Passion…unbridled

I was told to fit into a box but within its confines I could not stay

I stretched and strained until the walls gave way

I thought I would exit the box and break free

But in a plot twist of sorts, that was not meant to be

*

One foot came out, and my hopes soared high

I thought I could free myself and aim for the sky

But the rest of me remained stuck inside

No matter how many times I tried

*

In a strange state of limbo I did remain

All my efforts to break free went in vain

At the same time inside the box I could no longer fully fit

So I worked without engagement, I had quietly quit

*

Eventually one day another wall I managed to break

From that point onwards, decisions were easy to make

The time had come to sever ties once and for all

Into the old box I resolved I would never fall

Sometimes the best therapy for my anxious mind

Is to read a work of fiction- often I find

That in the lives of the characters I get immersed

And my problems recede in to the corners of the universe

In the manufactured dilemmas of my protagonists I get involved

Instead of my own, their predicaments I want to solve

I turn pages compulsively, curious to know where the story leads

I lose myself completely in the books that I read

*

Some people meditate when they are perturbed, I read

Reading for me has a meditative quality indeed

Reading empties my mind of thoughts that are intrusive

My attention is focused on the book in a manner exclusive

Many times with the characters I relate

And my emotional angst further abates

*

In fact being without a book gives me

A sense of discomfort, a low-grade anxiety

That I have access to a book or two, I always ensure

So that being alone with my thoughts I don’t have to endure

Although I like stories of all kinds

The ones that most engrossing I find

Are intergenerational family sagas that span decades

In which richly textured plots have been laid

On a backdrop of historical events

That are to each generation relevant

Epic tales that delve into the trials and tribulations

Of one family through various generations

Turn out to be incredibly satisfying reads

When I am uninspired, books in this genre I need

*

When I read such books, the authors I admire

For conducting the exhaustive research that is required

To ensure accuracy of historical details-

History is an integral part of these tales

My knowledge of history of various nations, I confess

Has been derived from such books, more or less

*

In the lives of complex characters, myself I immerse

I lose myself in the richly imagined universe

Created by the author, and read

A family saga in a single stretch indeed

It takes tremendous willpower not to react

Emotionally to provocative words, but when I manage to do that

Words lose their power over me, I realize

Each time it still takes me by surprise

*

Words are often used cleverly to evoke

Strong reactions, superlatives can provoke

The best of us to anger or indignation

And that only worsens our own situation

*

As a woman, an emotional reaction hurts even more

Yet another win it allows men to score

Especially in professional circles, where women must appear

To be in control at all times, or being labeled as “angry” fear

*

I am learning to sit back and be objective

Ammunition to others I don’t want to give

By letting their words have power over me

I am trying to stay as composed as I can be

Many of us are conditioned to view the world through a lens of fear

We meet people with caution, the world to us treacherous appears

We are molded by trauma from experiences past

Some our own, and some that have managed to last

For generations, through complex transmission

We navigate relationships on a backdrop of our inhibitions…

*

What if we could replace fear with curiosity?

Approach people with genuine interest, and see

Where we are led, and what we find

Substitute trust for fear in our minds?

It takes courage to let go of fear deeply ingrained

There is a risk of self-inflicting emotional pain

But the reward of establishing a connection deep

With someone we fear is gratifying to reap..

*

Let me be curious, interested, not afraid

There are many lasting connections to be made

There are so many lofty projects in my mind

That I want to complete, but I do not find

The time or energy in my day

Therefore my goals idle dreams stay..

Once in a while I gather motivation

In such rare moments, in a burst of inspiration

I start out with gusto, chalk out a plan detailed

But by the next day I have invariably failed

To sustain my enthusiasm, I have moved on to address

More immediate, worldly concerns, I confess

*

They say that in order to create a habit that can be sustained

You need twenty-one days, but I rarely remain

Committed to my projects beyond a week or two

Making it to the third week is something I rarely do

*

Once in a blue moon I am able to keep

My promise to myself, it requires effort steep

But I find time and show up day after day

Despite various challenges, committed I stay

Unfortunately such occurrences are incredibly rare

I give up all too often, I’m painfully aware..

