Passion…unbridled

When did the enthusiasm he had at his workplace

Shrivel up, wither away, get replaced

By a gradually spreading cloud of indifference

In a job that used to give him satisfaction immense

When projects were completed, deadlines were met

When he used to surpass all the goals he had set

When every new opportunity seemed like progress

To advance his career, climb the ladder of success…

*

He had thought nothing could interrupt

His ascent, who knew the pandemic would disrupt

The status quo, and though a lot he gave

To his organization in order to save

It from sinking during times that were tough

The bean counters did not think it was enough

Citing huge losses in the financial sphere

His targets were raised to the stratosphere

While his incentives were slashed too

With dwindling resources he was asked to make do

He found himself burdened with responsibilities more

As staffing was cut, or employees quit, unable to endure

Working for an organization where they were not

Valued; their well-being never given a thought

*

He had invested so much of himself in this company

To leave it during a rough patch seemed like travesty

He thought things would eventually improve

He would get recognition, his career upwards would move

Instead, the strings were further tightened

In every direction he was forced to extend

Until each project felt like a liability

To get rid of, he experienced an inability

To show initiative, to innovate and excel

He would do his job well enough, but not too well..

*

He has not jumped ship, he has not quit

His organization, but gradually, bit by bit

His investment in his work has gone down

His eager smile replaced by a perpetual frown

He does everything that is needed but does not go

Above and beyond, now he does know

That the organization is unlikely to recognize

Any extra effort, so he no longed tries…

How do I find sustenance

Where do I look for substance

How do I go about trying to find

A purpose in my life that can be aligned

With my abilities and core values

A purpose that finds me, not one that I choose..

*

I thought my purpose in life would be

To work as a physician tirelessly

That fulfill me only partially

I have realized this unfortunately..

*

I write, but it is difficult to say

If I shall find my purpose one day

Between the lines of a verse I write..

I admit that writing does ignite

A passion within me that further implores

Me to write better, and write more

*

As a mother my purpose is to raise

My child well, to teach him to face

All curveballs in life with equanimity

In shaping him well, maybe my purpose I would see

*

Maybe my purpose in life does not lie

Among these options, maybe I

Am supposed to embrace every day

Wholeheartedly, with enthusiasm in every way

Maybe the purpose of my life lies in being exuberant

Maybe my purpose is to live life to its greatest extent..

As a young girl I remember myself to be

Different from most people around me

I understood things in my own way

I said things that most people did not say

I was creative, and my imagination ran wild

I’d like to think of myself as a unique child..

*

Through the tumultuous years of adolescence

I struggled to gain acceptance

From my peers, tried hard to fit in

I just wanted to shed my own skin

And look exactly like all my friends

I blindly followed all fashion trends

When I stood out even in a positive way

I did not care about it, back in the day

As a young adult I still did what was expected for me

I was an average girl, with no distinctive quality

*

Now solidly middle aged, with greying hair

I am discovering that I no longer care

About fitting in with any group, in fact I

Want to claim my own piece of the sky

I want to dance only to the tune in my head

On unfamiliar territory I want to tread

My hibernating creativity I am trying to revive

I am rekindling interests that make me feel more alive

*

As I cruise towards old age my burning desire

Is to be as authentic as I can be, and acquire

Unshakeable confidence in being unique

The chutzpah of my younger self I seek…

The negative commentary in my mind

Runs constantly, on conscious examination I find

It is powerful and continuously obliterates

Positive thoughts, negative energy it generates

Plants thoughts that are into beliefs solidified

About my inadequacies, it has all my limitations identified

*

There are so many limiting beliefs that tower before me

Like mountainous obstructions that cannot be scaled easily

But a tunnel can be made through mountains high

Though these beliefs rise into the sky

I have resolved to dismantle them slowly

Think outside my usual box maybe

Each limiting thought with its opposite replace

The realm of new possibilities embrace

*

The voice in my head is loud and robust

It should be one that I can undoubtedly trust

Thus I shall change the narrative in my head

Replace limiting ideas with those that let me expand instead

This is my space, you are not welcome here

I won’t let you in, I say that without fear

This is where my boundary exists, like it or not

Trust me, to this issue I have given much thought

You have to respect my freedom, time and space

I should reciprocate too, so that when each other we face

There are healthy boundaries that we respect

To encroach upon them, we should not expect

If a situation makes you think you need to cross a line

Ask for my permission, the prerogative is mine

Whether to let you cross my boundary or not

I can decide when I want to compromise somewhat..

