Passion…unbridled

Fourteen minutes and six lives lost

Followed by the seventh- how do you measure the cost

Of lives lost to horrific gun violence

Young lives- this does not make sense

Does this not register anymore?

Why does it not lead to a louder uproar?

When we discuss the issue, deeply divided we remain

Make it a debate about gun ownership, forgetting the pain

That countless families keep going through

Still refraining from doing what we need to do

We talk about mental health issues and more

Try to suppress the issue at the core

Turn schools into prisons, simply accept

That going to school can be a deadly prospect

In peaceful times, in a society civilized

How come this tragic irony we have not realized?

Should I try to fit in or try to stand out

The answer to this question is always in doubt

When you fit in, you feel at home, not judged, comfortable

Standing out is like being in a foreign place, unable

To read the language- in this case the code unspoken

That binds those who fit in, into a circle unbroken

The code unknown to you, that makes you different

You stand out, which may not be your intent

If you want to feel comfortable, want to belong

But if you want to be noticed, it is not wrong

To stand out, you do not blend into the crowd

You may grab attention without being loud

*

I tried to fit in awkwardly when I was standing out

Vice versa as well, feeling uncomfortable throughout

Until the simple truth dawned on me

Simply myself I needed to be

Whether I was standing out or fitting in

I needed to be comfortable in my skin..

You leave your homeland, then come back and see

Everything in a different light inexorably

The good and the bad, in sharp relief outlined

The picture quite different from what you had in mind

Some ordinary things quaint and endearing appear

While other things are too irritating to bear

The more you see, the more conflicted you feel

What does your perception of your homeland about you reveal?

When you see things positively, you fear being delusional

When your perceive things negatively, it is a message subliminal

That you have lost allegiance to your birthplace

You belong elsewhere, that is the bitter truth you must face

*

Let me end by saying that no matter what my mind tells me

My heart looks at India benevolently

I had learnt that people were meant to fight

Fight to survive, fight to thrive, fight for rights

Your body naturally fights an illness

You fight to get better, fight for success

The valiant fight, while cowards surrender readily

Why be a coward in the face of adversity?

*

When I saw patients who had overcome their illness

I applauded them for fighting, cheered for them in the process

I thought that was what I would do if I fell ill

The need to fight was in every fiber of my being drilled

*

So when faced with a diagnosis that would my life alter,

I was ready to fight unwaveringly, I would not falter

In my attempts, I would not the disease take control over me

So I decided to fight it with the right treatment, aggressively

I did not realize when an obsession this fight became

More than the original disease, I had a new affliction to tame

*

One day I realized how it was affecting my sanity

In fighting the disease, I had let it control me

I had no option but to relinquish control somehow

I surrendered to the disease as much as my brain would allow

I did not stop treatment, I must clarify here

But I did stop living in constant fear

Of succumbing to my illness or having a catastrophe

I wrenched back control from my disease gradually…

*

I am managing life with my condition quite well

No longer on fighting my illness I dwell

I have some control, the disease has some

A more balanced person I have become

Tell me your opinion, let me know what you think

I’d like to hear your opposite view-point, I don’t want to sink

Any deeper into the cavern that is an echo chamber for me

I am tired of everyone agreeing with me readily

Because when I seek opinions on the internet

The ones that mirror my own are what I get

And I end up reaching the fallacious conclusion

That my viewpoint is right, without any doubt or confusion..

