Passion…unbridled

I dabble in a bit of this and a bit of that

Mostly in the middle is where I’m at

“This” is the culture that now surrounds me

“That” is the culture in which I’m rooted deeply

“This” represents core American values

“That” is the spectrum of Indian hues

That color my life from inside out

Neither of these I can do without..

*

Being in the middle as a privilege I view

I can turn any way I want to

I can travel along a spectrum entire

From Indian to American, as my heart desires

I can experiment with food, clothing, music, art

“Fusion” is of my life an essential part

Elements from both identities I blend

Creating something more unique than I intend

*

East is east and west is west, they said

And never the twain shall meet- instead

I thrive at the meeting of east and west

From each one I try to take the best

And fuse them together in ways that are new-

My fusion life is an innovative one too

You can say no quite easily, you know

This doesn’t fall in your domain, and so

You are under no obligation to go out of your way

To try to do something that in the end may

Turn out to be an exercise in futility

Your skill-set may not in this case have utility

There isn’t enough time to waste, yours or

That of the person you’re offering your service for

*

You are about to say no, but you turn back once more

And catch the desperation in their eye that you’d missed before

Something tells you to at least hear the problem in detail

Even if at finding a solution you fail

You could bring them a step closer to the answer they need

If you don’t do anything, your refusal would trouble you indeed

*

So without making any promises, you hear them out

You don’t have the answer, but without a doubt

You know the next step to take in this case

That will help them get to the right place

*

The right place was found, the issue was resolved

Your help was crucial in getting the problem solved

It was easy to say no, it was your right too

But the universe moves forward because of those who

Go the extra mile without any expectation in mind

They are the ones who innovative solutions find

My time at work is literally and figuratively full of “overload”. My patients have “volume overload” (swelling of legs due to weak heart), my clinic schedules, inbox, e-mail etc. are all overloaded, and with a phone in hand 24×7 for days at a stretch while on call, I have information and sensory overload. Then there is a life outside work bombarded with images, videos etc…..

My senses are bombarded constantly

By a smattering of stimuli hurled at me

In a perpetual state of overload I stay

With information coming at me in every way

Too many e-mails, phone calls, messages to sift through

Articles to read, podcasts to hear, videos to watch too

To stay up-to-date at work, home and in life overall

In the misleading pit of multitasking I fall

Thinking I can process multiple bytes of information

At the same time, and make sound, informed decisions…

*

Maybe that’s why constant exhaustion I face

Despite vitamins and exercise- my brain gets no space

To process information in pieces that are small

My brain is forced to simultaneously process it all

Spending time in mindful practices or meditation

For some time each day does not protect against invasion

Of my senses throughout the rest of the day

I need a reduction in stimuli coming my way

Sometimes I ignore things, but it can backfire too

Because superfluous stuff hides important things to do…

*

I know in this boat I am not alone

Distracted, frazzled, glued to a phone

Many of us go about life from day to day

Somehow we need to find a better way

To simplify our lives, get rid of fluff

Give proper attention to meaningful stuff..

This neologism in common use these days

Makes me feel incompetent in many ways

I entered adulthood decades ago,

But “adulting” was something I did not know

I was supposed to be doing actively

It was the baggage that came with being free

To make my decisions, vote in elections

Not having the need for parental supervision

Of course, that meant my messes would be mine

And that about them to no one I could whine..

*

“Adulting” is hard when you examine it in detail

Shouldering many responsibilities it entails

From earning (and saving money) to placing food on the table

To being a responsible citizen of this world who is able

To contribute constructively to the society in ways more than one

Is a tall order, I do not think I have done

Justice to everything that adulting requires

I “adult” in fits and starts, putting out fires

More often than actually doing something constructive

(Guess I have a steady job, so you can call me productive)

But other facets of adulting are strenuous for me

Like filing taxes, changing tires, being financially savvy..

Remembering passwords, commitments and deadlines,

Staying organized, paying dues timely without incurring fines

And being a role model for my offsprings-

That is one of the hardest tasks adulting brings…

*

As a flawed human being, specifically an adult flawed

I wish the verb “adulting” would be outlawed

So that each time on my responsibilities I fall behind

I am not a failed adult in my own mind…

Sometimes I just stop mid-sentence

Suddenly I feel your otherworldly presence

While saying something, out of the blue

Without warning I am inundated with memories of you

I remember phrases that you used to say

I remember the rather quirky way

In which advice you would give to me

I could use some advice, I miss you acutely

In this moment, I find myself with tears in my eyes

Beyond the physical world extend our ties

*

Grief is not linear, nor finite, it comes and goes

Without warning you find yourself in its throes

When the waves of grief rock me, it’s futile to fight

I embrace it, let it devastate me, and emerge with fresh insight

Each time I pick up my phone and scroll around

I see beautiful objects, temptations abound

To make me loosen my purse strings

I am convinced I need shiny new things

In my life, these are things that appeal to me

The world wide web knows my aesthetic, obviously

So the advertisements I see when I browse mindlessly

Are of stuff that caters to my taste and budget, you see

It is hard not to get sucked in to the irresistible lure

Of artistic objects of personal adornment and home decor

Sometimes I just marvel at the sheer creativity

At other times, of buying unnecessary things, I am guilty

Many times I try to assuage that guilt with the thought

That a small business has been supported by things I’ve bought

There is greater representation of cultures varied

In the plethora of goods available indeed

Many things you can personalize and customize

With such attractive options, it’s a buyer’s paradise..

