Passion…unbridled

“I am not addicted to drugs or alcohol- I am addicted to escaping reality.”

There are days I wish I could forget

The route home, wish I could upset

The predictable order of things at a whim

(Though the chances of this occurring are dim)

There are times when I let my fantasy take flight 

The little battles of everyday life I refuse to fight

And dream about driving away in my car

Way past home, to a destination far

Assume an identity completely new

Among new people who have not a clue

As to my real identity- is that too outlandish

To think it is possible? Or just plain selfish?

To run away from my family and obligations

Just like a gypsy- to an unknown destination?

Then find my soul;  free from the chains

Of daily living, return as a person sane..

**

The fantasy is alluring, I must say

Yet I am not an escapist, I know, any day

So while a physical journey is quite out of question

I need to take a mental break from the tensions

Of daily living- so I imagine myself in another place

Footloose, unencumbered, solitary in my space

Vivid images of a sanctuary I try to conjure

To which I can retreat, a place untarnished and pure-

Alas! A minute or two at most lasts my reverie

Broken cruelly, abruptly by insipid reality…

The escape that I dream of, I realize

Will in the near future not materialize..

“O, popular applause! what heart of man is proof against thy sweet, seducing charms?”

William Cowper

They say happiness comes from within

Yet I proudly say I have committed the sin

Of pride- in my life many times over

I am flamboyant, I am a lover

Of attention from audience, their adulation

The sound of applause produces an exhilaration

That is hard to match- a heady feeling it is

Thunderous applause fills my mind with bliss

Throughout my life on the stage, I did strive

To give my best performance live

The motivation that might too shallow appear

Was always the same- to get the loudest cheer

Many other moments did bring happiness profound

Yet again and again I yearned for the musical sound

Of applause from my audience that proved to me

That my efforts were not an exercise in futility..

**

So accustomed was I to this adulation

I never considered my worth in my own estimation

Thus, when the vagaries of ageing  led to demise

Of the career I had cherished, I realized

Bereft of the applause that I had lived for

There was nothing else to give me succour

The vacuum of loneliness gnawed at me

Suddenly, quite rudely I was forced to see

That without my audience, my self-esteem

Was in a graveyard- somehow I had to redeem

Myself in my eyes- do something different

Hidden from public eye, something that was meant

To bring some solace to my scorching soul-

I re-examined, in the world, my role

And decided to impart the skills I had perfected

To the next generation- I thus elected

To teach theater to enthusiastic souls

I thus redefined in the world my role

This time there was applause which appropriately

Was for my students, definitely not for me

Yet the thunderous applause that resounded in my ears

Came from within, said, “This is real happiness, dear!”

I looked down, staring quite wistfully,

At the lines on my palms uncomprehendingly

I had heard as a child, it was probably just folklore

That the lines on your palm represented, for sure

Your future, the length of your life and success

Were secrets embedded in these creases- I confess

I was a skeptic from the start, though I found attractive

The idea of having my future predicted, to see how long I would live

To be told I was lucky, that successful I would be

I took the advice with a grain of salt, yet unwittingly

I ended up believing in those predictions, as hope they inspired

That my life would turn out to be the way I desired..

**

The lines have not changed, but I struggle today

To keep my dreams afloat, to keep going the way

I had imagined when I was young and naive..

(I was still realistic, my dreams were goals I could achieve)

I find hope evading me, some reassurance I need

That I would find my way back indeed

And be able to make my life worthwhile

I look at my hands again, with a smile

And trick myself into believing somehow

Since the lines are the same, they would allow

My life’s course to be analogous to their prediction

I allow myself to relax, with some conviction

That this is a temporary hiatus, and I

Shall bounce back to claim my place under the sky..

**

To end, I have only this to say to you

When in despair, it is quite true

That most of us need faith in some way

Thus numerology, palmistry exist to this day!