Passion…unbridled

I am not doubting whether I am good enough

It’s just that my inner self-critic is loud today

I have to navigate through waters rough

Through the negativity I have to forge my way

That self-critic is being especially annoying

Trying to get my attention in any manner it can

But I shall prevent it’s screeching voice from destroying

My confidence- I have to execute my plan

I turn a deaf ear deliberately to that voice

I pretend its proclamations are white noise

To not heed my inner critic is now my choice

Whether I’m good enough or not, I go ahead with equipoise

How does she learn to be

The powerful woman that she

Aspires to be, to make her presence known

To not have her opinions blown

Away by those to whom it comes naturally

How to take up extra room comfortably…

She has imbibed some ideas throughout childhood

She has learnt repeatedly that she should

Not take up space, that her presence

Should not cause any inconvenience

To anyone else, therefore she should not

Unreservedly share her opinions or thoughts

If she does wish to do so, they must be

Positive, encouraging, complimentary..

She must be nurturing and gentle

She should never appear critical..

*

With the kind of narrative she has drilled in her mind

It is no wonder she finds herself left behind

In the professional sphere where she must learn

To be assertive, take up space, share her opinion

She can compliment people but being critical when there is a need

Does not come naturally to her indeed

The professional world is brutal, kind it would not be

To her, if she does not follow their rule book apparently

*

She has resolved to change the narrative

For the next generation, she wants to give

Young girls the message that they must not refrain

From voicing their opinions, taking up space without having to explain

Their actions to anyone who has a fixed mindset

They don’t have to meet anyone’s idea of perfect..

*

Good girls don’t make history, bold girls do

Being sensibly bold should be the quality girls aspire to

Sometimes the picture is instagram-perfect

But most of the time, I can spot a defect

In the picture which renders it less than

The model of perfection, I known I can

Edit the photograph it and use filters until

The picture has accommodated to my will

Sometimes I do not a satisfactory effect

Then I retake the picture until perfect

I try various angles, contort my body in a way

That the best composition comes into play

Arguably photographers do that for a living

But the latest ways of taking photographs are so forgiving

That getting a perfect shot is within anyone’s reach

Be it a dramatic selfie or sunset on a beach..

*

Capturing the perfect photograph comes at a cost

In giving attention to a picture, attention to the moment is lost

True, a picture can be stored and viewed a thousand times over

But the pleasure of being in the moment is lost forever..

*

Between preserving the memory and enjoying the moment

The struggle in my mind is constant

Mostly the desire to capture the perfect shot wins

Occasionally I fully want to immerse in

The magic of the moment, and then I forget

About pictures that would never be perfect..

I know that money can buy privilege

In negotiations, having money gives one leverage

That smartness alone cannot provide

Money opens doors more wide..

*

There is art in how wealth is displayed

Not too ostentatious, a bit downplayed

Yet expressed with quiet confidence that comes

From knowing that in exclusive circles one is welcome..

*

While having money opens more doors

Having excessive wealth does force

People to conduct themselves with care

Critical eyes do not the wealthy spare..

*

I know the subject of money evokes

Strong emotions, often it provokes

People to vehemently defend their stand

“It’s not about money”- they hope you understand

*

Enough said about money and the moneyed

Let me end by saying money is the evil that we need

In this fast-paced world, balance has been upset

In our bodies, we tend to forget

To experience the foundation of life fully

We do not take time to breathe deeply

In our overstimulated adrenaline fueled state

We should pause, let our mind and body equilibrate

Interrupt the constant adrenaline flow

Inhale deeply, hold, exhale in a manner slow..

*

What is most basic is also most profound

Breathe deeply, relax, get sleep sound

Focus on breath-work, and reduce stress

Breathe deep and slow, experience less

Pain and discomfort, feel energy return

To slow down and breathe is a lesson all should learn

*

Breathe deep and slow, let rhythms align

Let your body be synchronized with your mind

Breathe, let the process of healing begin

Breathe, feel rejuvenated from within…

(I spend my spare time dreaming about travel, planning travel, looking up destinations, and more…and the devious world of social media knows that!)

Why do I crave travel to the extent that I do

I long to get to a new place, it’s true

I’d like to think I’m driven by the urge to explore

And expand my horizons some more

That may not be all, I am an escapist maybe

Daily life is tough, I just want to break free

From its trials and tribulations and go somewhere new

To hide my escapism within a higher purpose is easy to do..

When life is unbearable a vacation seems to be

The best way out to restore my sanity…

*

Travel does not come without attached strings

You have to take care of a different set of things

Work hard before and after vacation

Plan for travel to your destination

When everything is factored in, I must say

Traveling no longer seems an escape anyway

It quenches the thirst for novelty, nevertheless

Having said that, over travel I continue to obssess

In a world where anyone can gain

Instant social media fame

Visibility is the new holy grail of success

Social media makes us want to express

Our individuality in innovative ways

Broadcast our talents and showcase

Our achievements, let everyone know

Who we are, what we do, and so

We start thinking visibility equates relevance

For the spotlight we have a longing intense

Staying in the background does not appear

Compatible with success- this is what we fear..

