Passion…unbridled

There was a time when failure hung like a noose

Around my neck, despite best efforts I was unable to choose

To let go, every interaction with another person reminded me

Of my failure, the shame never let me be free

Fortunately on my next attempt I succeeded

In achieving my goal, the feeling of shame receded..

*

I can now talk about this experience with ease

Because the source of my shame did cease

I was ashamed of having failed, and that shame

The undercurrent of my life became

Until I found the measure of success

I was looking for, shame led to unbearable stress

*

I never felt comfortable expressing my shame

My own shortcomings I continued to analyze and blame

How would shame have shaped my world if I had not

Been able to get over it- I involuntarily shudder at the thought

*

Far too many stories remain untold

Far too many truths people withhold

Because of pervasive feelings of shame

Because of deep-seated beliefs that they are to blame..

From being unspeakable shame its power derives

When we try to bury our shame it thrives

If we can tell our stories to empathetic ears

We can break the cycle of shame, self-blame and fear

If left to fester, shame can metastasize

To all areas of our self-worth before we realize..

*

To allow others to let go of shame

To be an empathetic listener should be my aim

The soul-crushing effect of shame I’ve experienced first-hand

If someone opened up to me, I hope I would understand

Thinking of a fictional character that fascinating I find

Scheherazade is the one that comes to my mind

For the uninitiated she was the main character

The ingenious storyteller, the narrator

Of tales in “One thousand and One Nights”

She spun stories in the face of fright

Not knowing if she would live to see another day

But escaped death by leaving cliffhanger endings in such a way

That the king out of curiosity was compelled to left her live

To know the end of the story- but she would keep changing the narrative

She conjured stories within stories, and subplots devised

Creating a richly textured treatise comprised

Of stories that are known as the “Arabian Nights”

Stories that provide into human nature insight..

*

Scheherazade’s character I view as the epitome

Of storytelling, to be an engaging storyteller is aspirational for me..

(Delhi/ New Delhi, the capital of India is also my hometown. Unfortunately it holds the dubious distinction of being the most polluted capital city in the world. Still, it is a city that I love and care deeply about, and each time I return from a visit there, I feel compelled to write something about it)

Vehicles meandering through traffic patterns convoluted

The air heavy with smog, highly polluted

A sea of humanity visible in every direction

A microcosm of society seen at every intersection

Skyscrapers futuristic juxtaposed

With monuments centuries old

A storied past, a checkered present and a future optimistic

Co-exist in a manner uniquely characteristic

Where the voices of power have reverberated for centuries

This is my beloved Delhi, the most dynamic of all cities..

*

A city bearing the marks of human ambition

A city reeling with the effects of unfettered consumption

A city filled with the optimism of its inhabitants

Growing, expanding, forward-looking in its intent

A city with accolades to celebrate and monsters to defeat

A city that pulsates with India’s heartbeat

(Trigger warning- there is a tragedy..)

I seem to be in the throes of a “bad” day

There is no smooth sailing, nothing’s going my way

My hopes of something going right are dwindling now

And despite my best efforts to the contrary, I have to allow

Myself to vent or my stress levels would rise

Into the stratosphere, avoiding that would be wise..

*

My phone starts buzzing with a flurry of group texts

I stop to check the messages, and in the moment next

It appears that a gut punch has been delivered to me

It’s the kind of message you never want to see

About the untimely demise of a classmate

The tragedy is too hard to contemplate

*

My minuscule problems have melted away

After the incomprehensible tragedy today

As I grapple with the reality of this news

Over the unpredictability of life I muse…

*

Over trivial matters I’ve been wrong to fret

I should not let myself get upset

Over inconveniences inconsequential

Over things that are non-essential

When life is so fragile, so fraught

With uncertainty, I should not

Waste my energy on annoyances mild

Live with gratitude this one life wild

“Physician, heal thyself,” to this advice open your ear

Hold your own life as close, as dear

As you do the ones of your family, the patients you treat

Listen to your body, be attuned to your heartbeat

*

The culture of medicine has been drilled down in you

Insane hours of work you’ve learnt to accrue

Without adequate sleep, rest or relaxation

You strive to be available to your patients in every situation

To the point of neglecting your own relationships and needs

Your own advice you are unable to heed

*

You are human, and definitely not immune

To sickness, do not let medicine consume

Every facet of your life, to the extent that you compromise

This one life of yours highly prized..

*

You are there for others, you need to be there

For yourself, of your mental and physical well-being take care

Listen to your body, your bravado do not display

If something does not feel right, take action right away

Your patients may be waiting, but you have to ensure

That you are there tomorrow, to offer them a cure..

