Passion…unbridled

I stop in my tracks as the patient says

“Thank you for listening”- this phrase

Triggers a flood of mixed emotions

Until that point I had been going through the motions

Trying to extract relevant history as fast as I could

Trying to come up with a plan as I stood

Before the patient- fortunately I was able to reply

To most of his queries, I was able to satisfy

His concerns regarding his treatment

In an abbreviated manner, at least in that moment

When he thanks me, I feel partly relieved

And partly embarrassed, my impatience has not been perceived

To the extent that I was afraid it would be

I was rushing through the interaction definitely

I felt I was in a time crunch, and I needed to get

To the next patient’s room, my focus reset

*

If time was not a factor, and if patients understood

What I was explaining to them without repetition, I would

Listen patiently to the patient and the family’s concerns

Address them one by one, keep open the lines of communication

But the pressure to keep moving from patient to patient is such

That with each patient it is difficult to spend time much..

*

I have since analyzed that comment and tried

To understand what I had done to leave the patient satisfied

So that the same demeanor I can replicate

Even when I have a lot on my plate

One of the things that is profound in its simplicity

Is to not be distracted by external stimuli and to see

The patient in the eye as I engage in conversation

That alone gives the patient’s concerns validation..

*

Time is finite and a precious commodity

But at the end of the day I should be

Able to listen without appearing impatient

That is the least I owe all my patients

In a world where attention spans continue to shrink

We are increasingly watching short videos that end in a blink

You can scroll through multiple videos in a short duration

Barely registering the message while trying to focus on the animation

When you are bored and have nothing to do

Multiple social media videos you go through

In an effort to keep yourself entertained

Sometimes it’s pure fun, sometimes there’s inspiration to be gained

*

It should come as no surprise that research has found

Watching online videos increases boredom, not the other way around

The more your attention span shifts from one video to the next

The more your mind has to keep switching context

You enjoy nothing, and learn little that is new

End up staying uninspired and bored too

*

Watch a longer video, find something immersivec

To which undivided attention you can give

You would not be bored, you would not once feel

That you are missing out on an instagram reel

When I gaze at your old pictures I have a strong urge

To go back in time, savor moments with you at that age, and emerge

More satisfied in my role as a mother, because I fear

I did not spend enough time with you, my dear

There are a thousand ways in which my intellect can justify

Why I could not devote all my time to you, but those would not satisfy

The gnawing feeling that I was not present

For all your milestones, recitals, school events

Now you are growing up too fast for me

And I’m still embroiled in the same quandary

Between work commitments and being more involved

In your life, as your needs continue to evolve

*

I get wistful looking at pictures old

And remind myself to enjoy your personality unfold

Every day, as you grow older and less inclined

To spend time with me, I want to help you find

Your footing in this world as you approach

Adulthood, without trying to encroach

On your individual hopes and desires

May you achieve everything to which you aspire..

*

Someday I shall be looking at old photographs of you as a young lad

I would feel immensely proud and glad

That your full potential you did realize

You grew up with strong roots and stars in your eyes..

*

Let me take myself off this train of thought

The future is unknown, and I cannot

Turn back time, let me make a greater effort

To be present for you today, and take comfort

In the fact that several years of nurture still lie ahead

Let me not dwell on lost time and make the most of what I still have instead

(In full disclosure I read a book about the glassmakers of Murano, and the idea of this poem germinated there)

Our craft is delicate, dangerous, precise

A moment of carelessness can exact a huge price

We work at hot temperatures, make glass bend and conform

To our imagination, creating unique shapes and forms

The glass beads, cristallo and chandeliers we create

Are magical, and adorn the palaces and persons of heads of state

Come to Murano and witness us in action

*

In Bohemia we made glass that was built to last

Our glassware enjoyed distribution vast

In the Palace of Versailles immortalized

Witness our magnificent crystals prized

For their craftsmanship far and wide

Glassmaking is for Prague a matter of pride

*

In the Indian town of Firozabad we have been

Making glass bangles for 200 years, our craft has seen

Little change, our colorful creations continue to adorn

The wrists of married women, for generations they have worn

Glass bangles made by our community

They are an integral accessory

*

Different parts of the world, different ways to create

A substance so hard, so fragile in its formed state

The world has changed but these craftsmen continue

To shape glass to their fancy as they used to..

(This dictum is often repeated in medical circles)

When the mind learns something new, the eyes start to see

What was always before you eyes, but you could not see clearly

Once you start seeing something you cannot un-see

Your understanding grows exponentially

*

There are astonishing sights in the world to behold

And disgusting too, but the truth be told

We see a tiny fraction of everything before our eyes

Because the eyes do not see what the mind does not realize

*

This is a lesson I have learnt during my years

Of training as a physician, one of my greatest fears

Has been to miss a critical diagnoses staring at me

Because I have not learnt about it properly

*

The lessons from medicine I increasingly realize

Are applicable in the real world too, it is no surprise

That the more I understand about sociopolitical history

The more inequality and injustice I start to see

In my daily life- abstract concepts morph into

Something more tangible, more actionable too

*

Let me then continue to educate my mind

So that my eyes can new vistas find

I feel the walls of life slowly closing on me

I seem to be aging faster, and not quite gracefully

I thought I had plenty of time until yesterday

To chase my dreams, take detours along the way

All of a sudden, I have been jolted awake

Did an impossible dream just break?