*

I grew up in a time of friendly debates

When people would in their spare time congregate

To discuss politics, life and everything under the sun

All members free to voice their various opinions

People had widely divergent views too

That they would express freely before you

*

I want to discuss life in a meeting live

Where dissenting opinions can thrive

I want to know why others think the way they do

I want to comprehend the opposite point of view

Or discover an outlook unknown to me

And marvel at how different voices can be

Completely valid, and co-exist peacefully

*

Let me move out of echo chambers and find

Ideas diametrically opposite to stimulate my mind

I have my opinions, my biases they carry

I want those biases to be exposed to me

I am afraid my presence is a charade

How long can I keep up this masquerade

Of knowing everything when I feel I stand

Not on terra firma but on shifting sand

How can I hold my own among the wizards

How can I even expect to be heard

Offering my opinion in a timid voice

That is likely to be lost in the noise

Of powerful opinions backed by experience,

Proffered with abundant confidence

I am a nervous wreck, I want to run away

I cannot wait for the end of this stressful day

*

I’ve been quiet, but surprisingly I find

A question raised for these brilliant minds

Remains unanswered, this seems to be

For me to say something, a perfect opportunity

I start speaking with some hesitation indeed

To remain coherent, all my courage I need

People are listening, perhaps out of surprise

But I perceive appreciation in a few pairs of eyes

As I go on, more confidence I summon

I am calm by the time my speech is done

Suddenly everyone is talking again, arguing probably

All attention has been diverted from me

*

Let it be a charade, let me masquerade

I am proud today of the progress I have made

I am less intimidated now than I have spoken

The self-imposed shell of inadequacy has been broken

Today is World Poetry Day and the title of this poem is the theme of this day…

I sift through my feelings, trying to make sense

Of the cornucopia of emotions intense

That unfortunately threaten

To overwhelm me, quite often

To prevent my emotions from smothering me

I collate them into words, string them desperately

Into a form I can better appreciate

A verse takes shape to describe the state

Of my mind- I find myself getting in the flow

I pour my heart out in a poem, and so

I distill into words and rhyme the essence

Of the sum total of my experience

Thus chaos in life that has been vexing me

Is transformed in to soothing poetry..

Today I shall just choose to be me

Be my authentic self, unapologetically

Not play the version that is expected

Of me, not let my demeanor be inspected

By other people who cite societal norms

To tell me how to be, let them be informed

That I am tired of dancing to the beats

Of others’ drums, let me repeat

That true to myself I shall be today

Follow whatever my heart and mind say

If they mislead me, my faults I shall own

I shall blame no one but myself alone

And if I succeed I would celebrate

The audacity of being in my authentic state

Why is it so easy to procrastinate

Scroll through your phone in a bored state

But not put it down to actually begin

That task, the thought of which makes you want to sleep in

Life is busy with myriad chores to complete

Conventional wisdom tells you to enjoy the sweet

Fruits of labor once your work is done

But I want to enjoy them before my work has begun…

*

There is no sword hanging over my head

To complete any project today, therefore instead

Of finding the drive and motivation within me

I am just procrastinating indefinitely..

*

Now that my proclivity to waste time I have solidified

In words, my conscience has woken up and realized

From my phone I need to separate right now

And summon my willpower to begin actual work somehow..

If I am sliding down fast, please catch me

If I am slipping into the netherworld, don’t let it be

Catch me before a point of no return I reach

Don’t let me get lost completely, I beseech

Let me fall but hand me a rope just before

I break and cannot be made whole anymore

Let me learn my lessons but not fall apart

In hopeless moments, let me rekindle hope in my heart

*

Don’t tell me that diamonds under pressure are formed

Constant stress would only leave me deformed

I would either break apart or break free

I would not reach my target successfully..

*

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, they say

Let me emerge from adversity stronger in some way…

I have a tendency, a habit that is bad

To let my hands act before I have had

Adequate time to decide what I want to do

My restless hands are always eager to

Act-write, scribble, draw, type or click

Push the finish button before every box has been ticked

I cannot express the degree of gratitude with which I view

The ability to revise-erasers and editing features that allow me to

Use my brain to redirect my hands that have created

A mess as a result of working on their own, separated

From my mind, that was taking longer to consolidate

Its thoughts when my hands were working in haste..

*

A wise person thinks before acting-this was drilled in me

But I have not imbibed that advice evidently

The speed with which my work I want to be completed

Works against me, the entire purpose is defeated

When I have to go back and revise yet again

To listen to my mind, my hands I must train

Many roads remained not taken..

Sometimes I wonder if I was mistaken

In my choice of the road I took

I worry if something significant I overlooked

In rejecting the other avenues that were there

Were there factors of which I was unaware

While I was making that crucial choice

Would I be more satisfied, asks my inner voice

If I had chosen a route that happened to be

Less safe, but more appealing to me?

*

I made the choice that safest appeared

Life is good, but I sometimes fear

That by not taking a chance when I could have

I did not achieve what I potentially would have

*

I am at a point of no return, therefore

I shoud not waste my time any more

In speculating about the road I did not take

The best out of my current life I must make

Maybe this was where I was meant to be

On this road lies my true destiny..