*

I make my boundaries clear, for both you and me

A relationship collegial is what I want to see

Violation of my boundaries is uncomfortable

Respect for mutual boundaries would lead to a partnership stable

I never said enough is enough

I tried to wade through waters rough

Thinking someone would recognize my dedication

Turns out I was wrong in my estimation

The more I bent, the more load was placed

Until a distinct possibility of burnout I faced

I tried to protest but powers above drowned my voice

I could not change anything, I wasn’t given a choice

There were no incentives in store for me

To keep slogging was supposedly my moral duty

I was afraid to ask for my due because I had learnt

To play it safe, dabbling in fire could get me burnt

In the uncertain, volatile state the world was in

I kept choosing stability, even as my patience wore thin..

*

When I snapped, I just broke completely

And that made matters even worse for me

Now I had to suffer the ignominy of a label

That I was an employee weak, I was unable

To deal with stress in a manner constructive

Despite being prolifically productive

*

I wish I could say I moved to a better place

But sometimes life just makes you continue to face

The challenges you find the hardest to overcome

Eventually you adapt to the stress and become

Burnished by all the friction, acquire a gloss

You’ve finally found a win in your loss

That is what has happened to me, I confess

I’ve learnt to manage my workload, and that’s a success

I stare at my screen, my eyes fixated on that beautiful dress

It is simply gorgeous; I cannot help but obsess

Over how it would suit me perfectly

The silhouette just seems to be cut for me

The fabric and color are of the kind

That flatter my skin tone, if I were to make a bet blind

A hundred times over this dress would be my choice

I should buy it, but I cannot ignore the pesky voice

That tells me that even though in it I would feel pretty

Splurging on this dress would be an exercise in vanity

I immediately feel guilty about being vain

I don’t deserve to please myself- again,

I can afford it, but I must first buy stuff

For my family, because I am not a homemaker good enough

If I indulge my desires before I have thought

Of my family, before things for them I’ve bought

I reason to myself- as a working mother I do not require

Fancy outfits, or cocktail party attire..

I exit the website, try to forget about the dress

After all, there is no one I have to impress

*

Is deep-seated conditioning at work here?

When I prioritize my wants I fear

As being self-centered I would be perceived

I should take care of everyone’s needs

And expectations, only after they are satisfied

Should I fulfill the desires that I hide…

There is a problem of epidemic magnitude

Fatigue is the sneaky issue that seems to intrude

On our lives, more so than ever before

We are a generation of people who, more and more

Feel tired all the time, without an explanation

Our modern lifestyles seem to have a correlation

With overwhelming fatigue that we collectively feel

What is sapping our energy, who is there to steal

Our vibrance, vigor, strength, agility

Why are we collectively limited in our ability

To fight exhaustion despite all the conveniences around

Why are we unable to enjoy a slumber sound?

