Passion…unbridled

I break my new year’s resolution even before

I’ve had a chance to put it in practice, to explore

Whether it is sustainable in the long run

I forget about my resolution before I’ve begun

*

Making a resolution is a ritual that I follow

I am not much into rituals, so I do not know

Why I bother with this one- I guess when I make a resolution

I have a faint hope that it would reach fruition

So I keep making resolutions that are meant to be broken

There seems to be a pact between me and my resolution, unspoken

*

Keeping a New Year’s resolution is not something I can do

But I make resolutions throughout the year too

And to those I am more likely to stick

Because they are the ones that I pick

Based on need and feasibility, not a specific date

When I fulfill a resolution, my accomplishment I celebrate

*

I had a resolution in mind to be declared today

But I know I would not honor it anyway

So let me start by making no resolutions this year

Let the year unfold, let its moments appear..

The practice of medicine has been burdened by increasing constraints

Excessive costs and administrative burden make it difficult to maintain

The same quality of patient care as resources continue to shrink

By being pushed harder physicians are being brought to burnout’s brink

Therefore one of the question commonly posed these days

Is whether someone could consider a career pathway

Other than medicine if given a chance to choose again

For me, the answer is that Medicine would my first choice remain

*

I went into Medicine by serendipity

The tale is too long to be told simplistically

But over the years, my profession has become an integral part of me

There is no other career in which I would rather be

Despite the challenges, as an incredible privilege I view

Being trusted with human lives, doing what I do..

When things are rough, there is an ever greater need

To follow through on the Hippocratic oath, to give it my best effort indeed

*

Medicine as a profession chose me, not the other way around

In the practice of medicine, the purpose of my life I have found

When asked if I could go back in time and choose my profession again

I would choose medicine without a doubt, I would remain

True to the calling that pulled me in

The constant that stood by me through thick and thin

That has interwoven itself into my identity

Medicine is an embodiment of life for me..

Forms are of my existence the bane…

Though forms are supposedly worded in language plain

Since they are meant to be filled by the lay person on the street

Filling out a form without errors is like accomplishing a feat

Forms are of red tape an archaic manifestation

Each time I have to fill one out, it is an exercise in frustration

I submit a form, hoping I have plugged in the right information

But something is invariably wrong the first time, to my consternation

Often one or more questions I have misunderstood

Which is baffling- with my level of education I should

Not have difficulty understanding instructions in language plain

Perhaps filling out forms requires using a different part of the brain

That is somehow underdeveloped in me

Which is why filling forms is not easy..

*

Since filling out forms gives me intense anxiety

I shy away from activities that make it necessary

To complete and upload forms, especially in transactions financial

That has limited my financial footprint to an extent substantial..

*

In the modern world where your life is searchable on the internet

Why should forms need to be filled out to get

Information that can in a matter of seconds be found

It is just an outdated norm that has for centuries been around..

Why do we tell children right from the beginning that the world is a competitive place

Why do we impress upon them that struggles they would have to face

And therefore they should obey their elders, study hard to obtain

A good education, because being left behind would bring nothing but pain

We use fear to coax them into doing what we think is right

What if we were to reframe our expectations in a different light?

*

Can we teach our children to look at the world in amazement

Take in all its wonders, ask them to study with the intent

Of understanding how the world works in order to enjoy what it has to offer

Show them joie-de-vivre, not impress upon them that they have to suffer

Make them learn, but not by inculcating fear

Let learning to them enjoyable appear

In time they would see the ills of the world unfold

Hopefully they would still seek joy if they have not been told

To live in the world in a perpetually fearful state

If right from the start, life they have learnt to celebrate..

I would not dance before others because I thought

I had two left feet, gracefulness was not

My strong suit, I would be embarrassingly bad

Neither innate ability nor training in dance I had..

*

I did not paint because the brush did not appear

To co-operate with me, botching up a painting was my fear

I had no aptitude for or the patience to train

As an artist, so from creating artwork I would refrain..

*

I read voraciously but never did write

I could not think of ideas fresh and bright

Writers were a special breed, and I could not be

A part of that distinguished fraternity..

*

I wonder why I had imposed so many restraints

On myself, why I had consciously refrained

From dancing, painting, writing for so long

In artistic spheres I never thought I belonged

Until I saw other amateurs trying their hands

At creative endeavors- I began to understand

That while I would never excel at activities such as those

I could still attempt to participate in them, therefore I chose

To shake a leg at the next gathering, I let go

Of my inhibitions, I let movement flow

Since then I have danced at every opportunity

I do not care about looking awkward or silly

Similarly I paint when inspired, despite the lack of skill

My imperfect brushstrokes a deep longing within me fill

And I write, put on paper my thoughts

Even though a published writer I am not..

*

I freed myself from the restraints I had placed

On myself, and a whole world of possibilities embraced

I tend to react quickly, and often

I would like to develop awareness when

I start overreacting- it is a personal trait

That I am ashamed to admit., I hate

That in the spur of the moment I get carried away

I react defensively, strong words I say

Then repent at leisure for hours, even days

And yet I’ve been unable to modify my ways..

*

Think before you speak is sage advice

By not following it I pay a price

If only I could train my mind

To slow down before reacting I would find

Life would much more peaceful be

Both for myself and those around me..

