Passion…unbridled

Your social media posts on the internet

Live forever, they do not let you forget

The past- your old posts show up in memories

Sometimes it’s from the past a pleasant breeze

You see old pictures and wonder how time has flown

You marvel at how your children have grown..

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Then there are the old posts that you now find

Extremely cringeworthy, you wonder what was going through your mind

That you wrote something like that for the whole world to see

Now they appear ridiculous, childish or incorrect politically..

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If you critically evaluate your posts longitudinally

How social media and you yourself have evolved, you would see

What was once innocuous to post may no longer be so

You have grown older, you also do not want the world to know

About everything you do, you are more aware

Of privacy settings, you do not dare

To give too much of yourself away

Like you unknowingly did back in the day

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You post stuff that appears appropriate now

May be in ten years, you would wonder how

You could have posted something like that indeed

When old posts surface in your social media feed

What happened to us in healthcare that we

Have collectively experienced moral injury

That throughout the spectrum of healthcare we face

Increasing distress and burnout in the workplace..

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High achievers and industrious workers we had always been

But the pandemic brought challenges unprecedented and unseen

Our coping mechanisms were stretched thin

Yet we thought with vaccines and treatments we would win

The pandemic ended, but exposed deep systemic issues in its wake

Our resilience could no longer keep up, we were ready to break..

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Some of us broke down and left healthcare

Some decided to disengage and not care

Some of us are still trying to compensate

For systemic failures by overloading our plates

Feeling unmotivated and burnt out

Still inside but looking for an escape route

Feeling guilty because burnout is supposed to be

An individual failing, its avoidance individual responsibility

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When so many healthcare workers have faced moral injury

The onus partly lies on organizations to see

That healthcare workers have the resources they need

To minimize the impact of such injury indeed

I see a shooting star and want to wax poetic

I want it to be a sign, a vision prophetic

Then I chide myself because it is just an astronomical body

Nothing extraordinary about it, don’t know why anybody

Would ascribe romantic connotations to a meteor in the sky

I feel a bit silly thinking about movie-style romance, I won’t lie..

*

A vibrant sunset with the sky colored in vivid hues

I witness on the the horizon, I marvel at the view

I feel a sense of awe, I want to stop and stare

At the sun going down, but I do not dare

To be so impractical as to waste precious time

In doing nothing but watching a sunset sublime..

*

A cardinal I see in my backyard, I am mesmerized

By its flame-red plumage, I admire it wide-eyed

When it flies away to another perch, out of my sight

I feel a bit disappointed, but that feeling I fight

I know there are bird-watchers but I am not one anyway

Staring at a beautiful bird is not how I should spend my day..

*

There are times when I experience awe in a regular day

But instead of savoring that experience, I tend to walk away

From the scene, convincing myself it is of little value

To spend time thus, that I have productive tasks to do

In writing this verse I realize how cynical I’ve become

That the wonders of nature seem to me bothersome…

*

Next time the universe showcases its splendor to me

I shall take a pause, and immerse myself fully

Into the scene, soak in the feeling of amazement

To let my romantic fantasies loose would be my intent

I am always surprised to see how food can become

A source of conflict and friction for some

How food is prepared and how it is eaten

Is rooted deeply in culture, and when

Dietary preferences are questioned it appears to be

An attack on your culture and your family

Without meaning to, you become defensive

Towards the food from your culture you feel protective

To return things to their prior state amicable

Needs resolution of differences in the food on the table..

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Food is an emotion, I came across this statement today

And it resonated with me in a profound way

Food from our roots provides deep solace

When criticism regarding our food we face

There is a threat to our sense of comfort

We interpret it as a personal hurt..

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So in a feast where multicultural people gather

Where different cuisines and food traditions come together

We can eat what we like and try not to be

Critical of others’ preferences and traditions culinary

Food was meant to unite not divide

While eating let cultural differences be kept aside

I am being pulled in different directions simultaneously

(And that is a usual work day for me)

I think I can handle it all, this is an occurrence frequent

I should be adept at multitasking, at being present

For the smorgasbord of decisions that need to be made

But I get flustered, stumble as I try to wade

Through the muddy waters of complex decisions

That are quite subjective, with a low degree of precision

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With too many decisions when I am faced

It often gets impossible for me to place

Them in the right order of priority

With that comes a hit to my efficiency

Which leaves me profoundly dissatisfied

I feel like I’ve failed despite having tried..

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One such day I felt overwhelmed completely

The next step to take I just could not see

In the midst of this decision paralysis I walked away

Stepped outside in the sun to enjoy the beauty of the day

Felt rejuvenated and then returned

To work with renewed vigor, here was a lesson learned

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There is a lot to do that can be frustrating

When I get overwhelmed I am now educating

Myself to take a moment to regain

My composure, so that I remain

Focused when and where I need to be

I’m learning to step away and get clarity..