*

There, I said it, this is the elephant in the room

The fatigue that constantly over our heads looms

Is borne out of sleep that is inadequate

Sleep comes after everything else on our plate

We want to be overachievers, over multitasking we obsess

In working or browsing on our phones, we sleep less and less

With excessive screen time, our sleep quality suffers too

So we wake up not refreshed, tired to go through

Another day over-scheduled in every way

The fatigue therefore never goes away…

*

We are entrenched in a war with rest so deep

Instead of having miles to go before we sleep

To get adequate sleep before extra miles we go

Is the mantra we desperately need to follow

Celebrity-endorsed styles, instagram trends posted by influencers abound

Everyone seems to be following the same fashions around

I am tempted to get on the bandwagon too

Being conversant with latest trends is the smart thing to do

I can relate with my children, have something to talk about

In social gatherings where small talk one cannot do without

Following all the trends would make me appear

More contemporary in the social sphere

So I try new styles in fashion, food and home decor

When I feel I’m catching up, there is something more

That has caught the fancy of influencers everywhere

It’s all over the internet- I cannot stay unaware

*

It is definitely nice to indulge in fashions new

It helps me break stereotypes in my mind too

But then I notice that all around me

Stuff influenced by social media I see

What I have bought is not different

From those around me who are also on-trend

I look at all the fashionable stuff I have bought

And realize that my sensibilities it does not

Portray, while aesthetically pleasing it may be

My inner values reflected in my things I don’t see

*

I am back on the subject of authenticity

Through my words I try to reflect the true me

But in lifestyle choices I have inadvertently

Become a slave to things considered trendy

I have decided to reverse this with conscious intent

Let my food, clothing, decor the authentic me represent

It doesn’t have to be stylish or unique or make a statement

It may incorporate latest trends to some extent

But the upside of living a lifestyle that’s authentic

Is that the trends that you like you can pick

And incorporate in your life as you please

Authenticity is a lifestyle that can be practiced with ease…

I can procrastinate indefinitely

Tasks that don’t need to be done urgently

I have a running list of things to do in my mind

Things that drop to the bottom if there’s no defined

Timeline in which they are expected to be completed

It’s not important right now is the mantra I have always repeated

To delay anything that does not need to occupy

My limited time and attention, and that is why

Some projects exist only in a future mythical

I talk about, but never act on them, in my manner typical

**

As a type A individual I seem to thrive

Under pressure, all my faculties come alive

When there is a narrow deadline to meet

I want to accomplish a difficult feat

In record time I love to reach the finish line

I galvanize all my resources to align

In such a way that I am efficient and productive

Under time constraints, my entire focus to one project I can give

**

The downside of being this way seems to be

Being my own boss is more difficult for me

I have figured that self-imposed deadlines

Do not work as well for projects that are mine

I need to have someone to marvel and say-

How did you complete this task in one day?

**

I am working on a time-bound challenge as I write

Using limited time productively to my delight

Every Sunday night I wonder anew

Why is it that my list of things to do

Is never complete, enough time I can never find

To complete all tasks and still be able to unwind

The weekend is meant to recharge and rejuvenate

But a busy work week does necessitate

That the weekend is spent on household chores

There is a pressure to add recreational activities some more

All socialization occurs on weekends too

Leaving me with less and less time to do

Everything I need to, there is not enough

Time to rest, Monday mornings are tough

At the beginning of a busy week I decide to make amends

I resolve to prioritize rest the following weekend

But the same story is repeated week after week

I lower expectations each time, as some respite I seek

From an over-scheduled life where I struggle constantly

To prioritize rest and relaxation for me

*

Maybe I just need to lighten my load

Leave some things to take care of down the road

Loosen up the uptight perfectionist inside

Take every day as it comes, in my stride

But I must first make relaxation a priority

The resolve to do so has given me much clarity

To give more attention to you

To share a joke, life events too

To spend more than fifteen minutes

To not make a premature exit

From your exam room, is what I’d like to do

But I have limitations of time too

If you needed more time to provide care

I would definitely give you a greater share

Of the time that I have, but again

Small talk would be difficult to maintain..

The small talk that lends the crucial human touch

To patient-physician interaction is what I crave much

That makes you distinguishable from your disease

That makes you relaxed and more at ease

During your appointment, more engaged you can be

That translates into better compliance eventually…

*

I could not give you enough time at your visit; but I’d like to call

And go over your test results, though I often fall

Short on the time required to do so personally

I have to delegate a staff member to call you for me

Although through the patient portal you have already seen

Your test results, I wish I could tell you what they mean

In non-medical terms, provide reassurance and a plan

Again time constrains are such that I rarely can

*

Since time is limited and I have to prioritize

I have unfortunately come to realize

That I devote more time when things are not going well

Your condition needs more attention, or I have to tell

You about the poor prognosis of your illness

I selectively bring doom and gloom, I confess

If things are well and test results favorable

I rely on shortcuts to convey that you are stable

I wish I could spend equal amount of time to communicate

The good and the bad as it relates to your disease state..

(Image source: http://www.glasbergen.com)