*

I just got distracted by an instagram store

It has captivating stuff that I simply adore

In this tug of war, let’s see who shall win-

My self-control or the enticing advertising..

Persuasion is an art, they say

To compel someone to think your way

Requires achievement of a balance delicate

You have to first try to estimate

How strong their beliefs are, how much you can sway

Them in your favor, then you dispel their doubts away

Regarding your opinion, simultaneously

Let them doubt their own stand increasingly

The ultimate trick to make them change their opinion

Is to convince them that it is actually their decision

You’ve subtly nudged them and at the same time

Boosted their ego, you have them primed

To remain, for a while, audience captive

You have thus succeeded in your motive

Driving in the dark on a morning cold and misty

With the headlights on, with limited visibility

I focused on what was visible, the car before me

To see beyond that I was limited in ability..

My thoughts turned philosophical here

Of the direction my life wants to take, I’m unaware

The view of the future is clouded and I fear

Taking a wrong turn- that’s my worst nightmare..

*

The mist is a metaphor for life’s current state

Since I cannot see beyond the immediate

Instead of trying to predict a future nebulous

On the next step I should direct my focus..

Half a breath perpetually held

Half of the mind preoccupied

In fear of a disaster looming near

Panic always simmering inside

Life like a hurdle-race never-ending

From crisis to crisis, life seems to go

No time to catch a breath at all

Just weathering blow after blow

Tranquil moments lay forgotten

Chaos rules the roost every day

Real and imagined catastrophes

Conspire to take peace of mind away..

*

Take a deep breath- that’s cliched advice

But one that works well nevertheless

Take a breath deep, focus on it alone

Feel a reduction in the level of distress

Interrupt the flow of calamitous thoughts

Banish all the “what-ifs” from mind

Life will continue to present crisis situations

But less ruffled by them yourself you would find

Can I pick and choose

Which moments to file away

Inside the amygdala in my brain

Let only pleasant memories stay

Unpleasant situations are hard enough

To deal with in the present

I wish I would not ruminate

Over unpalatable moments..

My composure, my state of contentment

Is compromised in moments of discomfort

When I think about them later

My emotional memory intensifies the hurt

*

If only I could detach all emotion

From recollection of a disagreeable event

If only I could face unpleasantness once

And not let it fester into persistent resentment…

*

Life is too short to while it away

In pain over moments in the past

Therefore I hope that selectively

Unpleasant memories would not last…

How can a comment, made innocuously

Bring out an insecurity in me?

*

I am fairly accomplished, and confident

In my abilities, but I have shortcomings evident

That I don’t pay attention to most days

But sometimes, in surreptitious ways

My confidence ends up being undermined

As random comments pierce my psyche to remind

Me of something that I lack, and in that instant

My insecurity takes center-stage, becomes dominant

All of a sudden feelings of inadequacy flood me

I want to obliterate that flaw, I want to be

A different person with that quality I lack

Without it, I wouldn’t get my confidence back

*

Eventually that acute feeling of insecurity fades away

Sometimes I make a change, sometimes things stay

The same as before, but my confidence I regain

Until it is shaken by a comment again

All the disapproving remarks based on social norms

Reside deep in my psyche, to take a tangible form

When someone makes a remark in a similar vein

All my confidence-building measures seem in vain…

I understand your annoyance completely, I do

When the lady before you cannot understand you

Her proficiency in English language is limited

But she is trying to provide a service using language stilted

You have nothing against immigrants in general

But knowing English in this country is a requirement reasonable..

You are running out of patience, and you know

She can unfortunately sense so

She is scared, she fumbles for words some more

You decide to forget the request you’d made before

You think of withholding your tip, but to be fair

She gave you a good service, with attention and care

She did not understand some of your requests, it’s true

But she charges a lower fee for her service too..

*

After you’ve paid and tipped, you head back

And think about the immigrant who lacks

Proficiency in the language of this land

How she manages to work here, you can’t understand

It must take a lot of courage, you realize suddenly

To work in a foreign land, in the service industry

Without knowing the language well, you wonder how she

Overcomes her fear and faces her customers with dignity

You see her in a different light, and your frustration

With her lack of knowledge changes to admiration..

*

Each time you use her services you find

Her grasp of English is better, her sentences more refined

She doesn’t know but you cheer for her secretly

You want her to succeed in this land of opportunity