*

Not everyone is meant to be in the limelight

Some pull crucial strings without being in sight

To be the backbone of an enterprise

Working unglamorously unseen by many eyes

Is at least as important and relevant

As being an influencer who posts engaging content

Staying in the background while running an organization

Is invaluable, despite lack of social media recognition

Work that you cannot brag about in a social

media post

Is the work that is likely to fulfill you the most.

(Because you cannot get the street food of Delhi elsewhere in the world…)

To this Indian restaurant I have been referred

The food here is authentic, I have heard

This time maybe I would not return

Disappointed, hope my palate would discern

The taste of street food from the by-lanes

Of my hometown, attempts to find it have gone in vain

*

The food was excellent, but did not recreate

The magic that I craved for on my palate..

Maybe my expectations are unreasonably high

Maybe it’s a different air, and that’s why

The taste is different, and does not compare

With my hometown’s lip-smacking fare…..

*

Even when you don’t realize it, subconsciously

You search for what you left behind in everything you see

Or hear, or taste, or experience, wherever you go

You revel in the thrill of novel experiences, but you know

There is something about home that you cannot recreate

In a foreign place, the subliminal nostalgia you can never eliminate

Perhaps this is for the best, because it binds you

Irrevocably, permanently to the nest from which you flew

And forces you to return to your roots to quench

The thirst that is for an immigrant a constant presence

She opened her mouth to protest but could not

Speak up that it wasn’t just in her head, she had also thought

For the longest time that her symptoms bothersome

Were figments of her imagination, that would go and come

Previously, based on her overall emotional state

But they had become more persistent of late

Causing limitations impacting her life from day to day

She herself could no longer explain them away

So she had made an appointment to address

Her concerns, but it looked like she made no progress

*

The doctor had listened carefully and then explained

All basic blood tests were fine, and that her pain

Was mostly a product of undue stress and less exercise

“Take it easy and be more active,” was his advice..

*

She had an intuition that something was not right

But who was she, after all, to fight

The doctor’s assessment, her tests were fine too

Exercise more regularly was what she would try to do..

*

She tried to follow the advice but in a few weeks

New symptoms appeared, she felt more weak

She sought medical attention but the answer seemed the same

She resigned to the idea that she herself was to blame

*

One day at work she had a ministroke

That was the event that then broke

The endless cycle of being told it was in her head

More thorough investigations revealed an underlying cause instead

With correct treatment and many of her symptoms disappeared

She felt “normal” for the first time in a few years…

*

When you talk about any chronic illness

Chances are it would be worse with stress

But women’s symptoms have a long history

Of being dismissed summarily

It is time to view women’s health with a perspective new

Women’s symptoms are very much real too!

Transparency in transactions should be

In my opinion, an absolute necessity

All give and take is based on trust, is it not?

At a fair price, goods and services should be bought..

*

Why is transparency so complicated

In healthcare, where costs are calculated

In complex convoluted ways that can

Be harder to comprehend than CT scans

The bills for services sent to your address

After a medical encounter can cause more stress

Than the original illness, the financial toxicity

That you incur could more noxious be

Than the underlying health condition

Which could be managed by your physician

You get bills with figures in the stratosphere

That cause worse anxiety and fear

*

Transparency in healthcare costs is a pressing need

Patients have a right to understand their bills indeed

Sick and vulnerable patients should not be

Sacrificial lambs for corporate greed

I thought hard, I thought some more

Sat in solitude, with eyes closed, quite sure

That any minute inspiration would strike me

And I would come up with an idea that could be

Expanded upon to create a brilliant verse

But this did not seem to be the plan the Universe

Had for me that day, at least at that moment

I felt annoyed, I needed new content

To post- as a social media influencer wannabe

I had to will myself to post content regularly

My relevance depended on how frequent

My posts were, how interesting my content

I tried to be disciplined about posting, and yet

No inspiration, no new ideas I had been able to get

In over a week, of course I did know

Not posting soon would deliver a major blow

To my fledgling subscriber count, I confess

Somehow I had to find a way to express

Some thoughts, original or not

And that is how I came to jot

Down this verse describing the conundrum

Finally I have managed to piece together some

Material for my blog, though not the best

At least I did not fail the influencer’s test!

I stop in my tracks as I suddenly realize

Age catching up to me- the involuntary squinting of eyes

That signals worsening farsightedness

I just change the distance, I confess

To hold off a little longer before

I can read without corrective lenses no more..

I glance in the mirror under a harsh light

The wrinkles around my eyes give me fright

Did they just double overnight, or they’ve been

Sneaking up on me for a while, unseen?

Then there are the greying roots that seem to appear

With greater density, in vengeance, I fear

Each time I try to deny their existence

By coloring them a shade of dark brown intense

The aches and pains that multiply every day

The exhaustion following a night spent partying away

The dreaded slip of tongue that makes me worry

About being an early sign of loss of memory..

*

I am growing old, at times I am terrified

I remind myself to reframe aging as a matter of pride

The experiences that my wrinkles, weak eyes and silvering hair hide

Are priceless- and I may have many more years on my side!