Passion…unbridled

I know I must listen attentively, it’s the right thing to do

But listening takes effort, and in order to get through

A busy day, I am ashamed to admit that often I

Interrupt patients, tune them out- I won’t lie

I cannot find enough hours in the day

To talk and exchange information in a meaningful way

Therefore I try to cut through every conversation

That becomes tangential or long-winded, to my consternation

Redirecting some patients is hard, and when neither one

Of us is listening to the other, my job remains half-done…

*

Sometimes in the midst of superficial banter I find

Valuable clues that direct me to a patient’s state of mind

I slow down then, reprimanding myself for being hurried

And pay more attention to elicit what has them feeling worried

I realize that if I listen with my full attention

In just a few minutes I get in-depth comprehension

Of a patient’s major issues, plan a better course of treatment

Which is, after all, my overarching intent..

*

I’m guilty of not listening well, in my defense all I say

Is that I am prone to being distracted easily during a work day

The pressure of time to get through more patients feels to me

Like a sword over my head, threatening constantly

Despite all this, I know I can listen if I make a conscious choice

To hear my patients, not just my own voice

If there is a professional dream to which I aspire

It would be the ability to never retire

Perhaps slow down and not be a slave

To corporate culture, but still brave

Challenges new as a physician each day

Continue to impact lives in a meaningful way

I just hope my body and mind co-operate

And with new technology I can stay up-to-date

Work does get easier with experience

Each year of practice enhances confidence

Why would I reject the enticement

Of progressively increasing contentment

As my knowledge and skills keep climbing higher

Why would I try to douse that inner fire

That makes me eager to face challenges new

That keeps me stimulated and motivated too

***

I fear that certain circumstances would force me

To retire against my will, early

I must stay healthy enough to work, I understand

But it is corporate greed that I might not be able to withstand

I hope I am not disillusioned by the state of healthcare

That seems to be sinking fast in a well of despair

I hope the inherent nature of my profession is enough

To keep me going strong through turbulences rough

I must be intentional with my time, I think

In an activity that is simply a time sink

I should not indulge myself, I must use

The hours wisely, I should mindfully choose

To spend my time more productively

To design my life as I want it to be

I must minimize distractions of all kinds

I should keep my overarching goal in mind..

*

This is what all self-help guides tell me

No doubt it is good advice, but I see

Myself leading life as if on a mission

When I try to follow this advice with precision

I become ruthless with myself and try to limit

Everything non-essential just to fit

Every important thing that I need to do

Into twenty-four hours, cutting out leisure too

But… life is miserable if I over-structure my day

I need time to let my mind wander away

Some goals I may not achieve, it’s true

But I need to waste some time too…

I observed male mentors closely throughout

How they commanded respect, had clout

From the moment they walked into a room

I would imitate them, thinking one day I would bloom

Into a successful professional, I would project

The same confidence, get the same respect

From my team members and peers

I would never let anyone notice my fears..

*

It did not take me long to realize things would not

Work out in my career the way I had thought

The confidence that was perceived in men as a trait positive

Was perceived as bossiness, I was deemed too aggressive

My assertiveness was challenged at every stage

Such differences initially left me outraged

Until I realized that irrespective of reasons I could not be

Like the successful men, nor did I need necessarily

To emulate them, I had to carve a path of my own

Using my strengths, some of which could be attributed alone

To my being a woman, to be successful I had to use

Different sets of tools, much I could lose

In trying to be “like the men”- I had to find

Success using my (woman’s) heart and mind

(On Earth Day)

