A Mother’s Letter

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Dear daughter, let me tell you

So that you can see through my lens too

The story of my life spanning two continents

I’ll share with you my innermost sentiments

I came to this country as a young bride

Apprehensive, with your father by my side

A sheltered existence I had led until then

Never been outside my state- like many women

Going to college on a bus was the only adventure

I had ever been a part of, I had never ventured

Alone beyond my college and my home

The streets were not meant for girls to roam

I learnt about the world in the college library

Ambition was not expected to be in my vocabulary

Though sometimes about travel I did fantasize

I never let improbable dreams cloud my eyes…

**

When marriage to your father was arranged

The remarks I heard from people ranged

From those of jealousy to those of condemnation

At the prospect of setting up home in a different nation

I was excited and afraid in equal measure

I “practiced” an American accent with pleasure

In anticipation of the move to the enchanted land

This was a big adventure for me, you may understand

**

Settling in a small town in the suburbia where

I felt so different that I could not dare

To venture out in my impractical sarees-

Wearing Indian clothes I did cease

This forced array into Western attire

Pushed me on the step to assimilation higher

Then I learnt to drive, a giant step, I would say

Towards freedom that came day by day

In the midst of this I learnt to substitute

New foods that resembled the food of my roots

I missed home terribly, yet I was aware

I had much more freedom, the balance was fair

With no one to tell me how to behave or what to do

I was free to reinvent myself too..

**

Free from societal obligations, with time on my hands

I tried to revive my old passions in this new land

My love for art combined with the need to express

Helped me create some good pieces, I must confess

The longing for home a crucial part did play

In my art- I doubt things would have turned out this way

If I had been at home, I might not have been inspired

I might have been too busy to do what my heart desired

**

I did not reach the place at which I am today

Without trials and tribulations along the way

Now I showcase my work in galleries

Displaying my Indian heritage, wearing sarees…

My daughter, I still consider this freedom to create

Art at my whim, a privilege awarded by fate..

**

I see you know, raised very differently from me

With a plethora of choices, you are completely free

To do what you want- I know you long to be

A violinist par excellence, and I shall see

That you get the best training available here

Yet the one thing I want you to remember, dear

Your strongest feelings translate into the best art

So, today, on your first solo recital, just play from the heart..

**

Remember, if I could achieve success beyond my imagination

You are bound to taste it, with your grit and ambition!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cancer

This is a question that unnerves most physicians- what if the disease that you specialize in treating is the one that ends up afflicting you? Here I have imagined an oncologist (cancer specialist) who gets diagnosed with the cancer that he has devoted his life to understanding and treating.

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I knew unnerving it would be

With tables turned, undoubtedly

Little though I was prepared

For the diagnosis that now stared

Me in my face- I shook my head in disbelief

And then had a sense of deja vu brief

Of myself pronouncing the same words

In what seemed like another world

To patients of mine, a novice I was not

To life-changing words, I had taught

Myself to break such news gently-

Now the same tone for being used for me…

 

In the next moment I felt as if the ground

Beneath my feet had moved, no sound

Would escape my lips, though I was crying

I knew not what, but something within me was dying

Even then, in the midst of all that grief

I could not help shaking my head in disbelief

That the cancer in whose treatment I specialized

Had in a twist of fate within me materialized..

 

How do you give yourself a prognosis

Was the question tormenting me after my diagnosis

I threw myself into research with greater zeal

Even as the cancer eroding me I could feel

Today, lying on my death-bed, at least I know

The seeds of research I planted will continue to grow

To explore more of the disease that gave me

A purpose in life, as well as my mortality.

(Image source: https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/understanding/what-is-cancer)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Fortune Teller

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Stuck in a rut, without a vocation

She scoured through horoscope sections for any insinuation

That her life would soon on an upward swing be

Bringing job prospects and money

She alternated between job searches and horoscopes on the net

Nothing was changing, she re-examined her skill set

 

With a flair for writing an ability uncanny

To concoct stories interesting, she started thinking of the many

Ways to exploit her talent, she tried to obtain

Writing assignments, but remuneration was not worth the pain

Feeling dejected, wallowing in self-pity one day

Staring at her horoscope that promised success coming her way

A light bulb suddenly went off in her mind

An idea worth exploring, maybe this was a sign

Her interest in horoscopes and her writer’s background

Seemed to have finally found a common ground

She decided to learn the basics of astrology

(Online courses were abundant, this was a good strategy)

Then proceeded to start a modest website

That churned out horoscopes against a background bright

With a pinch of science and tons of imagination

She made interesting and actionable predictions

Soon her readership grew (there were many lost souls like her)

She knew how to give hope to those who suffered..

