Passion…unbridled

Sometimes criticism to such an extent you internalize

That a genuine compliment comes as a surprise

Making you remember strengths that are your own

Qualities that you had previously shown

But had forgotten about and buried deep inside

The well of self-doubt, you were trying to hide

What you thought were your weaknesses, while all along

You were downplaying your strengths based on an assumption wrong

*

The criticism stung, and it stayed with you

You let your self-esteem slide with it too

The compliment you received brought you out of your shell

You realized that you were actually doing your job well

*

A message your fragile self-esteem has received

Don’t let your self-worth depend on how you are perceived

As a child I was taught a good vocabulary was a tool essential

So I tried to learn new words in a manner intentional

I wrote often, and tried my best to use

The most esoteric words that I could choose

The result was that my writing appeared

Immature, comical, and often weird

But my vocabulary I was determined to expand

More of the world I thought I would understand

If I knew more words, especially in the language of progress

A mastery of English would be instrumental in my success

*

Over the years my vocabulary has static stayed

The inability to remember new words often leaves me dismayed

My dwindling memory needs to accommodate

New scientific terms, and its capacity seems inadequate

To learn new words in English, therefore

I do not search the meanings of new words anymore

*

Sometimes the deeply ingrained urge to learn words new

Takes over, and I try to find synonyms few

For common words, hoping that they stay

In my increasing unreliable memory in some way

A poignant collection of childhood memories

Imprinted on a backdrop of luscious green trees..

*

The wide expanse and aerial roots spun

From the branches of the majestic Banyan

The sacred Ficus religiosa or the Peepal tree

Its shade harboring a shrine invariably

Mango trees laden with fruits in varying stages of ripeness

The canopies of flame-red Gulmohar trying to impress

Amaltas trees that would paint the town yellow-

Trees that resiliently continued to grow..

***

A sense of wonder as a new immigrant

Beholding for the first time fall foliage vibrant

*

The streets in my north-eastern city were lined

By oaks, elms, maples and varietals of pine

Leaves attesting to changing seasons

To make my new home here, gave me a reason

Cherry blossom trees announcing the foray into spring

Hope and joy to my winter-weary heart would bring

***

In the City of Trees in sunny California a home I made

I recall the scorching heat and the soothing shade

Of the lush foliage, but the orange and lemon trees

Stand out distinctly in my memories

***

I moved down south and came across

The awe-inspiring Live Oaks and Spanish Moss

*

Junipers, oaks, magnolia and dogwood trees

Loblolly pines and the swamp-dwelling bald cypress knees

And the Spanish moss hanging down like delicate lace

Are the trees with which I share my living space

I’ve had the misfortune of witnessing mighty trees

Fallen and uprooted by a hurricane’s furies..

***

Different places, different climates, different species

My sense of a place is rooted in its trees..

One lesson I have with difficulty learnt

Over the years, after repeatedly getting burnt

Is that when people ask for your opinion

They are looking for support and validation

Rarely the brutal, honest truth they seek

Therefore, before I open my mouth to speak

My honest thoughts, I must temper down

So that intensely critical I do not sound

Harsh criticism rarely its objective achieves

While agreeing with someone helps them believe

More firmly in themselves, therefore now I try

To pepper my truthful opinion with a dash of a lie

*

In examining my reaction when someone gives me

An honest but scathing opinion, I understand clearly

How criticism hits hard, and leaves me demoralized

If my opinion is validated, I’ve realized

That I get a boost of motivation too

What I like done to me, to others I should do

It has been found that for a given position women don’t apply

Until they are certain they are one hundred percent qualified

Or even overqualified, while men don’t harbor similar reservations

They are known to apply if they have two-thirds of the qualification

That the job demands, confident in their ability

To learn new skills, while women seem to doubt their capabilities..

This under-confidence tends to undermine

The careers of women from the time

They enter the job market, many women do not achieve

Their full potentials because they continue to believe

That they have to have all the answers and make no mistakes

Growth involves risk that many women are reluctant to take..

*

The societal structure is still heavily skewed

Towards men in business, women are viewed As less capable of being leaders, by both men and women indeed

More women to break these stereotypes we need

Let women be comfortable enough to display

Their ambitions, their visions, and make their way

Up the workplace ladder just like men do

With the right mindset, women can reach the glass ceiling too

In a consumerist society, conspicuous consumption

Comes naturally to us, the assumption

Is that access to a wide variety of goods is an indication

Of abundance and economic prosperity in the population

We consume, and help the economy thrive

The desire for consumption gives us the drive

To work harder, earn more, and invariably stay

On the hedonic treadmill day after day..