*

Rome was not built in a day, nor can I complete

My projects in a day, I need to be consistent and repeat

Whatever I have committed to day after day, or week after week

Maybe then I shall find the sense of accomplishment I so badly seek

Overthinking speeds up and morphs into rumination

Leading to near complete annihilation

Of my peace, until there is no where to go

When I hit a wall, I finally begin to go slow

*

I get stressed out until I am as taut

As a spring waiting to snap, I cannot

Deal with another stressor, and that is when I start to retreat

Into a state of calm, I cool down from the intense heat

*

I know I must take action before

My stress levels start to soar

I must try to calm down, maybe meditate

So that I never get to dire straits..

*

But invariably, stressors come from each side

And I cannot stem the tide

Until I cannot take it any more

That’s when I throw my worries out of the door

*

Once the level of stress declines

And I am back to feeling fine

I am able to solve problems one by one

Gradually seemingly impossible tasks get done…

These days when I try to type up my thoughts

I get prompted by AI more often than not..

*

AI is always trying to guess the next word for me

Sometimes it is right and it makes my work easy

By sparing me the effort of spelling the word right

But at other times irritation I have to fight..

I don’t want someone to take over my voice

I don’t want to select from a choice

Of words “curated” for me

It is an affront to my authenticity

*

The solution stares at me in plain sight-

With a pen, on paper, I need to write

Where no annoying prompts or suggestions are seen

My writing can be as authentic as it has ever been

*

Though the world kneels at the altar of AI

Let me chart my old-fashioned path under the sky

The disaster in Texas is uppermost in my mind at this time, and I had to share my thoughts-may God give strength and courage to the families of innocent victims.

Of a tragedy so profound, how does one make sense

Why did nature exact revenge so intense?

The disaster struck children innocent

Hopes and lives were swept away in the torrent

There was a cataclysmic deluge from hell

There was a downpour that made the river swell

There were the flood waters that raged impossibly high

Who would have imagined so many could die..

*

Sophisticated models have been built for weather prediction

But to humble us with unbridled power, nature has a predilection

Floods have for millennia ravaged humankind

All the flood prediction models we have designed

Are prone to failure- when nature decides

To unleash its fury, there is no place to hide..

Meet my eye so that I know

Whether you are a friend or foe

Trust is established before you speak

If an ongoing relationship with me you seek

Let our eyes meet before we proceed

Then to other matters we can pay heed

*

I have nothing to hide, I hope that neither do you

But your gaze is shifted downwards, which is a clue

That you have a secret that can bring to an end

Our fledgling interactions my friend..

*

Meet my eye, and let us discuss

How we plan to do business

We can agree, or disagree

But maintain transparency

*

When you start by making eye-contact

It is a powerful nonverbal pact

Between both parties, it establishes trust

Therefore meeting each other’s eye is a must

Is it my own inertia or a lack of luck

That I feel perpetually stuck..

*

The path I am on forward does not seem to lead

To get unstuck and move ahead I need

To escape the maze of confusion in my head

To evaluate my life from a distance instead

But the pull of my thoughts is powerful enough

And escaping my blind spots is incredibly tough

*

I am convinced the answers exist somewhere

But at this juncture I am completely unaware

Of where to start looking for them, I patiently await

The appearance of a sign to lead me out of my frozen state

*

Maybe I am moving towards something but I do not yet know

Sometimes the progress is fast, at other times incredibly slow

I’ve never experienced writer’s block so profound

When I search for inspiration there is none to be found

The experts would advise me to write something anyway

So I am writing about how I have nothing to say..

*

There are complex emotions too hard to express

Opinions too controversial to publicly profess

The soporific heat has also slowed down my grey cells

Therefore I cannot piece together a story to tell

*

On the internet, I come across information conflicting

There is a sense of impending doom, no stories uplifting

I am looking for inspiration in the wrong place, you could say

But sitting quietly and waiting to get inspired has not helped me anyway

*

So here I am, lamenting my inability to write

As I continue to wait for an idea bright

But let me give myself points for my perseverance

I put words on paper despite writer’s block intense