 

Her popularity grew, advertisers chimed in on her website

Soon she started charging for her predictions, the price was just right

For miserable folks to spend their hard-earned money

On any semblance of hope, she literally charged in pennies

 

Soon she was busy from morning to night

Spreading hope all around, she simply knew the right

Words to comfort people, give them hope where existed none

Within a year an authority in astrology she had become

She was invited to give TED talks that became popular

She became a diva, a public figure

 

Interesting it was that her prediction

For her zodiac sign never came to fruition

She knew it was a figment of her imagination

Yet she yearned for something to give her craft a validation…

Then one day after having written a love horoscope for her zodiac sign

She ran into a young man and her stars aligned

A new romance blossomed, according to her prediction

Her writing was finally more than just fiction

 

She is happily married now, and continues to write

Horoscopes on her enormously popular website!

The Caregiver

As a physician dealing with patients with advanced, often end-stage heart disease, I come across a lot of patients who are receiving excellent care at home by their family members who have sacrificed their personal lives to care for their loved ones. Our team has a support group for caregivers where they share stories about themselves, their loved ones, their frustrations and fears. Caregiver fatigue is something that we are becoming more aware of in recent years. This poem is written from the point of view of a caregiver grappling with this issue.

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I love you dearly, though from what I’m going to say

My sentiments may not come across that way-

There are days when in a sleep-deprived daze

I feel I cannot go on any longer, pretending to be unfazed

By the constant exposure to unpleasant fluids varied

I clean silently, but sometimes I can not succeed

In hiding my revulsion at the sights and odours

I try to benumb myself until the clean-up is over

Then sink back exhausted in the armchair

When you take a nap- yet I try to be aware

At all times of your discomfort and your needs

If I do not respond timely, I feel guilty indeed..

 

I know it is a herculean task for you and me

To drive you to your appointments, definitely

Yet here’s a secret I am ashamed to reveal-

On those days a frisson of excitement I feel

At the thought of an opportunity for interaction

With other human beings- it gives me some satisfaction

To know that there is life outside of these walls

We can still enjoy the beauty of spring, summer and fall..

 

I know we both wish things were not this way

When you call me for help, I can see the dismay

In your eyes that yet again you need me

Yet again you have demonstrated your dependency

When friends call me for a night out and I reply, inevitably

That I am busy, I can see your eyes tearing up for me

You talk about another caregiver to unburden me

But both of us this is not possible (at least usually)

With limited finances and other constraints

 

Besides, I have almost learnt to practice restraint

Where entertainment and social activities are concerned

If I have spare time, I try to enjoy the rest I have earned..

 

Then there are those days when I am exhausted beyond measure

And there appears my savior, those moments I treasure

When a friend offers to help for a few hours or a day

I feel relieved; I know you do too, more than you would say

This break from caregiving reminds me of how much I love you

And why caring for you is what I would gladly continue to do..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That first lecture..

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Excited and nervous she was in equal measure

To deliver a lecture that had cut into her time of leisure

She had prepared her first talk with great attention

To detail, meticulously she had made her slide presentation

Spent hours in research, added vignettes carefully curated

On each point, she had over hours deliberated

College students tended to have a short span of attention

She knew, thus adjusted her content for their comprehension

As the day approached, she felt increasingly confident

That her lecture would be received well by most students.

 

She was newly minted in her formal role as a teacher

An unexpected fate awaited her as she walked in to deliver

Her lecture- there were only a handful of souls in sight

Nevertheless she tried to look on the side bright

At least the ones present looked vaguely interested

Hopefully they understood how much she had invested

Of herself in this lecture, knowing that first impressions

Often last, and would set the tone for further sessions..

 

Despite the dismal attendance she proceeded

As the lecture progressed, her confidence receded

No one was interested in what she had to say,

So it seemed to her- she was ready to call it a day.

She managed to finish, her eyes glistening with tears

At what was an obvious failure, exposing all her fears..

 

That was a day forty plus years ago

She is reminiscing over the pain of that blow

Today she is about to be felicitated

Her retirement is being celebrated

She has had a long and illustrious career

As an educator, a talented teacher

Unlike the first day her lectures now

Manage to run out of room somehow

To accommodate all those who throng to hear

Her pearls of wisdom, year after year…

Since her first day as a teacher, a long way she has come

The ideal teacher she wanted to be, she has become..

(image source:https://www.quotemaster.org/boring+lectures)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forgiveness

The query: “At Auschwitz, tell me, where was God?”

And the answer: “Where was man?”
― William Styron, Sophie’s Choice

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I have lived my life haunted by

The demons of the past, that dark sky

Of Auschwitz- those whistles at the crack of dawn

Mournful, menacing, trying to warn

Each one of us alive that we could be

The next ones to be bailed out of misery..