Suddenly, I am afraid life is going to be

Too short, and I must plan strategically

*

The reality must be somewhere in between the two

I may have some time, but what I need to do

Is to focus on quality because quantity is finite

I should try to stay on the path that feels right

Spend time with family, determine what my legacy would be

Find a way to give back to my community

Not sweat the small stuff and remember what they say

That in the end it is all small stuff anyway

*

So far life has been a beautiful journey,

The rest of it should have something even better in store for me

When something new about the world I learn

When a fire of outrage inside me burns

When emotions threaten to overwhelm me

When life’s struggles seem too ornery

When my heart swells with pride

When my excitement I cannot hide..

In all these situations I need to process

My overflowing emotions- therefore I express

My thoughts and feelings in the way I know best

I put my writing skills to the test

And try to arrange words into a verse

To crystallize my opinion in this universe

*

My writing I try to disseminate

To the world at large, I hope it resonates

With some people, but at the end of the day

I write to dissipate my emotions away

Writing is a form of catharsis for me

I write to understand the world, and me

I know that more hours of sleep I need at night

Yet at the end of every day drowsiness I fight

Trying to stay up for an hour or two, alone with my thoughts

After the rest of the family has gone to bed and I know I would not

Be interrupted- this is the time for me to belong

To myself alone, throughout days that are long

I belong to my workplace or to my family

There is no time when I can belong to me

Except in the quietude of the night

Therefore I do not turn off the light

When I should, because the next day would come

And I would subservient to my responsibilities become..

I am told to eat fresh fruits and vegetables at each doctor’s visit

I understand this advice, if I could I would follow it

But I earn minimal wage and live in a food desert

Fresh food is not accessible to me, I cannot convert

Into a healthy eater when healthy food is out of reach for me

I continue to struggle with food insecurity

*

I am wheelchair bound and I try to be

As independent as I can, but it can be tricky

When there are no ramps or elevators in sight

When places don’t accommodate my wheelchair, and I fight

To literally get my foot in the door

I wish places were designed to be more

Accommodating for those with disability

I am limited by inaccessibility not inability

*

I would love to study further but there are no institutions here

Colleges in other cities are inaccessible to me, I fear

I don’t have the means to move out of my town right now

I still dream one day college would be accessible, somehow

***

In order to build a world just and equitable

Accessibility should be the focus, to enable

People from communities marginalized

To have equal access to resources to fully realize

Their potential- they do not need handouts or charity

They need the same tools as the dominant groups to reduce disparity

So when for the future people brainstorm, plan and design

Diverse voices should be included in order to align

The principles of equity with practice on the ground

The aim should be to increase accessibility all around

Calling customer service is something I dread

It’s supposed to be a service for helping people, instead

It ends up being a nightmare of interaction

With a bot, and of waiting (im)patiently for communication

With a real human being, who then has to verify

Your personal details painstakingly, often to end with a reply

That is barely satisfactory- if luck is on your side

The issue you’re calling about is resolved after you provide

Confidential information that you are afraid to divulge on the phone

You have no choice but to reveal it to a person unknown

If it’s not your day, you could be asked repeatedly

To stay on the line or try again later, you cannot break free

From the call for a period incredibly long

You almost start questioning if you did something wrong

In calling to get an issue fixed, perhaps it would be

Better to hang up and just pay the extra fee

That you were trying to eliminate

The extra cost does not seem worth the wait

*

As you wait to be connected you suddenly realize

Your giving up on the call would actually be nice

For the company involved, you would go on paying for something you don’t need

Making more profit for that company indeed

No wonder there is an incentive hidden there

If your precious time is being wasted, they don’t care

*

Sometimes you are lucky, today was one such day

My call to customer service went smoothly, I must say..

You take your children on a bucket-list trip to see

A world-famous monument steeped in history

You are excited, you expect them to share

Your enthusiasm, but they do not care

They are completely indifferent when they behold

What is supposedly a magnificent sight, truth be told

They would rather go back to the hotel and stay

In the room than brave the long queues in the sun today

On one hand, you are awed by the view

On the other, you are annoyed at your children’s apathy too

You were expecting them to be appreciative of you

For bringing them to this place, but right now an expression of interest would do..

*

Then you remember-when you were young you were not

Interested in traveling to see monuments, the thought

Brings a smile to your face, and you forget

Your children’s complaints and reset

Your focus on enjoying the sight you came to see

After all, each individual experiences a world-renowned place of travel differently

*

You keep traveling with your family and one day

Your children would also be blown away

By majestic sights, just like you

Traveling would become a lot more pleasant too!

There are times when words fail me

I am unable to articulate adequately

The profound emotions that I experience

I am unable to express with eloquence

The depth of my feelings, regrettably I find

A dissonance between language and the thoughts in my mind

*

As a voracious reader, a large part of my lived experience

Comes from the books I have read, their influence

Is instrumental in my understanding of the world

I have drawn visions in my mind based on evocative words

My thoughts and feelings, in my audacity

I wish to express with as much clarity

As the authors of books I read

I wish my language could be as elegant indeed..

*

In reality, a much larger part of my life is spent

In writing in patient charts, where I have to present

Data and its interpretation in language that is crisp and succinct

That is not expected to reflect emotions or instincts…

*

Whenever I find something beautifully expressed

I pay attention, I store the words in my brain’s recess

And use them as inspiration when the opportunity presents

To say or write something similarly eloquent