Passion…unbridled

I was reading a book on science and in the afterword the author mentioned

That it gave him immense pleasure to write “Remains unknown” multiple times- initially I was stunned

To read that a researcher would find joy in whatever remained

After years of ardent research and exploration, unexplained

But as I read the page further, I realized how this statement

Embodied a scientist’s unwavering commitment

To continue to experiment, discover, explore

To be guided by the tantalizing promise of more

*

This reminded me of how each research proposal begins by stating

What is already known on a subject and the unanswered question one is evaluating

That thrill of launching a new experiment, a study, to find

Something potentially groundbreaking stimulates a scientist’s mind

That spirit of scientific inquiry was what the author was alluding to

And once I understood it, I was in wholehearted agreement too

Change your diet, your habits, your mindset

Change your posture, your attitude, or else you would regret

Remaining the flawed human being that you are currently

You need to change, so that a better person you can be…..

*

Change, I understand, is the only constant

But I have an issue with the rhetoric prevalent

That something about you is in perpetual need

Of change- be it your habits, your attitude, your mindset indeed

Why is there a persuasive compulsion to strive

Towards perfection, why not allow ourselves to thrive

Without trying to change some or the other aspect

Of our lives, what is the need to constantly introspect?

The stress of trying to conform to an ideal standard exacts a cost

And the benefit of a meaningful change is lost

*

Change should be guided by a compass internal

Not forced down our throats by compulsions external

The idea that we need to change because there is something we lack

Hurts our self-esteem insidiously, makes us lose track

Of the crucial changes that we need to implement

Guided by our intuition, our desires and intents

*

So make a change, not because someone else says so

But because you feel it us needed in order to grow

I’m cooking on the stovetop but what I want to do

Is maximize this time and read a book too

So while stirring the pot intermittently

I pick up a book trying to read simultaneously

My attention is divided, the pages lightly stained

With turmeric, I am not sure how much I have gained

By trying to multitask but the value of productivity

Is so thoroughly ingrained in me

That it feels like I am being lazy if I just stand and wait

For my dish to cook, being idle I’ve learnt to hate

If it’s not a book, then I try to listen to a podcast

But in doing two things, my attention span on either one does not last

*

The irony of trying to multitask is that I am still not as productive

As I would like to be, with a perpetual feeling of dissatisfaction I live..

*

Today I’m cooking, and I decide not to try

To multitask, I watch the onions sizzle and fry

I watch the food brown, roast, caramelize

I cook for the right duration (I’ve come to realize

That my food was either under or overcooked

When I was trying to multitask, the details I had overlooked)

Cooking felt relaxing, much to my surprise

It was an immersive experience, I realized

And due to misplaced priorities I had so far been deprived

Of the many benefits that cooking food could provide

*

Anything worth doing should be done with undivided attention

To expand this philosophy to other tasks is now my intention

English was my second language, but the colonial mindset was deeply ingrained in me

So I strived to improve my English vocabulary

I read, spoke and wrote in English, in an attempt to acquire

Proficiency in English, to make it my first language I aspired

*

Flowery and idiomatic language I would use

The most uncommon synonyms I would choose

To give my writing a (pseudo) literary flair

Despite being an avid reader, I was quite unaware

Of what made a piece of writing good

Most Indians used the loftiest words they could

*

Over time I have learnt to be succinct and concise

Using difficult words appears ridiculous, I’ve realized

Without properly conveying the meaning they intend to convey

So I use straightforward language for what I want to say

*

Sometimes I wonder if my language is too plain

I am tempted to insert metaphors again

To write well is an aspiration I hold

In language that is unique and bold

I remember the first monsoon rain

Falling in reluctant droplets, barely moistening the parched terrain

Rain falling for a period tantalizingly brief

The intoxicating petrichor bringing relief

The hot dusty winds settling down on the ground

A sense of new beginnings all around

The start of the season celebrated with swings and steaming tea

The magic of the first rain etched indelibly in my memory..

*

Later, the spells of steady rainfall

Flooded streets with paper boats leaving children enthralled

The rhythmic sound of raindrops falling on rooftops

Relentless rain that would not stop

Punctuated by rumbling thunder and sparks of lightning

And the low-pitched hum of crickets chirping..

*

Now, in a different land, in a different climate zone

Torrential downpours, threatening areas flood-prone

Strong gales and heavy deluge I have seen

Devastated by a hurricane my town has been

Now thunder and lightning ominous appear

Reminding me of tragedies penned by Shakespeare…

*

I long for that Monsoon season from my childhood days

When rain was welcomed and celebrated in so many ways

Where music and literature were heavily inspired by the rain

I long to be caressed by the raindrops and smell the damp earth again

My confidence has been standing on shaky ground

Before it is shattered by an earthquake, I should turn around

And bring my confidence to a place more stable

Visualize myself as being smart and capable

Tune out criticism, external and that of my inner voice too

Put on a smile and an attitude of “can-do”..

