Passion…unbridled

As a mother my greatest fear
Is to pass along to my child dear
Everything that is flawed in me
Twisted genes, bad habits, insecurities…
I wish all that is in me undesirable
Somehow is rendered unable
To be transmitted to him, I wish somehow
For a filter that would only allow
Positive attributes of mine to flow through
While sieving out negativities too..

Alas such a filter exists not in this world
I have to be cautious in deed and word
To prevent my child from imbibing my less attractive traits
I fail to do so often, then myself I berate
For setting wrong examples, being weak
Some form of redemption then I seek
I am hypervigilant often for signs of projection
Of my insecurities on him, he needs protection
From my flawed ways of thinking which have brought me
Anguish and sorrow, quite frankly…

Many a times I am convinced that I
Am the worst patent under the sky
But my son ends up bringing my soul solace
When a positive attitude he displays
Of my internal struggles he is unaware
I am the one he follows everywhere
When he works hard, I am glad to see
At least he has imbibed from me industry
Yet when he displays impatience, it is a reflection
Of his having absorbed my imperfection..

I set the examples, therefore I should
Set good ones, it’s expected from motherhood..

In Zen,  ensō (“circle”) is a circle that is hand-drawn in one or two uninhibited brushstrokes to express a moment when the mind is free to let the body create. The circle may be open or closed. In the former case, the circle is incomplete, allowing for movement and development as well as the perfection of all things. When the circle is closed, it represents perfection, akin to Plato’s perfect form.

I trace with my pen

In one single stroke

Thinking of all the zen

I can soak

The imperfect circle

Open on one side

I await a miracle-

I know I have tried

To achieve perfection

In ways countless

The open circle is a depiction,

I must confess,

Of a life with potential

For continued growth

It is essential

To have hope and patience, both

The enso drawn by me

Is a force creative

A symbol of life in its fluidity

An inspiration for me to live

**

I hope the circle

Will close one day

As I clear every obstacle

In my way

To achieve perfection

That evades me now

Until then the open 

Enso does allow

Me to dream 

Dreams wild, audacious

Dreams that seem

To occupy corners spacious

Of my heart, soul and brain

Dreams borne out of a quest

For perfection, shrouded in pain

Dreams that show me the best

Version of myself that I can be

As I chase them, the enso is open for me…

(Image source:https://www.lennaarty.com/zenart)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At the end of an incredibly busy day

When all my energy had been sapped away

I was still left with a gigantic mound

Of work to complete, I looked around

To see if any help I could harness

I found none, and  I confess

That vanquished by exhaustion 

To winds I threw all caution

And proceeded to take the route I had thought

I never would- I had decided to not resort

To cutting corners even in a time crunch

Yet that day, maybe because of missed lunch

I caved in to the temptation strong

Rationalizing that it was not wrong

To take short-cuts once in a while

Soon I was done, and I left with a smile..

**

The easier path is a slope slippery

Once lured, it was difficult to break free

From the temptation to take short-cuts which became

Shorter each time- my conscience at times tried to blame

Me for the increasingly sloppier quality of my work

I ignored its voice, nagging was one of its quirks

**

It is true that more time on hands I did find

By finishing work faster , it relaxed my mind

Therefore my moral compass remained dormant

Though the fear of missing something important did torment

Me from time to time, until one day the inevitable happened

Due to my carelessness, I could not pretend

That the cause was something else, because I knew

I had been getting away with mistakes, it’s true

This time the blunder could have been ugly

It was caught in the nick of time luckily..

Needless to say, I rediscovered my moral compass

I went back to being very meticulous..

*

I have understood  that cutting corners for short-term gain

Is only fraught with eventual misery and pain!

(Image source: http://www.seabird-marine.com)

 

 

 

It is the tenth of January and I 

Even before giving them a good try

Am falling short on my resolutions-

I am already asking for absolution

From the tyranny of this social norm

Whereby all my aspirations take the form

Of New Year’s resolutions, that I

Know are impossible for me under the sky

It seems like a rather smart thing to do

(I counsel my patients similarly too-

Telling them to quit smoking as a new year’s resolution)

A new beginning is supposed to bring new solutions

However since nothing has changed but the date

The new year makes no change to my fate

Two days of sweating out in the gym-

Then the brightness of a workout gets dim

Five days of reading an hour a day

By day six the craving for books has gone away

Writing, meditating, creating works of art

All these activities are dear to my heart

So resolutions centered around them I created

Thinking I could keep them, but I had underestimated

The power of rebellion when the mind finds itself chained

Caged within resolutions, the same activities cause pain..

**

Every year I get frustrated by my inability to keep

My resolutions- so I’ll forget about them and go to sleep!

(Image source: https://happynewyear2014wallpaper.wordpress.com/2013/12/05/funny-pictures-on-new-year-resolution-pics/)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today was a day in January, not unexpected

When a cold front and low pressure intersected

Causing snowfall, goodness gracious, on a weekday..

