Passion…unbridled

Let the library remain a safe space

Where books of all genres find a place

In all libraries, let the printed word reign

Let the right to choose a book not be restrained

Let books not be restricted based on political will

Let books be shelved so that they instill

The value of free thought and free expression

In impressionable members of the younger generation..

*

These days when I search the internet

An echo chamber for my thoughts I get

Information that is presented to me

Confirms my biases quite freely

I feel validated in my beliefs, can stay comfortable too

Within the narrow walls of my world view

But when in my local library books I browse

There are plenty of books that arouse

My curiosity, they are written from a perspective

Quite divergent from the one with which I live

Books are laid out before me to choose

What piques my interest, there is nothing to lose

By trying to read something that causes discomfort

Trying to understand the opposite viewpoint is worth the effort

*

I hope the printed word remains free

Within the hallowed walls of a library

This is a topic close to my heart and one that I do talk about as a cardiologist. Heart disease is the leading cause of death in women, above all kinds of cancer and causes one in three deaths among women each year. Symptoms of heart attacks in women are different from those in men, therefore many women do not seek help in a timely manner. This poem may be too heavy to read but has a positive end.

She tells her self, it must be something I ate

Ignoring the weird feeling- there is much on my plate

That I need to accomplish, that’s why my forehead

Feels a little sweaty, maybe I’ll just go to bed

And start tomorrow, an antacid I should take

I have so much to do, early I must wake

*

She is tossing and turning, she cannot lie down

Why do I feel like I’m about to drown

Sitting propped up in bed, she has strange aches

It must be my anxiety, she thinks, but cannot shake

The feeling away, the night seems interminable

In no position can she get comfortable

*

Is something wrong with me, she wonders now

I must see my physician soon, I must find time somehow

Tomorrow my husband leaves on a trip, my child

Has a test, I have a presentation…why does my heartbeat feel wild…

Why can’t I think clearly, what is happening here..

(The last feeling she would remember is that of profound fear…)

*

She wakes up in the hospital, she has survived

Sudden cardiac death, been successfully revived

What she had was a massive heart attack

As is true in women, typical symptoms she did lack

She is a lucky survivor, proud owner of two stents

To pay close attention to her health is now her intent

The family for which she was trying to ignore

Her health, had been in danger of not having her anymore…

*

Months have passed, she is now an advocate

For women’s heart health, she is passionate

About spreading the word in the community

The numero uno cause of death in women, heart disease happens to be

For a while it has appeared to me

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” Winston Churchill

That I go from failure to failure constantly

Hoping against hope that I shall succeed

One day- this is what helps me proceed

Each day in my endeavors, despite making little progress

But I worry I would lose motivation and regress

The major benefit of succeeding, I would say

Is the positive reinforcement it brings your way

*

A thought-provoking quote I came across

Stumbling from failure to failure without loss

Of enthusiasm is the true measure of success

If that is true, I should continue the process

Of moving from failure to failure and reframe

My thinking to give my endeavors a different name

I should consider myself successful since I have not

Quit completely- let me take a moment to internalize this thought

I know I must practice self-care

It’s my responsibility, I am aware

But self-care is the buzzword new

Everyone is hopping on this bandwagon to

Tell you how to practice self-care

From celebrities to your friends, everyone wants to share

Tips to make you more relaxed yet productive in your day

But such advice sends increasing stress my way

Because it is unmanageable with my schedule

And I feel like I am failing at yet another societal rule

Which tells you relaxation and self-care need

Specific activities to be included to succeed…

*

My self-care routine does not include

Yoga classes, spa days, massages- my mood

Is not elevated by things that require me

To be away from home more than I need to be

Reading a medical journal would not count as self-care, but for me

Having the time to learn something related to my career can be

Profoundly uplifting- learning counts towards self-care

As I keep myself well-informed and aware..

*

Enough said, the bottomline that I want to stress

Is that self-care is a highly individualistic process

Expecting busy women to do it a certain way

Is just adding more items on their “to-do” list every day

Enough has been said about women congregating

To gossip about each other, it has been labeled a habit “irritating”

By men over centuries, building an image negative

Of “idle” women with boring lives to live..

When women get together, they share

Everything under the sun, no topic they spare

In doing so they support each other and find

Sisterhood profound, to heal their wounds and energize their minds

In a society that does not give them much space

To air their grievances, to solve the problems they face

When women get together they commiserate

Over the myriad responsibilities on their plate

Sometimes they try to satiate vicariously

Their secret desires, they discuss other women they see

Doing what they cannot, unfortunately it is interpreted thus-

That they are gossiping, being mean, or being vicious…

*

When women in solidarity come together

Their sisterhood is a force that any storm can weather

The bonding among women, do not trivialize

Hidden within gossip is more than meets your eyes….