*

The perfectionist in me is afraid of making a mistake

My entire existence feels it is at stake

When a difficult challenge I face

I feel a self-inflicted pressure to ace

Every task that I perform, otherwise

My precariously perched confidence nosedives

Once my confidence plummets, it takes a while to rise

Only doing so after multiple tries

*

Building confidence is a work in progress

Confidence is one of the keys to success

Let me pretend to be confident in my skin

Maybe I shall score some wins

When I want to read an article I am conflicted

Whether to read it online or get a copy printed..

*

My eyes would thank me for reading on paper and not on screen

I would be able to underline and scribble in the margins clean

I would theoretically have a better ability to re-read

All these are arguments in favor of printing out the article indeed

*

On the other hand, screens are easier to access

Printing a whole article out is a longer process

Restricted by printer and paper availability, paper jams and more

Reading an article on a computer or my phone is easier for sure

My environmental consciousness gets activated too

Cutting down more trees is something I am averse to

If I print articles, I end up stashing them away

For bedtime reading, I never end up reading them anyway

*

An avid reader of printed books I happen to be

But scientific articles I end up reading on a screen mostly

I worry if retention and recall are compromised when I read online

So if an article is important, to print it I am inclined

*

My desk is cluttered with a stack of printed articles to be sorted out

This is another task that I could do without..

In the end I lean towards reading online

At the cost of straining these aging eyes of mine

Not a single strand of hair out of place

My desk, a well-organized space

My home kept spotlessly clean

Not a speck of dirt to be seen

My penmanship perfect, in letters neat

Arranged in straight lines on crisp white sheets

My clothes unwrinkled, my makeup flawless-

Once upon a time I aspired to this neatness

*

I have had a penchant for disorderliness

I am almost always messy, I confess

When I was young I thought my lack of neatness

Was indicative of a brain that could not process

Complex tasks well- neatness I equated

With an intelligent mind, for lack of it myself I berated

*

I have come to terms with my affinity towards entropy now

I have thrived despite my disorderliness somehow

My messy nature could have been a catalyst for my creativity

I no longer try to make neatness a priority

There are many ways to practice self-care

All of them require some time to spare

In your busy schedule you’re advised to find

Time to attend to your body and mind

Self-care is important to ensure your soul is nourished

You do not run on empty and continue to flourish

*

I often find myself in a bind

Time for self-care I am unable to find

When the demands of work are relentless

Control over my time I do not possess

Uninterrupted time I cannot carve out

All activities of relaxation I have to do without..

*

So I flip the script and in my mind declare

That work done efficiently is a form of self-care

If I feel good about work done for the day

Then I’ve cared for myself holistically in a way

Though I have not indulged in any self-care activity

I’ve redefined as self-care my work productivity

*

Sometimes the best thing to do is to trick your mind

So during a busy work week, self-care for myself I have redefined

If you’re successful, your story you can tell

If you write a book, millions of copies it would likely sell

You would appear for book signings, guest lectures and television shows

You would be approached for turning your book into films or television shows

If you have a rags to riches story or one that describes

How you overcame extraordinary adversity to thrive

People would read your book for inspiration

You would be able to capture all their admiration

*

As an avid reader, innumerable memoirs of winners I have read

While I’ve been inspired by such books, I want to read instead

Books by people who never tasted success

Those who found a way to live in the midst of distress

Those who worked hard for a cause, and lost in the end

To learn more about their struggles is my intent

*

But memoirs are written by people who have acquired fame

Publishers rarely publish stories from those with no names

So unless the story is fictionalized, I never see

Stories of those who tried and failed miserably..

*

Perhaps deep in our hearts, we all want to hear

Fairy-tale endings, stories of success uplifting appear

I must be weird because I want to read

Something that is unconventional indeed

But winners already have a voice by virtue of their success

Those who have failed should also be able to express

What they did, how they felt and where they are going

The story of someone not successful is also worth knowing

The longer I work in healthcare, the more I am amazed

At the resilience of my patients who face

Adversities that insurmountable appear

Challenges that could leave one paralyzed with fear

To live productive lives with chronic illnesses requires

Faith and courage- their irrepressible inspires

Someone like me in ways that I had never imagined before

I learn from my patients who motivate me to do more

*

Each person you meet enters your life for a reason, they say

I am fortunate to meet people in my profession each day

Despite meeting them at a point where they are most vulnerable

I have a chance to witness their spirits indefatigable

I learn something from each patient I meet

I gain life lessons as their illnesses I treat

(September 5th is also celebrated as teachers stay in India

The moment that shaped my career is firmly seared in my mind

What being a cardiologist means to me was by that moment defined

*

I was a young doctor trying rather haphazardly to navigate

Life and career, not knowing what would end up being my fate

For short-term employment I was looking around

Little did I know it would change my life in a way profound

*

I found a mentor in a cardiologist highly skilled

A healthy respect for heart disease in me he instilled

The moment that sealed my fate was the one where

Exceptional diagnostic and procedural skills he combined to provide care

To a patient struggling with heart failure who improved remarkably

And that encounter for my career path gave me clarity

*

I immigrated to another country, and after many trials and tribulations

I was able to finally earn the designation

Of a cardiologist- an achievement that I owe

To the cardiologist who taught me much of what I now know