Passion…unbridled

Focus- that elusive element I am trying to find

To stop random perambulations of my mind

My thoughts and emotions are on a roller-coaster ride

How do I quieten the chaotic environment inside

Something is bothering me, but I cannot say

What it is that has me feeling this way

There are various stimuli distracting me

Such that a straight path I cannot see..

*

Enough is enough, I need to reclaim

My lost focus, there is no one to blame

But myself for accumulating devices several

On which I have opened simultaneously sites multiple

From my phone and computer, I walk away

I take a pen and paper, start making a list for the day

The act of writing things out in long hand

Slows me down, makes me better understand

Tasks to accomplish, in order of priority

Finally I begin to get some clarity..

Then I push the myth of multitasking behind

And start with the first task, I am pleased to find

That focusing on the one thing in front of me

Is much easier now, I can work efficiently..

*

I know I shall get distracted again somewhere along the way

Until then I shall be productive, make the most of my day

When I get distracted, my steps I’ll have to retrace

To get back to my unidimensional focused place

If at first I don’t succeed, I try again

My work is not neat, and it causes me pain

So I try to improve, to be more attentive

To the work at hand, my best I try to give

I work efficiently, but orderliness is not my strong trait

I long to make my surroundings and work immaculate

But that does not translate into reality

Neatness never comes easily to me..

The importance of neatness is hammered in my brain

So I berate myself on my shabbiness again and again

Once in a while when my stars seem aligned

I execute things perfectly, only to find

That in my enthusiasm to improve some more

I end up making things messier than before..

*

I try to improve myself in different ways,

But the ability to be orderly is something that stays

Out of my reach-maybe I need to start with a purge

Once I get rid of superfluous stuff, clarity might emerge..

With fewer possessions, I might achieve partially

My objective of being organized and orderly..

*

Ultimately, with the truth I have to reconcile

It is possible for me to be neat for a while

But clutter is my natural habitat, I believe

Lasting orderliness I don’t think I can achieve

Whenever I read or hear about someone

Breaking a stereotype, I silently cheer for that person

Because I truly believe born we were not

To fit into arbitrary molds- we are capable of independent thought

Then why should we accept a herd mentality

Why should we not explore our individuality?

*

Why is it so easy to become a follower

Instead of trying to be the leader?

In craving acceptance from our peers

We let ourselves be overtaken by fear..

*

Stereotypes hurt when someone from outside

Points a finger at us, and hurts our pride

Sometimes that is the trigger than can awaken

The desire to break free from molds, that is hidden

*

So when someone breaks a stereotype, that is my cue

To re-examine my life, break out of a mold too

Arbitrary rules of society that are hard for me to follow

I try to disengage from, on a new path I try to go…

After dressing up for an important event

She peered one last time in the mirror with the intent

Of making sure that she was looking good

But she did not get the reassurance she hoped she would

Such was the conditioning of her mind

That flaws in her appearance she would always find

Such that she could never consider herself to be

Beautiful- her imperfections were what she would always see

*

She gave wings to her imagination

And thought of a hypothetical situation

Where every girl and every woman would

Perceive herself as beautiful, like she should

What a seismic shift it would bring

In a world that sells innumerable things

To improve women’s external appearance

Exploits their insecurities, robs them of confidence

All the beauty products come with this message hidden

You are not good enough as you are, women..

If women thought they were beautiful anyway

The entire fashion industry would collapse in a day

And if women felt beautiful they would support each other more

They would be a force more powerful than ever before

If women thought they were beautiful, they would face

The world with confidence, claim their rightful place..

*

If only every girl and every woman could perceive

Herself as beautiful, the world would be a better place, I believe

I confess it is hard not to get swayed

By Black Friday deals, so far I have stayed

Away from promises of sales everywhere

Between Friday and Cyber Monday, let’s see how well I fare

I have resolved to accumulate fewer possessions

But for innovative products, I have to make concessions

There are things that I want, and some day might need

Things that appeal to my eclectic tastes indeed

Things I can afford, that can elevate

My lifestyle, objects that I can carefully curate

There are compelling arguments to buy them on sale

And just in an instant, I witness my resolve fail…

*

The minimalistic streak that was going strong until now

Is withering away, but I must not allow

Myself to be lured away by deals on stuff

That I don’t need, I have more than enough

So I turn my attention to the spirit of the holiday

That just passed, isn’t it ironic in a way

That right after we have expressed gratitude

For abundance, we are nudged to shift our attitude

To buy things, as if we are facing scarcity-

I remind myself before going on a shopping spree

That I have plenty in my life, grateful I should be

The best things in life never did cost money…

“Traveling – it leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller.” – Ibn Battuta

Cerulean blue waters and azure blue skies

Are most definitely a treat for my eyes

But when I travel, I look for something more

To expand my vision to something I had not seen before

Let me discover the storied past of a land

Its layered history let me try to understand

I want to see beyond what meets the eye

Wander among the ruins, marvel at the sky

That the ancient people saw when they gazed

At the stars above, try to imagine the questions they raised

Learn how they developed tools ingenuous

To find answers to questions mysterious..

Learn how their accomplishments were buried deep

Under the narratives of colonizers who tried to keep

Their supremacy intact, cloak their conquests

In a garb of legitimacy, protect their avaricious interests..

*

The stories of a land’s checkered past

Create an impression that would for a while last

The magic of travel comes alive; you are rendered speechless

Ultimately transformed into a storyteller in the process..

