Passion…unbridled

I sit quietly and close my eyes to meditate

Thoughts crowd my mind, my mental state

Is akin to a thundering waterfall, and as I commence

Deep and slow breathing, from a cascade intense

My mind changes to a rushing stream, the flow

Of thoughts has acquired a rhythm more slow

I focus on my breaths as much as my mind would allow

My mental state resembles a meandering river now

Gradually my mind is cleared of most thoughts, and I

Feel calm like a placid lake under a cloudless sky..

I sit quietly and close my eyes to meditate

Thoughts crowd my mind, my mental state

Is akin to a thundering waterfall, and as I commence

Deep and slow breathing, from a cascade intense

My mind changes to a rushing stream, the flow

Of thoughts has acquired a rhythm more slow

I focus on my breaths as much as my mind would allow

My mental state resembles a meandering river now

Gradually my mind is cleared of most thoughts, and I

Feel calm like a placid lake under a cloudless sky..

Certain words used in a particular context

Are perturbing to me and leave me vexed-

One of them, increasingly popular in its use

Is “canceling someone”- why would one choose

A word applied to things inanimate

To describe how people can eliminate

Support for someone for perceived transgression

And go after them with hostility and aggression

It is easy on social media to call people out

Unlike real life, on the internet one can shout

At complete strangers, without repercussions

There is no need for discourse or discussions..

*

While social media etiquette remains a topic contentious

I wish we all would make an effort conscious

To not cancel those who live outside the confines

Of our echo chambers, we need to draw some lines

Delete a line, change a few words here and there

The changes are subtle, it’s difficult to be aware

That there has been a change in the narrative

A completely different impression does this now give

The first time reader would now interpret

In a completely opposite manner the text

Thus historical facts are altered to bend

The narrative to fit what those in power intend

History is distorted, historical figures canceled this way

The truth may not see the light of the day

How do you teach impressionable minds, how would they learn

In an unbiased manner, history’s valuable lessons

You cannot judge which narrative is right, which one accurate

Without taking into account the political climate

History was written by those in power, its true

It can be distorted by those in power too

There seem to be infinite battles to fight

As most of us women try to get everything right

Holding ourselves to standards immeasurably high

At home and work, we strive to be perfect, to reach for the sky..

*

It is an exhausting endeavor indeed

As we struggle to fulfill the needs

Of everyone in our orbits, selling ourselves short

When able to take care of everyone we are not

*

Maybe some days we should give up the good fight

Let others figure out how to make things right

Maybe we should just relax, sit back and see

How the world runs when we are not supervising closely

*

I intend to relinquish control ever so slightly

And see if the ship still sails without me

No matter how things turn out and what I find

I would at least have unburdened temporarily my mind

Aging seemed to have a negative connotation, but then I realized

That this was a misconception I had internalized

I wanted to achieve much in my younger years

With age I would fade into irrelevance, I feared

In my twenties I was exuberant, but little did I know

Into a more multilayered person I would grow

Throughout my thirties, acquire new skills and poise

Even that was a prelude to finding my voice

In my forties- I was afraid, truth be told

Of a midlife crisis I thought would unfold

Far from falling into a crisis, I am actually thrilled to find

I can finally say what is on my mind

I articulate my thoughts better, I do not fear

Judgment as I did, I do not succumb to pressure from peers…

*

Now I’m excited for my what my fifties would bring

By then I would have further expanded my wings

At the pinnacle of my skills, confidence and experience

I would probably be at my moment of greatest relevance!

Sometimes it is easier to pacify

Yourself by repeating in your head a lie

When the truth is too painful to face

And you know you are stuck in a bad place

Rationalizing the lie that things are good

Is the only way that you know you would

Be able to cope- so you try to trick your mind

Into believing the lie, hoping you would find

Some peace as you raise your hands in resignation

Your learned helplessness lets you cope with the situation…

*

You learn to live with the lie, but you walk on thin ice

A slight nudge, an insinuation can suffice

To uncover the truth, uncomfortable

This time your self-spoken lies are unable

To trick you away from reality indeed

To break away from the lie is what you need..

Finally you summon the courage to do

What you were actually supposed to!

