Passion…unbridled

I browse through shelves of books and select

As many as I can, excited at the prospect

Of having new books to read, at the circulation desk I check them out

Curious to explore what each one is about

I want to start reading immediately- there are so many to get through

In fact, waiting until I get home is something I’m reluctant to do

So I pick up the shortest book and start reading in the parking lot

In a rush to get home after a visit to the library I am not

*

I read a few pages until I realize

Reading in a parked car is neither comfortable nor wise

Reluctantly I put my book down, ready to drive back

Simultaneously realizing that of time, I’ve lost track..

*

Life comes in the way of reading, there are never-ending chores

I prioritize reading, but wish I could read more

Picking up a new book to read gives me anticipatory pleasure

Therefore libraries and bookstores are places I shall always treasure

A thought-provoking proposition I read

Leave something unfinished today, it said

This went counter to what I had learnt since childhood

I was always taught that I should

Complete pending tasks before tucking in for the night

Leaving things to do for the next day did not seem right..

*

“ When does completion become excess?”

This was even more intriguing, I confess

Could insertion of an extra word, or an extra brushstroke take something away

From what could be a potential masterpiece someday?

*

So I left some projects incomplete for the next day

I went back to some, abandoned others anyway

Since I was used to dotting my i’s and crossing my t’s diligently

Leaving unfinished business was a leap of faith for me..

*

Leaving things incomplete unnerving appeared

That I had lost control over a part of my life, I feared

May be that is why it was important to embrace

The concept of leaving things unfinished, to create space

For reflection and addition of ideas new

Leaving things incomplete from time to time is what I now do

You feel like you lost yourself somewhere

Along life’s path, you are unaware

Of the direction in which your true self you would find

But finding yourself is a priority in your mind..

*

What exactly did you lose, are you able to explain?

Was it your talent, a fleeting idea of who you were, a role that you want to regain

Did you misplace a real, tangible part of you

Or are you chasing a fantasy version that was never true?

*

Perhaps you have not lost yourself anywhere

You believe you should’ve been someone else, but are you aware

That you are exactly where you are meant to be

You are on your unique path, to fulfill your destiny

(I read a story about an initiative, called Feds to Eds where people no longer working for the federal government are being recruited to fill crucial teacher shortages, by providing them teacher’s training and mentorship on the job. I found the story, especially uplifting.)

To teach is one of the noblest things to do

Being a teacher can be incredibly rewarding too..

*

Though she had held teaching as a vocation in high esteem

To be a teacher had not been her dream

She trained as a scientist and was elated to secure

A position with the government which she thought would ensure

A steady paycheck and job stability

Where she could perform to the best of her ability

*

Unfortunately layoffs are a fact of professional life everywhere

The conditions under which she was hired were no longer there

Instead of facing the threat of being fired

She decided it was better to leave, and try to get hired

In a different, non-governmental organization

Joining the ranks of many in her situation

*

While looking for a suitable position she found an avenue

That required her to consider a path completely new-

There was a program to funnel job-seekers suitably qualified

Towards teaching- she realized her degree could be applied

To teaching high school students, she did need to obtain

Formal training in teaching, which she was enthusiastic about

It was the right path for her, this she did not doubt

*

She learnt in her second innings how hard it can be

To teach impressionable minds effectively

She is grateful for this chance to educate young minds

The first door closed, but the right door open she could find

I read voraciously, and I try to read

Books dealing with serious subjects, indeed

I want to be well-informed, appear erudite

Therefore many a times boredom I fight

While reading books on subjects that are difficult to comprehend

I power through all kinds of books until I reach the end

*

Once in a while a feel-good romance I choose

I do feel guilty, I fear precious time I would lose

In reading a book that “intellectual” merit does not possess

But such books are the most engrossing ones to read, I confess

I laugh and cry with the protagonists, feel their pain

I ride the emotional roller-coaster until their lives get back on track again

Such books leave me with a pleasant aftertaste

As I replay the story in my mind- surely reading the book is not a waste

Of my precious time- the warmth of a love story lingers for a while

Reading a love story is productive if it leaves me with a smile

Burnout is an epidemic for physicians – the headline screamed at me

What was considered an individual flaw had now become a rampant malady?

I wondered how that had happened, and how the issue had blown

To reach epidemic proportions- clearly I was not alone

In feeling burnt out with increasing frequency

But I had thought it was my inadequacy

To deal with the changing landscape in healthcare

That it was being measured and discussed, I had not been aware

*

It has been a while since I encountered that headline

I read extensively on how burnout was defined

And what I could change to reduce feelings of burnout

I implemented some of them, but I’m still in doubt

Whether burnout can at an individual level be addressed

Its systemic causes need to be identified and addressed

*

Before I knew the statistics on physician burnout

I had been embarrassed to even think about

Cutting down my workload or even quitting medicine some day

From a profession that was my identity, how could I walk away?