When did the enthusiasm he had at his workplace

Shrivel up, wither away, get replaced

By a gradually spreading cloud of indifference

In a job that used to give him satisfaction immense

When projects were completed, deadlines were met

When he used to surpass all the goals he had set

When every new opportunity seemed like progress

To advance his career, climb the ladder of success…

*

He had thought nothing could interrupt

His ascent, who knew the pandemic would disrupt

The status quo, and though a lot he gave

To his organization in order to save

It from sinking during times that were tough

The bean counters did not think it was enough

Citing huge losses in the financial sphere

His targets were raised to the stratosphere

While his incentives were slashed too

With dwindling resources he was asked to make do

He found himself burdened with responsibilities more

As staffing was cut, or employees quit, unable to endure

Working for an organization where they were not

Valued; their well-being never given a thought

*

He had invested so much of himself in this company

To leave it during a rough patch seemed like travesty

He thought things would eventually improve

He would get recognition, his career upwards would move

Instead, the strings were further tightened

In every direction he was forced to extend

Until each project felt like a liability

To get rid of, he experienced an inability

To show initiative, to innovate and excel

He would do his job well enough, but not too well..

*

He has not jumped ship, he has not quit

His organization, but gradually, bit by bit

His investment in his work has gone down

His eager smile replaced by a perpetual frown

He does everything that is needed but does not go

Above and beyond, now he does know

That the organization is unlikely to recognize

Any extra effort, so he no longed tries…

How do I find sustenance

Where do I look for substance

How do I go about trying to find

A purpose in my life that can be aligned

With my abilities and core values

A purpose that finds me, not one that I choose..

*

I thought my purpose in life would be

To work as a physician tirelessly

That fulfill me only partially

I have realized this unfortunately..

*

I write, but it is difficult to say

If I shall find my purpose one day

Between the lines of a verse I write..

I admit that writing does ignite

A passion within me that further implores

Me to write better, and write more

*

As a mother my purpose is to raise

My child well, to teach him to face

All curveballs in life with equanimity

In shaping him well, maybe my purpose I would see

*

Maybe my purpose in life does not lie

Among these options, maybe I

Am supposed to embrace every day

Wholeheartedly, with enthusiasm in every way

Maybe the purpose of my life lies in being exuberant

Maybe my purpose is to live life to its greatest extent..

As a young girl I remember myself to be

Different from most people around me

I understood things in my own way

I said things that most people did not say

I was creative, and my imagination ran wild

I’d like to think of myself as a unique child..

*

Through the tumultuous years of adolescence

I struggled to gain acceptance

From my peers, tried hard to fit in

I just wanted to shed my own skin

And look exactly like all my friends

I blindly followed all fashion trends

When I stood out even in a positive way

I did not care about it, back in the day

As a young adult I still did what was expected for me

I was an average girl, with no distinctive quality

*

Now solidly middle aged, with greying hair

I am discovering that I no longer care

About fitting in with any group, in fact I

Want to claim my own piece of the sky

I want to dance only to the tune in my head

On unfamiliar territory I want to tread

My hibernating creativity I am trying to revive

I am rekindling interests that make me feel more alive

*

As I cruise towards old age my burning desire

Is to be as authentic as I can be, and acquire

Unshakeable confidence in being unique

The chutzpah of my younger self I seek…

The negative commentary in my mind

Runs constantly, on conscious examination I find

It is powerful and continuously obliterates

Positive thoughts, negative energy it generates

Plants thoughts that are into beliefs solidified

About my inadequacies, it has all my limitations identified

*

There are so many limiting beliefs that tower before me

Like mountainous obstructions that cannot be scaled easily

But a tunnel can be made through mountains high

Though these beliefs rise into the sky

I have resolved to dismantle them slowly

Think outside my usual box maybe

Each limiting thought with its opposite replace

The realm of new possibilities embrace

*

The voice in my head is loud and robust

It should be one that I can undoubtedly trust

Thus I shall change the narrative in my head

Replace limiting ideas with those that let me expand instead

This is my space, you are not welcome here

I won’t let you in, I say that without fear

This is where my boundary exists, like it or not

Trust me, to this issue I have given much thought

You have to respect my freedom, time and space

I should reciprocate too, so that when each other we face

There are healthy boundaries that we respect

To encroach upon them, we should not expect

If a situation makes you think you need to cross a line

Ask for my permission, the prerogative is mine

Whether to let you cross my boundary or not

I can decide when I want to compromise somewhat..

*

I make my boundaries clear, for both you and me

A relationship collegial is what I want to see

Violation of my boundaries is uncomfortable

Respect for mutual boundaries would lead to a partnership stable

I never said enough is enough

I tried to wade through waters rough

Thinking someone would recognize my dedication

Turns out I was wrong in my estimation

The more I bent, the more load was placed

Until a distinct possibility of burnout I faced

I tried to protest but powers above drowned my voice

I could not change anything, I wasn’t given a choice

There were no incentives in store for me

To keep slogging was supposedly my moral duty

I was afraid to ask for my due because I had learnt

To play it safe, dabbling in fire could get me burnt

In the uncertain, volatile state the world was in

I kept choosing stability, even as my patience wore thin..

*

When I snapped, I just broke completely

And that made matters even worse for me

Now I had to suffer the ignominy of a label

That I was an employee weak, I was unable

To deal with stress in a manner constructive

Despite being prolifically productive

*

I wish I could say I moved to a better place

But sometimes life just makes you continue to face

The challenges you find the hardest to overcome

Eventually you adapt to the stress and become

Burnished by all the friction, acquire a gloss

You’ve finally found a win in your loss

That is what has happened to me, I confess

I’ve learnt to manage my workload, and that’s a success