*

By overreacting most of the time I lose

The power of my opinion, it blunts my ability to choose

The right issue over which a strong reaction I should display

My righteous indignation gets dismissed anyway

*

I was about to react in anger when I began

To pen down these self-deprecating lines, now I can

See how ridiculously overblown my reaction would have been

I am thankful that my anger remained unseen

The amount of work I have to do can be unpredictable

From day to day, when the pace us slow I am unable

To slow down and relax, my mind goes into overdrive

And conjures up unpleasant scenarios- on the other hand I thrive

When I am busy with a workload that is excessive

Because all my brainpower to work I have to give..

*

I am prone to overthinking and getting stressed

If I have time to mull over real or imagined problems, therefore it is best

For me to be so busy that I have little time to think

I just focus on the work before me, and time flies in a blink

When the finite capacity of my mind is utilized

Solely to complete work, I have realized

I have less time to obsess and ruminate

Therefore it helps me to have a full plate..

*

For my anxious nature, being inundated with work is the perfect antidote

Since my entire attention to work I am obligated to devote..

Out of all the turmoil in to which my hormones have thrown me

The worst is my enhanced olfactory acuity

*

On random days in my life, and during specific periods such as pregnancy

My sense of olfaction seems to gain an intensity

That makes it difficult for me to get through the day

Every pleasant or unpleasant whiff that comes my way

Feels nauseating, makes me queasy

My sense of smell does not adapt, I remain uneasy

Given that my place of work has varied smells not exactly pleasant

This enhanced sense of smell poses an impediment…

*

As I write about my olfactory ability

I am reminded that COVID has caused much debility

In this department in years recent

The inability to perceive any taste or scent

Used to be a hallmark of this illness

I must actually consider myself blessed

That my sense of smell has stayed intact

That the virus has not infected my olfactory tract

*

Some strong odors seem headed my way

Before they make me sick, let me move away

Isn’t it ironic that while the world shrinks every day

People drift further and further away..

*

An ever-widening chasm separates the haves from have-nots

People do not associate with those who do not share their thoughts

In this hyperconnected world tribalism somehow survives

Divisiveness is the policy that universally appears to thrive..

*

We live in echo chambers within our comfort zones

We exist in greater numbers, yet spend our lives alone

Virtually we meet with people located everywhere

In real life, of our neighbors we are unaware..

*

We made communication easier, but lost the art

Of communication in the process, we drifted further apart

Glued to our screens we do not try to communicate

With people around us- we live in a lonely state

Work has been keeping me occupied

Although on the work front I am satisfied

Something seems amiss, life seems to lack

The spark that I had until recently-I want it back..

*

In a critical appraisal of how my days are spent

I realize what is missing to a great extent

Is the luxury of time to think and generate

New ideas, and being unable to create

Something artistic or aesthetically pleasing

All my mental faculties work is squeezing..

So one day I decide to take a short break

From my busy schedule, in order to make

Time for an art project albeit on a small scale

I let my imagination loose, let my creativity unveil

Just doing that makes my day feel more bright

My life that seemed dull fills up with light

*

I ‘ve realized that my vibrant life its luster seems to lose

Whenever for a period of time I’m unable to choose

A creative pursuit, often work-related responsibilities

Encroaches upon my leisure activities

The mental space needed for creativity I cannot spare

If it persists I begin to experience despair..

The remedy is to find time, in tiny aliquots

To immerse myself in creative thought

By channeling my creativity my soul I nourish

I regain balance, and allow my entire being to flourish

I thought the goals that for myself I had set

Were actually quite achievable, quite modest

I had tried hard not to overestimate

My abilities, never to overstate

My goals, my dreams and aspirations

I had thought that my estimation

Would be fairly accurate, being grounded in reality

But it was not how things would turn out to be

*

I struggled to understand the reasons behind

The inability to achieve the reasonable goals I had in mind

I berated myself and tried to pin the blame

On my circumstances, I came up with excuses lame

I clung tenaciously to the idea that I had to achieve

The goals I had set, I had come to believe

That my identity was to my goals tied

I thought that harder I needed to have tried…

*

The understanding came to me gradually

Perhaps the goals I had set were never meant for me

I was meant to chart a path different from what I had visualized

To hold on to old ideas was counterproductive, I realized

*

I still think wistfully about the goals I had intended to achieve

But no longer essential to my identity those goals I perceive

Life changes, and one has to adapt in turn

This is the lesson I’ve finally been able to learn

Research shows that the brain is malleable

At any age, to learning it is amenable

Therefore the internet is full of inspiring tales

Of people who in their later years learnt to scale

New heights, learn skills completely new

To motivate others to do something similar too

*

I worry quite a bit about the health of my brain

I’d like to learn new skills, but my schedule leaves me drained

So the idea of learning a dramatically new skill

Has remained in the realm of fantasy, and always will..

*

But there were some skills I had acquired in the past

With the demands of adult life, my leisurely pastimes did not last

What if I were to rekindle old interests to fuel my brain

What if I were to flex atrophied muscles again?

*

To protect, preserve , keep rebuilding my brain

Let me learn abandoned skills once again

Pick up a paint brush, an embroidery needle and thread

Or try to dance to a tune stuck for decades in my head

There are so many skills I could revive

And build on, to let new brain connections thrive

*

Learning something new appears daunting but learning old stuff again

Makes me go down the pleasant memory lane

Of a joyful childhood, where I spent hours immersed

In arts and crafts, where imagination and skill converged..

*

As I fill the canvas using brush-strokes imperfect

I marvel at the endorphin-releasing effect

Of this activity that would let me maintain

Optimal health of my very precious brain