To the exclusion of everything else in life, I had tried

To make work my primary focus, I did not try to hide

That in almost everything else, my performance

Was subpar, therefore my energy and focus intense

Were devoted to work almost exclusively

I had made work my sanctuary

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I tried to invest much in work and the workplace

And did not realize that for others that space

Was not as cherished as it was for me

I expected too much from my work family

I loved work so much that objectivity I could not maintain

In the end that attachment to work gave me much pain

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I tried to love work but work did not reciprocate

I tried to give it my best but I ruefully state

That the more I gave, the more it expected of me

I tried even harder, because I could not see

That work would never love me back

That a reciprocal relationship I would always lack

*

I started paying more attention to everything else around

There was joy and satisfaction to be found

Once the tenacious attachment to work I let loose

Fulfillment in other areas of life I could choose

The quality of my work actually improved

When my unhealthy focus on work was removed

Many years have gone by in learning how to build

A life for myself and my family, now I’ve fulfilled

Most of the goals I had set out to achieve in the past

I have made a comfortable life for us at last

From the society I have taken up resources for my needs

Now I must find a way to give back indeed

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A passion project is what I need to explore

Something that makes me want to work harder, strive for a bit more

Something into which I can pour my heart

Something that combines science and art

In a way that benefits my immediate community

Something that quenches the restlessness within me…

*

I have many ideas but at present they seem to be

Tangled in complex webs of uncertainty

Let me try to untangle the yarns and find

The ideas that resonate most with my mind

There is a will now, there should be a way

I hope to find it soon, one day

I want to teach my child something in a systematic way

I want a textbook, but in this age and day

Textbooks for school children well-written are few

I must search online for study material, what else can I do

So I perform a Google search and find information

In bits and pieces, with inaccuracies, to my consternation

I don’t want information bytes, I want the curriculum entire

I want a book from which stepwise understanding we can acquire..

*

I look back at my childhood when I would read

Chapters from my textbooks the day before class, I did not need

To search for my course somewhere else (internet was in its infancy)

What I needed to learn I could read in my textbook conveniently

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Maybe I am a generation old, therefore I want a textbook

To build foundational knowledge one should not have to look

For poorly explained material on the internet

Perhaps there is an online textbook I can get..

Many argue that textbooks can seem outdated quite fast

But most principles of school mathematics and science for a long time last

*

I remember the textbooks I have over the years read

I wish I could procure them for my child, instead

I search through online courses trying to find

The one that would make the best impression on my child’s mind

You are a high achiever, similar to those around

Stories of success and rags to riches abound

In your community and in your workplace

An environment where achievement is emphasized you face

You set success as the only standard to which you aspire

You inculcate in your children that success is required..

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The bar gets raised higher and higher

When success is the outcome desired

Therefore when those high standards are not achieved

You are a failure is what you start to believe

This feeling pervades young minds even more

Who feel more pressured than before

To be “exceptional” and keep climbing the rungs of success

Whatever they end up achieving seems less…

*

All of us fail many times in many ways, yet we have internalized

The message that failure is not an option, have we realized

The enormous mental pressure that we endure

And place on our children as well, in trying to ensure

That we always succeed, because the alternative

Is something with which we are not supposed to live..

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Life is not a constant climb uphill

There are peaks, but there are valleys to fill

Failure is not an option, but an integral part

Of life, “failure” gives a chance for a new start

If only we could learn to embrace both failure and success

We would make more progress with less stress..

I can pick you up each time you fall

I’ve done that more times than I can recall

It hurts me more than you would ever know

To see you in pain, even if emotion I do not show..

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I am able to be by your side immediately right now

I can be your crutch as long as time would allow

But that is not how it was meant to be anyway

You would have to learn to fly on your own some day

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I wish more than anything else that you would not make

The same mistakes that I did, that you would be able to take

Advice from me that I have the hard way learnt

I sincerely wish you would not in the same manner get burnt..

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Like every adolescent, you too are prone

To defiance before authority, you want to be left alone

To make decisions that might not be the best

I can only guide you, and submit to a higher power for the rest..

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You may stumble, you may take a fall

I won’t be there to protect you through it all

As you spread your wings wide and continue to grow

My unconditional love shall be with you, you should know

Many social media groups have people seeking advice

On matters intensely personal, so it comes as no surprise

That the posts are anonymous, they do not want to reveal

Their identities obviously, but in reality I feel

That often enough information is given away

That people who know them can identify them anyway

That brings me to the question- is anonymity online

An oxymoron- even if you were to go completely offline

Your details would remain somewhere on the internet

If you are on social media, about anonymity you might as well forget..

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It is interesting to how many people reveal every detail except their name

If they are found out, they only have themselves to blame

But those responding to the posts are not anonymous

The anonymous person can collect others’ thoughts thus

Without revealing their own identity-

They can get the opinions of friends and family!

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Sometimes I want to reply to posts anonymously too

Especially if I have an unconventional point of view

It would be nice to state my opinion without revealing my identity

Needless to say, I would not disclose details that could trace the comments to me

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Anonymous or not, people are seeking genuine help and advice

The least responders can do is to be courteous and nice..

“Word your suggestions differently,” she was told

“People are offended by your being straightforward and bold”

She was asked to infuse her statements with saccharine

To approach a subject indirectly, not be as direct as she had been

To make sure no feathers were ruffled in interactions

To ensure there was the highest level of satisfaction..

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There was nothing wrong intrinsically with the advice

But she was warned she would have to pay a price

If anyone was offended by her approach-

At the same time her male colleagues seemed beyond reproach

When they were direct and did not mince their words

They were perceived as confident, their message was heard

Loud and clear, they did not have to lace

Their words with sugar, no backlash did they have to face

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She felt stuck between a rock and a hard place

If she was too direct, her superiors’ wrath she had to face

If she was too sweet, the impact of her words

Was lost, her message was not actually heard..

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She learnt how to walk a tightrope, but even that rope slippery appeared

She checked herself constantly and still feared

Whether she was leaning too far in either direction

Like a test of her mettle appeared to her each interaction

Hyper-vigilant at all times, to criticism sensitive

Seemed to be the only way she could work and live

Peacefully in her workplace but then

She was labeled as a high-strung, insecure woman..

Her work was superior in quality but she was denied consistently

Opportunities for advancement, she was not a “well-liked” employee..

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This story is true of many women in the workplace

In different yet similar ways, such challenges they face

Where their demeanor is never quite “right”

Thus fade away the careers of women who are bright…