You’d think in the ideal world there would be no need to wait

You would not have to eagerly or anxiously anticipate

An event, a positive or negative outcome would be before you

Things would be more black and white, there would be grey areas few

*

Not everything can be done instantly, as we all know

Although as technology continues to grow

On instant communication heavily we rely

Therefore our expectations regarding timelines are relatively high

Just a few decades ago much longer did people have to wait

Compared to that we are in a significantly better state

But as things get done fast, we are less tolerant

Of waiting, we want things done in an instant

*

As always, two sides to a coin exist

While faster solutions do provide a benefit

The ability to wait without undue vexation

Is a gift in itself- there is also consolation

In knowing that with time, some issues get resolved

Without intervention, leaving more time and energy to solve

Problems that actually persist- I daresay

That the ability to act fast is a problem in a way

On self-limited issues resources get spent

Because of the ability to solve them in an instant!

*

On a more serious note, patience is a quality all of us need

To cultivate, so that more peaceful lives we can lead

If you cannot make things better for yourself there must be

Something wrong with you, you should have the capability

To fight your battles all by yourself and claim

Victory over them, but you dare not complain

About the system- the system has always been this way

It’s your fault you cannot adapt to it, don’t dare to say

That you need special accommodations to be made

Hundreds of people in this environment for years have stayed..

*

These are the unspoken rules that dictate

The lives of employees in many systems corporate

Where one is expected at all times to comply

With inflexible organizational policies without questioning why

Where “take it or leave it” is the policy in place

Complain once and you could be replaced

This culture is all-pervasive, you would not be

Able to escape its clutches unfortunately

*

Thus you come to the same conclusion

As outlined in the unspoken rules of the organization

That fulfillment in this workplace is for you to find

The establishment would stay as initially designed

Life can be overwhelming, take you by surprise

Sometimes you just have to compartmentalize..

*

Focus on the present, the task before you

You know you have to go through

The present before the future arrives

The vicissitudes of today you have to survive

Before the challenges of a new day appear

Deal with today, don’t let the fear

Of a hypothetical future destroy your peace of mind

Tomorrow differs from your imagination, you might find..

*

As always, this advice is meant for me

As I juggle multiple stressors simultaneously

Let me change what I can today

For the future, I shall just pray..

It is not always easy to do what is right

Sometimes you have to swim against the tide

When rampant greed has been disguised as progress

When morals are sacrificed at the altar of success

When you feel conflicted because of the situation you are in

When the wide and illuminated road tries to draw you in

*

You double-check with your soul, before you proceed

You question if you too are motivated by greed

The distinction is hard because greed has been packaged as success

To stick to your morals implies making do with much less

You start worrying about your ability to provide

For your family, and that makes it harder to decide

Between your gut feeling and the prevailing trend

The decision feels such that in either direction you can bend

*

You come to a decision and go to bed to get some rest

With plans for execution the next morning, and your litmus test

Is whether you’ve had a restful sleep at night

If so, the decision you have taken is right..

What a dichotomy with sleep we get

We sleep to remember and we sleep to forget…

*

In the throes of deep sleep are memories consolidated

That poor sleep is linked to dementia has been validated

In multiple studies, therefore in order to maintain

Brain function and memory, it is imperative to refrain

From sleeping late and using devices at night

We fight sleep now, later memory loss we would fight..

*

Sleep helps you remember events, but also lets you

Forget the emotional distress that you have gone through

You file away a memory but subtract the emotion

From the event, therefore the notion

Of sleeping over something that evokes emotion strong

Is a sound one, you cannot go wrong

By waiting to take a decision until after a good night’s sleep

You gain clarity, facts without emotions in your mind you keep

*

Sleep is powerful medicine, not given its due

It is the foundation of good health, we’re realizing it’s true

Much as I would love to call myself a writer I cannot

Call myself one, to me the thought

Of giving myself the label of a writer appears fraudulent

While I try to imagine myself as a writer or a poet in the moment

Of writing, until my work is published or more widely known

I would think of myself as “someone who likes to write” alone..

*

I came across a guide for writers that made a suggestion provocative-

If you aspire to be a writer you must live

Like one-treat your writing like a job that pays

Write something without fail every day

But more importantly-you must call yourself a writer before everyone

Believe you are a writer before you become a full-fledged one..

*

So here I am, trying to judge if I have the audacity to call

Myself a writer or a poet after all

I need to begin with the conviction in my mind

That I am a writer, perhaps more inspiration I would then find

My imagination invariably gets fired

Into a creative mode my mind gets wired

Whenever I have a work-related task to complete

And then the creative urge tries to compete

With my work-oriented mindset for attention

And despite my effort and sincere intention

To stay focused on the task at hand

I end up chewing on my idea in fantasy-land..

*

It is a situation far from ideal because I cannot

Leave work behind to pursue a creative thought

I try to file my idea away for the future when

I have spare time, work is not competing for my attention

But the idea, once tucked away, is rarely retrieved

In this manner many good ideas I’ve had to leave..

*

You require the luxury of time to be creative

If you are working long hours, it is difficult to give

Dedicated hours to bring a creative project to completion

I wish my work and creativity were not in competition..