And even though last night I had continued to pray

To the weather Gods, my worst fears were realized

A snow emergency was declared, and no surprise

All schools were closed, because of safety concerns

One day of missed school does not affect what children learn

So as working parents our woes multiplied

In addition to the morning commute being a difficult ride

Now we were faced with how to arrange childcare

At 6 am- wish I could conjure a baby-sitter in thin air…

Since that was not happening, alternatives were few

Our child would accompany a parent to work too

It took some frantic moments to decide

The best course of action, with some pride

I can say we found a better solution

This conflict saw an early resolution..

But I was left thinking, for the remainder of the day

How weather can play havoc in our lives in this way

Our carefully orchestrated plans fall apart

When the weather Gods throw their darts

There will be more snow days this year, I know

I pray for them to be on a weekend though!

 

 

 

 

This one is for all the women bosses out there!

I am at a superior position, I hope you realize

For that I do not have to apologize

I have spent more years, acquired more grey hair

In this profession compared to you, thus it is fair

That, despite my gender and stature petite

I call the shots, why do you aim to compete

With me, or argue with me at every step of the way

You would not dream of doing that any day

If your superior were a man, I guess

I am disheartened that you cannot process

The fact that your boss can a woman be

This is still a patriarchal society..

I have proved my mettle by working my way

To the top, yet I feel compelled every day

To prove my competence emphatically

 

Only to be labeled automatically

As bossy and difficult to work with-

While I keep trying to tackle the monolith

Of male dominance at positions highest

There are times when I feel the zest

For my profession diminishing, but then I remind

Myself to ignore your behavior of this kind

I know I am capable, I have set my eyes

On the glass ceiling- the ultimate prize

That I aspire towards; your criticism unfair

Cannot deprive me of my rightful share

**

Whether you like it or not, know it is true

In your career you will encounter women bosses too!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She had a story to tell, and for writing, a flair

She conjured up characters in thin air

And wove a yarn in a voice so original

In a format completely nontraditional

That when the first publisher read her manuscript

It would be a success- he did predict

The book was released- he was proved right

She became a celebrity overnight

As millions of copies quickly sold worldwide

She came to take recognition in her stride

Offers of contracts for her second book were many

She signed up quickly, but could not get ideas any

That were intriguing enough to make her spin a story

Expectations were high, and she did worry

About being labeled a one-book wonder

She did not wish to lose her thunder

But, 

Unlike the first time when her creativity had been

Unshackled, untarnished, unseen

This time the weight of expectations was upon her

Considering that, she still did deliver

Another masterpiece, not quite as distinctive

Yet up to readers’ expectations it did live

With that she became an acclaimed author

Expected to produce a book every year..

*

She became adept at churning out tales

Her books still did well, they did not fail

To deliver to her loyal readers what they desired

However she was now getting tired

Of writing similar stuff, her stories were formulaic

The zest was gone, her prose was now prosaic

The critics had moved on, there was plenty of talent around

Lavish praise for her books was no longer to be found

*

She continued to write, uninspired, bound by obligation

To her publishers and readers, despite her reservations

Until one day she read a scathing (but true) criticism

Of her new novel, she was forced to look through that prism

And realized writing had taken the shape of a chore

Her plots were contrived, they were not  interesting anymore

She decided then that she had to take a break

For herself, and for her craft’s sake..

*

Five years  later, after her self-imposed exile

She made an impressive comeback in style

With her masterpiece, the best that she had yet written

Readers and critics alike were smitten

To her, the reason behind this success was clear

She had removed herself from expectations, let go of fear

For the creative process does not work well under duress

An artist needs complete freedom to express..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The well of words has run dry, it appears

I am here facing my biggest fear

The dreaded writer’s block has invaded

Every creative bone, all my ideas have faded

Away from my mind-a reminder on facebook I see

That I have not posted anything on my blog recently

Jolting me into action, forcing me to think

About what to write, ideas do not appear in a blink..

**

So I google “ideas for poems” and try to find

A way to inspire my lethargic, vapid mind

I try the first suggestion and take a glance

Outside my window, and perchance

The view is beautiful, all covered in snow

I try to write about winter, but  ideas do not flow

I try the second prompt on the list, it says-

Start with a quotation and take it your way

So I try to recall all the quotes I know

Search for some too, but unfortunately so

Further inspiration eludes me completely

I keep going down the list, just to see

If inspiration would strike me somewhere

That does not happen, I am in despair

Looks like a new poem is not going to be

Written anytime soon by me..