*

For a while I have been trying to consume less

Possessing shiny new things does not give me happiness

But from habitual consumption it is hard to break free

One way to get around it is to indulge my creativity

The more I create, the less attractive consumption appears

Create more and consume less is the mantra to which I now try to adhere

*

The antidote to mindless consumption is creativity

When your mind is occupied in creating, you do not see

The bright beautiful objects designed to catch your eye

The less you notice, the less you are tempted to buy

Each time I turn on the radio or television to check out news

There is doom and gloom, I can only choose

Between negative news stories and chronicles of tragedies profound

There are crises and disasters unfolding all around

Senseless violence, extreme weather patterns, unpredictable floods and fires

The toll on lives and property rising higher and higher

The world has always been a chaotic place

But these days with calamities we cannot keep pace..

*

Many avenues for blame, few solutions in sight

At the end of an infinite tunnel I see no light

I worry about the legacy we would leave

For our children, I would like to believe

That our progeny would enjoy the same stability

That my generation did until recently..

*

Right now, a dark news cloud is weighing heavily on me

And I cannot help but think pessimistically

Maybe tomorrow shall bring hope and ideas new

Maybe a silver lining shall peek through

A relentless focus on productivity keeps me wired

Rest does not refresh me, I’m always tired

Rest is something that needs to be earned

This is the unspoken lesson I’ve learnt

It is woven into the fabric of my existence

Such that rest causes feelings of guilt intense

*

I must be productive throughout the day

Engaged in worthwhile pursuits I must stay

Before I can retire to my inviting bed

And fall asleep, after few pages of a book I have read

If I have wasted precious hours doing nothing much

I cannot sleep out of guilt, the pull of productivity is such..

*

It is high time for me to unlearn

The fallacious assumption that rest must be earned

To know when to rest, and how much, I should pay heed

To cues from my mind and body indeed

If I need to rest, I must simply go ahead

And rest well until I feel refreshed

I was told to fit into a box but within its confines I could not stay

I stretched and strained until the walls gave way

I thought I would exit the box and break free

But in a plot twist of sorts, that was not meant to be

*

One foot came out, and my hopes soared high

I thought I could free myself and aim for the sky

But the rest of me remained stuck inside

No matter how many times I tried

*

In a strange state of limbo I did remain

All my efforts to break free went in vain

At the same time inside the box I could no longer fully fit

So I worked without engagement, I had quietly quit

*

Eventually one day another wall I managed to break

From that point onwards, decisions were easy to make

The time had come to sever ties once and for all

Into the old box I resolved I would never fall

Sometimes the best therapy for my anxious mind

Is to read a work of fiction- often I find

That in the lives of the characters I get immersed

And my problems recede in to the corners of the universe

In the manufactured dilemmas of my protagonists I get involved

Instead of my own, their predicaments I want to solve

I turn pages compulsively, curious to know where the story leads

I lose myself completely in the books that I read

*

Some people meditate when they are perturbed, I read

Reading for me has a meditative quality indeed

Reading empties my mind of thoughts that are intrusive

My attention is focused on the book in a manner exclusive

Many times with the characters I relate

And my emotional angst further abates

*

In fact being without a book gives me

A sense of discomfort, a low-grade anxiety

That I have access to a book or two, I always ensure

So that being alone with my thoughts I don’t have to endure

Although I like stories of all kinds

The ones that most engrossing I find

Are intergenerational family sagas that span decades

In which richly textured plots have been laid

On a backdrop of historical events

That are to each generation relevant

Epic tales that delve into the trials and tribulations

Of one family through various generations

Turn out to be incredibly satisfying reads

When I am uninspired, books in this genre I need

*

When I read such books, the authors I admire

For conducting the exhaustive research that is required

To ensure accuracy of historical details-

History is an integral part of these tales

My knowledge of history of various nations, I confess

Has been derived from such books, more or less

*

In the lives of complex characters, myself I immerse

I lose myself in the richly imagined universe

Created by the author, and read

A family saga in a single stretch indeed

It takes tremendous willpower not to react

Emotionally to provocative words, but when I manage to do that

Words lose their power over me, I realize

Each time it still takes me by surprise

*

Words are often used cleverly to evoke

Strong reactions, superlatives can provoke

The best of us to anger or indignation

And that only worsens our own situation

*

As a woman, an emotional reaction hurts even more

Yet another win it allows men to score

Especially in professional circles, where women must appear

To be in control at all times, or being labeled as “angry” fear

*

I am learning to sit back and be objective

Ammunition to others I don’t want to give

By letting their words have power over me

I am trying to stay as composed as I can be