Let me tell you dear humankind

You continue to exploit me, and you would find

If you do not treat me with care, you would not thrive

I sustain every creature that is alive

With your ingenuity you have created this anthropocene

In every natural process you’ve tried to intervene

In a way that benefits no one but your creed

Me and my other inhabitants are subservient to your greed

But you’re disrupting the ecological balance delicate

That had taken billions of years to create

You have intelligence unparalleled of course

But even with that, you cannot force

The natural world to dance to your tune

Learn to respect it, this warning cannot come too soon

I am in existence to distribute my bounty

Among all my inhabitants, not just humanity

Finding a purpose in life should be the aim

It makes me uneasy that I cannot claim

A specific purpose towards which I strive

Wish I knew where I was headed, but I am just alive

Taking life as it comes, day by day

Hoping for divine intervention to help me find a way

That has a purpose, in the pursuit of which I can immerse

My faculties completely, I just need a sign from the universe

To let me discover where my heart truly lies

It could be something that takes me by surprise

Until then I just hope I am doing something right

Trying to complete all the tasks in sight

Trying to find meaning in everything I do

Still hoping to build my legacy too

The world makes you believe this lie

That knowing all the answers, not needing to question why

Should be the paradigm to achieve

Nothing is further from the truth, I believe

Instead of applauding the one who knows

All the answers, look towards the one who shows

Infinite curiosity, asks questions to explore

If there is something that can be done better than before

Knowing all the answers reflects a fixed mindset

While the one who asks questions is unwilling to accept

The status-quo, searching for new ways

To improve the world, advance humankind

Thinks of new questions, and answers tries to find

*

The world is not changed by those who know it all

Those who ask new questions change the world after all

Follow your dream; that is what I had always read

It irked my dreamless self, until one day instead

Of advice to follow dreams, I read another piece of advice

To follow your curiosity- and it would suffice

To take you on the path to progress

From where you could take a leap to success

*

This brilliant advice resonates with me

I don’t have a dream, but things pique my curiosity

So let me take a step forward to find

Where curiosity takes me, stimulates my mind

Not all journeys start with a destination defined

Let my journey be with my curiosity aligned

One of the greatest blessings in my life, I’ve realized

Is the ability to live a unique fusion life I’ve devised

When I immigrated years ago, I could not predict

What stressors cultural differences would inflict

And how I would adapt to them, what strategies I would use

Over time, I have come up with my own methods to fuse

Indian flamboyance with muted expression of the West

Western sensibilities are peppered with Indian exuberance to bring out the best

In attire, food, home decor and celebrations

Many immigrants do it, but each of our permutations

Is unique based on personal preference and degree of assimilation

I can take the best of both worlds, in this I am fortunate

A unique blend of cultures around me I create

That has helped me grow tremendously

In knowledge, creative thinking and cultural sensitivity..

*

I reiterate, I am blessed to have a life so mixed

Where ideas are so fluid, where nothing is fixed

As I have grown older, my tolerance for superfluous stuff

Has taken a nosedive, it seems to be enough

For me to spend two minutes, then patience I lose

If I smell nonsense, I reflexively choose

To disassociate myself from it, I believe

There are many worthy issues in life that should receive

My attention, which is already in short supply

Therefore I am intentional, I want to apply

My time and attention to the real deal

It frees up mental space and makes me feel

Calmer, slightly saner in a world that seems to be

Bent on driving me to the edge of insanity..

The need for external validation is not something new

But social media has raised it to new heights, it’s true

Instead of seeking validation from people you know

You end up seeking validation from strangers, hoping to grow

Your social media presence, get positive comments

Gradually you start posting with the sole intent

Of getting positive feedback, and gradually

Your content gets influenced by flattery

Your unique perspective that had garnered praise

Starts fading away, as you run harder in the rat race

With every new fad and every trend

You continuously try to experiment

Slowly content that is run of the mill

No longer attracts followers, the numbers go downhill

The external validation that had you on a hedonistic high

Is no longer there, your confidence drops from the sky

Then you decide to get out of the groove, take a break

Cure yourself of your addiction to comments real and fake

*

You know who you are, you know what you can do

No Instagram follower of yours can validate that for you

Nonconformists, mavericks, and folks with quirks

It takes all sorts to make the world work

Once we recognize geniuses, we praise

Their atypical and quirky ways

Yet when it comes to our children we find

To raise them as conformists we are inclined

Even though we want them to succeed

We ask them to toe the line indeed

If they struggle or lag behind in class

They are often taken to task

We admonish them, punish them, do everything to see

That they “behave” and like other children be

So many children with atypical abilities

Are underestimated and never cease

To doubt themselves because they’ve internalized

That they are not smart, their talents remain unrealized..

*

This is a shoutout to all children differently wired

You are valued in this world, your talents are required!