Since I was spared from the gas chamber

I have lived my life seething with anger

At all of you- perpetrators of those crimes

Where was your conscience at that time?

 

Were you not an ordinary human being like me?

What made you participate in such a monstrosity?

Oh I know you were supposed to be hypnotized

By your “charismatic” leader, but did you realize

Your role in the widespread carnage then-

There were massacred six million women and men..

 

I wonder how you wake up every day

And face yourself, how on earth do you pray

To your God- do you also see what I see

In my nightmares, albeit differently?

Do gas chamber for “G” and Zyklon for “Z”

Come to your mind automatically?

Have you contemplated your role 

In those crimes, all the innocent souls

Put to rest prematurely while you still live

I wonder if you have an apology to give..

 

I was quite certain I would not forgive

You, enemies of humanity, as long as I would live

But, as death knocks on my door, I am inclined

To drive away the anger from my mind-

Also with time the understanding has come to me

That while I wake up each day grateful to be

Alive- I know I bypassed death narrowly

You are denied that privilege obviously

A raging insomniac probably you are

Tormented by memories of the world war

And your being complicit in murders of masses

At the end of the day, we both have losses

In another world we both could have been

Ordinary, well-adjusted people, and never seen

Or participated in such heinous deeds

I have scars, but you have guilt indeed

I forgive you finally, no longer do I resent

You, your guilt is a punishment sufficient..

 

(I have been profoundly moved by the Holocaust and descriptions of the Auschwitz concentration camps. Therefore this poem about a Holocaust survivor who forgives the Nazis on her death-bed.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What do they sell?

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“There’s lots of bad reasons to start a company. But there’s only one good, legitimate reason, and I think you know what it is: it’s to change the world.” -Phil Libin, Evernote CEO

Not long ago when people started a business

There was a tangible product to sell for success

There would be brick and mortar buildings too

To assemble products and display them to you

By selling objects appreciated for high quality

Have entrepreneurs made fortunes over centuries

To get people to part with their hard-earned dough

A physical object to them one needed to show

 

Not so anymore- successful businesses in today’s age

Are only to be found on a webpage

Or in the form of an “app” downloaded on your phone-

The days of brick and mortar buildings are gone

Start-ups are created by people with ideas new

Promising to change your life and the world too

By downloading an app that can provide

Organization in your life, be your guide

In navigating your way through the vagaries

Of modern living with consummate ease

The finished product is an idea, intangible

Yet its lure is quite irresistible..

 

This is the brave new world of ideas galore

Where an app can bring everything to your door!

(Image source:erenkocyigit.com)

 

 

 

 

 

A poetic tradition

“Family traditions counter alienation and confusion. They help us define who we are; they provide something steady, reliable and safe in a confusing world.”- Susan Lieberman

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So my six year old was given an assignment

A poem about September he had to invent

Nothing complicated, but it was great fun

To put together rhyming lines one by one

For both him and me, and when we were done

He proclaimed we would do this for each month

 

I had been reading a post about family traditions

On my social media page, thinking about which ones

Our family had, when I realized this could be

The start of  “create a poem” tradition undoubtedly

I let my imagination run wild and pictured

My son, in verse, penning down his words

Somewhere in the future, the way I try to do

(In my dream, he was a successful poet too!) 

 

Fantasy aside, I was soon lost in reverie

Thinking about how the best childhood memories

Are centered around family traditions

These traditions give us a sense of connection

To our past; for the future, impart values

Give us some lessons that we can use-

I’ve been trying to create some for my son

Most center around travel and outdoor fun

Therefore I was thrilled to find one that could be

A tradition for a day that was rainy, or gloomy

I get excited again fantasizing about my son

And I writing verses together for fun..

 

 

 

 

Decluttered happiness

“Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” – Albert Einstein

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Towards a goal of happiness I tried to evaluate what I did need

The answer came to in the form of an epiphany indeed

One day as I was trying to go through my overflowing closet

Ugly and cluttered, I suddenly felt my priorities I needed to reset-

Instead of material acquisitions that were failing miserably

To make even a temporary dent on my emotional stability

I realized I needed to downsize, simplify, minimize

Letting go of mountains of stuff suddenly seemed wise

**

Parting with goods that you have worked hard to acquire

Is incredibly difficult- there is an inbuilt desire

To save every object for its “sentimental value”

Emotions tend to stick to inanimate things too

So despite my well-intentioned decluttering campaign

I found myself losing resolve again and again

**

Being the compulsive Googler that I happen to be

I went quietly on a search spree

Found articles on various decluttering techniques

Tried to follow them with some minor tweaks

Nothing seemed to work because my heart

Was unwilling to allow me to part

With objects I had collected over the years

With (often) juicy stories behind them for eager ears..

