaches, I’m trying to evaluate

Which goals I have reached, which goals require me to accelerate

My efforts, and which ones are best left to the side

My hands are full as the next steps I decide

When you are confused the first thing you want to find

Is clarity of thought- you want to organize the chaos in your mind

A complex messy problem you want to deconstruct

Into simpler parts, such that it ceases to obstruct

Your thought process, you want to separate

Each component of the problem and create

A tidy solution- therefore you always try

In the face of confusion and complexity, to simplify

*

Confusion is uncomfortable but what if you were to embrace

The confusion in your life without trying to replace

It with simpler solutions like you are conditioned to do

You might end up being happier too

Because most problems in life tend to be

Complex and convoluted invariably

You assume everything can and should be simplified

But it is not so, and your discomfort is amplified

You are constantly looking for clarity

If you are confused, you cannot be happy

*

I am learning to take confusion in my stride

Life is confusing- by this dictum I abide

When I get a weekend where I can stay

In my pajamas at home all day

I decide I am going to take things slow

Luxuriate in the extra time, just go with the flow

But unfortunately there are neglected chores to complete

That I cannot attend to during weekdays as I deplete

All my energy and time at work- so the weekend

That began with the promise of extra time I start to spend

Rather fast in completing tasks mundane

The perception of abundance of time starts to wane..

*

In the weekend I have resolved to pursue

Recreational activities that fill my cup, but I cannot get to

During working days, so I want to entertain friends

To indulge my creativity is also my intent

I have resolved to catch up on rest as well

That is an overambitious plan already, as you can probably tell..

*

Most of the time the weekend flies by

Without accomplishing much, in the blink of an eye

But I’ve had a weekend where I am overjoyed to state

I was able to work on almost everything on my plate

With all the i’s dotted and t’s crossed in preparation for Monday

I shall sleep soundly tonight knowing I had a fruitful day..

Situations in life often incite strong emotions

And in the ensuing mental commotion

I tend to get excited in a manner reactive

But convincing myself that I’m being proactive

I galvanize myself into action, trying to improve

The situation, as fast as possible I want to move

To avert further crises, I want to get ahead

Of the problems causing confusion in my head

*

More often than not, I just end up wasting my time and energy

No constructive outcomes occur as a result of my frenzy

Over time, complicated situations tend

To sort themselves out to a great extent

Complexities themselves unravel on their own

Into problems that are simpler, with solutions known

*

I realize that the presumed proactive approach of mine

Was actually reactive, and there was no sign

That jumping up and down in excitement had been productive

My lesson learnt was that to complex issues, more time I should give

*

Now I wait a little, take a little action

I tone down my panicked reaction

Sometimes issues resolve completely without any need

For my hasty intervention indeed

(Writing poems about medical and scientific issues feels a bit weird, but this is how I write..)

If you were destined to develop a fatal disease, would you rather know

About it beforehand, or would you want to go

Through your life oblivious of the peril you could face

Would you want a glimpse into your future or would you uncertainty embrace?

*

Although hypothetical these questions appear

For someone undergoing genetic testing for a familial disease, they provoke much fear

If there are no manifestations of a disease

Knowing it can surface in the future may cause unease

If the test happens to be negative

With peace of mind one can live

But if the test is positive then there is a constant fear

That any time in the future the disease might appear

Sometimes a positive test means a future death sentence

Sometimes the disease manifestation is much less intense..

And even though scientific advancements continue

Treatments for hereditary diseases are relatively few..

*

Knowledge can be power, but it can be burdensome

Being oblivious of one’s risks for a disease and taking life as it comes

May be the preferred approach for some but for others, not

With such grey areas is the practice of medicine fraught..

*

This is not a scientific discourse, therefore my biased opinion I shall give

Without knowing my future risks for disease I want to live

The thought of illness is profoundly anxiety-provoking for me

And a positive genetic test with unclear ramifications I do not want to see..

Recently I was disheartened on reading an article provocative

That cited the inability of elite college students to give

Enough attention to a book to read it in its entirety

This is a significant change from prior generations unfortunately

Whereas reading short articles and summaries is fine

Reading a book cover to cover daunting they find..

*

Of course the students are no less smart than were before

The problem has to be with systematic learning therefore

When most of the learning happens online

Where updated information in minutes one can find

There seems no incentive to read a complete book

Where one has to spend hours in order to look

For information pertinent to one’s scholarly needs

Thus contemporary students are less inclined to search for books and read..

*

Great books continue to be written

And for someone like me who was by the bug of reading bitten

At a young age, thousands of books I have read

My curiosity about the world great books have fed

And increased my capacity to imbibe information new

Encouraging a love for reading from a young age is what I want to do

For all the children out there including mine

So that in college and beyond, they continue to find

New ideas that their curiosity pique

And encourage them to form opinions unique

*

As I wax poetic about reading books I realize

With artificial intelligence aided learning on the rise

Reading books might appear to have utility even less

The thought fills me with indescribable sadness…