But reading that article was like getting validation

For my experience, to know there were others in my situation

Gave me a sense of community, though I reached out to no one

And also gave me hope that something at a system-wide level would be done

To address this epidemic spreading fast

I hope there shall be changes that last

Many times over the course of my career

I have felt inadequate and inferior

For not being considered for a leadership position

I continue to be a workhorse physician

Hearing the phrase “physician leader” sends me

Into a downward spiral of inadequacy

I worry I have not in my career progressed

My growing patient panel does not equate success

*

I came across an article regarding leadership as a physician

On the subject of physician leader, it had a slightly different position

The article explained and in fact, reminded me

That every physician is a leader in their role primary

It is true that I lead my team, in hospital rounds and in emergencies

In fact, being a team leader is one of my responsibilities

Then why am I so fixated on leadership as defined

By presence in the C-suite- that’s not where I would find

Fulfillment as a leader, I am made to lead at bedside

That’s the kind of leadership in which I take pride

In my daily life it is difficult for me

To summon enough energy

To complete my work and still have some left

At the end of the day I am bereft

Of both energy and motivation

On the other hand when I am on vacation

Or simply in another place, away from the mundane

My lost energy I seem to promptly regain

I can walk, run, go the extra mile

And do all of it with a huge smile

Breaking the monotony and switching up my routine

Transforms me to the extent that I wonder what it means

In terms of my relationship to work

Is work something that I secretly want to shirk?

*

If you ask me, I would definitely say

That I like my work, but the lure of going away

To a new place is unmatched in my eyes

Traveling to any place, near or far, is highly prized

In my life, therefore travel makes me come alive

Fueling both my energy and drive

*

You would probably think that I would return

Fully charged from my trip, ready to burn

The midnight oil to work harder in my profession

But that is not so, in fact, in true confession

My energy around work goes back to its poor baseline

And in a state of longing for the next vacation, myself I find..

Many desirable areas around the world have been built on land reclaimed

Where water bodies adjacent to land have been tamed

By infilling them with rocks and cement to create land that is new

To grow more food for a growing population and provide housing too

These areas now constitute prime real estate

But in a warming world, what would be their fate?

*

Land reclamation is a clever idea, undoubtedly

But as an excellent example of human greed, this practice I see

Habitat destruction and displacement of communities

Are undesirable consequences of expanding cities

By reclaiming land that belonged to rivers, oceans or lakes

A heavy environmental toll land reclamation takes

*

These reclaimed areas have been developed so well

That they are artificial is a fact that few people can tell

But prone to flooding and destruction they remain

Through extreme weather events these lands could be difficult to sustain

*

If land must be reclaimed it needs to be ensured

That the process is sustainable and secure

I hope that some day it is not found

That the castles of human ambition were built on flimsy ground..

Something on the Internet that irks me a lot

Is taking extra steps to prove that I’m not a bot

*

For a product or a service when I search online

To compete with chatbots I am not inclined

To have to prove I am human is almost insulting to me

Why is is something that AI algorithms do not automatically see?

*

To enter weirdly shaped characters that only a human brain can understand

To press a button and hold it down with the thumb of a hand

To recognize objects in pictures in CAPTCHA tests repeatedly

From these barriers to accessing websites I want to be free

*

Evidently, I’m not the only one who’s annoyed

There are many articles on the web teaching people how to avoid

The extra clicks to prove you are made of flesh and bone

I am relieved to find that I am not alone

In my dislike of the human verification process

Similarly to a human being I want access

When I am trying to troubleshoot an issue

Which, if handled by a bot, enrages me too

Keep your battles private, no one should know

What you are going through, you must now show

Your weakness to others, you are expected to heal

Your fears and your struggles you must not reveal

Pull yourself together such that the world you are ready to face

With the confidence expected of you, for vulnerability there is no place

Remember, there is no safe space anywhere for you

Besides being judged negative, you risk professional repercussions too

If you share your struggles, you could end up being stigmatized

And that is why, to keep your depressive tendencies under wraps you are advised

*

The advice above has been drilled down over years

In physicians, exploiting their worst fears

Many struggle alone, painfully aware

That they need professional help, but do not dare

They know their professional reputation is at stake

So they go on, pretending everything is fine, until they break

*

Fortunately the wheels of change are turning now

More open discussion around mental health does allow

Physicians to seek the resources that they might need

Be it counseling, medications or meditation indeed

*

Whoever is struggling should feel free

To seek help, protected by tenets of confidentiality

Let the physicians who heal others feel

Confident that they can, with external help, heal

Mark Twain said to get your facts first and then feel free

To distort them to fall in alignment with your story

I think those in power exploit this pearl of wisdom quite a bit

Presenting the facts to people as they see fit

But the majority of unsuspecting people do not realize

That they have had wool pulled over their eyes

The real facts stay hidden, the distorted version is all they hear

Reverberated in an echo chamber, contained within their sphere

*

It is up to all of us to try to find real facts

From credible sources, but credibility is in fact

Increasingly difficult to determine these days

When artificial intelligence can deceive us in myriad ways…

*

To get my facts right, I always strive

From facts, I can creative solutions to problems derive

Or use the facts to spin the story I want to tell

I am still learning to distort facts well..