**

I parted with less than a tenth of my possessions

And I never expected to make this confession

That decluttering even a little was exhilarating

Having less stuff felt so liberating

The endorphins brought on by owning less

Made me feel happy, the feeling was priceless..

** 

Neither a hoarder nor a minimalist am I

And even though I continue to try

To downsize every week, it is still tough

But then, the path to happiness is always rough..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Motivational Speaker

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Growing up in a world competitive

Not enough slack she ever did give

Herself, because her mantra throughout

Was that patting herself on the back she could do without

So she achieved new targets, never stopped to rest

Reaching for a goal higher instead

**

As time went by without realizing she

Developed what appeared to be perpetual anxiety

Because she constantly hungered to achieve

More, satisfaction she could not receive

She constantly felt she was not doing enough

Of herself she was a judge tough

**

Life never fails to give us opportunities

To understand, and rectify our follies

This had to happen to her sooner or later

It happened when she became a mother

Initially she was, as expected, quite anxious

With her perfectionist attitude, she tended to fuss

More than the average mother would do

But as she in her role as a mother grew

She had to revise her expectations too

Balancing her home and career together

Constantly trying to achieve more would never

Work- that she realized as time went by

Her expectations dropped down from the sky

As she became more comfortable in her skin

She felt much better, her anxiety caved in

**

You might wonder if this attitude was sustained

Yes it was, her understanding of life did not go in vain

She has actually become a motivational speaker

(Public speaking had always come naturally to her)

She helps people leave self-criticism behind

And acquire a happier state of mind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That day, before sunrise

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He got out of bed, that day before sunrise

Sleep had evaded him, that was not a surprise

He felt anxious and excited in equal measure

Those very last moments he would always treasure

He was leaving home today, his flight was soon due

To travel to a foreign land, explore vistas new

As the sun made its appearance over the horizon

His plane took off, while tears clouded his vision..

**

Few years later he awoke, that day before sunrise

Now settled in the new land, to its ways wise

Again to catch a flight, this time homeward bound

To get married, a suitable bride had been found

Again anxious and eager, he knew not what was in store

The only difference being in the confidence he now wore

The sanguine sunrise that appeared as his plane took flight

Lifted his spirits, he felt his future would be bright.

**

Few years went by, and that day before sunrise

He woke up to his wife’s panicked cries

Her water had broken, and in a rush they drove

To the hospital; by sunrise they were in love

With the most perfect little bundle of joy 

Together they celebrated the birth of their little boy

**

Decades went by,  that day before sunrise

He and his wife woke up, and with misty eyes

Prepared to say goodbye, a final one

To the land that had given them a warm welcome

Had let them thrive, raise a family, prosper

Yet the thought had come to them in a whisper

Now that their son had settled and they had retired

It was time to attend to their souls’ desires

So they boarded the flight back to motherland

When the sun rose up in sky, they sat holding hands

As the flight took off, their memories they gathered

Of all the joyous moments, all the storms they had weathered

 

Suddenly he was reminded of that day before sunrise

When he had woken up with the stars in his eyes

To start a journey into the unknown that had at last

Come full circle- he thought, staring at the sky vast

He had planted stems here, but his roots were there

His weary soul needed home after being everywhere..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our assumptions

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“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.”- Henry Winkler

You meet each other after a while

Greet each other with enthusiastic smiles

You exchange usual pleasantries

At the same time this opportunity you seize

To appraise each other, to estimate

What the other person has had on their plate

While you were out of touch- more often than not

Some versions of the following are your thoughts-

“She looks so skinny, I bet she has been

Working hard on her fitness regime”

Or “She is dressed in expensive (designer) attire

Must have come into money, she can buy what she desires”

Or “How attentive her husband is to her

She has everything that life can offer!”

Most women make such assumptions superlative

Get envious of the perfect life the other one lives-

While the reality may be quite different

Misfortune on first glance may not be apparent-

She is skinny because quite sick she has been

Business is bad but she does not want to be seen

Dressed shabbily, therefore she is attired

In her only presentable outfit; and she is tired

Of daily fights with her spouse, their marriage is ending

The world does not know yet, so they are pretending

To be extra nice to each other before you-

But of course this reality is not in your view

Meanwhile her assumptions about you are

Off the mark too, just about as far

From the truth as yours- the envy is similar too

Your interaction is skewed by assumptions untrue

 

I may not know what you are going through

You may not know my struggles, too

In making assumptions, let us not be quick

Then in futile envy make ourselves sick

Or worse, make an insensitive remark casually

Hurting the other person quite badly

Let us take time to observe, listen, learn

As friends, who can, in distress, to each other turn..