I know I must listen attentively, it’s the right thing to do

But listening takes effort, and in order to get through

A busy day, I am ashamed to admit that often I

Interrupt patients, tune them out- I won’t lie

I cannot find enough hours in the day

To talk and exchange information in a meaningful way

Therefore I try to cut through every conversation

That becomes tangential or long-winded, to my consternation

Redirecting some patients is hard, and when neither one

Of us is listening to the other, my job remains half-done…

*

Sometimes in the midst of superficial banter I find

Valuable clues that direct me to a patient’s state of mind

I slow down then, reprimanding myself for being hurried

And pay more attention to elicit what has them feeling worried

I realize that if I listen with my full attention

In just a few minutes I get in-depth comprehension

Of a patient’s major issues, plan a better course of treatment

Which is, after all, my overarching intent..

*

I’m guilty of not listening well, in my defense all I say

Is that I am prone to being distracted easily during a work day

The pressure of time to get through more patients feels to me

Like a sword over my head, threatening constantly

Despite all this, I know I can listen if I make a conscious choice

To hear my patients, not just my own voice

If there is a professional dream to which I aspire

It would be the ability to never retire

Perhaps slow down and not be a slave

To corporate culture, but still brave

Challenges new as a physician each day

Continue to impact lives in a meaningful way

I just hope my body and mind co-operate

And with new technology I can stay up-to-date

Work does get easier with experience

Each year of practice enhances confidence

Why would I reject the enticement

Of progressively increasing contentment

As my knowledge and skills keep climbing higher

Why would I try to douse that inner fire

That makes me eager to face challenges new

That keeps me stimulated and motivated too

***

I fear that certain circumstances would force me

To retire against my will, early

I must stay healthy enough to work, I understand

But it is corporate greed that I might not be able to withstand

I hope I am not disillusioned by the state of healthcare

That seems to be sinking fast in a well of despair

I hope the inherent nature of my profession is enough

To keep me going strong through turbulences rough

I must be intentional with my time, I think

In an activity that is simply a time sink

I should not indulge myself, I must use

The hours wisely, I should mindfully choose

To spend my time more productively

To design my life as I want it to be

I must minimize distractions of all kinds

I should keep my overarching goal in mind..

*

This is what all self-help guides tell me

No doubt it is good advice, but I see

Myself leading life as if on a mission

When I try to follow this advice with precision

I become ruthless with myself and try to limit

Everything non-essential just to fit

Every important thing that I need to do

Into twenty-four hours, cutting out leisure too

But… life is miserable if I over-structure my day

I need time to let my mind wander away

Some goals I may not achieve, it’s true

But I need to waste some time too…

I observed male mentors closely throughout

How they commanded respect, had clout

From the moment they walked into a room

I would imitate them, thinking one day I would bloom

Into a successful professional, I would project

The same confidence, get the same respect

From my team members and peers

I would never let anyone notice my fears..

*

It did not take me long to realize things would not

Work out in my career the way I had thought

The confidence that was perceived in men as a trait positive

Was perceived as bossiness, I was deemed too aggressive

My assertiveness was challenged at every stage

Such differences initially left me outraged

Until I realized that irrespective of reasons I could not be

Like the successful men, nor did I need necessarily

To emulate them, I had to carve a path of my own

Using my strengths, some of which could be attributed alone

To my being a woman, to be successful I had to use

Different sets of tools, much I could lose

In trying to be “like the men”- I had to find

Success using my (woman’s) heart and mind

(On Earth Day)

Let me tell you dear humankind

You continue to exploit me, and you would find

If you do not treat me with care, you would not thrive

I sustain every creature that is alive

With your ingenuity you have created this anthropocene

In every natural process you’ve tried to intervene

In a way that benefits no one but your creed

Me and my other inhabitants are subservient to your greed

But you’re disrupting the ecological balance delicate

That had taken billions of years to create

You have intelligence unparalleled of course

But even with that, you cannot force

The natural world to dance to your tune

Learn to respect it, this warning cannot come too soon

I am in existence to distribute my bounty

Among all my inhabitants, not just humanity

Finding a purpose in life should be the aim

It makes me uneasy that I cannot claim

A specific purpose towards which I strive

Wish I knew where I was headed, but I am just alive

Taking life as it comes, day by day

Hoping for divine intervention to help me find a way

That has a purpose, in the pursuit of which I can immerse

My faculties completely, I just need a sign from the universe

To let me discover where my heart truly lies

It could be something that takes me by surprise

Until then I just hope I am doing something right

Trying to complete all the tasks in sight

Trying to find meaning in everything I do

Still hoping to build my legacy too