**
As I struggled, the “eureka” moment came to me 

I decided to describe my writer’s block, you see

The result is there for everyone to appraise

I had the will to write, so I found ways!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Cure sometimes, treat often, comfort always.” – Hippocrates

---

I know you are here in my clinic today

Looking for relief- even before you say

Something, I know you are in pain

I hate to disappoint you again

The unfortunate truth is; as a specialist of the heart

I am not quite prepared to treat another body part

Your legs hurt, you tell me, and I have ruled out

Every heart-related cause I could think about

I know that I am going to make you feel

Worse by giving you my usual spiel

About the benefits of exercise on your heart 

Forgoing that advice at present would be smart

Infact, when you ask for pain medication, I have an excuse

Pain-killers make heart failure worse, so I refuse

To give you relief from the symptom that bothers you

At least your heart disease is stable, that much is true..

**

 

You and I,  both leave the examination room dissatisfied

Your pain persists, I’ve taken a blow to my pride

How I wish you had symptoms with which I could deal

Or have a solution to your problem somehow revealed

It bothers me much more than I am willing to admit, I confess

My failure to alleviate your suffering overshadows any success

That I have had today- because I could offer to you

Neither cure, nor treatment, nor comfort today- it’s true

I am a specialist with years of training behind me

In treating  afflictions like yours, I should have mastery…

Yet at my ignorance I am humbled again

I send a silent prayer heavenward for relief of your pain.

(Image source: wikimedia commons)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is the break that I clearly need-

She said to herself, settling down to read

An interesting book in a cosy corner

Of her hotel room, she had left behind her

The mayhem of her life as a homemaker,

A busy career woman, and a mother..

Teetering at the edge of a major burnout

She had sought refuge here, without

Telling her family why and where

She had gone, of course she did take care

To let them know she would be gone for a day

She needed a break, and there seemed no other way..

**

Her mind, however, conditioned to place

The needs of her family first, had difficulty making space

For the idea of snatching away from her family

A day for herself- she found it difficult to be guilt-free

Checking into a hotel for a night all alone

Was something she still couldn’t believe she had done

She worried if her precious children were all right

Without her being at home to tuck them in at night

Although this escape she had justified to herself before

This was a selfish move- said a voice she could not ignore..

**

While she tried to relax, still feeling conflicted

She received a text message, at first she resisted

Looking at it, afraid that something at home 

Was not quite right- but finally picked up the phone-

“Carpe diem!” the text from her husband said

That everything was fine at home came in another text

Relieved, she put all her worries aside

She would seize the day, and go for the ride

Today was the day, her rare chance to unwind

To rejuvenate her tired body and mind.

 

 

 

 

She walked in hurried steps, furtively

After having lied, out of habit, glibly

About the bruise visible on her forearm-

No one could know about the bodily harm

Inflicted on her most days by her spouse-

This shameful secret belonged inside the house

They were educated, liberal and well to do

It was universally accepted as true

That such things did not happen in the society

That she inhabited, everyone behaved with propriety..

Beneath skilful make-up,  tasteful scarves and  long sleeves 

Her secret was safely ensconced, or so she believed

Besides, she was clumsy at times, this could not be tolerated

By an important person like her husband, who berated

Her for falling short of his expectations every day

It was her fault after all, she had nothing in her defence to say

 

**

This time things had gone too far

The abuse had left more than just a scar

Her facial bones were fractured; with a deformed face

To hide her injuries, she had no place

Seeing the ER nurse’s expression she realized

Her shameful secret was revealed to public eyes

Within minutes she was seeing a counselor who specialized

In domestic abuse- even this professional was surprised

That she had escaped attention for so long-

What she had been tolerating was far too wrong..

**

It was not easy to stand up to her abuser

At times courage threatened to leave her

With help from a strong group of women

She fought for her rights, and made a decision

To leave the abusive relationship before it was late

She learnt to believe she could have better fate

Today she works for victims of domestic abuse

Her experience she has put to good use

Abuse hides in plain sight, she knows

She strives to release women from its throes.

 

(Image source: http://thesanctuaryinc.com/d-v/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some days my dreams are

Vast, stretching far

Beyond the horizon, bursting

With ambition, my soul thirsting

For fame, fortune, grandeur-

Some days these things hold their allure

Enticing me- I run in their pursuit

Until my mind makes an observation astute

That they are dreams, improbable it might be

For them, the light of the day to see..

***

Some days when I am lonely

In my dreams I just long to be

Surrounded by love and laughter

Familial bonds are what I lust after

I dream of my family being in the same place

Not separated in time and space..

Though this dream is not as rich in ambition

The idea of one big happy family is still utopian..

***

Some days my dreams shrink some more

Swathed in exhaustion, my limbs feeling sore

Constantly running on the hamster wheel

My senses are blunted, benumbed I feel

All I can dream of is a pillow to sleep

In a dreamless slumber, a sleep so deep

It erases all vestiges of consciousness

I wake up rested, and then- I confess-

My dreams take the expansive route again

I start chasing them once more, often in vain..

(Image source: theartsherpa.com)