Calamity seems distant until it comes to you

The theoretical risk you ignore, this is something you can do

Tragedy has struck many times, but far removed from it were you

So you shrugged your shoulders, forgot about it promptly too

You told everyone not to worry, these incidents were isolated

Somewhere someone unhinged had gun violence perpetrated

You live in safe areas, your children go to a school private

Shootings do not happen there, you would state

You expressed sympathy for victims and were grateful secretly

In believing that gun violence was not something you would see

*

Then, in a private religious school children were shot

You were a bit unnerved but you brushed aside the thought

That life was unsafe, then someone fired

In a doctor’s office, when he did not get the medication desired

As a doctor, you were a bit shaken, and resolved to be

Extra cautious with patients behaving badly..

Oh in between you also decided that extra care you would take

To never step foot on a stranger’s property by mistake…

*

You live in a safe, upscale suburb of a diverse city

You often go to outlet malls for a shopping spree

Some people you know live close to the mall

Where the latest shooting occurred, you frantically call

People you know to see if they are safe or not

Now real danger has been in your orbit brought….

I try to read the printed word and imbibe

Greater understanding to survive

In a world that is changing in unpredictable ways

A world headed to the future, but clinging to past ways

I pour over books, lose myself for hours

Books wield over me that kind of power

In the author’s narrative myself I immerse

Sometimes with the author I converse

In my imagination, trying to understand completely

What the author wishes the readers would see

There are many books with opinions that are quite

The opposite of each other, neither one is completely right

Or completely wrong- I try my best to read

Books representing both opinions indeed

I do not want synopses or summaries

I distill my knowledge from detailed stories

*

One story at a time, my knowledge I expand

With each story, the world I better understand

Whenever I speak up, into overdrive my inner voice goes

Asking me to make sure I’ve not stepped on anyone’s toes

To try to ascertain if I have not out of turn spoken

Ensure there are no unwritten rules that I have broken

My gender and immigrant status exclude me

From membership of the privileged majority

As long as I modulate my point of view

And show deference to those in majority too

I do fine, apart from facing some condescension

But when I put forward strongly my opinion

Invariably I hear something to put me back

in my place,

Sometimes it is a subtle hint, sometimes a slap in my face

*

I know what some people would say-

That this is my paranoid perception- I hear this every day

It took me a while to recognize the covert discrimination here

I used to chide myself for being dramatic, I would fear

That I had made an error irrevocable

By bringing my opinionated self to the table

But now the power dynamic I comprehend

To state my opinions confidently is my intent

As I grow older as a practicing physician

I move into the privileged position

Of having had a glimpse into lives of thousands of patients

Of having heard stories full of emotions intense

Of having had more encounters with mortality

Than I would have wished to see

Of having learnt from stories, skills that are hard to define

Of having developed a gut instinct, a sixth sense fine

That sometimes lets me piece together diagnoses subliminally

Without straining my higher faculties, I am working instinctually

*

To make sense of life, stories are what you need

I am fortunate to have amassed many stories indeed…

We are taught to take pride in being busy

We feel validated when people see

How much we work, how little we sleep

Being busy allays insecurities deep..

*

There is a downside to being a busy-bee

Constant work is an obstacle to creativity

For most people, their “Aha” moments seem

To reveal themselves when they daydream

*

Daydreaming has such a negative connotation

We are embarrassed when caught in a situation

Where we have spaced out, or been caught

Daydreaming, or lost in our thoughts

We discipline children who daydream away

We reprimand them when attention they do not pay

A daydreamer is a slacker, an individual unproductive

Not expected to have any role in society constructive..

*

Yet in daydreams people often find

Creative solutions to problems in their wandering minds

There is a merit in keeping your mind occupied

And a merit in letting it wander far and wide

I have heard travelers to my homeland say

They either hated India or loved it all the way

Being in India evokes strong emotions

There is no middle ground, no moderation

Of opinions- India saturates your senses

With its juxtaposition of clashing experiences

The loudness, the vibrance, the traditions-all in your face

The disquieting lack of physical and emotional space

Counterbalanced by the warmth of family ties

Resourcefulness that takes you by surprise

In a land where resources are few

The breadth of culture is bewildering too

*

In the congestion, pollution and noise, one can get caught

And hate India because comfortable it is not

For those who go beyond the annoyances and see

The incredible face of India in its authenticity

Are the ones you would see loudly proclaim

That they love India, and not just in name!

Life sometimes seems to drag you down in monotony

All you want is a distraction, something new to help you break free

From the drudgery of your life, then you serendipitously find

A new idea, a new stream of thought to stimulate your mind

Sometimes you get obsessed with an idea new

To expand it further is all you want to do

*

I must admit I have a weird propensity

To fall for ideas with surprising intensity

Once an idea is lodged in my brain

I have to explore it further to keep myself sane

But life seems exciting, creative juices flow

For a short while, I am basking in the glow

Of newly discovered passion, I feel energized

In expanding it further, I am completely galvanized

*

All passions fade with time, mine do too

Then I wait to be swept off by an idea new